The park was deserted. Snow blanketed the grass. The tree branches were iced over. Jeremy could see his breath. He held out his quavering hand. Jaden took it. They tried to keep each other’s hands warm, but they felt so cold. It was well below freezing. It seemed romantic to walk in the park with the snow. Jaden had showed him a movie, Love Story, where the couple played in the snow together. It was so bad and cliché that Jeremy had to bite his tongue from laughing at every line, but it was important to Jaden, so he suffered through it. He wanted to recreate that moment for her.
He stepped off the path and fell down in the snow, which comforted his fall. Jaden raised one eyebrow staring at him. He started making a snow angel, laughing uncontrollably. There was nothing funny about it, so he wasn’t sure why he was laughing, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He grabbed her hand and she came down toward him, leaning her head on his shoulder. He placed snow on her nose. They both stood up pushing the snow around, attempting to make waves unsuccessfully in the park. She threw a snowball at his face. He winced. His face felt like it would never be warm again. She rushed over to him, grabbed his hand with one hand and held his face with another. She kissed him.
“Did that make it better?” she asked gently.
“Loads,” Jeremy nodded.
“Jeremy, I love that you wanted to you know recapture the magic of Love Story with this, but I’m freezing. Can we head back to campus and just stay inside?” Jaden asked, her teeth chattering.
“Oh, Jaden, I love you. Let’s get out of here,” Jeremy replied.
Letting go of each other’s hands, they placed their hands in their pockets in an attempt to warm up. Jaden handed him an extra pair of gloves that she had brought. They were bright pink. It took Jeremy a moment before he caved and accepted the pair. It truly was very sweet, but he never wanted to be seen in pink…ever.
“Oh, Jaden…” he sighed, apologizing he told her he had forgotten. “I’ve got mentorship time with Pax during lunch today. I can just cancel.”
“No!” she blurted out at him. “It’s totally fine. I know you need that time. He’s having trouble accepting us as a couple, so just be gentle with him. It’s a rough transition for him.”
“You know I could choose a different mentor,” Jeremy suggested.
“He’s my friend and he’s your friend too. We can’t do that to him. He’ll come around. I promise,” she said with finality.
They walked the rest of the way back to campus as quickly as they could in silence.
Sitting on the bench beside Gil, Jay couldn’t help but smile at him. Gil looked at him inquisitively. Jay couldn’t explain why he looked at Gil so longingly. He didn’t want to date him and Gil definitely wasn’t the most attractive guy around, but he was comfortable. He trusted Gil.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Gil asked.
“Well,” Jay began. He stated that it was difficult to say. “I’m afraid it’ll get weird between us if I tell you…”
“What have I told you before?”
“As long as we’re honest with each other we’ll always be friends.”
“Exactly. Why do you doubt that?” Gil challenged him.
Jay shook his head. He wasn’t sure why, but he let it slip out. “You know I’m a virgin, right?”
“What? You and Damien…never?”
“No.”
“Why?” Gil asked floored.
“It never seemed right at the time. We trusted each other…for a while. It just never got to the next stage.”
“I’m impressed that having come out when you did in high school that you remained pure. It’s commendable, shows a lot of character.”
“I guess…” Jay trailed off. “Look, I just want to get it over with. I mean, we’re not going to be together with the person we lose our virginity to. I just don’t think in today’s world that’s a feasible option.”
“It’s the ultimate romance, isn’t it? But like you said, those romances aren’t a reflection of true life.”
“I was wondering if we could, just as friends, you know…”
Gil’s eyes lit up. “You want to?”
“Yeah, I mean the timing needs to be right and everything, but I do. I want my first time to be with a friend, with someone I trust.”
“Wow,” Gil exhaled. “I don’t what to say, but I’m honored that you thought of me. I want to say yes, but only if it’s what you really want. You always seemed to me to be someone more interested in a love connection than a body connection. It seems like you’re rushing into something that you might regret. Let’s give it time, ok? If you still want to by the end of the semester, we’ll do it.”
“All right, that’s fair,” Jay sighed feeling dejected.
“Don’t worry, this didn’t effect our friendship in any way,” Gil reassured him as he walked off to his dorm room.
Jay’s eyes widened like saucers when he saw Gus walking past him on campus. He couldn’t force his mouth to speak. Jumping off the bench, sprinting to catch up, he grabbed his arm and turned him around.
“Can I help you?” Gus asked floored, but his eyes said everything. He recognized him mid-question. “Jay, I had forgotten you were going to Evergreen Forest.”
“Gus, wha-, what are you doing here?”
“I sent in the transfer at the end of last semester and they accepted me.”
“Why did you want to transfer? Didn’t you like KNSU?”
Gus hesitated, exhaling. “The classes were aight, but I missed my friends.”
“That’s sweet, but I don’t buy that. You were always more of Kerass’s friend than mine.”
“Well, me and Kerass fought some at first, but I’ll give you that.”
“Why didn’t you transfer to Dowden Terrace?”
“Because Kerass isn’t there. He deferred a semester. I didn’t want to do that and I just needed people who truly knew me. KNSU was all about prestige. I was there on scholarship. I was never invited to anything, but that wasn’t the main reason I left. The classes didn’t stimulate me.”
“And you think that Evergreen Forest can achieve that?” Jay asked flabbergasted.
“No, but my friends can. Friendship just wasn’t going to happen at KNSU. It wasn’t in my cards. Plus Evergreen’s got the better nursing school.”
“Ok, then. Want to grab lunch?”
“After class. You’ve already made me 5 minutes late.”
“Fine. I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Yeah, I’d love to hear how things are with you, but I gotta run. I’ll meet you in the cafeteria in 45 minutes,” Gus said before walking away.
Jay had never really gotten to know Gus before, but was looking forward to it. He seemed very accepting and oddly loving. That was never the way he had pictured him in high school. Either he had changed, or he had never truly seen the real Gus before. It might be best to avoid the dating subject altogether.
Sitting down in the student center, Jeremy smiled at Pax. The morning had been wonderful and he didn’t want to meet up for mentorship, but Pax had been so great to him earlier in the fall semester. He wasn’t going to forget that.
“It’s been a while,” Jeremy said in an attempt to shatter the silence.
“Yeah, we haven’t had time to sit down since before Thanksgiving break. How’s everything going?” Pax prodded.
“My math class has been quite difficult this semester.”
“You doing the homework?”
“Not really.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“Mine,” Jeremy sheepishly replied.
Pax snickered. “It’s an easy fix. Just do it. You’re a hard worker, I’m sure you can pick it up again.”
“I need to, but I’m struggling to get with it.”
“Why’s that?” Pax asked gingerly.
“I’m a little distracted by some things…” Jeremy trailed off.
“Is this a girl thing?”
Jeremy nodded. He continued saying things had gotten tough since he and Jaden started dating. “I mean, she’s awesome and everything, but I just can’t seem to find the time for school anymore.”
“Hmm…” Pax groaned.
“You’re mad, aren’t you?”
“No. It’s your decision, but I had just hoped that since you did so well last semester you would’ve kept it up with this one, that’s all. I’m not mad, and I’m not upset. Disappointed, yeah, but you can still turn it around.”
“I guess so.”
“How’s everything going with God?”
“I haven’t prayed or read my Bible in months.”
“That’s not the only way to spend time with God.”
“It’s not?” Jeremy asked inquisitively.
“No, sure that’s a way we all can connect with God, but for some people it’s singing songs, writing poetry, walking in the woods, relishing His creation. Sure, I want you to be spending time in the Bible but I also want you to delight in Him. That’s something we can explore together.”
“How I most experience joy with God?”
“Exactly.”
Jeremy sighed. He didn’t want to share what had just come to mind, but Pax was very forgiving. He didn’t want to hear what he knew Pax would tell him, yet he knew he needed to hear it. “The truth is, ever since I’ve been going out with Jaden, I’ve been neglecting time with God.”
“Dating is a distraction for you, then?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not going to tell you what to do, but if dating Jaden is causing distance between you and God, I think it’d be best to slow things down at the very least or question whether this is a relationship you’re supposed to have.”
“I knew you would say that,” Jeremy replied annoyed.
“Did you want me to tell you everything’s fine, when it isn’t? I see a problem. God can fix it, but you have to be willing to let go.”
“You’ve never been thrilled by me and Jaden.”
“No, I haven’t but that hasn’t clouded my advice to you, nor will it affect our friendship on my end.”
“I know…” Jeremy stoically stated averting eye contact.
“Then what are you concerned about?”
“I’m not concerned. I…I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for pushing you away when I started dating Jaden. That wasn’t fair to you. I should’ve trusted you,” he stated tearing up.
“Hey, it’s all forgiven. There’s nothing to worry about. I’m sorry though, I’m going to have to cut us short as I’ve got an introduction I need to write for my research paper.”
“When’s it due?”
“In three hours.”
“You’ll get it done,” Jeremy reassured him.
“You know it. We’ll find a time for next week. I’ll see you at Droplet later tonight.”
“You bet,” Jeremy responded bidding him farewell. That had been the most life-giving conversation he had since the semester began. He had no more doubts how much Pax cared for him.
“So do you have a guy in your life?” Gus asked.
Jay bit his tongue as he sat down in a peach-colored booth in the cafeteria. Jay shook his head. “No, not exactly,” he paused. He told Gus that things were complicated.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Hold on,” Jay responded, his voice jumping up an octave. “How do you know I’m gay? I never told you that.”
“The whole school knew. You told enough people. It’s not like you were hiding it or anything, right?”
“Yeah, but I just wanted to be the one to tell you.”
“I’m sorry. There’s nothing to worry about though. We’re cool,” Gus reassured him.
“I guess I just thought you never noticed me.”
“We were never in the same class together, granted. I know you solely by association, but I’m hoping that can change.”
Jay nodded. “I’d like that.”
“You seem really forgiving, Jay, really accepting. Honestly, I need more people like you in my life. I’m caring for so many others that there’s not really anyone I can equally share with.”
“Not even Kerass?”
“I was hoping we could, but he’s a little distracted by his new girlfriend.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard.”
“You reached out?”
“You know I have,” Jay replied to the side avoiding eye contact.
“He replied back?”
Jay shook his head.
“I figured as much. Listen, I just really need someone to hear me now. A peer. I can always talk to Uncle Jake, but it’s just different, you know?”
“I’d love to listen to you,” Jay stated patting him on the shoulder. He breathed deeply. Focusing so much on himself, it was a delight to be there for someone else, someone who wanted him to listen. All thoughts of his current plight in embracing who he truly was vanished as he zeroed in on Gus’s needs.
“Well, where to begin?” Gus began.
Jay got lost as Gus told him his story about his father and how he never knew who he was. It sounded all too familiar to the story of his birth mother. Perhaps they could truly be close friends after all.
Sitting in his car outside Lyra’s house, Kerass tried to end the phone call with Jez amicably.
“I don’t want you to see her anymore,” she told him. She stated something else about how hurt she was, but truthfully he zoned out for the next minute.
“I’m not dating her!” he yelled cutting her off. There was an abrupt silence. “I’m dating you,” he continued. “I gave you myself, my everything. Why isn’t that good enough for you? Why can’t you trust me with her? She’s dying, Jez! She needs me and not in a romantic way.”
“You’re spending too much time with her and it’s got to stop, Kerass. You have to make a decision. It’s her or me,” Jez replied bitterly.
“Whatever,” Kerass said hanging up on her. How she irritated him so, the spiteful…he stopped himself as he didn’t want Lyra to see him so angry. She’d only tell him to go and be with Jez. She was so selfless. No, he wouldn’t think on Jez now.
Stepping out of the car, he saw the door open for him. Julia stepped out to greet him. Rushing at him, she hugged him, gripping his shirt crumpling the back of it into a ball in her fist.
“What was that for?” Kerass asked breaking the hug.
“For being here,” she said wiping a tear from her left eye.
Side hugging her, they walked up to the door. She stopped him before they stepped inside. “She’s doing all right today,” Julia reassured him. She continued saying that she wasn’t doing as well. “It’s just all the little things about her. I love her, but it’s so hard. Can we talk after it’s all over?”
“I want your negative attitude to remain here. Don’t take it into the house with you,” Kerass slowly replied lowering his voice.
Julia didn’t reply. Kerass hugged her apologizing. “We’ll talk, I promise, but just not now.”
As they stepped inside the house, Kerass looked at Lyra, who had tubes around her body, in her nose. She smiled at him, calling out his name. Walking over to her, rolling his feet to soften the sound. He caressed her cheek and kissed her forehead.
There was a pounding at the door. Cadence left the deadbolt in for fear of who she would see. She could only use her right arm as her left was broken. Bandages were all around her as she had bruised ribs too. Her mother was out at work, so she felt unprotected, vulnerable. Being at her mothers house again, home, was comforting, but she held her breath in fear. Opening the door, she saw him.
“I,” he choked, breaking down into a sob. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”
“You did this to me,” Cadence acidly responded through gritted teeth.
“I know it. I’ll never do it again. I want you back. What do you say?”
Cadence exhaled.
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