Fallen Leaves - Chapter 40: Don't Forget Where You Belong

The air was muggy. The humidity outside caused Cadence to perspire. She wiped her forehead to wipe away the layer of sweat that grew through the hours she had spent outside. The first rays of the sun broke through the leaves at the edge of town. Although she knew she was breaking the law, she found herself atop the water tower. Telling her mother she was sleeping over at Lyra’s, which oddly enough she believed, she had determined to spend her last night of her high school career off to herself.

There was so much she wanted to resolve: ensure she was still friends with Jay, reassure Kerass she was always there for him, and she hoped that Gus would be able to smile at her again the way he did last year. Knowing full well they probably wouldn’t even say a word to each other at the ceremony, she wanted to be at the water tower again to feel close, intimate with him, even if he was just a vapor of a memory one more time before they walked across that stage. That letter he had written her. She knew she would read it one day and probably during the summer, but she just couldn’t bring herself to read it now. It was still too painful to think how screwed up their relationship had become. As the sun continued to rise, she found her thoughts taking her back:

His arm extended as a gesture. Without saying anything, he motioned ‘after you’ towards her. She gave him a single nod thanking him.

Her foot felt the first ladder rung. It was sturdy, solid. She trusted it. She started to climb. Gus was close behind her. She could hear his feet and hands as they gripped the rungs of the ladder. She daren’t look down. Completely unaware that she was on level ground, she began to walk up the spiral staircase. Her hand found Gus’ as they finished climbing the stairs.

As she began to sit down, she chose to look out over the forest instead of Main Street. The view took her breath away. They were above the trees and as the wind blew ever so softly, she could almost see ripples and waves among the leaves.

She leaned against Gus’ chest. He put his arm around her. He was the only one who understood that she didn’t want anything to be said in the moment.

Cadence turned her head. Her hand touched his face gently. Time seemed to freeze. She leaned forward and kissed him. His eyes widened. He couldn’t have been surprised. When she looked harder she could tell his eyes weren’t a shocked surprise, they were a happy surprise. He leaned forward and kissed her back. She could feel her hair whipping wildly in the wind that had picked up quite forcefully as they continued to kiss on top of the water tower.

Cadence found herself smiling. The sun was blazing. She squinted as she looked out on Oak Stream. There was still the summer, but she had an odd feeling this would be the last time she’d be able to fully call the little town of Oak Stream home. College was beckoning, but she didn’t feel ready. Too much was left open, too much was left unresolved. She couldn’t force reconciliation as hard as she tried. Looking at her watch, she read the time to be 6:03. The rest of the town would wake up shortly. She needed to get home anyways to shower and put on her cap and gown. With one final look at the forest beside her, she found that saying goodbye to high school, as overly dramatic as it was, simply wasn’t something she was ready to part ways with. Knowing she couldn’t delay graduation any longer, she made her way down to the ground.



Jay bit his tongue. His journal lay before him. He wanted to write down his thoughts on how his high school experience had been for him. Only one thing came to mind and it wasn’t his coming out experience. That was never-ending anyways. The only thought he had was of his mother. Clutching her letter to him in his hand, the unopened letter, he knew of only two people he wanted to speak with about it. Not even his father would be allowed to read this letter. The memory of the first time he shared out loud that he was adopted came flooding over him and he found his hand furiously writing the memory down as it came to mind:

He walked over to Kerass who stood by his locker. Saying hi beforehand, Jay asked him how he had been. Kerass was so taken aback that Jay was talking to him that it took him a solid 5 seconds before answering.

“Things have been a little rough recently,” Kerass began. He then spilled on how he had broken up with Julia. “It’s just a really weird time for me right now.”

Jay choked up. He knew nothing about Kerass’ life this year and in a way it was entirely his fault. He had dedicated all of his attention to Damien and while that had been good for him, he had let his friendship with Kerass vanish. He would do anything to rebuild it now, but it took a while to rebuild anything of value.

“Why are you here, Jay?” Kerass asked straightforward. “I mean, we haven’t really talked since the beginning of summer and that was several months ago.”

“I guess I just missed us is all,” Jay said. He went on saying he missed the way they used to be, how they knew each other so well. “I mean, what happened to us?”

“I don’t really know,” Kerass said adding that it might simply be high school life. “You know these walls are so huge. So many people come in and out each and every day, so it’s hard to maintain any friendship, let alone what ours used to be.”

Jay bit his tongue. He didn’t want to ask the next question on his mind, but he knew had to. He had to know if that was what kept Kerass away from him all this time. “Does the distance between us have anything to do with me and Damien dating?”

Kerass laughed. “No. I mean, it’s a little weird to me and I still don’t agree with that, but no, that’s not the reason why.” He said further that there wasn’t really any one reason. “We just grew apart this year. Nothing against you, it just happened.”

Jay took deeper breaths. It was hard for him to hear this. Kerass used to be the center of his world and while Damien was that now, he didn’t want to lose Kerass. “Is there anything I can do to rectify this?”

Jay waited on Kerass’ response for what seemed like infinity before Kerass said that he wasn’t sure. Jay’s heartbeat rose. The sound echoed in his head and he felt like his head was about to explode.

“I found out I’m adopted,” Jay blurted out. He was astonished by what he had just done and he wished he could take it all back. Kerass had been the first person he told, he hadn’t even told Damien that and he knew that if Damien ever found out he’d be in trouble.

“You what?” Kerass asked stunned.

“My dad told me 2 months ago,” Jay whispered and added for him not to tell anyone.

Kerass promised he wouldn’t. “Why did you tell me?”

“I still trust you,” Jay said.

“Well, thanks,” Kerass said. “Does he know? Damien?”

Jay shook his head.

“All right then,” Kerass said and then told Jay that he’d see him around before walking away.

As vividly as the memory came, for the life of him he couldn’t remember what had happened next. He didn’t mind that he already forgot some of high school. Kerass and him were right back to where they were during that conversation, except it was worse. Jay wasn’t convinced that their nonexistent friendship would survive this blowup. Sure, Kerass felt betrayed, but Jay felt no regrets over his decision. Kerass would take the money, he was sure of it. Kerass would go to college. There was no way Jay could tell Kerass of this letter now. There was only one other person who he knew would want to know what was in that letter. Pulling out his phone, he texted Damien asking him to come over.



Kerass kneeled down on the grass. Bryce had driven him here and upon Kerass’ request had remained in the car so he could be alone. Fresh flowers were placed atop the gravestone. After he had walked out of the funeral, he hadn’t come back to visit. He had never once laid eyes on his mother’s grave. Looking at her name carved delicately into stone was one of the most hauntingly beautiful things he had ever seen. He felt terrible, but he couldn’t bring himself to shed any tears. He just wanted to be with her. Pulling out his cross necklace, he laid it atop the gravestone choosing once again to part ways with the religion that had scarred him so. Jay had mailed him the silver necklace as a quasi-graduation gift. Jay really didn’t understand boundaries and it was hella creepy. This wasn’t like before. He knew definitively she couldn’t hear him. Knowing deep down she could no longer listen he lay down beside the grave to be close.

His thoughts started racing. The decision had been made. He was going to college, but he had chosen Dowden Terrace College. Oak Stream Community College was not an option and well Jay was attending Evergreen Forest University. Dowden Terrace kept him as far away from his father and Jay as humanly possible and he was perfectly content with that.

His relationship with Gus was one of the only high school relationships he wanted to last and somehow he knew it would. They would continue to talk through the summer. A calm fell upon him as he thought about how Gus had made him feel so welcomed this past year, a year when practically no one else in his life had even attempted to pursue him. Gus truly was by this point his best friend and he knew that the distance between colleges wouldn’t tarnish their brotherhood.

The thought of a long-lasting friendship outside of college had crossed his mind for him and Lyra, even if they never jumped into the dating pool, but he was still livid at Lyra for walking out on him. They hadn’t spoken since and he knew he was lying to himself when he said he couldn’t care less. He desperately cared, but she was nowhere to be found, he knew she wouldn’t attend the ceremony, and he was too stubborn to reach out to her when she so suddenly cut the cord on their friendship, so to hell with it.

One final person came to mind. He had once proclaimed internally that she was the only person he trusted, the only person who saw him as who he really was. They had barely talked this year and he knew it was all his fault. He should have stayed for the peer support group to encourage her, but he was too pissed at Jay to stay behind for it. They were never good for each other when they were dating, but for whatever reason he still believed they would make great friends especially as they both transitioned out of high school. They could leave their dating drama behind them, the walls of Oak Stream High forever holding those secret encounters of kissing under the stairwell. It happened in high school and as far as Kerass was concerned, it could stay in high school. The first time they had ever met flashed in his mind. He couldn’t help but replay the moment:

Someone was already in the room. He felt like he recognized her outside of the classroom for some reason, but he couldn’t quite place it. She was the new girl, of that he was certain. “I bet we have the same question. Do you mind if I join in?” She shook her head. He sat down right beside her. He glanced over at her sheet of paper making sure of her name before he said anything else. “You’re new here, right Cadence?”

“Yeah,” she said with a nod.

“Hey, are you that girl?” He asked. “That girl they’ve talked about on the announcements?”

She smiled back at him.

Kerass beamed. His mother never got to meet Cadence, but he believed she had felt her presence from his interactions with her throughout high school. His mother would have wanted him to go to college, which ultimately was why he took the money. She would have been so proud to see this day and the pain he felt knowing she couldn’t was so intense he found it difficult to breathe. He didn’t believe in an afterlife, but it was comforting to think that she could see him in his blue cap and gown smiling down upon him. That wasn’t true. It just wasn’t reality, but it was deeply comforting. With one final deep breath laying beside her grave, he got up. His father wouldn’t be at the ceremony, but Bryce would be. Mr. Baganz would be there too and that was the only quasi father figure he needed. He kissed the top of the stone, silently bidding farewell. Internally he promised her that it wouldn’t be over a year before he visited her grave again. Walking away, prepping his mind for the ceremony, he tried to dispel any negative thoughts he had about the last four years. As far as his high school career was concerned, he knew it was time to move on.



Julia knocked on the door. Anticipation rose as she realized she was once again back in Oak Stream for the summer. The summer wouldn’t be easy though. The little town needed her. She had changed a lot in her freshmen year at college. It was difficult being in the very place where everyone knew all of your adolescent mistakes. Yet she was back and quite honestly she was pleased to be back even knowing how hard everything would be.

There was no answer. She knocked on the door again, louder this time. The door creaked open. Standing before her was Lyra wiping away sleep out of her eyes.

“You’re not even awake yet?” Julia asked incredulously. She commented that this was her graduation day. “I thought the ceremony began in an hour.”

“Hey Julia, I didn’t realize you were back in town,” Lyra replied yawning. “You’re right graduation’s in a hour, but I’m not going.”

“Why not?” Julia asked deflated.

“I just don’t want to go, ok? God you are just like Kerass. He was breathing down my neck about going. The decision’s already been made though, so there’s no changing my mind.”

“I don’t want to change your mind. I just want to be here with you, spend time with you.”

“That’s a first,” Lyra uttered under her breath.

“Hey! I’m trying here. Don’t shove me away.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t, but…” she paused inhaling, “I know.”

Julia watched as those two simple words dawned on Lyra’s face. Lyra reached out grabbing her arm and pulled her inside the house. Julia waited for the blow-up to occur, but Lyra remained eerily calm.

“You are not allowed to say that to anyone, got it?” Lyra replied even keel.

“I swear it.”

“How’d you find out?”

“Does it really matter? I know and I’m here now.”

“Yeah, but not forever,” Lyra said aside.

“Maybe. I’m not convinced I’m going back to college fall semester. I’m thinking of deferring a year,” Julia said sitting down on the couch in the living room. Lyra remained standing. Julia could have sworn she saw visible fumes coming out of her head.

“Why would you do that? You got out of Oak Stream. I,” Lyra choked on the word. “I’m stuck here.”

“I want to help you. Whatever happened to that girl that wanted to save the water tower by doing a peaceful albeit stupid protest?”

“Oh, she’s still there, buried in the basement. She’s just slightly more pessimistic now.”

“Do you mind if I stay here with you while the ceremony goes on?”

“You’d miss seeing Jay and Kerass walk across the stage.”

“I can always visit them later this summer,” Julia said deciding that was best. “I want to be here, if you’ll let me.”

Lyra nodded.

“When do you get your diploma?” Julia asked while Lyra sat down on the couch beside her.

“It already came,” Lyra said under her breath.

“Congratulations, Lyra. You did it,” Julia beamed. Amazingly enough, Lyra smiled back at her. “You graduated.”



Damien took a deep breath sitting on the ottoman across from Jay. His heart started pounding as Jay handed the letter over to him. That was why Damien was here. He was beyond flattered to be considered the one person Jay trusted enough to share this deeply intimate letter with.

Clearing his throat, Damien inhaled and began reading aloud:

“Jay,

You’ve done it. You’ve made it to graduation. I am proud of every high schooler that makes it all the way through to culmination. It is a massive achievement and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. While I am proud of this major milestone in your life, I find myself writing this letter to explain why I cannot bring myself to say that I’m proud of you. That would do you a disservice.

Your friend Damien stopped by last year egging me on to give you an explanation. I’ve thought of that day ever since and seeing as your graduation day has come, it seemed the timing was finally right. I was in college at the time. I got pregnant and I knew I couldn’t go home and explain it to Mom and Dad, so I stayed behind at the university. I met your father as he was walking around the neighborhood of the small college town. It was a beautiful conversation and I can recall every word that was said to mind. He wanted a child so badly and I just knew that I couldn’t hold on to you.

I know it’s painful to hear, but I can never be there for you. It has nothing to do with you and I hope you realize that, but the memories of that time, that distance from my parents were the darkest days of my life. They don’t know that you exist. I never forgot you, but I knew it’d be too painful for me to pursue any semblance of a relationship with you. Your father loves you. He wanted you so much. I knew his love for you would carry each and every day. He gave up a life of romantic partnership to have you. No, he is not your birth father. To be frank, I’m not exactly sure who your blood father is, but for all intents and purposes, he is your real father in every way. He loved you before he ever met you. It’s the most beautiful picture of unconditional love that I can imagine.

I left you because I couldn’t love you in the way you should be loved. I gave you over to someone I knew would love you and treasure you the way you should be. I wanted to let you know that before you begin adulthood whether you go to college or start in the workforce now. With all of that out in the open, I can finally live at peace with what I’ve done. You are so incredibly loved, but not by me. I don’t deserve anyone pursuing me. I can finally say goodbye. I truly hope you have an extraordinary life, I just can’t be a part of it. Please do not write back. It would be too painful. I know I left you in gentle hands and with that I am at peace.”

There was no signature at the bottom. Jay remained emotionless. Damien got up, moved over to the couch and hugged Jay. He patted his back, whispering in his ear that everything would be all right.

Jay responded that he knew it would be. “I had read it before you came over. I cried all the tears I could muster, I just needed someone I completely trusted to process through this with. I never realized until now that I have a real father and even though I fought against that after I learned I was adopted, I don’t have to fight anymore. She gave me the best graduation gift. She gave me closure.”



Kerass jolted awake as Jeremy nudged him. He had fallen asleep during the valedictorian’s speech. To be fair, it was really boring and he felt emotionally drained after spilling his beans at the graveyard. He didn’t feel guilty at all.

“In conclusion,” Andy Haddenhorst began wrapping up his speech. Kerass exhaled a sigh of relief. Thank god, the speech was so boring and overwrought with tepid analogies that didn’t relate to life.

His diploma already in hand, they should have finished the ceremony already but for whatever reason Andy’s speech was placed last right before the final send off for the class of 2016.

Andy gave one more analogy that Kerass completely tuned out, but the final sentence he said before he stepped down stuck with him, “Don’t forget where you belong.”

It was almost haunting to hear because he didn’t feel like he truly belonged at Oak Stream. It was full of so many painful memories. Before he could get lost in his pain, the principal congratulated them. Everyone around him erupted, standing up and throwing their hats in the air. Kerass remained seated. As much as he was looking forward to the moment, he couldn’t believe it was over. His high school career was done.

Mr. Baganz walked over to him and hugged him. “I’m so proud of you!” he nearly shouted. He told him he had done senior year all his own. “You’ve had a lot of tough issues to overcome and I’m not going to deny that you haven’t handled all of them well, but you’re trying and you’ve finally come to a place of vulnerability with those around you and for that I’m bursting with pride.”

“Thanks,” Kerass said. He started to cry and he didn’t even know why. He wasn’t sad that high school was over, he just felt overwhelmed. Mr. Baganz was the only father figure he had and he was glad to have him by his side. “Listen, I know I’m done here and all, but can we still like talk?”

“Oh you’d better keep talking to me. Just remember my door is always open, or my number for that matter. If I can’t pick up leave a message. It’s as simple as that.”

Mr. Baganz hugged him one more time before walking off. Looking over Kerass scouted for Gus. Once he saw him in the distance he noticed he was talking with Mr. Baysinger. Through all of their talks over the previous summer, Kerass finally saw what Gus meant by having a real father figure. Mr. Baganz was that for him. His father didn’t exist anymore in his mind.

Gus walked over to him holding out his hand. Kerass took it gladly. Out of all his peers, he trusted Gus the most.

“We’ll be talking?” Kerass asked.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about. We’ll keep up with each other,” Gus reassured him.

“Hey, Gus?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re my best friend.”

“I thank you and I care deeply for you too.”

Kerass felt so calm, so at peace. This was what friendship was supposed to be, so easy, so in synch that it was effortless.

“All right,” Gus snapped out of it, “I can’t handle any more of this mawkishness.”

“The hell does that mean?”

“Oh like you don’t know. Mushiness. Gotta study up on your vocab Coscarelli.”

“I’ll see you?”

“Not if I see you first. Call me, we’ll sched something next week.”

“You got it.”



Jay beamed as he walked over to Jeremy. Instantly hugging each other, they laughed heartily.

“I can’t believe we did it!” Jeremy exclaimed.

“We did. We graduated from this shithole.”

“Got that right,” Jeremy said under his breath.

“I’m still upset we didn’t get to have lunch off campus like the seniors did freshmen year.”

“I’m pissed about that too,” Jeremy giddily laughed.

“We’ll get through this transition fine, right?”

“Of course,” Jeremy patted his back. “I mean, we will be at the same school next year, so that helps a lot.”

“Yeah.”

Nothing else needed to be said. He didn’t need Kerass. Jeremy was enough. Promising each other they’d talk throughout the summer, they parted ways bursting with joy.

Gil walked over to him with his head down. “You were right,” he replied. “I’ve been hiding who I really am and I feel so alone and depressed. I mean, you’re the only one who understands that.”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure that guy you locked lips with understands well enough,” Jay deflected walking away from him.

“No,” Gil grabbed his arm turning him around, “that guy’s not even gay. He was just drunk and he doesn’t remember any of it.”

“I see.”

“Can we, I mean, can we like talk about it throughout the summer?”

“I’m not looking to date right now,” Jay turned him down.

“Neither am I. I just need a friend, a gay friend right now.”

“Sure, I’d like that,” Jay patted his shoulder before walking away. He made a beeline straight to Damien. Damien grabbed him, spinning him around as they hugged each other.

“I knew you could do it!”

“Thanks for keeping it between you and me,” Jay replied making slight reference to the letter.

“Always. I’ve got your back.”

He knew Damien would catch on. “Will we be able to see each other in school?” he asked.

“Sure,” Damien assured him. “Evergreen Forest isn’t all that far away from Dowden Terrace.”

“I know I’ll see you throughout the summer, but I’ll definitely see you in school?”

“Absolutely.”



“Think we could have one more peer support group session one-on-one?” Kerass asked her.

“Anything for you,” she replied loving that the memories of how they met in room M25 came back to her in that moment.

“I still trust you,” Kerass gingerly stated. She started to cry. It wasn’t always easy between the two of them, but she was so thankful that they had made it through.

“I’m so thankful for you, Kerass.”

“I know you mean that.”

“After we all head off to college, go our separate ways, I don’t even know what I’m saying,” she paused clearing her throat. “Can we still be friends?”

Kerass inhaled before he replied, “I hope so.”

End of Year 4

Fallen Leaves - Chapter 39: I Would

Clouds covered the sky. Not a ray of sunlight hit the little town of Oak Stream. Jay walked in the forest with Gil. Damien had offered to come along, but Jay encouraged him to reach out to Vance and have that dialogue that Damien had been avoiding. No, this was a conversation he had to have all on his own. He could hear the rustling of the stream beside him.

“All right,” Jay said. He stated they could stop there as they stepped right up beside the stream.

“Thanks for the hike and all, but what’s this really all about?” Gil asked.

“I know.”

“I’m not following…”

“I saw you, Gil. I saw you locking lips with that guy at prom.”

“That wasn’t a guy,” Gil jokingly replied. “That was a girl. Haven’t you seen Lyra? She’s got that shaved head. We had a little too much of that spiked fruit punch crap, that was all.”

Jay just continued to stare at him. Not only did he not believe a word of that, especially considering it was obvious Gil could hold his drink without a beat, it was obvious by the way that he responded that it was all lies. It was so odd. Gil was such a strong supporter of him getting back in the dating scene, it didn’t make sense that he’d be afraid to embrace those feelings.

“Lyra was with Kerass last night. She didn’t even go to the prom.”

“You didn’t see anything.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone I swear, but you hiding from this…it just doesn’t make sense. I can help you process this, but I thought you wouldn’t need that.”

“You didn’t see anything!” Gil yelled echoing thunder around them. “I’m going back now. Don’t follow me. I’d rather walk back alone and don’t think about talking to me either. Just don’t.”



Kerass couldn’t hold back from smiling as Lyra walked over to him. The time by the river at the crest of the mountain, even though it had only happened days ago, he found himself dreaming about it, reliving it night after night. It was so much fun and that was something he hadn’t had in a long time, but he wanted more and for whatever reason, she didn’t return his smile.

“Hey, Kerass,” Lyra mumbled under her breath.

“Hello to you too,” Kerass replied, the smile deleted from his face. He challenged her to speak up. “Go on. It’s obvious you have something on your mind, so let’s just skip the pleasantries today, ok?”

“Couldn’t agree more. Are you still not going to college?”

“I can’t afford it.”

“Student loans. I grabbed this information from the guidance counselor’s office.”

Kerass aggressively grabbed the pamphlets out of her hand chucking them on the floor. As startled as she appeared at first, she remained completely calm. “Why is it so important for you that I go? You know I can’t. Why isn’t that good enough for you?”

“If you knew the real reason why, you wouldn’t talk to me like that.”

“Then why don’t you start talking?”

“I can’t and one of these days, soon, you’ll thank me for this.”

“Why can’t we just not go to college together?”

“Oh, Kerass…” Lyra exhaled. “That is both the sweetest and the most foolish thing I’ve ever heard. You don’t understand. We’re not good for each other.”

“I say that we are.”

“I’m not going to college. I’m not even going to graduation.”

“Wait…you’re not going?” Kerass asked floored. It didn’t even occur to him that she would ditch the ceremony. “You, you can’t,” he stammered fearing his heart would burst through his chest.

“Watch me.”

“I want more,” he added breathily. “Why are you and I, together, why can’t we be good enough?”

“Way to ruin the memory,” she shook her head. “I have to go. Goodbye, Kerass,” she said. Standing on her toes she kissed his forehead before she walked away. Everything in him wanted to stop her, but she was so determined and she had hurt him so much. So he simply stood still and let her walk away from him, walk out of his life.



Cadence stood in the band room anxiety painted all over her face. The last time she had set up a peer support group meeting it had completely backfired. There was no meeting to speak of, but this time she was convinced they could make it work, even if it only lasted the last few weeks of school. Perhaps they could establish a precedent, at least in the band, of straight up vulnerability, honesty, a complete unjudgmental aura surrounding them. That’s what she longed for herself and she felt she could give that to others.

Mr. Martin smiled. “This is going to be great. Trust me on that,” he reassured her.

“Let’s hope people show.”

“They will, but I need to step away for a moment.”

“You’re leaving the band room alone?”

“Yeah, I trust you. It’ll just be 5 minutes tops.”

Cadence exhaled as she set the chairs in a circle. She could tell there was another presence in the room. Turning around, she acknowledged that it was Gus.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” she dragged the word out, laden with apprehension. She told him she was surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?”

“I came here to give you my support, in writing that is. I can’t stay.”

“I would,” she said under her breath.

“I know you would, but please, just look I’m, I’m not good with words, but I can write them down. I’m sure you remember that from English class.”

Sophomore English class, the first time she met him. It seemed forever ago. Their journey together, from partners in English class that couldn’t stand each other sophomore year, to romantic partners junior year, to that one couple that never stopped bickering until they inevitably broke up senior year. How could it be that they couldn’t talk to each other anymore?

“I do,” she finally said reminiscing about when they were in perfect synch. She’d do anything to go back to that time, before he knew, before the bomb threat ruined everything.

“I can’t say all of this to your face, so please, I’m asking you to read it. You know I can’t be here and it’s not about what you shared-”

“I know,” she interrupted him. “It’s just not working.”

“Exactly. I need time. I need space before we can start rebuilding.”

“Think that’s possible before graduation?”

“No.”

“Before we all head off for college?”

“That’s more of a possibility.”

Cadence bit her tongue trying to prevent the waterworks threatening to fall down her face.

“So I guess I’ll see you,” he stated.

“See you,” she said barely audible. She couldn’t even watch him walk away from her, but she clutched that letter, holding it as close as possible. She knew she needed to keep it together before Mr. Martin came back, but as she folded the letter into her pocket, she could no longer hold it in.



The phone rang. Damien waited to see if he would answer. Jay was a total ass for calling him out on it on prom of all nights, but the more he thought about it, he knew it to be true.

“Hey Damien,” Vance answered.

“Vance, how are you?”

“Fine, nothing’s happened within 24 hours to report. You must be really bored in Oak Stream. No one to talk to?”

“Actually, I’ve got something on my mind,” Damien admitted. He told Vance it was hard for him to talk about.

“It always is.”

“How’s Tracy? She still dancing?”

“She’s great. I just talked with her yesterday, but the answer’s no. She claims she’s only comfortable dancing with me and how can I blame her for that, I mean come on.”

“So you’re still friends then?”

“Yeah, always. Stop avoiding the topic, but I must admit that was a valiant effort. Now tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I don’t want you to freak out on me. It’s not as creepy as it sounds, promise.”

“Well, that sounds promising,” Vance jokingly chided.

“You know how I told you I was taking my ex to prom?”

“Yeah? Be careful what you share. I don’t want any gory details.”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that.”

“Spit it out,” Vance commanded.

“He called me out. He told me that I had feelings for you and while I know that you’ll never reciprocate them, I can’t lie to you.”

There was a long pause on the line. He wanted to tell Vance it was all a joke, but it wasn’t. He knew it was wrong of him to deny it anymore. They had grown close and while he had suppressed it, the feelings, the lingering sensation of intimacy had only grown over time.

“I’m glad you told me. Let me start with that,” Vance spoke after what felt like an eternity. “You’re right, it will never ever ever be reciprocated, but this is something I think we need to work through together. You were right to give pause, but we’ll survive this. I don’t care about you any less cause of it, but frankly it is a little weird.”

“So we’re cool?”

“What do you think?”

Damien already knew the answer, he just wanted to hear him say it aloud. Realizing that was selfish, he backed down.

“Thanks,” Damien replied. It was the only word that came to mind.

“Sure thing, but I’ve actually gotta go. Let’s talk next week?”

“Yeah, oh and Vance?”

“Yes?”

“One of these times can Tracy be part of the call?”

“Absolutely. She would love that.”

Damien hung up feeling a sense of relief he hadn’t felt all year. He wasn’t used to being blessed for his honesty. His parents still barely acknowledged him at home, they were so uncomfortable with his sexuality, but he had Vance and hopefully Jay would be willing to maintain a friendship too, but that question could wait until graduation day.



Kerass stood outside of the band room. He couldn’t believe he was back here with Cadence waiting inside for another attempt at the peer support group. It really was beautiful that it all seemed like it was coming full circle, yet all that was on his mind was Lyra and whether that conversation would be the last one he’d ever have with her. He didn’t really feel like walking through the door, but he knew he should. As he placed his hand on the doorknob, he felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Jay, you here for the meeting too?” Kerass asked.

“Sort of,” Jay responded. He stated he had bigger news to share with him. “Are you still harping on about not having the funds for college?”

“Yeah, because it’s true.”

“Well you can stop because I’ve resolved that for you. I challenged him to say it to your face, but he chickened out.”

“What did you do?”

“You’ve got a full ride.”

“How?”

“Your father.”

“How the hell does my father know that I got into college?” Kerass spat at Jay.

“Because I told him.”

“You’ve been talking to my father? Why? He’s an ass. I want nothing to do with him and you know that!”

“At least he wants something to do with you. You wouldn’t scold me me if you knew.”

“All right, I’ll bite. Knew what?”

“My mother wants nothing to do with me. Forgive me for pushing you to reconcile with a parent that actually wants a relationship with their child. Take the money, he’s not even expecting you to speak with him, so you’ll get the money either way.”

“How convenient.”

“It’s just the truth.”

Kerass glared at Jay. How could such good news be tainted by one revelation? “Listen to me. I know you did what you did out of kindness, or at least what you’d call it. What you did was good even, but there’s no excuse in talking about me to my father behind my back.”

“What are you saying?” Jay asked trepidatiously.

“You’ve crossed the line one too many times. I don’t want to see you anymore. I don’t trust you.”