Fallen Leaves - Chapter 7: Up All Night

It seemed like a good idea at the time, Kerass thought to himself. He had stormed out of the house after the reveal. He couldn’t even utter the thought in his mind, he was so infuriated and disgusted. He had no idea where he was walking and he didn’t care, but anywhere was better than his house with the traitor. Kerass cursed under his breath continuing to walk in the rain not caring that he was completely drenched. Not even caring if his clean, nice boy image was ruined, he kept walking. He didn’t even notice the rain after a while…



12 hours earlier…



Her heartbeat rose, palms sweaty, deeper breaths: it was all just another sign that she was about to confess something to Kerass. Kerass had made her feel safe, something her ex had done, but that safety ended quickly and within a day she had been withdrawn from the school. She shunned that memory out of her mind.

“I have to tell you something and it’s kinda, very hard to say,” she said amazed at how controlled her voice sounded, inside she felt like she was going to explode.

“I’m all ears,” Kerass said with a smile on his face.

Cadence opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. This time it had nothing to do with nerves. She felt like she was about to faint. There he was, her ex stood down the hallway walking straight over to them. His hair was now bleach blonde, an unfortunate choice, but his gaze was just as powerful and intense as Kerass’ was at the beginning. She knew he had said he would come three months later, but she couldn’t believe how quickly the time had flown by. After the peer support group was disbanded, she hadn’t texted him. She had grown attached to Kerass.

“Hold me,” she said at once, but it was too late, Damien, her ex, had put his arms around her.

“I’ve been waiting to hear you say that, baby,” Damien said kissing her on the neck.

“Let go, Damien!” she said, a little louder than she had wanted too.

Kerass pushed him. Cadence begged inside her head that he wouldn’t do something stupid and try to intimidate him physically. Damien was a junior and therefore much stronger than Kerass was. “What the heck do you think you’re doing to my girlfriend?” Kerass asked.

“The heck?” Damien laughed. “Who’s this, Mr. Clean? No it can’t be…he’s not buff enough.” Damien continued saying that it was time to embrace the real world.

Kerass responded he lived in it but there was no point in having a dirty mouth or a dirty mind.

“Just keep telling yourself that, kid,” Damien said. He turned and looked at Cadence. “Let’s just ditch. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

Cadence resisted, but only for a second. She knew they had to talk things out. Kerass looked right at her. With a look, she tried to convey that she loved him, but this was just something that she had to do, but boys were stupid. She’d have to explain it in great detail later, but she just couldn’t get the words out of her mouth. Kerass turned and walked the other way down the hallway. She silently begged for forgiveness, but yet again, no sound came out of her mouth.



She wasn’t anywhere to be seen in the cafeteria either. At the beginning of the year, Kerass had always sat next to Jay, but ever since Cadence and him had become an item he had never sat at lunch with Jay. It seemed like they may no longer be an item. He was being pessimistic though. He walked over and sat down next to Jay knowing without a shadow of a doubt that he’d still want to have him sit down next to him.

“Wha- What are you doing here?” Jay stuttered.

Kerass asked if it was all right if he sat down there. “The ex has come back into town. She skipped the rest of the day in order to talk to him,” he said completely stagnant.

“Sit down,” Jay responded putting away his phone. He avoided eye contact from Kerass.

Kerass asked if something was wrong. He responded that it was nothing compared to the problems that Kerass was facing. “True enough,” he said.

Things started to get really tense. Jay was holding back, he could tell, but honestly he didn’t care at the moment. The only thing he was focused on was the conversation that he wished he could be sitting in on.

“How could she have left school for him, man?” he asked out loud. “It just doesn’t make any sense.”

He was surprised when he heard an answer out of Jay. Jay responded that potentially the bond wasn’t as strong as he had originally thought. “Or maybe it’s not mutual, you know?”

The thought had never occurred to him. What if that was true…he couldn’t bear it if it was. He could tell that tears were starting to form. He fought them back. He couldn’t show that this was hurting him as deeply as it had. He bit his tongue. It made him jump and snap out of it.

“I met him actually as he was walking in,” Jay said candidly.

“You what???” Kerass asked. This information was boggling his mind.

Jay continued saying that he was way cool. “I mean, I can understand why she left school for him,” he said with a smile on his face.

“Now that’s a low blow,” Kerass answered. He continued stating firmly that he should be his best friend and that it showed more love to lie to him than to tell the truth so bluntly.

Jay responded that the truth was always better than a lie. “I mean, it’s just whatever, but I doubt he even remembers meeting me.”

Jay was becoming extremely defensive about it. This began to bug Kerass because he began to feel like he had to walk on egg shells around Jay, but it didn’t matter now. He wanted to find out what was happening between Damien and Cadence. The bell rang which caused everyone to groan, but Kerass was thrilled. He was one hour closer to finding out what was happening with Cadence. He wasn’t even sure if she was still his girlfriend or not.



“Listen,” Damien started. Whenever he talked, it commanded attention. Cadence fought back not maintaining eye contact. “I’m gonna have a small party at my house, like a house warming thing.” He grabbed her chin which lifted her eyes to meet his gaze. Now she couldn’t take her eyes off of him no matter how hard she tried. He expressed how important it was to him that she show up.

“All right,” she said. Damien let out a huge sigh of relief. Cadence continued saying there was one exception. “Kerass has to come along.”

Damien’s eyes showed his sheer disappointment in what she said. Reluctance painted over his voice, he agreed to the condition. “9:00,” he said staring off to the side. “Don’t be late.”



Knock. Knock. Knock. Kerass couldn’t believe that he had agreed to this. He started to regret the decision once Damien opened the door. Damien was the ultimate enemy. Kerass equated him to the anti-Christ. He certainly had the charm to be. Once inside the house, he could hear music faintly in a different room. The song ended and immediately started up again.

“Wait…is Katy Perry on replay?” Kerass asked bewildered. This dude was even weirder than he had anticipated.

“Why, yeah,” Damien replied eloquently. “What’s the matter with that?”

Kerass smirked. “Nothing, it’s your house, man,” he said trying to hold back laughter. He was unsuccessful. His laughter echoed off of the walls.

“Keep it down!” Damien said quietly but firmly. He went on saying that it would annoy the neighbors. Kerass, always being one to obey the rules closed his mouth. Not out of respect to Damien, but out of respect to the neighbors.

“Follow me,” he said. Unpacked boxes stacked up to the ceiling. They really had just moved in. It wasn’t a fluke visit, or a runaway situation. Kerass’ heart sank in sheer disappointment.

They walked up a flight of stairs. Nails hung out of the wall. Picture frames should be hung here, but they must be in all the boxes, he thought to himself. Walking down the hallway, he could sense something wasn’t right. Where was everyone else? They walked straight into his bedroom. He could tell he was going to explode… “Where’s everybody else?” he demanded louder than he had wanted.

“Uh…” Damien began to stutter. For the first time, Kerass saw Damien, the junior who commanded control, stumble. His words became few as he kept on restarting his next sentence. Kerass could tell he was nervous and he was glad that he looked like a fool. It served him right. “There’s no one else.”

Kerass put his hand into a fist. His knuckles turned white.

“What did you think was going to happen, Damien?” Cadence asked interceding the tension rising between the two of them.

“Do you love him?” Damien asked. Visibly he was calming down, regaining his cool.

Kerass looked at Cadence’s eyes. They started to glisten. His anger started to boil over.

“You know I do. It’s not even a competition,” she said sympathetically, but with a confidence that expressed that whatever they had was over.

Kerass let out a sigh of relief. Finally things could start turning back to normal. “Well, I’m awake enough to stay up all night,” he said. Cadence locked her hand into his saying that she would join him.

“You can’t possibly l-love him!” Damien shouted at the top of his lungs. His hands started to shake. “Not the way that you loved me,” he added barely above a whisper.

Cadence begged Damien not to continue. Kerass’ heart rate started to raise. Attempting to keep his cool, he asked, “What does he mean, the way you loved him?”

Cadence began by saying that she was going to wait to tell him. Her voice low, but still filled with confidence. “I had sex with Damien, but it didn’t mean anything.”

Damien burst into tears. He fell to the floor gasping for breath. “How could it not mean anything to you?” he said in between sobs. “My world was rocked by you...and it meant...nothing.”

Kerass reiterated Damien’s question. “How could losing your virginity mean nothing?!”

“I-,” she began, but no further words came out.

Kerass continued asking whether that was the reason she transferred out of the Lutheran school. “Or were you kicked out?” he paused waiting for an answer, but she was stoic. “Answer me!” he demanded.

“What I do with my body is no one’s business but mine,” she said acidly.

Kerass stormed out of the bedroom racing down the stairs. It was raining outside, but he didn’t care. His body demanded air. She had betrayed him. What else had she been hiding from him? Damien deserved Cadence, the traitor. He stormed out the door into the pouring rain. He knew definitively now that he was going to stay up all night.

Fallen Leaves - Chapter 6: Truly Madly Deeply

Jay, sitting in his chair in his bedroom, journaled out his thoughts of the day’s events. Writing down his thoughts was one of the only ways that he felt he could fully express himself. He had felt empty ever since he had been dropped from the play. He could sense that his thoughts were betraying him yet again.

Kerass was his friend, he knew that to be a fact, but he couldn’t get the image of him running around shirtless on the track out of his head. Thinking back on when he was pushed down the stairs of Kerass’ house, he tried to get the thoughts out of his mind completely, but the more he tired to suppress it, the stronger, the crisper the images solidified in his mind.

Cursing under his breath he started to pace around the room. Blood started rushing through his body. His heart began to pound, his head throbbing, stronger and stronger. Nothing seemed to take away this strong desire, this need to see Kerass shirtless.

His thoughts began to spin, wondering if there was any way he could keep this image with him forever. The only thing that came to mind was to take a picture. Then it clicked. Everything came to place in his mind in a single instant. He would take a picture with his phone. It was simple enough. He just had to catch Kerass at a time that he would be shirtless, but he had no idea when that would be. Getting pissed that he couldn’t find a solution, he left his bedroom, neglecting to finish his morning journal entry.

“You’re down early,” his father said beaming. Jay bit his tongue from cursing at his father. He had no idea how his father would react if he found out what he had just been thinking. He assumed the worst. He and his father were never the closest. In an attempt to stop the bonding from even beginning, he simply nodded and headed towards the front door.

His father let him go without a word just like every single moment between the two of them. Running into his father unexpectedly that morning, his heart rate had come down. For some reason, he felt the urge to turn around and talk with his father. Deciding that urge would still be there the following day, he opted instead to just keep walking straight to the bus stop.



“You’re not home a lot during the afternoons anymore,” Kerass’ father inquired. He was very perceptive, Kerass acknowledged in his mind. He had to give him that at the very least. Kerass simply replied that it was due to extra curricular activities. His father replied that football was now over. “What else are you staying after school for?”

Kerass sighed realizing he had been caught in his white lie. “I’m staying after school to hang out with a girl Dad.” His father’s face instantly lit up beaming. He wanted to know all about her, where she was from, how long they had been dating, all this information that pissed Kerass off that he wanted to know.

“Why are you so interested in my life anyways?” Kerass continued saying that he had never paid attention to anything other than his football stats for years.

His father replied that things had changed considering his mother’s accident. “I realized I hadn’t been there for you. I want to be,” his father said. Kerass was skeptical knowing there was something else his father was trying to find out. “I’d love to meet her,” he said expressing his desire for them all to have dinner together.

Kerass responded that she wouldn’t go for it out of spite. His father asked him to just try. “I’ll see what she says,” Kerass said walking out the door saying that he would be late for the bus if he didn’t leave the house that instant.

Realizing the bus was just pulling up to the stop, he ran as fast as he could. He made it on just in time. To his surprise, Jay was on the late bus run. Jay smiled at him as he sat down next to him. “You’re later than usual,” Kerass said, a smirk on his face.

Jay asked him how he was doing that morning. Kerass answered saying there was tension with his father. “Believe me, I understand how that is,” Jay replied.

Kerass asked Jay if there were any problems with him and his father, but Jay replied that there were no more than usual. “I need to find another sport to get into,” Kerass said. “I can’t be at home anymore during the afternoons.”

Jay’s eyes instantly alit with a fiery passion that he only saw when Jay performed on the stage. “I think you should join swimming!” Jay exclaimed emphatically. Kerass replied that he needed to keep his voice down. Smiling back at Jay, he realized things were getting back to normal between the two of them. He had missed his best friend. He wouldn’t possibly attempt to ruin their friendship again.

“That’s not that bad of an idea, actually,” Kerass replied. He continued saying that tryouts were that afternoon. He hadn’t given a thought to it, but it was great for upper body strength and it would keep him in shape during the winter.

“Can I take a pic?” Jay asked almost jumping out of his seat. Kerass asked of what to which Jay replied of him after his try out.

“I don’t see why not, just use your cell phone, nothing professional,” he said.

Jay responded, “Oh don’t worry, there’s nothing professional about this.”

Kerass beamed. He was so stoked that Jay and him were able to talk the way they used to. Finally, things were the way they should be.



Before he knew it, men sporting Speedos surrounded him. It seemed like a dream come true. He begged himself to not get excited. Kerass took off his shirt then. His heart pounded. He looked even better now than he had the last time he had been shirtless before him. “You’ve come!” he exclaimed running towards him. He explained how nervous he was. “I mean, I just want to be the best,” he whispered. “But I’m really uncomfortable being shirtless in front of people.”

Jay began to feel guilty, which he didn’t like feeling. “Can I still take a picture?” he asked hopeful that this wasn’t betraying their friendship. He knew he was lying to himself, but his desires screamed at him to ignore it.

“Only if you’re in it with me,” he said. Kerass, wearing nothing but a Speedo, put his arm around Jay. Jay’s head beaded with sweat. Jay handed the smart phone off. They both smiled as the picture was taken. “Make sure you text the photo to me,” Kerass said jumping into the water.

Jay smiled at him as he responded, “It’s already done.”



Cadence’s heart raced as she waited for the door to open. She was concerned that Kerass didn’t want to show her off to his father. He was a pastor after all. Maybe her strong push against religion would turn off any pastor, especially considering she was dating his son.

The door opened before she could collect any more thoughts. “Come on in!” his father said waving her inside the house. The house was a lot different than she had expected. It wasn’t completely upfront a religious house. There were no Bible verses hanging in picture frames, no pictures of Jesus, and no Bible set up on a stand. She felt a lot more comfortable than she ever thought she would.

“Take a seat, honey,” Kerass said pulling the chair out for her. Her heartbeat fell to a normal level as she sat down. She asked what was for dinner. Kerass’ father replied that they had made steak that evening.

“Um,” she paused not knowing how to say it. “I’m a vegan,” she said.

“Oh!” Kerass said. She could tell he attempted to avoid eye contact with her and his father.

“I guess you didn’t know as much about her as you thought, did you son?” his father inquired. He continued asking if that was not what he said was her favorite meal.

“I guess I never really asked,” Kerass responded his voice barely above a whisper.

Cadence replied that it was fine. She would just eat the salad and it would all be fine.

His father said that wouldn’t do, they would find something for her to eat a full meal. “What else do you not know about her, Kerass?”

Cadence tried to keep calm. She looked over at Kerass. He was pouting. His father was completely embarrassing both of them. He was derailing his own son with such glee and ease that it completely disgusted Cadence.

“I know she’s not religious. Is that what you’re after?” Kerass screamed back at him. He continued saying that he was only looking for ways that Cadence wasn’t good enough for him. “Just because I didn’t know she was a vegan doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to who she really is.”

“And who is that?” his father asked with a smirk on his face.

“She’s the girl I love,” Kerass replied.

Kerass’ father busted out laughing saying he had no true conception of what love really was. “Without Jesus in a person’s life, love doesn’t really exist.”

Kerass glared back at his father. This was the father he had grown up with. The father who was loving and forgiving was gone. That was only momentary kindness. This was who he really was. “Why don’t you start practicing what you actually preach? Maybe then you can start being a real father,” Kerass said acidly.

Cadence ran out the door. She didn’t want to stay before any more verbal abuse was uttered. She didn’t even want to think that physical abuse was used in that family. She tried to catch her breath standing outside the door. Kerass followed shortly behind telling her instantly how sorry he was that she had to see that.

“How did that escalate so quickly?” she asked exclaiming that it made no sense whatsoever.

Kerass replied that he was only looking for a way to find out why she wasn’t right for him. Cadence sighed saying that if their relationship was causing that much problems, then maybe they should break up before he got any more emotional abuse.

“No! I fought for you in there!” he shouted.

“I know and I love you for it,” she said. She continued saying she couldn’t stand seeing him get hurt anymore the way that he was in there. “No one should take advantage of you.”

He grabbed her face as tears started to fall down his own. “I am truly, madly, deeply in love with you,” he said.

Her emotions overwhelmed her. It almost felt like her heart nearly stopped. She then grabbed him and kissed him. It was the most passionate kiss she had ever experienced in her entire life. Their lips locked together in perfect harmony. Nothing could interrupt this moment. Nothing could tear their love apart.



Jay’s thoughts overwhelmed him. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of the picture on his phone. Kerass’ body was truly something to behold. He knew he was betraying his best friend, but he no longer cared. Nothing interrupted his thoughts, his needs. He decided he would give into his desires and stop fighting it. Taking the phone with him, he walked down the hallway closing the bathroom door behind him.

Fallen Leaves - Chapter 5: Gotta Be You

Kerass woke with a start. His alarm never failed to surprise himself. It always interrupted a deep slumber. His clock read 6:15. He immediately got out of his bed beginning to dress himself for the day. It took no time at all. This was the final football game of the season. All he had to do was wear a team shirt, which was always washed come Sunday. Throwing his backpack over his shoulder, he walked downstairs ready to embrace the day.

Sitting down on the living room sofa reading a Bible, was his father. He knew not to disturb his father’s devotion time, so he decided to walk straight out the door. His hand on the doorknob, opening it as quietly as he possibly could, his father spoke up stopping him. “I was hoping we could talk,” his father said.

Kerass replied that that was fine as he sat down on the couch. There was a pause. Neither of them spoke for a few seconds. Kerass looked into his father’s eyes. Whatever wanted to be discussed was most likely serious, too serious for 6:20 in the morning. “What’s up?” Kerass asked.

His father replied that he had noticed that he hadn’t been partaking in devotions recently. He asked him if anything had changed recently. Kerass just replied that he was swamped with schoolwork, the football team, all of that stuff.

“Hmm,” his father replied. “I’ve also noticed that Jay hasn’t been around recently.” His father looked straight into his eyes. It was as if he was staring straight into his soul. Kerass responded that Jay wouldn’t be around again anytime soon. The next question was obvious. Kerass explained before his father even had to ask.

“He’s gay, Dad,” Kerass said vainly. “He tried to kiss me.” Looking over, he saw his father’s expression change. His father looked almost remorseful for some bizarre reason. Kerass continued saying not to give him a lecture about how he told him so. He liked theater kids, not every guy who did theater was gay.

His father replied that he wasn’t going there at all. “I think you need to forgive him.” Kerass couldn’t believe his ears. This couldn’t possibly be the same father he had known for years. This father was loving and forgiving, something he couldn’t remember the last time he had experienced.

“No,” he said and immediately walked out of the door, slamming it shut behind him.



The beating of his heart remained the same. Jay stood by his locker alone. There was no difference in his heart rate. It remained stagnant, unmoving. His best friend wasn’t standing next to him. He had lost the only friend he had in the world. Ever since Kerass had told him that he never wanted to see him again, his heart had ached. A huge hole seemed like it was punched through his chest. Honesty definitely was not the best policy. It had destroyed everything that he had cared about. YouTube had told him that if he was honest people would love and accept him, but oddly enough YouTube had lied to him. Maybe coming out to his best friend while trying to kiss him wasn’t the smartest decision in the world. Scratch that, it was the dumbest decision he had ever made in his entire life.

He was only a freshmen in high school and he felt like his entire life was over. Maybe things weren’t as bad as he thought, but in the moment it sure felt like they were. He realized walking towards his locker, acknowledging that Kerass wasn’t going to be there, that he simply didn’t care anymore. That was the reason his heartbeat remained the same. He didn’t care about anyone in this school. If he was lucky, maybe he wouldn’t even be noticed at all.



Cadence smiled noticing Jay standing by his locker. Kerass wasn’t with him. That seemed very strange. Perhaps he was sick. It’s the only explanation that made any sense as to why Kerass wasn’t there with them. She tapped his shoulder which made him jump sky high. She laughed and asked him how he was doing.

“Things could always be better,” he said completely monotone. She asked him what was wrong, but he didn’t budge. His eyes told her everything. He wasn’t going to let anybody in. She then said the only thing she thought correlated, “Where’s Kerass?”

He told her he didn’t know who she was talking about. He turned around walking away. Taken aback, she spun him back around both hands gripping his arms. Her grip demanded attention. She attempted to bore into his mind the way that Kerass bored into hers during the first and only peer support group meeting. It wasn’t the most affective. He smiled down at her.

“Can I tell you a secret?” he asked. The bell rang signifying the 5-minute warning for the start of the day. She smiled back at him.

“Tell me at the game,” she said. She made him promise that he would be there. He promised by snapping it. “See? Things are always better off than they seem.”



Joy arose from every student as the final bell rang signifying the end of the day. For Kerass, he couldn’t wait to have the football season end. It was one of the things he had dreaded the most about being in high school. Sports were tougher. He knew he could handle the pressure, but he wasn’t sure that he could handle the people, the fake smiles telling him that they cared about him.

His father’s advice bugged him the entire day. He didn’t know what to do with that. The only thing he wanted to do was to ignore it, but he couldn’t get his mind off of it. The guilt over cutting his best friend out of his life was eating away inside of him. Jay definitely had crossed the line and embracing a life celebrating sin was so not cool, but the way he had initially reacted was not cool either. He couldn’t possibly be turning into his father. Maybe he had gotten his father all wrong. He had promoted forgiveness that morning. Every time he thought he was going to forgive Jay, he instantly flashed back to when Jay attempted to kiss him. Anger would boil inside of him brimming over whenever he had that flashback. The only thing that could keep him calm was Cadence.

He convinced himself that he would surprise Cadence. He hid beneath the stairwell and waited. He didn’t care that his thoughts were sinful. He relished in his fantasies. Cadence started to walk into the main hallway having just walked down the stairs. Kerass grabbed her pulling her back underneath the stairwell. Their lips met instantaneously. His heart started pounding. He demanded his body to keep still. She asked him what that was for. “For being you,” he replied.

They walked out of the stairwell hand in hand. Mr. Baganz called out to him. Every football player was asked to give their jersey to a teacher during game days. Kerass always gave it to his history teacher. Mr. Baganz felt more than simply a teacher to him, he felt like a mentor, a friend. Mr. Baganz truly supported him, not just the quarterback. Kerass beamed back at him convinced that now nothing could mess up his game.



Jay wasn’t sure why he was even here. The football stadium was like sheer hell for him. Kerass was the only one who made him feel welcome sitting in the stands and now he was no longer his friend. Cadence waved her hand to get him to sit down next to her. Looking behind him checking to make sure she wasn’t waving at anybody else, he walked up the stands and sat down next to Cadence.

He looked over at the scoreboard. They were winning, but only slightly. They were only up by three points. This was definitely not Kerass’ usual game. He always dominated the field. Within seconds, they were losing. The other team scored by intercepting the ball. Jay couldn’t believe his eyes. For the first time, he was seeing Kerass lose. It felt glorious to see him suffer. He decided he was going to stay and watch him be tortured even longer.

Cadence looked over at him asking him to spill. His heart began to pound. The two words he was about to utter could potentially destroy his life. He didn’t know why, but it was easier to trust her because she hadn’t known him as long. “I’m gay,” he uttered under his breath.

Her smile back surprised him. She told him that it had been obvious from her encounters with him. “Don’t even worry, I am definitely an ally.” She hugged him. It kinda felt uncomfortable. He didn’t really like being this close to girls anyways. The hug broke, even though he was ecstatic to finally have an ally, he never wanted to hug a girl again.

Kerass had been benched. Jay realized he was looking at him. They locked eyes only for a moment before Kerass called him over to the chain-link fence. Jay hesitated. The previous reaction from him had been so severe he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be around him when he exploded again.

By the time he reached the fence, his heart was racing. Only two words were uttered. “I’m sorry,” they both said at once. Kerass asked to go first. He responded that while it was not cool that he had tried to kiss him and he made it clear that he did not support his decision to embrace homosexuality, he knew he had reacted improperly. Neither of those things was a good enough reason to break a friendship. “At least you were honest with me.” He asked to say just one more thing. “Listen, if I’m going to have a best friend that I care about and trust it’s gotta be you.”

Jay’s eyes started to tear up. He reassured Kerass that he would never try to kiss him again. “I definitely could’ve found a better way of telling you about it.” Kerass beamed at him. Jay was exuberant to have his best friend back. “Snap it,” he said. They slid their right hands over each other and snapped in unison.



Kerass walked down the barren hallway. The bright white hallway had this ethereal feel about it. He hated walking down this hallway. It always made him regret coming, but he had to see her. He had to let her know how it had turned out. Still, the brightness of the hallway was too striking of a contrast to the depression that lay in front of him. Turning into room 601 he sat down next to the bed. “We won our final game, Mom.” His mother lay in the bed absolutely still. “Please wake up soon,” he said telling her that he needed her. They were inside the hospital. His mother lay in a coma.

Fallen Leaves - Chapter 4: Last First Kiss

Jay, trying to muster the strength he had, avoided the truth at all costs. The hurt in Kerass’ eyes was so evident. It really hurt Kerass that he couldn’t outright say what was wrong. Blaming it on the football game, Jay finally said, “I just forgot. I’m so sorry.”

Kerass patted his shoulder. “It’s fine,” he reassured him letting him know that he had nothing to be upset about. That he was just over analyzing things yet again. “In fact, your little outburst at the pep rally forced Cadence to act. Thanks to you I’ve got a date next Friday. You went about it in a weird way, but you’re the best friend anybody could ever have,” he said instantly hugging Jay.

Jay kept calm begging every part of him to do the same. Kerass snapped it out and rushed on home. I love you, Jay mouthed silently after Kerass was out of site.



Cadence couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Ok, his name’s Kerass,” she said brimming with excitement. She spilled about how she had always found him cute and how he increasingly became nicer to her over their time together.

Her mother asked if that was the guy that had shown up to the peer support group. Cadence pouted at her mother knowing what was coming next. “I’m only saying maybe what he needs right now is a friend, not a girlfriend. We can’t have a repeat of your past relationship.”

“That’s great, Ma, way to ruin the only good thing happening in my life right now,” Cadence said brimming on tears as she slammed the door walking toward the bus stop. She cursed under her breath realizing she had left her backpack inside the house. Her student mode overrode her anger mode. She walked back inside the house as quietly as she could. She was found out immediately. Her mother apologized and said they would talk about it later. Her mother kissed her cheek, but Cadence was still pissed at her so she didn’t reciprocate the act.

She walked down to the bus stop attempting to hold back tears. She hated ending things on a bad note with her mother, but she was too upset to rectify things just yet. An arm hugged her shoulder pulling her in. Kerass was standing at her bus stop. Her stop was a mile away from his. She opened her mouth to speak, but like most times around Kerass, no words came out.

“I know, I just wanted to,” he said which made her cry. She leaned into his shoulder as the tears started to flow. It made all the difference in the world to her to finally have a boyfriend even if they hadn’t officially come out as a couple yet.



The week went by without a hitch. It was sheer perfection. Kerass wouldn’t have traded it in for the whole world. The only thing he missed was seeing Jay who he hadn’t seen for a couple of days. Guess that’s just what happens whenever you get a girlfriend.

The hallways seemed different throughout the high school. The fluorescent lights seemed brighter, people just seemed happier. He wasn’t sure how long this feeling would last, but he didn’t want it to end. He waited outside her class having been let out early. His heart was pounding. Every fiber in his being wanted one thing and one thing only: to hold her hand. A sweaty palm was a new experience for Kerass. He had never felt this way about a girl before.

The bell rang without warning. He felt like he had just jumped out of his skin. Knowing Cadence she would be one of the first people out of the door, not out of disrespect to the teacher, quite the contrary. It was just a rush to be the first person to the next classroom.

She rushed out of the classroom like a bolt of lightning almost missing that he was waiting outside her classroom entirely. She smiled at him as they walked down the hallway. His heartbeat rose faster and faster. The voice inside his head commanded him to reject passivity, reject manhood, and finally act. He held his hand out. She reciprocated immediately. Every finger linking together one at a time seemed to take forever. Once their hands were linked he let out a sigh of relief. Their hands linked for the rest of the day, it seemed like a perfect fit.



A date, Cadence never thought this would happen to herself again. Although they had been holding hands they weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet. In her mind everything rode on this night. If things went wrong, they would be through. She was risking everything for this date: her friendship with him, her club, the only friendship she actually had at Oak Stream…everything would be decided within an hour and a half.

The doorbell rang. She raced to the door, but it was too late, her mom had already answered the door for her. Her mother gave him a smile, told him to have her back by 10, the usual things. As much as she was embarrassed by her mother’s interrogation, she couldn’t deny that she found a malicious joy in watching him squirm trying to answer every question as honorably as possible. Deciding he had been tortured enough, she came on out.

“You look beautiful,” he said instantly making her blush.

Her mother brushed them out the door telling Kerass she approved as they walked out of the door. Cadence asked where they were going noticing that they didn’t have a car. He told her they were just going to take a walk. This was no usual date of that she was certain. Her previous relationship was nothing like this one had ever been.

Their walk was along Main Street. They passed by the cookie shop, the local bar, plenty of restaurants, but none of that mattered. Kerass was telling her about his life. He had been depressed for a while. He knew he should tell Jay about it, but he just couldn’t muster up the courage to do so. “You know,” he said, “you’re the only one I’ve been able to talk to. You’re the only one that I trust at Oak Stream High.”

Her heart started pounding. That was the sweetest thing she had ever heard and she told him that, but she held something else back. Her past relationship had gone horribly wrong and she was moved to a different school because of it. She knew she should tell him about what had happened, but seeing that cross around his neck forced her to change her mind. She wouldn’t tell him…ever.

Thus, she lied. She said that he was her first and only friend so far at Oak Stream. That much was true. She said she had never been in love with someone quite like this before. That was a flat out lie. She had loved him a lot more than she loved Kerass right now. If there hadn’t have been proof of that, they would still be together, but Kerass was a great alternative. Her phone beeped. “Hold on,” she said certain it was her mother telling her that she had to come home. But it wasn’t her mother. It was him. He had texted her: I miss u lets find a way to talk soon. She texted him back instantly: ill find a way promise <3.

“Who was that?” he asked her.

She looked up remembering that she was on a date with Kerass. “That was my mother. We need to head back now.”

He responded that that was fine and walked her back, but before they left main street he pulled her aside. “I’ve never done this before, but I can’t deny my feelings anymore.” He kissed her on the lips.



Jay sat inside The Hub, the original burger joint in Oak Stream. Outside the window he saw his worst nightmare. Kerass, his heart’s desire, was kissing Cadence. He paid for the burger and hid in the bathroom trying to wait them out. He couldn’t stand being found out in this condition. Inside he just wanted to die.



There was another knock at the door. Jay hoped Kerass would open up. It had been half a week since he had seen them kiss. They hadn’t talked for a week and a half. Kerass opened the door and instantly smiled at Jay.

“Jay!” he exclaimed. “I’m so glad you came on by.” He explained that he knew that Cadence had gotten in the way of their chill time, but that he would spend the whole day with him today.

Jay shook his head saying that wasn’t the reason that he showed up. “I’m finally gonna be honest with you.” Jay’s heartbeat rose as he began to tell the truth. “I don’t want to chill with you. I just want…you.” Jay leaned forward about to kiss Kerass but Kerass pushed him back with such force that he toppled down the stairs of the entrance.

“Don’t you dare,” Kerass said his voice venomous. “Leave. Get out!”

“Let me just explain-” Jay interjected.

Kerass shook his head. “Actions speak much louder than words Jay. I want you out of my sight and don’t you ever speak to me again. You crossed the line of what friendship is supposed to be.”

Jay got up sprinting away from the house tears streaming down his face. He didn’t dare turn back around to see what Kerass was doing as he screamed at the top of his lungs. He didn’t want to know. He just wanted to be safe, but that seemed impossible now.



“Cadence?” her mother called out.

She walked into the kitchen agitated. “Can it wait? I’m in the middle of homework.”

Her mother’s eyes glistened. “Baby, I’m sorry.” Cadence’s heart beat rose. She wasn’t sure what she was sorry about. She couldn’t possibly know that they were texting again. “The peer support group has been disbanded this year for lack of interest.”

Although it was a relief, it still knocked the wind out of Cadence. She started crying trying to understand why a group like this wouldn’t work. She would be lying to herself if she said she didn’t need it just as much as Kerass did, but for very different reasons.

Finally getting enough breath to speak she said, “Well, I guess that’s it then. Everybody’s screwed.”

Her phone rang. It was Kerass. Knowing tears were falling, she realized she didn’t want to talk to Kerass in this vulnerable state. She ignored the call and went inside her bedroom. She texted him then: everythings gone wrong i rly wish i could see u again. Within 30 seconds she received a text back: u will soon enough…im moving to Oak Stream in 3 months.