Thanksgiving break came quicker than Jeremy ever expected it would. He felt like he had always been living on campus, but it had only been 12 weeks. Pax had been the greatest friend he had ever had. Sure things with Jay were great and Jay was incredibly loyal, but things were different with Pax. As far as Jeremy knew, Jay didn’t believe in God. He knew they could have a great friendship and they did, but there was a connection that was missing. He had that foundational belief with Pax, a commonality that was unexplainable, a trust that he hoped wouldn’t break. He had to tell Pax. He knew he had to say it, but he was so afraid to.
Walking into the dining hall, he saw Pax sitting in a peach-colored booth waving his hand at him. Scratching the back of his head, Jeremy walked straight over to Pax neglecting to get food. Pax smiled at him.
“Oh you didn’t have to skip out on food. I can wait a few minutes,” Pax jauntily reassured him.
“I’m not that hungry. Actually, I need to tell you something,” Jeremy stated nervously.
“You always need to tell me something. That’s nothing new,” Pax joked in reply. He told him he was all ears.
Jeremy wasn’t too happy about Pax being so jokey about it all. It only made what he had to say even harder. “I think I’m stealing your girl.”
“Could you expand upon that?” Pax replied changing his tone, but still remaining open.
“Jaden and I have been getting really close recently. She listens to me, cares for me. I’m just gonna say it: she asked me out and I said yes.”
Pax exhaled. Jeremy bit his tongue nervous of the words that might come out of his mouth. He already let the secret out, betrayed Jaden’s trust by telling Pax, but he didn’t care. Their friendship was too important for him to lose.
“Just so you know, Jaden is not my girl. She’s simply a friend, so you can throw those worries away. I’m not angry or upset. I’m just concerned. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I don’t think that’s a good decision.”
“Why? What’s wrong if we care about each other?” Jeremy defended himself.
“I’m not going to run her under the bus, but I question her motives for why she asked you out in the first place. See, I just don’t believe they’re true.”
“Why?”
“You don’t need to know why,” Pax gently reprimanded. “I mean our friendship won’t end or anything if you do go out with her, but I think it’s a foolish decision.”
“You’re just jealous,” Jeremy spat at him. He didn’t want to hear anything else from Pax, not right then. He was so mad he felt he would burst.
“Jeremy!” Pax called out after him.
Ignoring him, refusing to even look at him while he walked out of the dining hall. Jaden grabbed his arm as he burst through the doors fuming. Seeing her instantly calmed him down.
“What’s wrong, honey?” Jaden asked.
“I told Pax about us,” Jeremy conceded.
“You did?” she replied a smile adorning her face.
“I know you said not to and I know why.”
“You do?” Jaden asked trepidatiously.
“Yeah, he’s just jealous because you like me.”
Jaden nodded and held his hand. He had a feeling she was about to say something, but nothing came out. Her hesitation startled him, but he opted not to think on it.
Jay walked through the forest. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed the good parts of Oak Stream before he left. As great as it was to be with his father again, he relished his alone time. Journaling in his bedroom just didn’t feel right anymore. Nature soothed him in a way he had never discovered in high school. The thought of journaling his frustrations about his friends didn’t appeal to him anymore. He still wanted to internally process, but he didn’t want that on paper, where others might stumble upon it.
Gil was the first person who came to mind. He had met with Gil once a week for an hour and they discussed various ways about getting comfortable, full on embracing their sexual orientation. Jay hadn’t realized he had so many reservations about it. Processing it with another gay person, one who was closeted last year, had been so helpful. His father might scoff at the idea, seeing as he could never accept his sexuality and even Jay hated to admit that it had taken him so long to even get to this point, regardless of having dated Damien for nearly a year. He knew that the first date with Gil was less than thrilling to say the least, but perhaps that was because he wasn’t fully ready to date again. Was it even possible if there was no initial spark in the first date to develop feelings for someone? He didn’t know. Damien had always excited him. Yet with Damien he had never been in a place where he was comfortable having sex. No, he didn’t believe if that initial spark wasn’t there that a romantic relationship could develop. Friendship definitely could, but romance…he didn’t believe that to be true. Was romance necessary though? He was a freshman in college and he was still a virgin. He had been out of the closet for nearly four years now. Glad he had waited as long as he had, he felt that the time might finally be right. If he and Gil weren’t meant to be romantically involved with each other, than maybe it was right for him to have his first time with a friend, someone he felt completely comfortable with.
“Jay?” Damien called out behind him.
Turning around, Jay froze when he saw Damien. His heartbeat rose. Damien rushed at him and instantly hugged him.
“How have you been? How has your first semester been so far?” Damien bombarded him with several more questions.
“It was all good, but I’m happy to be back, to have the week off to breathe before finals start kicking in.”
“I know the feeling,” Damien replied. He continued saying he had a big project due the Friday after they got back. “It’s worth 60% of my grade, so I’m stressing pretty hard about it to be honest.”
“I see. How’s Vance?” Jay asked trying to avoid thinking about Damien and him.
“He’s fine, I think.”
“Did you work out the fact that you’re attracted to him?”
“I told him about it, but we haven’t really hacked it out, you know? Kind of best unexplored seeing as he’s not gay so nothing’s going to happen anyway.”
“I guess so.”
“I’m quite concerned about Kerass to be honest.”
“Yeah, I haven’t spoken to him all semester, not from a lack of trying either.”
“He really needs friends right now, but for whatever reason he keeps pushing them away, verbally aggressive too,” Damien said empathetically.
“That’s not like him. The avoidance part is for sure, but verbally aggressive? That just doesn’t seem like him at all.”
“I know, but he’s not facing the facts with his current relationship and I can’t seem to get him to see what it’s doing to him.”
“What can I do?” Jay asked feeling hopeless. He knew Kerass wouldn’t pick up and it frustrated him watching his friend shove away people who genuinely cared about him.
“Call him and if he doesn’t answer, leave him a message.”
“Maybe I could stop by?”
“Uh-un. He doesn’t live with his father anymore, remember? Besides he told me he’s not coming to Oak Stream for Thanksgiving break. He opted to stay on campus.”
“Why?”
“Wish I could tell you.”
“Want to walk back together?” Jay suggested. “We could catch up on the good things while we walk or whatever.”
“I’d love to, but I’d love to hear your thoughts on everything that’s wrong, especially with Kerass. I’ve always valued your opinion even when I didn’t agree with it.”
“Ok,” Jay whispered in reply. It was the sweetest thing he had ever heard, but he didn’t want his mind to go down that track with Damien again. “Let me call him first.”
Jay pulled out his phone and called Kerass while they began walking back to Main Street together.
Kerass looked at his phone, realizing Jay was calling him. Why couldn’t Jay ever take the hint? He felt bad that they hadn’t talked in months, but it was just never a good time. Kerass ignored the call sending Jay straight to voicemail.
The campus seemed eerily empty over Thanksgiving break. Kerass walked around campus through the fog trying to find new places, but he had already explored every quad multiple times throughout the semester. He couldn’t help but think about Damien. Kerass had been a total jerk to Damien, yet Damien had offered to house him for Thanksgiving regardless. Kerass had always thought of himself as a great friend, but now he wasn’t quite sure. He had pushed nearly everyone away. He hadn’t talked to Gus since the summer. Jay kept being persistent in pursuing his friendship, but Kerass kept ignoring him. He hadn’t heard anything about Cadence all semester and he felt like he hadn’t gained any friends since he arrived in the fall. The campus was beautiful when life breathed in it, when people walked through it. It was downright depressing when nobody was there. Why had he stayed? This possibly couldn’t be any better than Oak Stream. There seemed to be no reason why he had abandoned his friends. They shouldn’t stay with him, but selfishly he hoped they would. Why had he pushed everyone away?
Out of the fog a figure walked up to him. It took him a moment, but once he realized it was Jez, all thoughts of his previous life at Oak Stream fled his mind.
“It took a while to find you,” Jez said raising one eyebrow at him.
“I’m glad you did,” he replied. He asked her why she was at his campus over Thanksgiving.
“No one should spend Thanksgiving alone and I couldn’t think of anyone else I was more thankful for than you, family included.”
“Well, how will we celebrate?”
“Do you even need to ask?”
Kerass looked at the ground embarrassed. He saw Jez hold out her hand. Taking it, they walked back to his dormitory.
Julia opened the door, instantly feeling the spray from the rain as the wind whipped inside. It was pouring outside and Cadence stood before her drenched, her hair dripping all over the porch.
“My god, Cadence, you look terrible,” Julia burst out.
“I need help,” Cadence uttered shaking. Julia couldn’t tell if she was crying or if it was simply all the rain that had already fell upon her. Cadence walked inside, a trail of dripping water following her.
“What’s wrong?” Lyra asked walking up to her.
“I think I’m in, no I know I’m in an abusive relationship.”
“Oh my god,” Julia breathed.
“I don’t know how to leave,” Cadence choked out. “He gave me these,” she said raising her shirt showing her bruised ribs.
“Stay with me,” Lyra suggested.
“I’ll put you in danger. I can’t do that.”
“But you’re in danger. You have to get out somehow. Maybe if you told the police.”
“They’d never believe me!”
“You don’t know that until you say something,” Julia reassured her.
“No, see I shouldn’t have even told you. He’ll kill me if he knows I told you.”
“Cadence, don’t go back to him! You have to get out,” Lyra yelled at her.
“It was a mistake to come here,” Cadence replied robotically. All of her tears had vanished. “He’ll be wondering where I’m at soon.”
There was a knock at the door.
“Oh no! He’s here,” Cadence whispered, trembling in fear.
“I’ll get it,” Julia reassured her.
“No, I’ll do it,” Cadence replied composing herself.
When the door opened, Julia saw that it was Gus. She breathed a sigh of relief. Everything would be fine at least for the moment.
“Cadence,” Gus said breathily. “Is everything all right?”
Cadence ran out the door straight back into the rain.
“What was that all about? Weird,” he said confused.
“She’s in a bit of trouble,” Lyra clarified.
“Yeah, well, I’m done helping her. She didn’t want my help to begin with anyway. I’ll help her if she asks me to, but I just can’t do it anymore. It’s not healthy.”
“All right,” Lyra stepped down. “Want to talk in the living room?”
“Sure.”
“You’re not a virgin are you?” Jez asked the moment they had walked into Kerass’s dorm room.
Kerass was taken aback by the question. It took him a moment to process what she had said because she was wearing a little black dress and he found it near impossible to maintain eye contact.
She smiled and told him not to be ashamed. “I don’t necessarily want you to look at my eyes right now.”
He knew what she was alluding to when they agreed to come here, but he was still floored by her bluntness.
“I am,” Kerass timidly replied.
“Oh, I didn’t know that. Don’t worry, I’ll teach you. I’ll be gentle.”
“I think I can take care of myself,” Kerass defended himself.
“No, that’s my job. Your job is to take care of me,” she said. She gently pushed him. He fell down onto the bed. She ripped his crimson button-down shirt open, ripping out three buttons in the process that flew to the other side of the room.
“Hey! That was my favorite shirt,” Kerass stated miffed.
“Not anymore,” Jez replied leaning forward to him, kissing him.
Julia stepped into the kitchen. She wanted to give the two of them privacy, yet the walls were thin. It was nearly impossible not to eavesdrop on their conversation.
“Yeah, the semester’s going fine. I’ve actually been doing a lot better now than I ever did in high school.”
“You did fine in high school,” Lyra reassured him.
“Yeah, but I’m doing better in college.”
It seemed cruel of him to talk about college in front of her considering she couldn’t go. Looking at her though, there was a glow about her face that she hadn’t seen in weeks. Perhaps it wasn’t so much as cruel, but simply what Lyra wanted.
“I love hearing about it, all the campus stories.”
“I’ve kept out of trouble, mind you, but I can’t guarantee that for any of the rest of the Oak Stream alums.”
“You haven’t run into Jay at all?” Lyra asked inquisitively.
“No. Both our schools have the same break, but I haven’t seen him once as I’ve walked around town. Odd, isn’t it?”
“I think it’s brilliant,” Lyra said bursting with energy.
“Yeah, that’s one way of putting it,” Gus added flabbergasted.
Julia had to bite her tongue from laughing and even then she snorted.
“Uh, how’s Kerass?” Lyra asked nonchalantly.
“I don’t know. I haven’t talked with him all semester.”
“Not once? I thought for sure you two would have reached out by now.”
“Oh, I care for the guy and all, but see that’s not my style. If he wants to reach out, he knows where to find me. Time is irrelevant. He’ll reach out when he’s ready and I’ll be there whenever he does.”
“I know because you’re a great friend.”
“Nah, I’m not a good friend. I just don’t mind people’s presence…some of the time.”
Julia tried her hardest to not listen. She walked to the garage to take out the trash in the kitchen, but she still heard the conversation. Trying to convince herself that listening was not an invasion of privacy, but a sign of how much she cared worked in the long run. She stopped trying to disguise what she was doing and just listened intently to every word between them.
“Should I tell Kerass?” Lyra asked.
“You already know my answer,” Gus replied apathetically.
“Say it to my face.”
“Fine by me. I think you’re doing him more harm than good by not saying anything, but ultimately it’s your decision. I don’t think he deserves to know, but I think long-term this’ll mess him up pretty bad if you don’t say anything. Ultimately, it’s your decision.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.”
There was an elongated pause. It was so long that Julia’s mind had already gone to Cadence. They had to help her, but she felt only Gus or Kerass could reach her. At the very least Cadence reached out seeking help. Julia knew she’d have nightmares about that encounter. She zoned back in when Lyra shattered the silence.
“I’ll make you a deal,” Lyra began. “I’ll talk to Kerass if you talk to Cadence.”
“Yeah, right. That’s not a fair trade off at all.”
“Why not?”
“Because she doesn’t want to talk to me!”
“Yeah, I know, but she needs to.”
Kerass had the biggest smile on his face as he walked on campus to get breakfast the following morning. Today he was a man. His breathing became deeper when he thought back to the night before. A whirlwind of emotion swept him up. He had never felt closer to anyone before. He couldn’t think of anyone else he’d rather have had that experience with.
“Hello, Kerass,” a voice called out behind him.
He didn’t have to turn around before he knew who it was.
“Lyra?”
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