Kerass slowed his breathing in an attempt to calm himself down while he waited for Jay to reply. It had been so long since they had spoken directly it was hard for him to remember what Jay’s voice even sounded like. The moment Jay spoke, Kerass felt at peace talking to his oldest friend again.
“I know,” Jay replied. “You don’t have to say anything more. I’d love to help you out in any way I can.” He continued stating it had been far too long since they had talked.
“Yeah, I’ve been avoiding you because I didn’t want to face who I’d become.”
“Yep, like I said, you don’t have to say anything more.”
“Lyra, well I mean, she’s asked me to do something for her.”
“Wait, are you two dating?” Jay prodded.
“No,” Kerass couldn’t help but roll his eyes feeling privileged that Jay couldn’t see. “We’re just good friends. She wants me to sing her a song and well, I want it to be original, but I don’t have any musicality whatsoever. You’re artistically bent though, would you write me a song to sing to her?”
“I can’t write music. I can barely sing. I’m decent at best, but I can sell it up on that stage. You’re looking for a song though…what vibe, friendship, romance?”
“I’d like it to be romantic.”
“So there is something there, huh?” Jay replied his voice jumping up an octave.
“It can’t be anything, but I’m fine with just being the friend, really.”
“Well if you want romance, ain’t nothing more romantic than One Direction.”
“You would say that…”
“You bet. Nobody’s got anything on my boys. Anyway, there’s a song on the fifth album I think could really help you out.”
“What’s the name of it?”
“I’ll send it to you,” Jay stated.
Kerass waited while the song loaded and then he started to play it. It was the typical cookie-cutter boy band crap that he couldn’t stand, but for whatever reason he thought Lyra would love it. He couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth, “It’s perfect.”
“Don’t tell me you’re becoming a Directioner now.”
“Nah, I just think she’d flip for it.”
“Well, why don’t you practice on me?” Jay suggested blissfully.
“What?” Kerass asked incredulously.
“Pretend I’m Lyra and you’re surprising me with the song.”
Kerass really didn’t want to do this, but running it past someone as gay as Jay might not be the worst idea. “I want to write you a song.”
“Wanted,” Jay corrected.
“Want!” Kerass playfully yelled back agitated. “I still want to. No past tense. It’s not past tense yet.”
“All right, fine, continue.”
“I can’t write music though, as much as I’d want to. But here’s what I’ve come prepared with. Then I’d start singing,” Kerass informed Jay.
“Now that’s romantic.”
“Shut up, man,” Kerass replied a smile cracking his face. Reconnecting with Jay was one of the only things in his life that was giving him happiness and joy amidst Lyra’s sickness. He couldn’t believe he had ever allowed them to grow apart from each other. One thing was certain: he was glad that they had found each other again and he didn’t want to let that go.
Jeremy waited outside as the usual Droplet crew filed in congregating outside the building. Even though he was mentored by a guy in Droplet and had a girlfriend who attended Droplet, he still didn’t feel like he was fully one of the fam. There didn’t seem to be a way to fix that though. He was still only a lowly freshman.
All insecurities flew out of his mind as Jaden walked over to him.
“Listen,” she began. She stated she knew they were taking some time apart. “But I have something to tell you.”
“Just because we’re slowing down doesn’t mean we can’t talk to each other.”
“Pax recommended that I not share this with you, but I trust you and I believe the Lord wants me to tell you.”
“What is it?” Jeremy asked apprehensively.
“When I first dated you, it wasn’t because I wanted to. I just wanted to get back at Pax because he didn’t want me. But what I didn’t anticipate was that I would fall in love with you and that you helped me fall in love with God more deeply, more intimately.”
Jeremy looked away. He was stunned. Pax had been right all along. Completely disregarding everything that she said about falling in love with him anyways, he only focused on the fact that they started dating out of spite. It made him sick to his stomach.
“Jeremy?” Jaden asked, her voice shaking. “Jeremy, please say something.”
“Pax was right…” he sighed. “You shouldn’t have told me.”
He didn’t care how she reacted. What she had said, what she had done hurt him deeply. It shook him to his very core. He didn’t care how irrational or unforgiving his thoughts were, he never wanted to see or speak to her again.
Starting to run away from the meeting, he ran straight into Pax.
“Whoa, bud, watch where you’re going.”
“Can we talk?” Jeremy asked, panting.
“We can after. I have to stay now. Adam Reedy’s talking tonight. I gotta support him.”
“Whatever,” Jeremy said brushing past him.
“Hey!” Pax yelled grabbing Jeremy’s arm as he passed in front of him. “I support my friends. We will talk, just not now.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“Stay.”
“I can’t,” Jeremy said as he jerked his arm out of Pax’s grip. He felt bad about leaving Pax like that, but opting not to think on it, he ran until he was completely out of breath.
Rushing into Lyra’s hospital room, Kerass picked her up. Stunned, she smiled, her eyes twinkling. Neither said a word. The delight in her face said it all. Not a jailbreak, but a hospital break was something they both needed. Running whilst carrying her, they raced outside leaving the hospital, and in turn, all thoughts of the sickness behind.
Sitting down at a table outdoors, Cadence sat across from the man, the one who had caused her so much pain. She couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth, but she knew exactly what she was doing.
“I forgive you.”
“You do?” he responded flustered.
“Yes,” she nodded. She added that she could tell he had really changed. “I want to try again. You are more gentle now than ever and you actually asked for forgiveness.”
“I’ve asked before,” he said. “I’m seeking help, honestly, but I don’t think this is a good time for us to get back together, not until I’m better.”
“How long will that take…forever?”
“I hope not, but even having lunch with you in public…it just makes me uncomfortable.”
“Why can’t our love for each other be enough to fix this?”
“Let me think about it,” he sighed placing his hands over his face.
Grabbing his hands, she leaned across the table and kissed him on the lips.
“Say yes,” she whispered to him. “Take me back.”
“Yes,” he whispered in reply, caving in.
She knew then that nothing would ever be the same again. He had given her exactly what she wanted and she felt at complete peace having the upper hand in the relationship for the first time since they had begun dating.
“Where are you taking me to?” Lyra asked.
Kerass told her not to ruin the surprise. “It’ll all come in time,” he said. Holding her in his arms, her arms around his shoulders, he carried her up the mountain. He was beyond tired, the muscles in his arm aching, screaming at him to take a break, but his determination to get her back to that waterfall that they skinny-dipped in last year kept him moving. It was just a few steps away. He remembered everything about that day, the good and the bad. Recreating the day wasn’t on his mind, making new memories there was.
Within minutes he had made it. She gasped in surprise and delight. Kerass rolled his eyes. “When did you know this was where I was taking you? I mean, you can’t be that surprised.”
“Actually, I didn’t know until we arrived. My eyes never strayed away from you.”
Gently setting her down on her feet, they took a moment to survey the top of the mountain. Not a sound was made. They couldn’t even hear any creatures moving about. The place seemed undisturbed, holy even. The serenity surrounding the waterfall made the area seem sacred. It was exactly how Kerass had remembered it. He knew it was unlikely that no one else had been there since the day they had ditched the senior prom, but he didn’t care, he wanted to believe that no one else had disturbed this spot.
“Don’t you worry, your mom’s fine with this,” Kerass reassured her, shattering the silence.
“Really?” she asked sounding relieved.
“Yeah, the doctor’s approved it too. They said it would be good for you to spend time outdoors.”
“Good. I’m glad you cared enough to ok it with my mom. I haven’t been able to be as spontaneous recently, but I’m glad you let me think so for a few hours.”
A mischievous smirk crossed her face. She ran jumping, cannonballing in the water. Water splashed drenching Kerass, but he didn’t care. Within seconds he was running and jumping to join her. Fully clothed in the water, it didn’t matter, whatever made her happy made him happy.
Descending to the bottom of the river, Kerass kept his eyes open, looking to see if he could see any wildlife, but nothing was around. Kicking off the sandy bottom, he rushed to the top gasping for air. Nothing would disturb their peace.
Damien jogged around campus, Vance jogging alongside him. Things were right again. He didn’t incessantly talk about Kerass, who he didn’t have a crush on, he was determined. However, things were weird with Jay. The ashes from the fireplace may have caught spark again. He knew that wasn’t scientifically accurate, but he didn’t care, it sounded great in his mind. Vance hadn’t said a word the entire time they ran.
As they took a break to stretch, Damien asked, “What’s up, man?” He continued stating that he was never usually this quiet. “Is something wrong?”
“You know it,” Vance replied instantly. “You’re the first person I’m telling this to,” he said, his voice unsteady.
“You can say anything. There’s no judgment with me,” he reassured Vance.
“That guy, you know, the one that I knocked unconscious on the field?”
“The one in the coma?”
“Not anymore,” Vance said to the side. “I just read that he died.”
“Oh my god…” Damien bit his tongue. He didn’t know what to say. It was so horrible.
“The worst part is I know it’s my fault.”
“You had nothing to do with it!” Damien spat back at him, chastising him for looking down on himself.
“If I hadn’t been on that field that night, he’d still be alive today. I need reevaluate everything.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, I don’t think I believe in God anymore. How could God treat his people like this? How is it possible that I would be punished this way?”
“Do you need to take time off from Christianity, because if you do, again there’s no judgment. I did that.”
“You never came back.”
“So? There’s more paths to God than just through Christianity, than just through Jesus.”
“You don’t even believe in God anymore.”
“I don’t, but does that negate anything I’ve just said?”
“I’m not sure anymore.”
“Just try it. Try a week, a month away from Christianity because this guilt, it’s not from you, it’s from the church. I felt guilty about being gay at first, but I realized that wasn’t from me, it was from the teachings of my church. Make sense?”
“Yeah…” Vance trailed off. “I’m afraid.”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of. There’s loads of possibility out there. You just gotta explore all the options. I can almost guarantee if you do, you won’t stick with Christianity.”
“I’ll think about it,” Vance said.
Damien started running again and Vance followed suit. They didn’t talk again for the rest of the run. It was strange, but it did bother Damien that this reveal shook Vance’s faith. If Vance doubted God, then he didn’t believe anyone could live life fully believing in God. He felt more certain than ever that God didn’t exist.
Clearing his throat, Kerass laid down in the sun drying off. Lyra couldn’t stop laughing as she lay beside him. He was in complete bliss. Taking off his shirt, he tossed it aside on the sand. Standing up, he asked her if she was ready.
“Ready?” she asked. “For what?”
He replied stating it was time for him to fulfill her request. “I’m going to sing for you.”
“I can’t wait,” she whispered.
“See I want to write you a song, but I’m not musically inclined. I think you may recognize this one though,” he said. Taking a deep breath, he began singing If I Could Fly by One Direction.
Pouring his heart out, he sang completely off key, had multiple key changes, and simply, in his mind, butchered what was a beautiful ballad. He locked eyes with her the entirety of the piece, his eyes never straying for a second. He watched as her eyes welled up. Everything in him wanted to go to her, to stop the song and wipe away her tears, but he stayed true to the performance. Her response revealed that it didn’t matter how awful of a singer he was, she wanted to just hear his voice. The moment he ended, she applauded, cheering him.
“That was breathtaking.”
“Stop it,” he said aside.
“I’m serious, considering you know you don’t have the talent to carry a tune, it took a lot of guts for you to stand here and sing to me.”
“I guess so…” Kerass said lacking confidence.
Standing up, she went over to him, placing her hand on his face, caressing it, she said, “Thank you.”
Taking her hand off his face, she grabbed his hand and led him to the edge of the water. He followed without question.
“I don’t know if there’s a more beautiful spot in the whole world,” she said tearing up.
“We could stay up here, if you’d like. You’re not expected back at the hospital until tomorrow.”
“Yes,” she breathed. “Let’s spend the night up here. There’s no one I’d rather be here with than you.”
“Are you telling me you love me?” Kerass asked trepidatiously.
“You know I do. There’s no reason to hide it anymore. My only regret is I didn’t tell you sooner. We would’ve had so much more time together. I’ve always loved you, Kerass.”
“Come here,” he told her, grabbing her hand he drew her toward him. For the first time he did what he had wanted to do for over a year, he kissed her on the lips.
Reassuring her, he said, “We’ve got plenty of time left.”
“Lie with me?”
“Are you sure you want to?” he asked gently.
“I don’t want to sleep with you, but I want you to hold me, to lay beside me, while I sleep tonight.”
Nodding, he followed her lead as she lay down on the sand. Lying beside her, he placed his arm around her, holding her close. His hand felt her stomach as it went up and down as she breathed. It didn’t take long after he closed his eyes to fall asleep. His mind wandered as he dreamed. He dreamed of being with Lyra, marrying her, having children with her, growing old with her. It went in slow motion. He saw all of his friends present at the wedding. His father was even there. The ceremony was beautiful. He couldn’t make it through the whole ceremony without crying. He saw the birth of their first-born son. He saw their three boys running around the house, toying with each other. Lyra’s beauty never faded. Soon after he saw the kids grow up and get married on their own. He saw all the grandkids, but most importantly he saw Lyra and him standing by each other through it all. He saw his life as he wanted it to be and it was a good dream. He thought of nothing else that night than the dream of his life with her.
Opening her eyes, Lyra saw the sun rising, cresting through the trees. She had neglected to tell Kerass that today was her birthday. She had done it.
“I made it,” she whispered to herself. “I’m an adult. I’m 18.”
Taking in the sun’s rays she felt she had accomplished everything she had set out to do. This was it. She could tell the Lord was calling her home. Preparing herself to meet God, she exhaled and breathed her last.
When Kerass woke up the following morning he heard creatures rustling about across the sand, in their space. Something had changed. The space was no longer peaceful to him. Her stomach was no longer moving up and down. He instantly realized that Lyra was gone.
No comments:
Post a Comment