Fallen Leaves - Chapter 70: Love You Goodbye

Patting his father on the back, Kerass broke the embrace, and smiled at his father. For the first time in years it felt good to be in such a familiar place. There was no denying that Oak Stream would forever be home and that he would eventually find his way back in his own timing, on his own terms. Now wasn’t the proper time, but he had to let it out. He had to say something.

“Dad, I,” he paused taking a deep breath, “there’s, uh, something, something I need to say to you.”

“Sure,” his dad nodded. He added that they could step into his office so they’d have privacy.

Walking up the stairs, he looked around at paintings of Jesus with thorns on his head, blood dripping down his face. A plaque underneath stated: by His wounds we are healed…

It was certainly interesting and correct theology as far as Kerass could tell, but it wasn’t what he wanted to focus on. He wanted to focus on the resurrected Jesus, not the one who bled and died for him. Why did Jesus have to be in so much pain in these depictions?

Walking down the children’s hallway, he saw depictions of extremely dangerous animals smiling and waving at him: a lion, a hippo, an alligator. It was more than a little bit disturbing.

Finally, when they reached his father’s office at the end of the hallway of dangerous smiling animals, a hallway full of neglecting and disrespecting the powers of God’s creation, they walked into the office and sat down together.

“I know it’s been a while since you’ve been here and I can’t deny that I feel responsible for that, guilty even,” his father admitted. “So, I wanted to give you the opportunity to air any grievances out. You are free to say anything, to be completely uncensored. Just know that I am thrilled that you have come back to the church you grew up in.”

Kerass took a moment to think over everything he wanted to say. He had dreamed of this moment for years, ripping into his father, tearing out his heart the way he had done to him and his mother. Everything he wanted to say coming up, boiling up inside of him. Yet the spirit of God told him to be silent.

Exhaling, he spoke, but was patient to let the words form on his lips, on his tongue, “I can’t tell you what you did was right. I will never agree with the decision you made. But if we’re still to have any sense of a relationship, brotherhood in the faith, if you will, then I’ll have to forgive you. Just because I forgive you doesn’t mean that I understand why you did it, but it’s the only way that I can move forward.”

His father for the first time cried in front of him. A glimpse, that was all he needed to move on after all these years, a glimpse of the compassionate, sensitive man that his mother had fallen in love with. God would move him and continue to grow him. He had no doubt of that.



Jeremy walked down Main Street, having just shaved for the first time in months. His head, no longer a hairy mess, was presentable. He finally felt like he could take some much-needed time to process everything that had happened.

Had he not been kicked out of ROTC, he may never have gotten on the medicine. On the other hand, he may never have gone through the dark, depression valley that he had undergone. He may never have fallen back on cutting himself to feel again.

None of it mattered though. He couldn’t go back and erase his past, as much as he might want to. Truly, his past made him who he was. Yet there was only one person who he regretted let go during his time of depression. The only one who had reached out to him was Kerass. He knew no matter what Kerass would walk alongside him.

The one person he wished he still had in his life was Jaden. Their relationship had been interesting to say the least. They had gotten intimate really quickly and had run into some road blocks when he realized the only reason, she had wanted to date him was to make Pax jealous. Yet there was something he had been missing for a while. Being connected with a sister in the faith, hell even a woman was something that was severely lacking in his life.

When he reached the nature trail, he noticed that Julia was leaving it. He called out to her asking her how she was doing.

“I’m fine,” she said. “Uh, don’t take this the wrong way, but who are you?”

“I’m Jeremy. We both went to Oak Stream High together. We have a mutual friend in Kerass.”

Julia gasped. “Oh, yes! When we’ve talked, albeit briefly, he’s mentioned you before. He’s quite concerned about you. Are you ok?”

“I will be,” he stated. “You know, he was right about you. You’re not afraid to go for the jugular.”

“No. I care too much about people to let them be fake around me.”

“That’s really commendable of you,” he stated. Now, he was torn. Here was an opportunity right in front of him for some female connection. He didn’t even know if Jaden even wanted to still talk to him. He’d never know if he didn’t reach out to her, but could this chance encounter be from the Lord? After all Oak Stream was home and it always would be.

“Nice seeing you, Jeremy,” she said as she walked away.

“Hold up!” he called out after her.

Turning around, she locked eyes with him, putting her hair behind her ears. She looked so innocent.

“Do you want to, I don’t know, uh, go out with me?” he laid the question out.

She stared him down, which deeply intimidated him, but then she smiled and giggled. “Any friend of Kerass is a friend of mine. I’d love to go out with you.”

“Excellent,” he breathed out. Jaden would have to wait. For now, he was more than fine with exploring whatever would happen next.



Jay held Gus, putting his arms around his waist as Gus lay his head on his shoulder. This was beautiful and bliss. It was exactly what intimacy was supposed to be. How could anybody look down on them for expressing their love for each other?

“Did you do it?” Jay asked. He clarified by asking if he ended things with Damien.

“I will,” Gus promised him. “I’m going to talk to him in person, but you know he no longer lives in Oak Stream. He doesn’t come here over the summers like we do. I have to drive up to visit him.”

“I could go with you, if you’d like. I mean, it’s not like once school was out we really stuck to keeping away from each other.”

“No!” Gus screamed out. “This is something I have to do for myself, ok?”

Jay nodded, kissing him on the forehead. They were going to make it. Of all the relationships he’d had, this was the purest. He’d do anything to keep them connected with each other.



“How?” Cadence asked looking the chaplain directly in the eyes. “How does Jesus save people?”

“You’re asking because of the dream you’ve had?”

“It’s less of a dream than a recurring nightmare.”

“Why don’t you describe it to me again?”

“Do we have to rehash it?” she spat out. “It’s a nightmare where I’m stuck behind bars burning in hell. I don’t like to think on it.”

“But you do.”

“Yes!” she screamed out. “Why aren’t you telling me about the answer that Jesus provides? I mean, isn’t that what you get paid to do?”

“To a certain degree. But all in good timing.”

“Would you just tell me the story? Julia would’ve already done that a long time ago by now.”

“Jesus died to cover all your wrongs, your sins against God. Then he rose again from the dead crushing Satan’s plan in the process.”

“I know that part of it, but I can’t stop thinking about how he only had male disciples. Did he hate women or am I thinking wrongly about it?”

The chaplain smiled. “He valued women more than you know. When he had risen from the grave, the first people he showed himself to were women. You have no idea how precious and valuable women are to him.”

Cadence nodded. That was something she had always longed to hear, but had never heard throughout the years of growing up outside of the church. Hell, even good church going people hadn’t been able to provide an answer like that. “Yep, I think I can get on board with that.”

“Do you want to accept Jesus as Lord and savior of your life?”

“No,” she exhaled, “but I’m warming up to it.”



Damien opened the door. Gus stood before him. “Hey,” Damien said. He asked him how he was.

“I’ll be better once this is over,” Gus replied with finality.

“I don’t understand,” Damien said, his voice shaking. “This doesn’t have to end between us. We’re good together, we always have been.”

“No, we weren’t. You manipulated me and forced me into compromising situations that I’m deeply ashamed of. Things that I’ll never be able to take back, but not anymore. It’s over, Damien. I’m with Jay now and you’ll have to accept that even if you don’t respect it.”

“How can you look at me, someone who’s loved and cared for you and tell me you don’t love me anymore.”

“This has nothing to do with love!” Gus chastised me. “It was all about my body. Sex, sex, sex! That’s all you ever cared about with you and me. Jay cares about me in a way that you never did. He asks me how I am and wants to know what I’m thinking. He doesn’t care how quickly or not we have sex. He wants me for me, not for my body, not to just get off.”

“Please,” Damien begged, grabbing his shoulder, but Gus shoved it away. “If you don’t love me anymore, at least let me love you goodbye.”

“Have sex with you?” Gus asked flabbergasted. “You are truly sick, Damien. I can’t believe I ever stayed with you in the first place. Don’t come near me or Jay ever again,” he threatened, storming out the door.

Damien gently shut the door behind him. Nothing mattered anymore. The gift his father had given him for defense may be used for an entirely different purpose. All he had to do was check to see if it was still loaded.



Opening up the letter, Kerass held his breath. It had been Jordan’s first response in months. He didn’t know what to think, but he knew he had to read it. With great anticipation, he began reading:

Dear Kerass,

I am beyond thrilled to hear about how you’ve started praying before the church service! From personal experience, I know that people will not view that as a legitimate service to the church and even the pastor may push you away and tell you you’re wasting his time, but I assure you that angels in heaven are praising God for the service that you’ve done!

Please tell me more about this girl that’s teaching you how to pray. How I wish I could meet her so that we could all pray together. What a joy that would be!

Please update me on Jeremy. I pray for him nightly since you’ve written me. Please tell me if he’s all right, if he’s stopped harming himself.

As for me, rest assured that I have found more community around me. The Lord has been gracious and forever faithful to me. I’ve been transferred over and now all of my fellow soldiers are brothers in Christ. You wouldn’t believe how beautiful it is to have this intense of brotherhood. I’ve only experienced this one other time in my life and that was with you.

I fear for you, Kerass. I fear others don’t love you as intensely, passionately, and intimately, as you love them. Believe me when I tell you that I do, even though we’re many miles apart. I cherish our brotherhood together and I pray earnestly that it’ll never die.

I think you’ve made many beautiful decisions that have helped you grow more like Christ in how you love and pursue the unlovable, the unreached. May you continue to do so always.

I don’t know when I’m coming home, but I pray that I can see you in person again soon. Please don’t let it be months again before I hear from you, even if it takes me months to write you back. You are one of my dearest friends.

Your brother forever,

Jordan

Kerass clutched the letter and held it towards his chest. His heart was pounding fast. After the conversation he had with his father, this was what God had used to assure him he’d made the right decision.

Picking up a pen and paper, he instantly started to write Jordan back.

Dear Jordan,

You won’t believe what I have to update you about this year.



Jay gently knocked on the door. He felt guilty over how harsh he had been towards Damien, even though he was nothing more than a lowly scumbag. He knew he needed to apologize, be the bigger person, or whatever.

He called out his name, but there was no reply. “Damien?” he called out again. “Damien, are you in here?”

Opening the door, he realized it was unlocked. What he saw when he walked in the door, he’d never be able to unsee. Damien held a handgun to his temple. He pulled the trigger. The shot rang out. Jay screamed as a bit of blood hit him.

He rushed over to his side, tears flowing out his eyes. “You can’t do this to me! You can’t leave me by ending your life!” he screamed out. He checked his pulse. He felt the faintest heartbeat. Amazingly enough, Damien must still be alive.

Jay quickly dialed 911. “Please, I need an ambulance quickly. Someone just shot himself.”



End of Year 7

Fallen Leaves - Chapter 69: Night Changes

Walking out of the classroom, having taken his last final of the semester, Kerass uttered a sigh of relief. There was something so calming about finals week. No other week was so relaxed on the schedule. He had done all of the prep work throughout the semester, so now he could just lay back and relax before he took the test. He only had to do finals week two more times before he would officially be done with college.

Truly when he began college, he had no thought that he’d actually make it to his senior year. So much had changed since high school. College shook up a lot of things for him. For one thing, he was no longer a virgin, a fact that he was quite ashamed of after he had come back to faith in God.

It always floored him just how fast the night changes. He felt proud of it at the time, but that was a different Kerass, one who was lost, one who he didn’t want to go back to. Yet he couldn’t help but think on how hopeless he had become. Honestly nothing in life excited him and he knew how fleeting life was.

His mother, who had been taken away from him, how could he ever get to that place of forgiveness to let it go?

“Kerass?” Kathleen asked, lightly touching him on the shoulder.

He really didn’t want to be bothered by Kathleen right now. Sure, she meant well, but he just couldn’t deal with her hopefulness for tomorrow bullshit. He just couldn’t see how anything good would ever come his way again.

“I see it in your eyes,” she sighed, “your pain. Please share what’s going on.”

“Why should I?” he spat back. Continuing he said there was nothing to share.

“You think I actually believe that?” she challenged him. Grabbing his hand, she said, “Listen, I know you, Kerass. I’ve prayed with you on multiple occasions. Don’t pretend like you can hide from me now.”

Exhaling, he contemplated whether it was even worth the energy to fight back on the truth. What he knew he needed to say would cause tears to come from his eyes. “I don’t know if I can say it,” he said his eyes glistening.

“There’s nothing you have to hide from your sister in the faith. There’s no shame in crying,” she assured him.

The tears started to flow out of his eyes as he choked on his breath. “I, uh,” he choked the words out in between sobs.

Kathleen leaned forward and hugged him, grabbing him so hard as the tears flowed from his eyes. He tried so hard to speak, but just couldn’t as more and more tears poured out from him.

When he was finally able to compose himself, he wiped the tears from his eyes, broke away from the hug, and began to speak. “My father invited me to go to church with him.”

“Ok,” Kathleen paused. “I’m not seeing why that’s such a bad thing?”

“That’s the church where my mother’s funeral was. I swore to myself that I would never step inside that church or any other church again as I walked out before the funeral ended.”

“Well, I’m glad that’s changed, otherwise we never would’ve met.”

“I just don’t think I can do it. I can’t go back there. Too many memories with her that were tarnished after what he did. See if I stay away from there, I keep those pure, beautiful memories of her alive as opposed to the coma and the aftermath.”

“Oh, Kerass,” she said caressing his face. “That’s so sweet and gentle of you.”

He nodded. He had been so selfish over the past several years that he hadn’t even focused on her or any memories from prior to the coma. It was in that moment that he realized he had to go back home, to look through old albums of pictures of her, to preserve her memory forever in his mind.

Clearing her throat, Kathleen said, “May I say something that I don’t think you’ll want to hear?”

“Go ahead. Not much more can hurt me now.”

“You need to go. I don’t know why, but I feel strongly that the Lord is urging me to tell you that you have to go to service with your father at his church.”

“Well…” he dragged the word out. Covering his mouth, he shook his head. “I won’t promise you anything.”

“But you’ll keep me informed,” she said locking eyes with him.

“It’s not like I have a choice, do I?”



Jay held his hand out preventing Gus from leaning forward to kiss him.

“Hold your horses, Gus,” Jay sighed. He added that they weren’t supposed to rush into anything.

“I’m not trying to rush anything, but I do want to show affection towards you.”

“Why?” he asked bluntly.

“I, uh, I don’t…I’m not understanding your question.”

“Don’t start anything up with me unless you’ve ended things with Damien first.”

“You know it’s over between him and I. Why do I have to make things definitive for him?”

“Because I refuse to abuse him the way that he abused me. End it or there is no us. I don’t even know what you see in me anyway.”

“Stop beating yourself up, Jay,” Gus said gently, but stern. “You are the most open person I’ve ever met. You don’t judge anyone for who they are. See you…you accept them at face value, no questions asked. If only you saw what I can see you’d know how truly stand up of a guy you truly are.”

“Gil and Francis don’t think so.”

“Oh but they did. That’s why they chose you, isn’t it?”

Jay nodded. The man was scoring major points with him already.

“Now, do I get a kiss for making you feel better?”

“No!” Jay snapped at him. “This isn’t about earning anything. It’s about intimacy and relationship. I want nothing to do with earning kisses or sex or anything like that ever again. I only want things to happen naturally and whatever happens, well just let it happen.”

“Ok, but is it ok if I want to kiss you?”

Jay smiled. “Of course,” he said as he leaned over to him and kissed him on the lips.



Damien opened the door to his apartment, a towel around his waist.

“I’m coming!” he called out as there was a continually pounding on the door. “I just got out of the shower, my god,” he said aside.

Opening the door, he dropped his towel and quickly picked it up out of embarrassment.

“What, uh, what are you doing here?” he asked.

“Hello, Damien. Miss me?” Jay asked raising one eyebrow at him.

“You can’t be here. I’m with Gus now and you know that.”

“I’d beg to differ,” Jay taunted him. “You might as well just drop the towel, it’s not like I haven’t caught you in a compromising situation before.”

“Why are you doing this? What’s the point, Jay, or are you as cruel as they always said you were?”

“Don’t talk to me about cruel you low for nothing cheater,” Jay spat lowering his voice into a deathly growl. “No, what happens to the cheater, hm? Well, naturally he gets cheated on too.”

“Drop the act. I don’t want to sleep with you.”

“I’m not talking about me, you dipshit.”

Damien glared at Jay as he sniggered to himself. Tossing the towel away, he screamed, “All right! Is this what you wanted? To expose me, critique my body or my size. Go right ahead. Nothing you say can hurt me now.”

“This has nothing to do with you,” Gus assured him, adding that he wouldn’t dare critique his physique. “No, not at all. I’m talking about Gus.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Gus doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

“No, that’s not true. He’s innocent. He’s pure!” Damien yelled out.

“Until you got your filthy hands all over him, corrupting him to be the perfect, sex buddy. He’s not your boyfriend. He never was. You manipulated him into what you fantasized about and now you don’t have him and you don’t have someone who, for a time, genuinely did love you. You have nothing. You’re better off to us dead,” Jay said walking out the door.

Damien screamed out in anguish.

“Oh, and do enjoy the rest of your life, if you can,” Jay sneered at him.



Cadence rolled over in bed perspiring all over. She had another nightmare. The same terrifying dream where she rotted not only for the rest of her life on earth in jail, but for eternity in hell behind bars. Every time she tried to break out her hands would be burned to the bone, clinging, trying to break free of the bars of hell. The white-hot iron would glow a bright white blue searing off her flesh as she shrieked out in pain. She would always wake up in a gasp.

“Jael?” she called aloud softly. “Jael?”

All Jael did was turn over. Cadence sighed giving up. She muttered to herself that she didn’t want to disturb her. “I’m just scared, is all.”

She started crying as she silently called out to God. Begging, she asked for some protection against these terrible, undeniably real nightmares she’d been having. Praying earnestly, like Julia had taught her to do, she asked God to please protect her, to direct her, to save her.

“God please,” she pleaded whispering. “Save me. Save me, God.”



Looking at the giant wooden door with the brass handle, Kerass stared at the church. Stained-glass windows above him displayed a beautiful, fully-risen savior ascending to heaven. The words below him sprawled across in a semi-circle: until He returns…

He never really appreciated the sheer majesty and beuty of the church before, but he could now. Every cell in his body feared stepping into that building. If the night changes into day then maybe he could get over his fear of the darkness and stare at the light. There must be light in this church if the building was still standing, right?

Perhaps it wasn’t true. Not every religion could be fully true, right? They all contradicted each other in some form or fashion. Not every Christian church would preach the gospel of Jesus Christ either, but he didn’t want to overthink it right now. He knew he’d made the right decision, now he just had to follow through with it.

Grabbing the brass handle, he opened up the door stepping inside, inhaling. Looking around, the space was empty. He must be early. Perhaps they changed the service times or something. His father dressed in a full suit walked over to him embracing him. Kerass, although he felt weak for doing so, gave in and patted his father on the back.

“Welcome back, my boy.”

Fallen Leaves - Chapter 68: Fool's Gold

As the spring semester was rapidly coming to a close, Kerass walked around campus. It hit him quite hard knowing that his time here at Evergreen Forest University was rapidly coming to a close. Only one final year before he finally had a degree in his hands.

Looking back on it, he knew it had been the right call to allow his father to help pay for these years. There was no way that he would’ve been able to pay for them himself, regardless of how many jobs he would’ve done. To have the freedom to just bask in the beauty of the campus before him was a true gift he hadn’t expected after so much tragedy had fallen on him in the past few years.

Exhaling, he tried to not think about all the stress of finals which were directly around the corner. Spring vacation was fine enough, but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. To forgive his father was the hardest thing he’d ever been asked to do. But he wouldn’t think on it now. It was way too overwhelming. He’d think on it tomorrow.

Erasing it from his mind, he thought on Jeremy. They had continued to hang out, but Jeremy was still too embarrassed to be on medication to go to church with him and Kathleen. There was something so terribly tragic about the American church and where it was at. It was a place that he felt loved and embraced, but it was also obvious it was a place filled with judgment, despair, and abandonment. Upon trying multiple times to speak with the pastor, he had been brushed aside as he was only in college and wasn’t married with children so there was no possible way he could ever comprehend what he was going through. The amount of stress he was under was, at least in his pastor’s mind, so much greater than anything Kerass had gone through. It made him so sick he wanted to leave the church right away, but Kathleen was able to talk him out of it, calm him down enough to think more logically. Since his pastor hadn’t spoken to him, he had no idea just how much stress he had undergone in his life. He couldn’t say that his pastor would shame Jeremy for being on medication, but he also couldn’t say that he’d welcome him in or want him as a part of the church either.

Why did church and God have to be so complicated? He longed for the simplicity of the days when he just wanted to be Cadence’s girlfriend, but that was a long time ago. He didn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with her anymore, but he just missed how simple things were back then.

The heart attack…how could he have forgotten? During his freshmen year of high school, his father, during an intense argument, had a heart attack. He stabilized quickly, but back then it was scary. The threat of losing both of his parents that night was so real that he just panicked. If his father had died from the heart attack that night, his mother may still be alive. It was such an awful and hateful thought, but it was a reality that he had to face. Was it even possible to forgive someone of so heinous an act? Did anyone who committed murder, whether first degree or not, ever deserve forgiveness?

“Hey, stranger,” Kathleen said sitting beside him on the stone bench.

During his walk, he hadn’t even realized that he was drawn towards the alumni gardens. It was one of the few peaceful places on campus. One of the only places he could think, process through whatever was going on in his life.

“Why weren’t you at service this morning?” she asked him.

“I think you know why.”

“Still pissed at our pastor, huh?”

Kerass nodded adding if you could call him that.

“That’s a little harsh, Kerass. Where’s your compassion, your forgiveness?”

“Where’s his?”

“That doesn’t exactly answer my question, now does it?”

Kerass shook his head. He loved talking with Kathleen, but he didn’t want to talk with her right now.

“Wishing for the world to be anything more just, more empathetic than it is, well, it’s nothing more than fool’s gold.”

Kerass closed his eyes. There was no doubt it was true, but he just couldn’t deal with it. Nothing against her, he truly loved being with her, but this was meant to be time alone with his thoughts, just him and God, but was he truly welcoming God into that process?

“Listen, dear friend,” Kathleen began, inhaling, taking a deep breath. “You are one of the most kindhearted, forgiving people I know. Your compassion and empathy aren’t a weakness as you so often see it. It is a gift from above. Never forget that. I know you’re struggling to comprehend forgiving others right now, but I know your heart, or at least I think I know you do. You will forgive them, but your stubbornness and unwillingness to listen to God on this is preventing you from moving forward. You’ve been spinning your tires in the dirt, in the mud for far too long. You don’t exactly need to be friends with them, but forgiving them is a must.”

“Can you not now?” Kerass begged her to stop. Hearing so many nice things about him was embarrassing. It was easy to encourage others, but to receive it from others, well it was so fleeting that he just didn’t believe it. Very few people if any validated him. How was he supposed to believe them now when they just complained about the way that he was? His sensitive soul couldn’t bear to hear it when he knew just around the corner, they’d complain about something else. He wanted to listen to her, he truly did, but he just couldn’t bring himself to listen to it right now. He’d think on it tomorrow. Erasing it from his mind, he asked, “Can we pray now?”

“Ok,” she whispered in reply.

“God,” he began. He prayed over the campus that light would spread like wildfire. Asking that God would open people’s eyes to his wonder, beauty, and amazement, he earnestly prayed that the Lord would take the campus. He prayed for the church and their ministry. He even found it in himself, or was it the spirit, he couldn’t tell, to pray for his pastor. It was effortless. Listening to Kathleen pray had only made him want to pray the way she did. It was easy enough when he lowered his guard down and just spoke what was on his heart out to God. He prayed for everything he could think about except himself.

“Beautiful,” Kathleen commended him. “Only one thing was missing.”

“What’s that?”

“Will you let me pray for you?” she asked.

Scratching behind his right ear, exhaling, he nodded. “Please do.”



Cadence waited to hear back from Julia. She was supposed to talk to the chaplain. It wasn’t the most exciting thing that ever happened in her life. Yet sitting and talking with Jael more and more, she knew that if she wanted to defend the Bible, specifically Jael for what she did, or any of the other women in the Bible, she actually had to read the stories, not just hear them secondhand from Julia.

She had been so excited that Cadence wanted a copy herself, she tried to hand over her own copy, but was told she wasn’t allowed too. This was both disappointing and incredibly funny to Cadence. The Chaplain was allowed to give one, but not Julia.

Unfortunately, she had to wait to get a copy in her hands. Trying to understand the Bible, hell, even getting one whilst in prison, nothing was easy about that whole process. Truly the last time she had intentionally read the Bible was during her inpatient psychiatric stay. She swore then that she’d never read it again, but well, things change. If the only person who was willing to meet her was someone who believed so strongly that the words of this book were willing to devote your entire life to, maybe even die for, then maybe there was something to it after all.

Julia had been a bitch back in high school, but that was years ago. With great reluctance, she’d admitted to Cadence that she’d spent the majority of a year looking after Lyra as she was at the end of her life. Julia had sacrificed a lot to reach out and service others. It was something Cadence had attempted to do with the peer support group back in high school, but to no avail.

The chaplain smiled at her as he quietly handed the book to her. He then asked her if she’d join them for service one of these weeks.

“I’ll think about it,” she promised him. She added that she really would.

“Julia’s told me that you’re interested in the women of the Bible.”

Cadence nodded.

“Might I make a suggestion, then?”

“Sure,” she breathed.

“Read one of the gospels and see how Jesus treated and valued women. I think it’ll be quite different than what you’ve been told.”

“I’ll take that into consideration,” she assured him.

Before she knew it, he was gone. She opened up the book to Judges. Yes, she knew she should read about Jesus considering he was the whole basis of the Christian faith, but it just didn’t interest her.



Jay lay on his back, a blanket spread across the green quad. It had been a while since he had seen the beauty in nature. Snow was quite torturous in the wintertime, in spite of how beautiful that one dream was.

He hadn’t heard a thing. Not since he’d left Gus a voicemail and that was a couple weeks ago. Now he was not only devoid of intimacy with men, but of sex too. Gil and Francis would just ignore him as they walked across campus hand in hand. He’d heard they already had another sex buddy moved in. It was the only proof he needed to confirm he’d made the right decision, but now he felt lonely. He closed his eyes refusing to let his loneliness ruin the beauty of this day.

Someone lay down beside him on the blanket. Whoever it was was creepy as hell. Opening his eyes he saw Gus laid out on his side, his head propped up by his hand.

This couldn’t be real. It was all just another dream, and a very convenient dream at that. How could he be here? Where was Damien? Weren’t they inseparable? It didn’t make any sense, and yet here he was laying beside him.

“Can we start over?” Gus asked. “I mean, as long as we take things slow.”

Jay daren’t answer.