Fallen Leaves - Chapter 17: Little White Lies

Jay walked into Dianne Lesley’s office taking a deep breath before he sat down. She looked at him. It almost seemed like she recognized him before she asked him if she knew him.

“No,” Jay replied. Everything inside of him was screaming to say something, but his mouth wouldn’t open.

“Are you a freshman or a transfer student?” Dianne asked.

“No, I-” he paused recognizing that this was a mistake. “I don’t know why I’m here. Sorry to have bothered you.”

His hand was on the doorknob to leave before he turned around and said, “Listen, I know I’m not one of your students, but I’ve heard you were way cool,” he said. He continued asking her if she would be willing to see the marching band’s final performance.

“Sure, I’d love to!” she exclaimed with more enthusiasm than Jay had anticipated.

“Great…I guess,” he paused not sure of the right thing to say in response, “I’ll just see you there then.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she said. She confirmed she’d definitely watch the performance but she might not actually see him in person.

“Cool,” Jay said. He couldn’t help but smile. She was more gorgeous than he had ever imagined her to be.

“Don’t you have class to head off to?”

Jay nodded and immediately ran out the door. The first encounter was immensely awkward, which was disappointing. He didn’t know what to expect and he couldn’t bring himself to flat out tell her he was her son, but he had put himself on her radar at the very least. As far as first encounters go, he counted that one as extremely successful.



The bus was 10 minutes late the following morning which completely drove Kerass up the wall. When the doors opened this time he chose to walk on first thing. He didn’t want to wait to get on the bus and once again he went to the back, but this time Gus wasn’t sitting there. In fact Gus wasn’t on the bus at all. Kerass didn’t know what to think or why he even cared whether Gus was at school or not. He found himself jumping to the conclusion that Gus was ditching school for the day. It was all just whatever though. He might actually get some sleep this morning.

The bus pulled into the next stop. Cadence walked onto the bus looking down at her feet avoiding eye contact. Kerass held his breath. She was stunningly beautiful. He had forgotten that. Her lack of confidence made her all the more enticing and he wasn’t sure why. The sun reflected off of her shoulder length hair which swished side to side as she sat at the front of the bus. He couldn’t believe it, but he felt like he was falling in love with Cadence all over again. He instantly flashed back to the time when he first sat next to her on the bus and told her that he could save the peer support group. Her heart for helping others was always commendable, but he started to realize that it wasn’t only to help others…it was to help herself. Kerass’ heart broke. He had pushed her away when she had needed him most and he had ignored her for the bulk of the school year too. He had to say something, but not only could he not speak, his feet wouldn’t move. It was like they were cemented to the floor of the bus. A single tear fell down her face. The only thing he wanted to do was to wipe that tear off of her face and kiss her.

The bus came to a stop but the doors didn’t open. They weren’t even at the next stop. The bus driver said over the intercom that the bus had broken down and that another bus was coming to pick them all up. Everyone on the bus groaned in unison before the whole bus alit with excitement about whether they might be excused from their first period.

Kerass was up and walking and before he knew it he was standing next to Cadence’s seat looking down at her. She looked up at him not fully giving eye contact. He asked her if she minded if he sat there. “I’d love someone to chat with while we wait for the other bus.”

“Not at all,” Cadence said moving her backpack off the seat and setting it underneath her feet.

“So,” Kerass said letting out a heavy breath.

“So,” Cadence nodded in agreement.

She seemed like she was off in her own little world. It seemed like she was intentionally ignoring him. All that passive aggressive bull.

“A bus doesn’t break down every day, huh?” he said knowing he was stretching for a conversation starter.

“Actually a bus does break down every day. Multiple buses break down daily considering how many buses there are in the world.”

That conversation ended before it even started. Kerass began to regret sitting down next to Cadence. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn’t let them out no matter how hard he tried.

“Why are you here, Kerass?”

The question took him off guard. Not knowing what else to say the truth came out much faster than he had anticipated. “I still have feelings for you Cadence.”

She locked eyes with him. She had control now and he knew it. She said nothing in reply. She simply looked out the window.



The drive to the competition that weekend was a lot longer than Damien had anticipated. It took a total of an hour and a half to reach Jay’s marching band competition. The whole way there the only thing he could think of was this was the last time he would readily be able to watch Jay perform. He was graduating this year and that meant that this would be the end of the road for the two of them. Damien didn’t really believe in long distance relationships, but who was he kidding…he was completely in love with Jay. He had to make it work. He just had to.

Sitting in the car before he decided to walk towards the football stadium, Damien began to think over the past year. His life had changed and he honestly thought it was for the better. The more he thought about it though he wasn’t fully convinced that that was true. His parents were never really ok with him being in a gay relationship. Tensions ran so high that eventually they stopped talking and avoided the subject altogether. He became the roommate who was never home. His parents were completely full of it though. This was natural. It had to be. It didn’t make any sense for it not to be. He started to think through his relationship with God. Instantly his heart sank. What relationship with God? He hadn’t picked up his Bible all year, he hadn’t gone to a single church service, and since he started dating Jay he couldn’t remember a single time that he prayed or even talked to God. In fact, he couldn’t remember that ever happening even before Jay. He wasn’t sure what he believed anymore. Damien championed himself a ‘gay Christian.’ It didn’t bother him that Jay was agnostic. He began to wonder if he was living a big lie. Not the homosexual tendencies thing, that he believed to be completely true. He just wasn’t sure if he believed in God anymore. He asked himself if he would honestly live his life any differently if he didn’t believe in God and the answer was no. He loved Jay and he couldn’t imagine his life without him, but he could easily imagine living life without God…if he even existed.

Damien stepped out of the car and headed toward the stands. To his surprise he saw Kerass there. He went over and sat down next to him. “You hear to support Jay?”

“Yeah,” Kerass said. He explained he wouldn’t be here otherwise. “I don’t really get the whole marching band thing.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean…” Damien said trailing off at the end.

It was a little bit uncomfortable sitting next to Kerass. Last year his sole intention was to get Cadence back. His intentions had obviously changed this year. Still neither of them ended up dating Cadence. The competition still oddly lingered which was immensely surprising. He shouldn’t care. He played for an entirely different team, but he couldn’t help but dwell on the fact that he lost. It was an issue of pride. He felt he was definitely more attractive, had the bigger muscles and would beat him at sports…but did that honestly lead up to anything? They weren’t after the same person anymore, so it shouldn’t matter, but Damien couldn’t deny the fact that it did.

“How’s Jay handling things with his dad?” Kerass asked.

“What do you mean?” Damien asked, but before Kerass could answer Oak Stream’s marching band marched onto the football field.

It was then that the Oak Stream marching band’s performance started. Jay was more than easy to spot out being the only guy on the field in a leotard. Plus all the other guys were wearing hats unless they were in the pit. Damien concentrated solely on Jay this time when he watched the show. Jay was actually quite good. He wasn’t the best color guard on the field, but he was the farthest thing from the worst. The dance moves without the flags were what amazed Damien the most sitting and watching the final show.

During the ballad in the middle of the show Jay had nothing to do. He went off to the side. Damien looked over at Jay. They locked eyes. Jay’s eyes widened with delight when he saw that Damien and Kerass were there. Jay didn’t wave at them though, which bugged Damien, but that was probably the professional thing to do.

The final piece was visually striking. Kerass’ mouth was open in shock, which made Damien smirk. Damien checked out of the final piece waiting for it to be over. When the band marched off the field Damien saw Jay as he instantly ran up the stands. Jay hugged him first and then hugged Kerass. Damien hated that Jay hugged Kerass but there was nothing he could really do about that unless he wanted to control their friendship. Damien knew it wasn’t any of his business so he simply let it go.

“OMG! We have to take a selfie!” Jay exclaimed.

They took the picture before Jay ran off back to the band. Jay asked Damien to hold his phone for him. “I love you both! Bye!” Jay said leaving.

Damien looked at the picture on Jay's cell phone. He intended to swipe it closed but instead swiped it to the previous picture. It was of Kerass in a speedo. He swiped again and saw the same exact photo. He swiped again and again counting the photo up to 5 times before he shut off the phone in a quiet rage. Damien got up and walked down the stadium without even saying goodbye to Kerass. He didn’t know what to think, but it definitely didn’t look good. He didn’t care if he embarrassed Jay. He was going straight toward the band to call him out. His fears around Kerass had been answered. He started to add up all the little white lies Jay had told him over the school year. He was convinced that Jay was cheating on him with Kerass.

Fallen Leaves - Chapter 16: Does He Know?

Kerass hadn’t gotten used to taking the bus since the end of freshmen year. Julia had always driven him and even recently when she hadn’t driven him every day his father drove him. Being completely honest with himself, he knew he didn’t want to spend that much time with his father one-on-one, so there he was yet again waiting at the bus stop.

The bus seemed to take forever to get there. It was a solid five minutes before he saw the bus drive around the corner down the street. It had been a harsh wake-up call. Having to ride the bus caused him to wake up an hour before he normally woke up. He looked around at the people waiting at the bus stop. All the freshmen seemed so young. He felt so old having to wait at the bus stop. The looks he received from the others weren’t very comforting either. The more he thought about it though they probably weren’t giving him looks. It was all simply in his head.

The bus came to a stop and the doors opened. Kerass was the last person to board the bus. He walked straight towards the back of the bus, his usual spot where he would sleep on his way in freshmen year. To his utter astonishment the seat was already taken! He felt ownership over that seat. How dare anyone take my seat! he thought to himself.

He recognized the guy who was sitting in the back, but he couldn’t remember why. Then it hit him, Gus, the one with the locker next to his, was sitting there. “Do you mind if I sit next to you?” Kerass asked.

“No,” Gus replied. “Not at all.”

Kerass sat down. The silence bugged him. In the car rides, he either talked the whole way with Julia or blasted the radio with his father. The radio wasn’t playing on the bus and everyone else was sleeping besides him and Gus. Breaking the silence Kerass said, “So, you in any extra curricular activities?”

Gus shook his head. Kerass then asked him why not. Gus replied, “I already spend too much time in the school building as it is. I’m not wasting any time outside of school hours on high school.”

Kerass was bewildered. He wasn’t the biggest fan of high school either, but extra curriculars was the one saving grace of high school. “What do you do with your time, then?”

“I run a lot,” Gus said nonchalantly, “and I work at the comic book store down on Main Street.”

“Aren’t comic book stores going out of business?” Kerass asked bewildered.

Gus laughed and shook his head. “Not in a small town man. It’s different back where I’m from, but here…” he paused looking out the window. “It’s a lot different from where I came from.”

“Where did you come from?” Kerass asked. “Just curious.”

“I don’t know. That’s what I’m here to find out.”

Kerass didn’t know what to do with that. It seemed like he just wanted to avoid the subject all together, which definitely increased his own curiosity in the subject, but he also knew it was better to butt out and change the subject. It also seemed like a total cop out. Not wanting to dwell on it any longer, Kerass said, “You run, yeah?”

“Yeah, I just told you I did.”

Kerass beamed. He was the fastest runner in the school. This would be an excellent opportunity to gloat. “What’s your average time for a mile?”

Gus raised his eyebrows. “I average a 4:10 mile.”

Kerass’ smile vanished. Kerass’ best was a 4:15 and his average was 4:30. “You’re not gonna like try out for football next year are you?” Kerass asked trying to protect himself, his spot, and his legacy.

“Why do you care?”

“I-” Kerass paused. He was speechless. He shouldn’t care and he recognized that, but he did care. He wanted to be the best at something and this was the only thing he could take pride in at that moment. “I just wanted to know, you know for team dynamic next year.”

“That’s total bull and you know it, but I’ll give you a slide,” Gus added smirking. “You don’t have to worry about anything. I don’t have time for sports anyways.”

With that said, the conversation ended abruptly. Kerass was mad the rest of the morning thinking about how he was no longer good at anything. He no longer had Julia, Cadence walked out of the picture a while ago, he hadn’t talked to Jay in ages, and on top of it all his grades were slipping. The only thing he held onto was the fact that he was good at sports, the best and even that wasn’t true anymore. He felt his entire identity was crumbling in front of him.



Cadence walked down the hallway to her locker avoiding eye contact with everyone that she walked past. The only person that would give her the time of day was Gus and he was annoying and secretive. There was Julia though, but they hadn’t spoken in a month. She opened up her locker grabbing her first period textbook. Whatever, she thought to herself. I can handle myself. I don’t need anybody else.

Julia walked straight over to her. Cadence couldn’t help but smile. Perhaps Julia had missed her too. Cadence desperately missed people, but she lied to herself constantly about it. She was convinced the more she said it the more it would become a reality. She didn’t want to be dependent on anybody.

“Julia!” Cadence exclaimed. She continued saying it had been a long time and asked her what had been happening.

“Cut the pleasantries, Cadence,” Julia said deadpan.

Cadence was afraid to ask what was wrong, but whatever it was she immediately started blaming herself.

“I need you to tell me something and don’t,” Julia paused and then proceeded giving emphasis to each word, “you dare lie to me.”

Cadence had no idea what Julia was referring to, so she remained silent locking eyes with Julia challenging her to go on.

“Are you still in love with Kerass?” Julia said her voice cracking while tears slowly fell down her face.

The question took Cadence completely off guard. While that had been her initial intention at the beginning of the year, she had quickly dropped it and hadn’t given it a second thought.

“Did you steal him away from me?” Julia demanded pushing Cadence.

“I,” Cadence paused. “I didn’t even know you two were split up!”

Julia glared at Cadence. “You never said no,” and with that Julia walked away. Cadence screamed out after her, but Julia kept walking. Cadence was so deeply confused she wasn’t even sure what had happened, but whatever it was it seemed pretty final. She wasn’t in love with Kerass anymore. At least…she didn’t think she was.

Gus walked over to her and said, “I thought it over and the answer’s no. I can’t tutor you.”

“Whatever,” Cadence said under her breath. She slammed her locker shut and walked away from Gus without another word.



Jay took a deep breath. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He walked over to Kerass who stood by his locker. Saying hi beforehand, Jay asked him how he had been. Kerass was so taken aback that Jay was talking to him that it took him a solid 5 seconds before answering.

“Things have been a little rough recently,” Kerass began. He then spilled on how he had broken up with Julia. “It’s just a really weird time for me right now.”

Jay choked up. He knew nothing about Kerass’ life this year and in a way it was entirely his fault. He had dedicated all of his attention to Damien and while that had been good for him, he had let his friendship with Kerass vanish. He would do anything to rebuild it now, but it took a while to rebuild anything of value.

“Why are you here, Jay?” Kerass asked straightforward. “I mean, we haven’t really talked since the beginning of summer and that was several months ago.”

“I guess I just missed us is all,” Jay said. He went on saying he missed the way they used to be, how they knew each other so well. “I mean, what happened to us?”

“I don’t really know,” Kerass said adding that it might simply be high school life. “You know these walls are so huge. So many people come in and out each and every day, so it’s hard to maintain any friendship, let alone what ours used to be.”

Jay bit his tongue. He didn’t want to ask the next question on his mind, but he knew had to. He had to know if that was what kept Kerass away from him all this time. “Does the distance between us have anything to do with me and Damien dating?”

Kerass laughed. “No. I mean, it’s a little weird to me and I still don’t agree with that, but no, that’s not the reason why.” He said further that there wasn’t really any one reason. “We just grew apart this year. Nothing against you, it just happened.”

Jay took deeper breaths. It was hard for him to hear this. Kerass used to be the center of his world and while Damien was that now, he didn’t want to lose Kerass. “Is there anything I can do to rectify this?”

Jay waited on Kerass’ response for what seemed like infinity before Kerass said that he wasn’t sure. Jay’s heartbeat rose. The sound echoed in his head and he felt like his head was about to explode.

“I found out I’m adopted,” Jay blurted out. He was astonished by what he had just done and he wished he could take it all back. Kerass had been the first person he told, he hadn’t even told Damien that and he knew that if Damien ever found out he’d be in trouble.

“You what?” Kerass asked stunned.

“My dad told me 2 months ago,” Jay whispered and added for him not to tell anyone.

Kerass promised he wouldn’t. “Why did you tell me?”

“I still trust you,” Jay said.

“Well, thanks,” Kerass said. “Does he know? Damien?”

Jay shook his head.

“All right then,” Kerass said and then told Jay that he’d see him around before walking away.

Jay didn’t know what to think of the conversation, but it was a start in the right direction he hoped. He walked down the stairs to the main office telling the receptionist he was here to see his guidance counselor. She simply nodded at him as he walked into the guidance counselor’s hallway.

Every step seemed uncertain. It almost felt as if the floor would open up and swallow him whole. He knew he was playing with fire by even talking to her, but his curiosity overwhelmed him. He knocked on her door.

“Come in!”

Fallen Leaves - Chapter 15: You & I

Julia walked down the stairs toward the front door. She wanted to get to school as quickly as possible. She was worried about Kerass. Legitimately concerned with his well being she thought she could help him escape, distract him from his problems.

If only Kerass would say yes to dinner with my parents...she thought. She knew they would be thrilled with him. Sure Kerass was deeply broken right now, but she was fully convinced that her parents would help him to relax. She trusted her parents completely. It seemed implausible that he didn’t trust his father, although Kerass was never one to lie. He was the most truthful person she knew.

She didn’t know how, but she was determined to get him to have dinner with them even if she had to trick him into it. She walked to the kitchen beaming. She grabbed an apple and took a bite.

“Hey, what are you all excited about?” her father asked.

“Kerass said he would have dinner with us tonight,” she said raising her eyebrows.

“Now how about that!” Her father continued asking what caused him to turn around.

“You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you,” Julia said with a snicker.

She walked out the door convinced that she had won. She had made a promise to her parents and she never broke her promises.



Jay closed his locker and jumped back in shock. Damien was standing right next to Jay’s locker as usual. Damien’s face dropped.

“You look surprised,” Damien said. He continued saying that he always stood by Jay’s locker first thing in the morning. “What made you jump?”

“I guess I’ve got a lot on my mind,” Jay said. Biting his tongue he avoided eye contact hoping Damien would catch on that he didn’t want to talk.

Damien put his hand on Jay’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jay sighed. He wanted to avoid the subject at all costs. He still hadn’t told Damien that he was adopted. “I just don’t know if I can…”

Damien locked eyes with him. “Please.”

“I’m-” Jay paused. He couldn’t bring himself to flat out say it. “It’s just,” he froze mid-sentence. “It’s just problems with my dad.”

Damien sighed with contentment. “Nothing major then, huh?”

Jay shook his head.

Damien continued to say that that was good saying he was happy it wasn’t too big and that he was sure he and his father would work it out.

“Yeah, sure.”

“I’ve got big news for you,” Damien said barely able to contain his excitement. Jay just stared at him. “Ok, I’ll tell you. I just completed all my college applications yesterday night!”

Jay smiled relieved to be distracted from the drama back at home. He told Damien that that was wonderful. “Which schools did you apply to?”

“Evergreen Forest University, Oak Stream Community College, and Dowden Terrace College.”

“Sweet, congrats!” Jay continued saying he hoped Damien would get in to all of them.

Damien said he was hoping to only get into one. “I don’t like lots of choices.”

The warning bell rang. Damien groaned frustrated. He kissed Jay on the cheek telling him he’d see him after school.

Once Damien was around the corner Jay walked straight to one of the computer labs. He didn’t care if it took multiple days. He was going to find out who his birth mother was.



Cadence walked into the pre-IB English class a minute before the final bell rang. Gus was already seated in the assigned seat next to hers. She didn’t know what to do with him. He never shared his opinion in class, he never helped her when they had a question during group work, but for unexplainable reasons he always got A’s on his essays. It aggravated Cadence to no end who couldn’t get anything higher than a B. Essays just seemed to come so naturally to him whereas Cadence worked her ass off and couldn’t even get an A. She sat down next to him. The teacher came up to the room announcing they would have a group work day. They were to discuss the book with their partners. Cadence couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

“You don’t have to give me no attitude,” Gus said accusingly.

“I wasn’t giving you attitude,” Cadence lied.

“Don’t lie to me,” Gus said. His eyes pierced her in a way that only one other had done before. Gus was surprisingly like Kerass, but whereas Kerass ran away from problems, Gus seemed to straight up address them.

“How do you do it?” Cadence asked.

“Uh, I think you should ask your parents about that one.”

“Ew! Not that! That’s disgusting!” Cadence said giving a shudder. “I mean how do you get A’s on the essays?”

“It’s quite simple really.”

“Stop with the bull! It comes so easy for you,” Cadence said shaking her head. “Stop rubbing it in my face.”

“Here let me see your last essay. I’ll try to see if I can help.”

“You never helped before,” Cadence spat at him.

“Well, you never really asked, now did you?”

Cadence glared at him but handed the essay over to him in spite of herself. Gus showed no emotions reading through the essay and it just killed her waiting for feedback.

“I think I can see what the problem is,” Gus said.

“What?”

“This is way too straightforward. You’re just summarizing what happened. The points you’re trying to make are way too vague and the summary takes up way too much space.”

“I don’t know how to avoid that!” Cadence shouted louder than she had intended to. Embarrassed she lowered her voice and said, “This is so hard!”

“Do you dream?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Cadence asked incredulously.

“Just answer the question.”

“Yes, of course.”

“And when you dream,” Gus paused milking the moment, “do you dream in color?”

“Of course, doesn’t everybody?”

“Don’t dream in color. Dream in black and white. That way your dreams, or in this case the points you’re trying to make, will be that much more attainable, that much more defined.”

Cadence shook her head. “You’re so full of it.”

Gus laughed making Cadence more uncomfortable than ever. “Whatever, it works for me.”

A minute passed in silence. Cadence didn’t even look over at him while she waited for him to say something else. Frustrated to the point that she felt she would burst, she said, “Can’t you be any more specific than dream in black and white?” She continued saying how much he sucked for not being willing to help her out.

“You’re not very nice, are you?”

Cadence was taken aback. How dare he accuse her of not being nice! He barely knew her. The more she thought about it though, she recognized that the fact that she was upset by the accusation meant that she thought there was some truth to it. “Yeah, well, nice friends are fake friends.”

“That’s one way to look at it.”

Cadence sighed. Gus was right. She had been a total bitch to him this entire time. While he was closed off and distant, she hadn’t really taken the hint to butt out, or even attempted to start any sort of friendship with him. She didn’t know anything about him. Her heart sank. “I’m sorry,” she said genuinely. “I’m just…stressed is all.”

“Don’t worry about me,” he said smiling at her. “I’m not one to hold grudges.”

“Listen,” she began. She asked him if he would be willing to tutor her. “I mean, it’s obvious that I’m missing something. So what do you say? You and I?”

Gus took a deep breath. “Let me think about it.”



The bell rang signifying the start of lunch. Kerass leapt out of his seat beyond thrilled to be out of fifth period Algebra II. Math was his worst subject and it showed. He was barely pulling a C average. He was on the verge of being cut from the team. He was one percentage point away from a D. Even though his C had remained stagnant, he still was nervous every time he stepped into the classroom. He just didn’t get the material no matter how hard he tried to comprehend it.

Julia rushed to his side right on schedule. She gripped his arm so tightly he was afraid it would bruise. She had the biggest smile on her face.

“You seem extra peppy this afternoon,” he commented. He continued asking her what was the occasion that brought the happiness on.

She bit her lip before she said, “I’ve got a surprise for you…”

Kerass didn’t like the sound of that. Whenever Julia attempted to please him beyond making out it was a total bust. Unless it was an impromptu make-out session, he didn’t think he wanted to hear about it. He had too much on his mind, especially considering how his grades were slipping and not just in math. Every subject he had a letter grade below what his average was for freshmen year. Sophomore year was kicking his butt. The initial excitement of high school quickly faded once he realized it was just school.

Julia cleared her throat. “Are you even listening to me?” she asked.

“Yes, of course I am,” he lied. He hated lying, but lying to protect his girlfriend always beat telling the truth.

“So what’s your answer?”

Kerass stammered before asking her what her question was. She groaned frustrated, he could tell that making out was no longer a legitimate option.

“I promised my parents that we would have dinner tonight,” she said with glee. “I knew it would cheer you up.”

Kerass felt like his eyes lit with fire and his ears began fuming at the proposition. She had gone behind his back and made a promise that he bluntly said no to. He no longer cared how good the kissing was. She had manipulated him and that was disgusting.

“We’re done,” he said under his breath.

“What?” Julia asked her voice barely audible.

“You lied to me. That’s just unforgiveable…” he said trailing off. He murmured his final words, “I’m breaking up with you.”



Jay knew he was going to get into severe trouble with his dad for skipping classes, but he felt his quest to find out something about his birth mother was a worthy cause. He had found out a lot in the few hours he had searched. Her name was Dianne Lesley. She had him at the age of 16 and put him up for adoption. She had then married and relocated. Her new last name was Todd. Jay was amazed at how much information he had found out about her and how easily he found it. She was still alive. He would do anything in his power to meet her. The final line of text he read put him in a state of shock. Dianne Todd was working at Oak Stream High as a guidance counselor.

Fallen Leaves - Chapter 14: Over Again

The kiss lasted longer than Cadence had anticipated. Kissing Damien felt good, safe. There was something so instantly familiar about it that it was hard to let go. Perhaps that was the thing she had been missing all along. Damien did seem to be head over heels in love with her. He changed schools for her. Maybe this wouldn’t have to be faked…maybe she could find herself falling in love again with Damien. It was in that moment that Damien shoved her away.

“Hey! What was that for?” Damien shouted at her.

Cadence stared dumbfounded at him. His eyes were empty. She had been wrong yet again. She was speechless.

“Huh?” Damien said adding that the kiss was completely uncalled for. “I’m waiting for an answer Cadence.”

“I…I just thought,” Cadence paused looking for a way out. “You said you would wait for me, that I had options.”

Damien rolled his eyes. “That was last year. I was an immature junior.”

“But you seemed so sincere-”

“I’m dating someone right now,” Damien said cutting Cadence off.

Jay walked over beaming at Damien. “I’ve got the most awesome news to share with you!”

Cadence looked at the two of them. She saw the way Damien’s eyes lit up when Jay walked over to them. She could read between the lines. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had come out,” she said.

Damien looked at her his eyes widening. “Keep your voice down. No one in school knows about us, ok?”

Cadence responded that it was obvious. “I mean, it’s not like it’s something you two can hide. It’s just a cry of attention from you Damien, it’s not like you actually mean it.”

Damien’s eyes filled with hatred toward her. “Leave me and my boyfriend alone and don’t you ever talk to me again.”

“Whatever,” Cadence said walking away. Her reaction to the situation surprised herself. When Jay had come out to her, all she could do was be supportive and happy for him, but when Damien came out…she couldn’t even look at him he disgusted her so. Gus walked back up beside her. “Well, that was awkward,” he said suppressing a laugh. She stared at him unbelieving. It was his idea. He had done this.

“Go ahead and laugh all you want, but you ruined this for me. Leave me the hell alone,” Cadence whispered tears on the brink of falling down her face. She had nothing left, not even her dignity.



Kerass sat in the passengers seat in silence. He had been like this for a month. He had bottled up all of his emotions. He finally realized in this time of crisis that Julia wasn’t someone that he really trusted. He just wanted to make out with her. He was utterly convinced that Cadence was an emotional manipulator, but he couldn’t stop thinking about her. There was a more emotional connection with Cadence that made her all the more appealing, however, Julia had always been honest with him. If he was 100% truthful, Julia was hotter than Cadence too, which was an obvious plus. However, he just couldn’t get himself to share what was going on with her.

“Take all the time you need,” Julia said kissing him goodbye.

Kerass got out of the car standing in the parking lot of the hospital. He knew the only person who could truly hear him in this time of crisis was his mother.



Jay spent the entire morning in the band room practicing the color guard routine. In the month since he had inadvertently caused his boyfriend Damien to come out he had poured all his spare time into the marching band drill. He was quite good now and they were gearing up for their state performance. Marching bands were graded individually. There was no clear state winner. They were graded on a 4-point scale, 4 being fair, 3 being good, 2 being excellent, and 1 being superior. Only the top bands got a superior and Oak Stream was nowhere near a top band. They’d be lucky to get a 3. However, it was a great distraction from the wreck at home with his adopted father who he avoided constantly.

In the times since Cadence kissed Damien, Jay had tried to convince Damien to let it go and forgive her, but he stood his ground calling her manipulative and ultimately asked Jay to choose between himself and Cadence. Obviously Jay went with his boyfriend.

Jay hadn’t talked to Kerass all that much either. It was funny since he had a boyfriend he felt like he had never been happier, but he also felt more isolated than he had ever felt in his life. He wasn’t entirely sure what that said about him as a friend or a person, but once in Damien’s presence he didn’t really care.

Damien walked into the room immediately hugging Jay. Jay felt comfortable but only to a certain extent. He didn’t feel like he could spend forever here, but it was a good enough alternative.

Mr. Martin came out beaming asking Damien how he was doing.

“Doing well, Mr. Martin. Hey, thanks again for letting Jay in so late, it means the world to him,” Damien said ignoring the fact that Jay was standing right beside him. Jay gave him a look and then Damien said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to speak for you.”

Mr. Martin told them it was fine and that they brought a lot of joy to his life. “You two are my favorite couple in this school. I just think what you’re doing is so brave, so keep at it!”

Jay saw Damien’s face brighten up. Jay smiled to make Mr. Martin feel good, but he felt uncomfortable with what had been said. Jay didn’t want to stand out in this way. It felt weird, strange. He didn’t think of himself as brave and he got sick and tired of everyone telling him how brave he truly was. They were all so full of it. He didn’t want all this attention. He simply wanted to be in a normal relationship, but in high school that was impossible. They stood out like a sore thumb. Damien was a great protector. Strong and unmoving in his beliefs, but he wasn’t the best at reading what Jay wanted. Sometimes Jay just wanted some personal time just the two of them. It seemed like Damien was parading them down the school. He loved Damien he convinced himself, but he couldn’t escape the feeling of being used. Jay was beginning to regret having ever come out of the closet.



Kerass sat by her bedside taking her hand. The systematic breathing was devastating to him. He didn’t even know if he wanted to verbalize his pain this time. He was starting to give up hope. He didn’t even know if he believed she would ever wake up. He remained stagnant, just sat there contemplating what he should do. The only thing that came to mind was to use this time to internally process. He felt comfortable holding her hand and so there he remained.

It had sucked to find out circumstantially that Jay was in a relationship. He thought they were close enough that Jay would tell him instantly, but maybe he was just holding onto an idea of a friendship, a friendship that predated, but didn’t survive, high school. He was extremely uncomfortable with him dating his ex’s ex too. That was just plain weird and disgusting. He was uncomfortable overall with the idea of Jay dating another man, but he didn’t really know what to say. The only thing he could do was to be honest about how he felt. That wouldn’t go over well with Jay and especially Damien. That would be a nightmare.

The whole situation with Julia and Cadence was a nightmare too. He couldn’t believe he had gotten himself into so much drama again this year and he felt like he had done nothing wrong. He liked Julia, of that he was certain. She made him feel comfortable and loved. The fact that she was a great kisser obviously helped too. But she didn’t pry. She just let him be. Cadence on the other hand was overtly clingy, self-centered and emotionally distant. With all that out in the open though, he realized one thing: he liked Julia, but he loved Cadence. But was it really worth it to pursue Cadence with all of that emotional turmoil?

Kerass looked over at his mother breathing. No, it most definitely wasn’t worth it. He had enough turmoil in his life. He would stay with Julia, but then again was it worth it to even be in a relationship at all though?

“Help me,” he finally said out loud. “I’m lost.”



Cadence looked over her dresser. She couldn’t find what she was looking for. In the month since she had kissed Damien she felt empty. She felt nothing. Everything in her was screaming to feel something, but she couldn’t. Her grades had dropped dramatically. The only person who had come over periodically was Gus. It just felt like he would come over to gloat in her face. It probably wasn’t that, but she made herself believe that was what he was doing. Ultimately she would just ignore him, but within a week he was always standing up against her locker. She had no idea who he was and it was a mystery she wanted solved.

All of her relationships seemed to have been shot to hell. She had never felt so alone, so isolated in her life, but she was too passive to do anything about it. She just wanted to start all over again. She wanted help, but she was too afraid to ask for it. Rumors would get started again just like last time. While adults praise seeking help in all actuality seeking help in high school was torturous. Cadence would be bullied constantly and she didn’t think she could handle that. Maybe she could give herself a little help on her own though.

She decided then that she would take one of her mom’s sedatives. Her mom took sedatives daily. They definitely helped her mom’s mood. Cadence had avoided any drug enhancements. She wanted to be in complete control of her emotions, but she wanted to feel something more. One pill wouldn’t hurt anyone. It was just for today anyways. She knew this could make her feel better. It was justified for that reason alone. The only person who could help her now was herself. She had to do this to protect herself.

Tip-toeing down the hall, she walked into her mother’s bedroom. Her mom probably wouldn’t even notice if Cadence took one little pill. Looking over her shoulder she confirmed that her mother was nowhere in sight. She put the pill in her mouth and swallowed it.