Fallen Leaves - Chapter 50: Through the Dark

Cadence inhaled. It was the right decision. She knew it to be true. Although she would never be able to forgive herself for missing Lyra’s funeral, she knew she had made the right decision bringing him back into her life, bringing him close to her again.

He was no longer controlling. He never questioned when she left the apartment anymore. They could no longer sustain the house and he thought the change of scenery would help their affections for each other. He certainly was gentler with her. But people like that didn’t change. They never would. Rolling her shoulders she tried to get him out of her mind.

Once again, she found herself drawn to the water tower. Memories of Gus popped into her brain. There wasn’t much she could think other than he truly loved, and it was a beautiful thing to witness, to behold.

Clinging to the foot of the tower, she found herself hugging it. Inexplicably it made her feel safe, comforted. She would never forget the first kiss with Gus on the top of the water tower.

A hand tapped her shoulder. Turning around, she saw Gus standing beside her. She had forgotten that her high school classmates hadn’t gone back to college to wrap up the spring semester just yet.

“How are you feeling?” Gus asked.

“Fine,” she lied. She continued stating she couldn’t be better. “I’ve never been happier.”

“You never were that good of a liar.”

“I can take care of myself, Gus. That’s what I’ve been doing this whole time.”

“Really? That’s not the way I see it.”

“Why do you keep trying to save me? What, do you like want to get back together or something?”

“No, not at all actually,” he exhaled. “Neither of us are in a healthy enough place for that to happen.”

“Then what is it?”

“I still care about you, Cadence.”

She breathed to the side. She couldn’t even look at him after he said that. Staring at the ground around her, she hoped silently that he would leave her alone.

“I can’t see you get hurt again,” Gus stated gently. “Not anymore. I just can’t stand on the sidelines and do nothing.”

“He won’t hurt me again. I can assure you of that,” she replied a strength to her voice that even she was surprised at.

“Come back to your friends, Cadence. We want to see you at Evergreen Forest. I…” he paused. “I brought you this application, just in case. I transferred there for spring semester. I had forgotten had good of friends I had at Oak Stream High. I needed to be reminded of that and I believe you do too. Don’t trust him. Trust your friends.”

Leaning forward, he gently caressed her face, quickly kissed her forehead and walked away from her. It didn’t matter what he had said. She felt that after the night was over, she wouldn’t have a friend in the world.



Walking down the street, Jeremy walked over to Pax, who was waiting for him on one of the benches spread throughout Main Street. Greeting him, he sat down beside him and thanked him profusely for coming to Lyra’s funeral. “You have no idea how much that meant to me.”

“I think I can grasp the concept,” Pax reassured him.

“I hate this…” Jeremy paused.

“Hey,” Pax gently touched his back. “It’s fine to take as much time as you need to mourn Lyra. Bit of a shock, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, that was, but that’s not what I meant,” Jeremy sighed, scratching the back of his head. “See, you’re graduating in a month. I don’t know why I’m asking, but will we ever see each other again?”

“You’re worried that after I leave campus that we’ll lose touch?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy sheepishly whispered his reply.

“It’s really up to you. I would love to keep up with you, but I’ll place that ball in your court. I’m sure there’ll come a day when you don’t need me. Hell, I think that day’s today. I’m glad you want me though and I hope that’ll never change, but it’ll be fine if it does. Don’t you worry, Jeremy. We’ll survive this transition.”

Not sure why, Jeremy believed him. He thanked God for giving him Pax as a friend and Jaden as a girlfriend. He had grown so much in the past year. His confidence alone had quadrupled. He was no longer afraid of his past. He believed he and Pax would be lifelong friends and he felt a great comfort and peace in that thought.



Jay knew they needed to talk. Gil had left right after the funeral to head back to campus. Jay and many of the others stayed over the weekend. Going to his contacts list, lying down on his bed, Jay called Gil. It didn’t take long for Gil to respond.

“Hey, man! How’s everything going?” Gil asked.

Jay stated things could always be better. “But I feel lucky to be alive today.”

“I know the feeling.”

“Let’s just cut to the chase,” Jay prompted. “I know that we wouldn’t work out in a romantic relationship, but I was think-” he began.

“That’s right,” Gil cut him off. “But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking as well. Remember what Kerass said at the funeral? She lived. I think we should just do it. I had apprehensions about it at first, but I don’t want to hold back anymore.”

“Uh…” Jay didn’t know what to say. He knew he was brining up the topic, yet the proposition was incredibly awkward. But what Gil said made a lot of sense. His mind started racing again. Quieting his mind, he knew what the answer was. He had made his choice.

“What do you say?” Gil asked.



Kerass sat at his mother’s grave. He wished Lyra had a gravestone in the cemetery, but it was her mother’s wishes to not have that reminder. He missed his mother terribly. All he wanted to do was tell her all about Lyra and how much he had loved her and learned from her. Sitting here would have to do for now.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long, Mom.”

“Excuse me, am I interrupting something?” a man asked him standing by the grave right next to his mother’s.

Kerass assured him it was fine. “I’ll keep quiet.”

“You don’t have to. Who is it you’re visiting?”

“My mother. She died two years ago.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Kerass told the man. “I think I’m getting used to her being gone.”

“As strange as it is to say, I think that’s a good thing. My name’s River by the way,” the man said holding out his hand.

“Kerass,” he replied taking it. “Who are you visiting?”

“An old girlfriend. Her name was Evergreen Cunningham. She died seven years ago.”

“Have you gotten over it?” Kerass asked testing.

“I think so. I come here every year in remembrance. We weren’t dating at the time of her death, it’s something for years that I regretted, but life carries on. I can’t change the past.”

“We’ve got something in common. I lost my girlfriend, too. She died two weeks ago.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You’ve experienced a lot of pain in the short span of your life, haven’t you?”

“Hasn’t everyone?” Kerass asked naïvely, hopefully.

River shook his head. “I’m afraid not. It’s been very hard on you. I can see it in your eyes.”

“How did you move on?”

“I got lost in school then, my work now. I’m a professor. Right at the time though, I ended up losing my religion. Nothing in life has ever helped me more than stepping away from Christianity.”

“My girlfriend, Lyra, embraced it before her death. I had fallen away after the death of my mother, even before then to be honest, but Lyra really wanted me to read the Bible and I’m thinking about doing so.”

“I’d advise against it. I don’t think it’ll help you in the long run. It’s a system of rules that are impossible to follow. Reading the Bible will only bring you down. You need something uplifting like Siddhartha. It sounds like you’re on a spiritual journey. I think that book would help you.”

“I’ll think it over,” Kerass promised him.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for. Sometimes I still feel like I’m searching. Anyways, I’d better go,” River said more to himself than to Kerass. “It was nice to have met you, Kerass.”

As River walked away, Kerass looked over to Evergreen Cunningham’s gravestone. He wondered what type of life she had lived. She lived longer than Lyra did in terms of age, but not by much. He wanted to know her story. He had heard of Siddhartha before, but had never considered reading it. His promise to Lyra was bigger though. He would read the Bible first. Forget what River said. Lyra wanted him to read the Christian scriptures. To make her happy, regardless of how he felt about them, he would do it to pay tribute. He felt no need to read Siddhartha. His mother would be delighted to know that he was returning to the Bible. He felt he could be at peace with the two women who meant the most to him by simply reading a book.



Damien lay on the grass by the nature trail. The sunglasses on his face still didn’t block out the sun from his gaze. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. He tried to relax his brain, his mind, but he had trouble focusing. Lyra’s death had impacted him to his core. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he didn’t want his life to get away from him. He would try his best to live in the moment.

One thing he was grateful for was that Kerass was in a much better place than he had been at the start of fall semester. He felt he had made a true friend with him despite the first two years when they had first met back in high school. Confident he had been a true friend to Kerass this year, he knew that when he was down Kerass would be a true friend to him in return.

Someone stepped up beside him, looking down on him. The person blocked the sun from his eyes. Opening his eyes fully, he saw that Jay was standing there.

“Wha-” Damien began.

“Shh,” Jay cut him off. He asked Damien to allow him to speak first. “I made my decision.”

“About?” he responded confused.

Leaning down on one knee, Jay held his arm out. “Take my hand. Stand with me.”

Unable to prevent himself from stopping, from thinking, Damien grabbed his hand and stood up with him.

“It’s you, Damien. I chose you.”

“You know how I feel about waiting for marriage.”

Jay nodded. “I thought what I wanted was just to rush into it, not build it up so much, just get it over with. No, see I don’t want that anymore. I want to be with someone I believe I could live my whole life with. I’m lucky enough to have met him in high school.”

“I thought you were over me last year at prom.”

“It was a rough year for all of us, but through the dark I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Guess who was standing there waiting for me.”

Damien rolled his eyes. It was so cliché, so stupid, but undeniably sweet. Gazing at his face, he placed his hand on Jay’s face, caressing it. He wiped a stray tear that was falling down. “Are you sure you’re willing to wait for me?”

“I’ve never been more certain of anything else in my entire life. What do you say?”

Thinking over everything they had gone through, he knew what the answer would forever be. “Yes.”

Jay jumped up in his arms. Grasping him, holding him up, they kissed each other. It was easy, effortless, like they had never been apart. He had no doubts then that he had made the right decision.



Julia walked with Kerass towards her car. They had met before the going-away party. He had thanked her profusely for everything she had done for Lyra, but his answer wasn’t what she wanted to hear. He didn’t ask her to stay. Stating it was best for her to take the time she needed away from Oak Stream he reminded her that they would be friends, but he couldn’t be her emotional support as he needed so much emotional support himself.

“Thank you,” Julia said as they stepped inside her car.

“What for?”

“Everything,” she said. She listed several reasons, but found herself babbling. The smile on his face melted her heart. She hadn’t seen him smile like that in years. Summarizing, she said, “For being my friend.”

“I’ll always be your friend, Julia.”

They drove the rest of the way to the party in silence. Tears started to fall down her face. There were so many things that she couldn’t stand about Oak Stream, yet inexplicably, she found herself missing the place already.

The party was a blur. Funny memories, sad memories, wonderful memories were all shared about everyone’s encounters with Julia. Jay had shown up, as well as Damien and Gus. The time went by way too quickly. Before she knew it, it was past midnight. She needed to hit the road. She felt most alive driving with no one else on the road at night. The words that were shared as she prepared to drive off, she would write on her heart forever.

Damien started, “You are a beautiful soul and I’m so thankful to call you one of my best friends.”

Gus continued, “You’ll be welcomed back without question whenever you decide it’s best to return.”

Jay then stated, “I wish I could go with you. You have changed for the better and I wish I had more time with you.”

Kerass concluded, “Promise me you’ll return. Don’t be gone forever. No matter where we go, Oak Stream is home base. Oak Stream is home.”

Hugging each of them in turn, she gave Damien and Kerass a kiss on the cheek and forehead respectively before she got inside her car. Looking in her rearview mirror, she saw all four of them standing in a line waving goodbye to her. Yes, she had friends. She had a family that extended past her bloodline. Nothing else made her prouder as she drove past the town limits.



Kerass was fully awake. It was much harder saying goodbye to Julia than he thought it would be. Yet sitting in Lyra’s home with all the lights on, he knew he’d have to go back to school on Sunday. Having already placed his transfer, he knew he wouldn’t be with Damien much longer. He would join Jay, Jeremy and Gus at Evergreen Forest starting in the fall. He needed his friends now more than ever and he felt content that with transferring schools he’d be back with his friends. He didn’t want to lose his friendship with Damien, but he would graduate within a year, the others he could spend the next three years with.

Sitting on the couch in the living room, he opened up Lyra’s…no, it was his now, his Bible. Looking through the table of contents, next to the book title Song of Solomon, Lyra had drawn a red heart. The sentence next to the heart said: This is my favorite book.

Flipping through the pages to Song of Solomon, Kerass sat back as he prepared to read the Bible again for the first time in years. He was determined this time to make Lyra happy. He knew both his mother and Lyra were smiling down on him as he opened up the book. Without a thought of anything else, he began reading Song of Solomon.



Staring at him, Cadence believed her glare could kill. The man who had caused her so much pain had no idea what was coming. She had to protect others from him. He would never hurt her again. She had sealed her fate.

“What are you doing?” he asked afraid. He begged her to put it down.

Holding the gun out in front of her, pointing it at his heart, she exhaled while she gently squeezed the trigger.

End of Year 5

Fallen Leaves - Chapter 49: 18

Julia tried to smile as she walked down Main Street. Nothing would ever be the same. The town was so small and filled with so many bad memories in the past year alone. The sun was shining. Lyra would’ve liked that. Her eyes started welling with tears. She had cried for a solid hour sobbing loudly when she had heard the news. All sense of hope vanished in that moment. There were so many mixed emotions. One was relief that Lyra was finally at peace, no longer in pain. One was emptiness for she had dedicated the greater portion of the past year being by Lyra’s side throughout the sickness. Another was loneliness. She felt there was no one she could share her sorrow with. Lyra was gone. She would never smile at her again, never make her laugh again, never challenge her thoughts again. It was over. She was never coming back. The pain was overwhelming.

Stepping inside The Hub, Main Street’s burger joint, she tried to find joy in eating in her favorite place in town. The Hub seemed so small, so empty now. She didn’t feel like anything would cheer her up.

Glancing over at a table, she saw Cadence sitting down, a book cracked open, reading vigorously. The food could wait.

Sitting across from her, Julia asked, “Whatcha reading?” She continued saying it must be gripping as she was so involved with it.

“Just pleasure reading. Actually Lyra had recommended it to me.”

“Really?” Julia asked stunned, but hid it well.

“Yeah, she said it was her favorite book,” Cadence hesitated.

“Well, go on. What’s it called?”

“Sorry, I realized she had changed her mind at the end. At least that’s what the obituary in the paper claimed. She must have really loved the Bible.”

“Oh, she did.”

“Anyway, before that all went down, she loved Ethan Frome.”

“Edith Wharton.”

“Yeah, good for you.”

“I read it high school, wasn’t a big fan, but I’m glad you like it.”

“What don’t you like about it?” Cadence asked.

“The ending. A grandiose love story that ends with a suicide attempt by sledding down a hill. Yeah, I just thought it was stupid.”

“I don’t think it is. I guess you never really experienced a genuine love triangle before.”

“Oh, and you have?”

“I’ve had my fair share. Two to be exact and that’s already two times too much.”

“Was you, me and Kerass one of them?”

“No, that would make three, but he was quite honorable about staying with you and not pursuing me when you two dated.”

“I don’t mean to change the subject…” Julia trailed.

“Please do. I can’t get her out of my head. Say it, anything else besides that.”

“I’m going to be leaving town.”

“Back to school?”

“Something like that,” Julia exhaled. It was so difficult to say, but she just needed to let it out. “I’ll be back eventually, but I just can’t stay in Oak Stream over the summer. Too many memories. I can’t go a single step without one memory with her popping up.”

“Well, good luck to you.”

“There’s going to be a send off, like a get together, not a party or anything, just a small gathering of friends. I’d love it if you showed up.”

“I can’t. I don’t think he’d be happy if I did that.”

“You’re back together with him?” Julia asked floored.

“Yes,” Cadence replied stoically, averting eye contact.

“Well, at least come to the funeral this afternoon.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Fine. You do what you want, but if I see any more bruises I’m calling the cops.”

“Please don’t. I know what I’m doing. I can handle myself. Promise,” she whispered the last word.

Julia couldn’t take it anymore. She rushed out of The Hub without a thought of grabbing food or saying goodbye to Cadence. This foolish decision was one too many. She couldn’t stand her anymore. She knew if Cadence kept up like this, she wouldn’t have a friend in the world.



Jaden clung tightly to her Bible through her tears. Everyone had disappointed her. She felt she had really screwed up a beautiful relationship with Jeremy. Her only comfort was the Scriptures, Jesus’ words, God’s promises to her. She had lost sight of what was most important to her. That needed to change. Convincing herself that would change, she wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hand.

She perused through Romans, a letter that was a part of Scripture. Finding great encouragement in those words, whilst being challenged, she read through it quickly.

As she read the final sentence, she felt great relief. It had been far too long since she had cracked open the good book. The moment she set the book aside her phone rang. Glancing over to it, she recognized Jeremy was calling her.

Picking up, the only word that came to mind was, “Hey.” She continued to ask how he had been.

“Better, that’s for sure.”

“I’m so sorry, but you already know that,” Jaden treaded lightly.

“I know. I have to tell you something. Lyra, this girl I went to high school with, see, she, uh, she um, she died.”

“Wow…” Jaden breathed. There was nothing else to say. She couldn’t even bring herself to say sorry. It was just such a shock. She had never heard of her before, but she felt the tears forming as she knew it hurt Jeremy and when he hurt, she hurt.

“Thank you,” he replied. “I know it’s affecting you too.”

“You read me well, even over the phone.”

“I guess…” he trailed off. “See, I’ve realized because of this that life is way too short to hold grudges or to remain angry. I wanted to tell you that not only do I forgive you, but I want to stay with you.”

“I want that too.”

“I know you do. I’ll see you soon, the funeral’s in a few hours, so I just need to prepare. We’re gonna have to hike to the location. It was one of her wishes, I think.”

“All right. You know that if I was there I’d go with you.”

“I know you would. This is just something I’m going to have to do myself.”

Bidding him farewell, she hung up on him. It was odd getting what she wanted through the midst of a tragedy. She felt guilty, but she couldn’t help smiling. “Thank You, God,” she whispered.



The procession to the funeral was a 4-mile hike to the stream, the very stream that the little town was named after. The first two miles were on the path, while the final two miles went deep into the woods away from anything manmade. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Kerass squinted his eyes as he walked alone. Silence was his only peace.

Selfishly he wished there were no one else attending this funeral. He desperately wanted to celebrate Lyra’s life in solitude. Jay had encouraged him afterward to write their love story down on paper, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to do it. He didn’t want to relive the memories. His only desire was to create new ones. That was no longer possible and it hadn’t been that way for over a week.

Two Saturdays after her passing…that was when the funeral was scheduled. A year ago, before he was aware of the sickness, when he first found himself falling for her, he was convinced that she would get married in nature without a pastor, a minister present. Things had changed after high school. He hadn’t been a part of her experiences then. Granted that was fully her choice, but in hindsight, he wished he hadn’t been so stubborn. He wished he hadn’t wasted all of his time with Jez. All of the hours, the joys, the tears, all of that time could have been alongside Lyra, but she didn’t bring him in until the very end. While he understood why Julia kept things quiet, to respect her wishes, he found himself inexplicably angry towards her.

Lyra’s mother had spoken with him constantly, begging, imploring him to speak at Lyra’s funeral. At first he said no, assuming it was only because he had been there when she passed, but he had no recollection of seeing her pass. She was already gone by the time he awoke. The words that her mother had spoken to clarify would stay with him forever: “She said you were the love of her life and I believe she meant it.” Without words, he nodded, telling her yes. He couldn’t bring his voice to work in the moment, but he knew he’d be able to speak at her funeral.

Slowly behind him, her mother carried the ashes. That was another wish he had never been told. She was cremated within a day of her passing. He wanted to protest, but he knew it wasn’t his place. His memory of what she looked like would have to suffice. Lyra was gorgeous, a truly beautiful, breathtaking woman, but her greatest beauty was her soul.



Pax drove into the parking lot outside of the nature trail. Thankful he had finally found the location, he breathed a sigh of relief. Driving took a lot out of him and he was glad to be done, if only for a few hours. Jeremy wasn’t kidding when he claimed he hailed from a small town. Oak Stream was the smallest town he had ever seen.

Another car drove up. Whoever it was was also late. Pax no longer felt so bad. A black man stepped out. He decided it would be best to walk with him in hopes that this man knew how to get to the stream. Lyra must have been an interesting person to desire to have a hike to her funeral.

“Hey,” Pax called out holding out his hand.

“Hey,” the other man said in reply shaking his hand.

Pax asked him what his name was. The man told him his name was Vance. Pax continued to ask if he knew where to go. “I’m brand new to Oak Stream. See I mentor a guy who went to high school with Lyra.”

“Really?” Vance asked. “One of my closest friends is quite close to the man who loved her.”

“That’s interesting. So neither of us really belongs here.”

“No. I guess we’re just supportive friends.”

“Well, let’s walk,” Pax suggested.

“I have an idea of how to get there. I feel really guilty being 20 minutes late.”

“I only got in like three minutes before you did.”

They began walking on the trail in silence. It was awkward, but understandable. The directions had stated once they got off the path to remain silent while they walked to the stream to respect Lyra. Pax just wished he had known more about her, who she was.

“Your friend,” Vance paused, “you said you mentor him. In what way?”

“In my faith. I’m a Christian. I try to help Jeremy to walk with the Lord. I’m not doing a great job to be honest and he’s much further along than I was at his age. We learn from each other, but I don’t think he knows that.”

“What parish do you attend?”

“I’m Christian, not Catholic.”

“Oh, sorry, force of habit.”

They continued to walk in silence. Pax really didn’t want to talk about anything. He was exhausted by the drive and the hike wasn’t making things any easier. He felt the Lord kept pushing him to talk to this man. Fighting with the Lord never seemed like a good idea, but Pax found himself doing it anyways. Beginning to sweat, feeling his heart hammering against his chest, he blurted out, “I’m assuming you’re Catholic?”

“I’m not sure anymore. I firmly believe it’s the only true expression of Christianity, but I don’t know if I want to be under that umbrella at all.”

“Why?” Pax asked with sincerity.

“I’ve deeply hurt someone.”

“So have I.”

“I mean physically.”

“So have I,” Pax reassured him. “See my best friend Jaden, I hit her with my car while I was driving drunk. She’s ok now, but that moment really woke me up. It took her a long time to forgive me. You know who forgave me first?”

“Jesus.”

“That’s right, you already know the answer.”

“Do you want me to share?” Vance asked staring at the ground.

“Only if you want to, man.”

“My person never forgave me. I knocked a guy unconscious on the football field and he went into a coma. That was five years ago now. Just last week, well he died.”

“I’m so sorry,” Pax interjected. He didn’t know what to say and he felt awkward, but he trusted that the Lord had led him to this conversation. They needed to continue. All he had to do was open his mouth to speak. “I don’t know what else to say.”

“I thought I had gotten over it, forgave myself, but when he died, it just drug up the sludge all over again.”

“I bet.”

“Do you really think it’s worth it? Living life with Jesus, with God?”

“Yes,” Pax replied firmly. “I’ll never do it perfectly and neither will you.”

“I ran away from Him, from God after I found out about the death. I even told my friend who’s opposed to Christianity that I thought I was walking away, but I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“Maybe you need some time away from this guy. It sounds like you really need to talk to the Lord, have your brothers in the faith walk alongside you.”

“Is it possible that the reason God pushed us to go to this funeral was so we found each other?”

“It’s not only possible, it’s probable,” Pax patted Vance on the back. “I’ve done my fair share of running away from Him too. He’s waiting for you to turn back to Him.”

“I know…” Vance sighed. “I’m just scared to.”

“Then tell Him that,” Pax gently challenged him. Vance didn’t verbally respond, only nodded.

They walked the rest of the way in silence. Pax felt a weight was lifted from his shoulders. He knew then the conversation wasn’t over, it had only begun.



The funeral began as her mother who carried the urn up to the stream’s edge stepped in the water barefoot. Taking a deep breath she began by welcoming everyone and thanking them for taking the hike in silence to the location.

“Lyra loved Oak Stream. Of all the places we had lived, even in big cities like DC, she loved Oak Stream the most. She stated that people were true and genuine and felt it remarkable how much people loved each other here. One of the things she enjoyed most was hugging others to show how much she cared for them. Please, can we all turn to our neighbors and hug them?”

Kerass looked to his left. Gus was walking up beside him. They immediately embraced. Kerass told him he had missed him.

“I know,” Gus nodded.

There was a tap on his shoulder. Jay stood to his right. Kerass hugged him. They hadn’t done so in over a year. That connection between the two of them hadn’t been lost, only forgotten for a time. He had never felt closer to Jay than in that moment. The moment they broke the hug, Kerass was hugged from behind. Using his periphery vision, he could tell it was Damien. Mr. Baganz gently gripped his shoulder. No, nothing had changed. Knowing then what he had believed to be true a week ago, he confirmed that he hadn’t lost any of his friends. He promised himself in that moment that he would be loyal to them in return, no matter what.

Several more words were said. Kerass couldn’t focus on any of them. He really wanted to be fully present for her funeral, but his mind wandered to the first time they had hiked together…reflecting:

“It’s just 5 more minutes to the top,” Lyra snickered. “Then I promise you can see higher than the water tower.”

“Yeah, well, I think I’m going to pass out,” Kerass panted. He continued pleading with her for a water break.

“All right, but I thought the athlete in you would be able to handle these conditions.”

As Kerass sat down swigging water, wiping the sweat off his brow, he looked over at Lyra. He found her shaved head oddly attractive. He couldn’t take his eyes off of it.

Lyra slapped his arm, “I told you I don’t like you staring at my nonexistent hair like that with your goggling imaginative eyes of what was.”

“I think you’re beautiful,” he slipped out. Internally he was challenging her to look at him, but she avoided eye contact.

“We need to keep pushing if we’re to make it back downhill before nightfall.”

“May I ask you something?” When she didn’t reply, Kerass felt it was ok to ask anyway. “Why did you ask me to go on this hike?”

“Why did you say yes?”

“Because I wanted to spend time with you away from everyone else. You don’t ask questions. You accept where I’m at.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Kerass,” Lyra replied. “I don’t accept where you’re at because I believe you’ll grow, but you need to desire it first.”

“I need you to listen to me. You and Gus are the only two people I trust. Will you help me grow?”

“I can’t do that for you, not right now at least.”

She had helped him grow more in her final day than anyone else had in his entire life. Promising her, hoping wherever she was she could hear him, he committed to grow as she had always hoped for him.

He never knew if she had accomplished her goal. She so desperately wanted to become a legal adult. He hoped she had, but feared she may have passed before then.

“And now for a few words from Kerass Coscarelli.”

Kerass closed his eyes, trying to focus. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and stepped towards the edge of the water.

“I don’t have much to say. Lyra was a great friend. She loved others like I have never seen before, nor do I believe I’ll see that deep of love again. I can only hope to love others a fraction of the way she loved. Her greatest gift to me was teaching me how to love amidst such deep and terrible tragedy. She taught me patience. Her life was short, but she experienced love in return. I know that to be true. She lived,” he whispered the final sentence. Proud that he had never shed a tear, that he held himself together, he walked back over to his friends. Lyra’s mother touched his back comfortingly as he passed by her.

Stepping into the middle of the stream, the water rose to Lyra’s mother’s waist. She clung her daughter’s ashes to her chest.

“Her final wish was to become legal, to become an adult, to turn 18. She died on her 18th birthday. My baby, my little girl is no longer my little girl. She is my beautiful adult.”

Pulling the top off the urn, she tipped it upside down. Lyra’s ashes spread in the wind, every last piece landing in the water, landing in the stream that she loved.



Jay wiped the tears from his eyes. He never understood Lyra when she was alive, but every journal entry since her passing had been focused solely on her. Looking over at Kerass, he knew he should stand beside him even now, walk alongside him as they hiked back towards the nature trail, back into town. People were now talking the whole way down. He knew he should be with Kerass, but all he wanted was to be comforted himself.

Glancing at Damien, he knew they could have a good life together, but they had gone through all of that before and it was possible that Damien couldn’t satisfy him sexually. Behind him was Gil. With Gil he believed he would be satisfied sexually, but the romantic spark didn’t exist, but was that fully necessary in a gay relationship? Sexual attraction certainly was, but romantic, he wasn’t so sure. Lyra’s death put everything in perspective. He needed to ensure he wouldn’t let life pass him by. He couldn’t choose, but he knew he had to.



The parking lot was full. Kerass was overwhelmed by the amount of people who had shown up to Lyra’s funeral. Her mother stood beside him. She embraced him. “Thank you,” she whispered in his ear. “Your words were beautiful.”

Assuring her it was nothing he thanked her. “It was an amazing ceremony. I know Lyra would’ve loved it.”

“I know that too,” she replied gripping his hand, gently squeezing it. “I have something for you in the car.”

Walking over with her, he couldn’t think of anything he’d want to take away from her mother. He would always have his memories. He didn’t need any material things to honor her.

Smiling whilst her eyes brimmed with tears, she handed over Lyra’s Bible to him. “I know she wanted to give it to you.”

Kerass’s hands shook as he timidly took the Bible from her. “I promise you that I will read this, just like she asked me too.”

“Open the cover. She left a note for you,” Lyra’s mother encouraged. She didn’t stay for him to read it. Hugging him one last time, she walked away from him and sat inside her car.

Kerass opened the cover. Lyra’s note was very short. It read:

Kerass,

If you are reading this, then I have passed, but trust me I am finally experiencing true joy. I’ve highlighted my favorite passages in here. I hope they speak to you the same way they spoke to me. May the Lord comfort you now. If I haven’t said it yet, believe me now: I love you.

Lyra

Unable to hold it in anymore, Kerass burst into tears, weeping, gasping for breath. He was so thankful that he had experienced her love even if it was only for a short time. Every second was worth it.



Julia knocked on Kerass’s door. He was staying at Lyra’s house for the funeral. It was so hard to be here. Everyone had comforted Kerass, but not a single person had comforted her who had sat beside her for a year, watching her deteriorate in front of her eyes. She understood it, but she wasn’t happy about it. She felt like everything she had done was unappreciated, worthless, but she reminded herself that Lyra had appreciated it.

Kerass opened the door. His eyes were welling with tears. He welcomed her inside.

“I was just going to say goodbye to Lyra’s mother.”

“She’s not in right now. I think she’s spending the night in a hotel, but you can make yourself at home anyway.”

“I don’t think that’d be a good idea. See I’m having a going away gathering tomorrow night and I just wanted to tell her goodbye before I left town.”

“You’re leaving?” Kerass asked, his voice laden with disappointment. “Why?”

“I think you know. Too many memories.”

“Good memories.”

“The best,” she agreed with him.

“Avoiding it’s not going to help.”

“I know, but it’s just too overwhelming right now.”

“Then let me help you,” Kerass offered through his tears.

Julia looked deep into his eyes. He meant what he said, she was certain of that.

He sighed. “I feel like you’re the only one who truly gets it. I need you, Julia. I understand why you’re doing it, but I wish you didn’t have to. I’m gonna miss you.”

Locking eyes with him again, she couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth, “Ask me to stay.”