I want to do something that means something to someone, anyone, she said to herself. Looking back over the majority of her freshmen year at Oak Stream High Cadence knew that that had happened. Her relationship with Kerass meant the world to him. Her first time with Damien created a connection so meaningful to him that he had pursued her even after she told him that it meant nothing to her. It all seemed simply hopeless.
What she was beginning to realize was that these things meant everything to them, but it meant nothing to her. She was still hiding. She had created the peer support group to help her deal with her loneliness, to create a group of support, trust, and honesty. She was walking away knowing that she trusted Kerass, but she hadn’t been honest with him and that she was honest with Damien, but she hadn’t trusted him.
The entire year just seemed like a waste. She had made up her mind. She was going to return to Our Savior for her final three months of her freshmen year. That would give her a break from all the drama that pumped through the veins of Oak Stream. She would be under probation for the remainder of her freshmen year. After that they would reevaluate and determine if she was allowed to stay at the school for another year. If she was accepted again then it became the big choice: to choose between going to Our Savior or to return to Oak Stream.
It was a tougher decision than she had anticipated to make, but she had several months to think it over. However that wasn’t the biggest decision she was going to have to make. She didn’t know how she had caught herself in a love triangle in her first year of high school. However, when she really thought it over it was never a triangle. She had always chosen Kerass, but Kerass didn’t trust her with him. He had also told her to go when his father was in the hospital.
Damien and Jay were still on speaking terms with her, but the only one she wanted to be with was Kerass. She wanted to say goodbye to him so strongly, but she knew that was a false hope. There had to be something more than this. She just felt so lost, so lonely. It was almost like her heart was being stomped on like a welcome mat. She couldn’t help but blame herself for this though. Her own pride had pushed Kerass away, but his dumb judgment about what she did with her own body was despicable. She started to remember why she had pushed against him in the first place. Scratch that. She was right in doing so. She knew it. The fact that the relationship didn’t work out was his fault not hers.
Looking over at the clock, she nearly had a heart attack. She ran out of the house bolting to the bus. This was her last day. Ever since the incident at Damien’s house, Kerass no longer sat next to her on the bus, but went back to his seat in the back. He was sleeping. Just like the beginning, he seemed a million miles away from her. She determined then that she would slip out quietly. She knew he wouldn’t give her the chance to say goodbye. Her exiting was going to be noticed by no one, the same as she had entered. She was once again invisible.
Jay sat in the passengers seat as his father drove him to school. This whole new form of bonding seemed both sweet and pathetic at the same time. They didn’t have a relationship at all.
They sat in silence while One Direction’s first CD Up All Night was blaring from the speakers. For some unexplainable reason their music always soothed him. Whenever he was down all he had to do was plug in a 1D CD and his worries seemed to vanish for that brief period of time blaring out the song.
They were on the fourth track on the album as they drove into Oak Stream’s parking lot. Instead of driving up to the school’s entrance, his father put the car in park and shut the engine off.
“Uh, thanks Dad, but why aren’t you driving to the entrance?” Jay asked bewildered.
His father turned and looked at him saying that they needed to talk. Jay asked what was up. “Look, I’ve been holding back on asking you this for several months now,” his father began.
Jay’s heart dropped. He didn’t want to have ‘the talk’ now, especially this early in the morning. “Dad, don’t you think it’s too early for the sex talk?” Jay asked.
“No,” his father said emphatically. His father continued saying that during one’s teenage years hormones raged and a lot of questions about identity came up. “I have to ask you this,” he said letting out a deep breath. “Are you gay, Jay?”
It was on the walk down to the cafeteria at lunchtime before he saw her. Damien just took a second to look at her. She was beautiful. He couldn’t help but marvel at her beauty. Before he knew it she was turning down into the stairwell. He raced towards her, nearly breaking out into a run to get to that stairwell. The moment he turned into the stairs, he walked as slowly as possible attempting to keep his cool. He wasn’t about to show her how desperate he was to talk to her.
She looked over at him. They locked eyes for less than a second, but her face didn’t light up the way he had remembered it to. There was a tear that was falling down her face. She continued to walk down to the cafeteria. He knew then that he shouldn’t go after her, that he should let her handle whatever it was on her own. She obviously didn’t want to tell him what it was. It didn’t matter though. His feelings overwhelmed his reasoning.
He couldn’t fully remember how it happened, but he was sitting next to her at the cafeteria having given him permission to do so. That initial interaction was really a blur to him though.
“I’m leaving,” she said. She told him she was going back to Our Savior.
His throat tensed. He didn’t know what to say. He ultimately decided to wing it and hope and pray that God would bless his prayer. “I’ll wait for you,” he said. He went on saying that he didn’t care that she had attacked his beliefs or that she seemed to push against him. “I love you, Cadence. That’ll never change. I know Kerass isn’t talking to you at the moment. I just want you to remember that you have options. I’ll be waiting here for you when you come back.”
He then had the urge to kiss her on the cheek, but thought better of it. He got up and walked away realizing that he had said all he wanted to say. He had given it his best shot. Now all he could do was wait.
The day seemed to drag on forever. Kerass couldn’t wait to get on the bus to go home. He found himself counting down the minutes during his last class. 5 minutes to go… People started packing up their stuff. The day’s assignments were being turned in on the teacher’s front desk. 3 minutes to go… People started lining up at the door itching at the seems to run out of the building. Kerass, always having been one to obey the rules, sat quietly at his desk. He hadn’t packed a single thing. 2 minutes to go… The clock stopped. The second hand remained unmoving. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Time had literally stopped extending the school day. It was as if all of his worst nightmares were becoming a reality. With 1 minute to go, the minute hand and the second hand moved in perfect synchronization around the clock. The time was 2:05. Instantly, the final bell of the day went off. Kerass nearly leapt out of his seat, packing his stuff while he walked out of the door.
Ms. DeSouza called out to him right while he was in the doorway. He turned around reluctant. “The front office would like to speak with you.”
He grunted agitated that he had to spend another few minutes inside this school today. He was just so over freshmen year. After the football season, he had gotten his wish. People weren’t fake around him anymore, but they weren’t there either. No one seemed to notice him after the season had ended. He was itching for a vacation, but there were three more months left.
When he got downstairs, he found that there was only one student left in the office. It was Cadence. She looked over at him. Tears were streaming down her face. All of his instincts screamed at him to go over to her and to comfort her, but instead he just stood there unmoving.
“That’s the final form you need to fill out Cadence,” the receptionist told her. “I hope you enjoy the remainder of your freshmen year at Our Savior Lutheran. We’re losing a star student.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Boldling,” Cadence said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Kerass walked over to her on her way out of the office asking her when she had become so close to the receptionist.
“I haven’t, Kerass. It’s just called being polite.”
“So this is really it, huh?” he asked. “You’re really leaving?” She responded yes and that he wasn’t supposed to know about it. “Why wasn’t I supposed to know about it?”
“Because!” she said louder than she had initially intended to. “Because it’s hard enough to say goodbye leaving things the way they are,” she said her voice steadier.
He was speechless. He didn’t even know where to begin. He could barely believe that he even made a sound, but he said ok in response. He was about to burst into tears. The only girl, scratch that, the only person that he had trusted completely even if not all the time was leaving and she didn’t even intend to tell him. She didn’t even want to say goodbye. “I guess I’ll see you later,” he found himself saying.
“See you,” she said walking out the door.
He completely spaced that he was supposed to do something in the office. The world seemed to pause around him. The only thing he could focus on was her feet walking out the door. Inside his head he was screaming at her not to leave, not to go. The next word out of his mouth he spoke out loud.
“Please.”
End of Year 1
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Fallen Leaves - Chapter 9: Heart Attack
It was the early hours of the morning and Jay couldn’t get any sleep at all. His mind was racing thinking about Kerass. He knew what he was thinking was wrong. He knew he shouldn’t think of his best friend in this way, but he couldn’t help himself. There was something about Kerass that had always appealed to Jay. At first he thought it was just his brutal honesty. Kerass wanted someone who just saw him for him, not the things he did for sports. That was obvious to Jay, but he recognized what attracted him to Kerass the most was his body. Part of him felt awful. Even though he had two allies so far in his coming out process, the one who he desired the most to be on his side was Kerass. Little did he know that the more turned off Kerass was by it the more deeply it turned him on.
He turned over on his side closing his eyes attempting to go to sleep…it didn’t work. He reached out and grabbed his phone. Turning it on, he went straight to the pictures. It was the last picture he had taken. That way there was easy access to it. He pulled it up making it full frame. The picture was no longer enough. He knew he had to do something else to stimulate himself. If only he could find a boyfriend then he could actually release and be in perfect harmony, but that was an impossibility if he remained in the closet.
His next thought was to check and see if he could get into a gay bar. At least there he would feel comfortable and accepted, but he was underage. There was no way he would be able to get in. This just devastated him. He started to feel alone. His mind went straight to the worst-case scenario: he would never be accepted and he would never find love. He began to retreat inside himself again. Perhaps Damien was right all along. He shouldn’t have been so bold, so quick to offer up that information. He hated himself for desiring acceptance so much. He should be stronger than this. Feeling tears forming, he fought them back swallowing his spit. He wasn’t going to be overcome with emotions, not this time.
There was a knock on his door. What could his father possibly want at 2:30 in the morning? He opened the door, instantly yawning attempting to fake sleep. “What is it Dad?” he asked.
“Jay, Kerass’ father had a heart attack. He’s in the emergency room. I could take you-” he said, but Jay tuned out the rest. He was fully dressed within a minute. He had to be there for his friend.
“Let’s go,” he said walking past his father racing out the door.
Kerass sat in silence. He contemplated going to see his mother again, but thought better of it. He didn’t know what to do. Time seemed to be at a stand still. Every time he looked back over at a clock, only 3 minutes had passed. He had yet to hear from any doctors either, but in a way it comforted him. No news was better than bad news.
The second hand ticking was the only sound heard in the waiting room. He began to focus on the sound as it continued hammering on and on driving him insane. He couldn’t stand it anymore. The next thing he knew, Cadence was walking over toward him. He hadn’t called Cadence. The utter shock he felt left him speechless as she sat down next to him instantly hugging him. He didn’t reciprocate the act. He just sat the way he did, not even looking into her eyes remaining emotionally distant, stagnant.
“Jay called on his way over,” she said.
Kerass asked why she had beat Jay if he had called on the way. She responded that Jay was waiting outside, unsure if he should come inside or not. “I guess you and I should talk first,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“I know you’re scared, but-” she whispered in his ear, but he cut her off claiming that he wasn’t scared at all. She asked him what he meant by that.
“I’m not scared,” he paused sighing. “I feel-” he began, but decided against it. He didn’t want Cadence to truly know how he felt. He wanted to talk with Jay about this, but she had been the one to walk inside the building. Kerass contemplated in his mind whether or not he should continue talking with her. “I need to talk with Jay,” he finally said.
“Ok, I’ll go and grab him,” she said empathetically and then walked towards the door.
“I think you should leave,” he said right as she stood at the door. His comment made her pause. He couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but he didn’t care. The only person he was focused on was himself and the only person he wanted to talk to was Jay.
Jay stood outside the door leaning against a pole. He was itching to know how Kerass’ father was doing, but the feeling of betrayal beat out his curiosity. Before his mind escaped him into deeper regret, Kerass walked over to him.
“I really wish you’d come inside,” Kerass said with a smile on his face. That seemed a bit sadistic. How could he possibly be smiling at a time like this? It infuriated Jay to see Kerass so calm about the situation.
“Yeah, well, I’d rather stay out here,” Jay said remaining in his stance. Kerass laughed at his response. Jay couldn’t hold it in anymore. He had to ask. “How can you be laughing at a time like this?”
Kerass asked a time like what to which Jay responded not knowing the condition of his father. “It is what it is, bud. I mean I can’t change that."
Jay knew he was bluffing. “This is so typical of you,” he said anticipation quivering from his voice. “You always hide your emotions because you’re too afraid of what people will think of you.”
Kerass responded that he wasn’t afraid. Jay cursed in response telling him that he was lying to himself. “I just want the truth for once. Come on, Kerass, if you can trust anyone it’d be me, right?”
Kerass replied that the truth was he didn’t want Jay to cuss in front of him again. “As far as who I could trust, it would have been Cadence, but that’s over with now.”
“Stop hiding!” Jay yelled at him not realizing his voice came across so strongly. “Just tell me how you feel,” he said lowering his voice to a whisper.
“Nothing,” he said with an exaggerated sigh. “I feel nothing.” Jay responded that that was ok to which Kerass replied that it was not. It was the farthest thing from ok. “I don’t even know if I care if my father lives or dies. How sick is that?”
Jay remained silent. This was Kerass’ time to vent. No judgment would be given here. “You know,” Kerass continued, “there’s a part of me that even wishes that he’ll just pass on,” he said beginning to pace back and forth, back and forth. He didn’t even make eye contact as he continued talking. “I know it’s so wrong of me, but if I had to choose between one of my parents to be with me, to wake up from this nightmare, I would choose my mother every time,” he said, his breathing becoming heavier. Jay could tell that his eyes were glistening. He had never seen Kerass like this, so vulnerable. It made him feel uncomfortable. “He’s dead to me already. I just want the pain to go away. I want the pain to stop,” Kerass said as he started breaking down uncontrollably crying. Jay didn’t dare walk over to comfort him. He felt uncomfortable and ultimately didn’t trust himself in that situation.
“Kerass Coscarelli?” a voice called out the door. One of the doctors had finally stepped out. Kerass immediately turned off the tears and stepped into the building. You couldn’t even tell that he had been crying just a second ago completely amazing Jay at how quickly he could turn it off.
Cadence stepped out of the shadows then.
Jay asked, “How much did you hear?”
“All of it,” she replied, her voice bitter. “I should go,” she said turning around walking straight to her car. Before he knew it, she had driven out of the parking lot.
The doctors were explaining a bunch of gibberish, none of which Kerass understood. Kerass cut them off saying, “Cut to the chase, doc.”
“He suffered from a heart attack, but he’s stable now,” the doctor said. He continued saying that for a moment his heart had fully stopped. They had to perform CPR. “But we got him back,” the doctor said with a smile on his face. He continued saying he left the best news for last. “He’s awake now.”
“I want to see him,” he said without a beat. He couldn’t recall a single thing the doctor said past that moment. He didn’t even remember how he got to the specific room his father was recovering in. All he could remember was seeing his father lay in that bed helpless. It broke his heart. He started to regret all the things he had thought and said outside. He wasn’t dead to him, he was just more distant than he desired. He was certainly emotionally distant, but seeing him like this, so weak and susceptible, none of it mattered anymore.
“Hi,” he said quieter than he had ever said anything before in his life. He reached out his hand. His father reciprocated the act. They sat in silence neither one daring to disturb this moment of intimacy.
Her mother woke her up. This was the first time since the fifth grade that her mother had to wake her up for the school day. Something just seemed off. Knowing now definitively she was back at square-one, the reality of high school just depressed her even more.
Walking down the stairs she saw that there was an extra bounce in her mothers’ steps. She didn’t want to be cheered up though. She wanted to remain miserable. Maybe she would put up a facebook status talking about how depressed she was. At least then she would know that people actually cared about her. Her mother locking eyes with her, she knew her mother was going to volunteer the information she withheld whether she liked it or not.
“Seeing as how Damien was expelled from Our Savior Lutheran, you have been reaccepted!” her mother said beaming. “Now you can get what you always wanted. You’re going back to Our Savior!” her mother shouted.
Her mother’s attempt to cheer her up had completely backfired. Now she felt more depressed than ever.
“What?”
He turned over on his side closing his eyes attempting to go to sleep…it didn’t work. He reached out and grabbed his phone. Turning it on, he went straight to the pictures. It was the last picture he had taken. That way there was easy access to it. He pulled it up making it full frame. The picture was no longer enough. He knew he had to do something else to stimulate himself. If only he could find a boyfriend then he could actually release and be in perfect harmony, but that was an impossibility if he remained in the closet.
His next thought was to check and see if he could get into a gay bar. At least there he would feel comfortable and accepted, but he was underage. There was no way he would be able to get in. This just devastated him. He started to feel alone. His mind went straight to the worst-case scenario: he would never be accepted and he would never find love. He began to retreat inside himself again. Perhaps Damien was right all along. He shouldn’t have been so bold, so quick to offer up that information. He hated himself for desiring acceptance so much. He should be stronger than this. Feeling tears forming, he fought them back swallowing his spit. He wasn’t going to be overcome with emotions, not this time.
There was a knock on his door. What could his father possibly want at 2:30 in the morning? He opened the door, instantly yawning attempting to fake sleep. “What is it Dad?” he asked.
“Jay, Kerass’ father had a heart attack. He’s in the emergency room. I could take you-” he said, but Jay tuned out the rest. He was fully dressed within a minute. He had to be there for his friend.
“Let’s go,” he said walking past his father racing out the door.
Kerass sat in silence. He contemplated going to see his mother again, but thought better of it. He didn’t know what to do. Time seemed to be at a stand still. Every time he looked back over at a clock, only 3 minutes had passed. He had yet to hear from any doctors either, but in a way it comforted him. No news was better than bad news.
The second hand ticking was the only sound heard in the waiting room. He began to focus on the sound as it continued hammering on and on driving him insane. He couldn’t stand it anymore. The next thing he knew, Cadence was walking over toward him. He hadn’t called Cadence. The utter shock he felt left him speechless as she sat down next to him instantly hugging him. He didn’t reciprocate the act. He just sat the way he did, not even looking into her eyes remaining emotionally distant, stagnant.
“Jay called on his way over,” she said.
Kerass asked why she had beat Jay if he had called on the way. She responded that Jay was waiting outside, unsure if he should come inside or not. “I guess you and I should talk first,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“I know you’re scared, but-” she whispered in his ear, but he cut her off claiming that he wasn’t scared at all. She asked him what he meant by that.
“I’m not scared,” he paused sighing. “I feel-” he began, but decided against it. He didn’t want Cadence to truly know how he felt. He wanted to talk with Jay about this, but she had been the one to walk inside the building. Kerass contemplated in his mind whether or not he should continue talking with her. “I need to talk with Jay,” he finally said.
“Ok, I’ll go and grab him,” she said empathetically and then walked towards the door.
“I think you should leave,” he said right as she stood at the door. His comment made her pause. He couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but he didn’t care. The only person he was focused on was himself and the only person he wanted to talk to was Jay.
Jay stood outside the door leaning against a pole. He was itching to know how Kerass’ father was doing, but the feeling of betrayal beat out his curiosity. Before his mind escaped him into deeper regret, Kerass walked over to him.
“I really wish you’d come inside,” Kerass said with a smile on his face. That seemed a bit sadistic. How could he possibly be smiling at a time like this? It infuriated Jay to see Kerass so calm about the situation.
“Yeah, well, I’d rather stay out here,” Jay said remaining in his stance. Kerass laughed at his response. Jay couldn’t hold it in anymore. He had to ask. “How can you be laughing at a time like this?”
Kerass asked a time like what to which Jay responded not knowing the condition of his father. “It is what it is, bud. I mean I can’t change that."
Jay knew he was bluffing. “This is so typical of you,” he said anticipation quivering from his voice. “You always hide your emotions because you’re too afraid of what people will think of you.”
Kerass responded that he wasn’t afraid. Jay cursed in response telling him that he was lying to himself. “I just want the truth for once. Come on, Kerass, if you can trust anyone it’d be me, right?”
Kerass replied that the truth was he didn’t want Jay to cuss in front of him again. “As far as who I could trust, it would have been Cadence, but that’s over with now.”
“Stop hiding!” Jay yelled at him not realizing his voice came across so strongly. “Just tell me how you feel,” he said lowering his voice to a whisper.
“Nothing,” he said with an exaggerated sigh. “I feel nothing.” Jay responded that that was ok to which Kerass replied that it was not. It was the farthest thing from ok. “I don’t even know if I care if my father lives or dies. How sick is that?”
Jay remained silent. This was Kerass’ time to vent. No judgment would be given here. “You know,” Kerass continued, “there’s a part of me that even wishes that he’ll just pass on,” he said beginning to pace back and forth, back and forth. He didn’t even make eye contact as he continued talking. “I know it’s so wrong of me, but if I had to choose between one of my parents to be with me, to wake up from this nightmare, I would choose my mother every time,” he said, his breathing becoming heavier. Jay could tell that his eyes were glistening. He had never seen Kerass like this, so vulnerable. It made him feel uncomfortable. “He’s dead to me already. I just want the pain to go away. I want the pain to stop,” Kerass said as he started breaking down uncontrollably crying. Jay didn’t dare walk over to comfort him. He felt uncomfortable and ultimately didn’t trust himself in that situation.
“Kerass Coscarelli?” a voice called out the door. One of the doctors had finally stepped out. Kerass immediately turned off the tears and stepped into the building. You couldn’t even tell that he had been crying just a second ago completely amazing Jay at how quickly he could turn it off.
Cadence stepped out of the shadows then.
Jay asked, “How much did you hear?”
“All of it,” she replied, her voice bitter. “I should go,” she said turning around walking straight to her car. Before he knew it, she had driven out of the parking lot.
The doctors were explaining a bunch of gibberish, none of which Kerass understood. Kerass cut them off saying, “Cut to the chase, doc.”
“He suffered from a heart attack, but he’s stable now,” the doctor said. He continued saying that for a moment his heart had fully stopped. They had to perform CPR. “But we got him back,” the doctor said with a smile on his face. He continued saying he left the best news for last. “He’s awake now.”
“I want to see him,” he said without a beat. He couldn’t recall a single thing the doctor said past that moment. He didn’t even remember how he got to the specific room his father was recovering in. All he could remember was seeing his father lay in that bed helpless. It broke his heart. He started to regret all the things he had thought and said outside. He wasn’t dead to him, he was just more distant than he desired. He was certainly emotionally distant, but seeing him like this, so weak and susceptible, none of it mattered anymore.
“Hi,” he said quieter than he had ever said anything before in his life. He reached out his hand. His father reciprocated the act. They sat in silence neither one daring to disturb this moment of intimacy.
Her mother woke her up. This was the first time since the fifth grade that her mother had to wake her up for the school day. Something just seemed off. Knowing now definitively she was back at square-one, the reality of high school just depressed her even more.
Walking down the stairs she saw that there was an extra bounce in her mothers’ steps. She didn’t want to be cheered up though. She wanted to remain miserable. Maybe she would put up a facebook status talking about how depressed she was. At least then she would know that people actually cared about her. Her mother locking eyes with her, she knew her mother was going to volunteer the information she withheld whether she liked it or not.
“Seeing as how Damien was expelled from Our Savior Lutheran, you have been reaccepted!” her mother said beaming. “Now you can get what you always wanted. You’re going back to Our Savior!” her mother shouted.
Her mother’s attempt to cheer her up had completely backfired. Now she felt more depressed than ever.
“What?”
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Fallen Leaves - Chapter 8: Moments
The silence continued to grow. Stillness seemed to be everywhere. It had been a full week, and Cadence had yet to say another word to Kerass ever since he had left Damien’s house. She had seen him each day in the hallway, but he avoided eye contact. As it had felt when she first came to the school, she began to feel invisible again. Perhaps it was what she deserved, but it still didn’t make things any easier to deal with.
Damien walked over towards her. Anticipation rose inside as he walked over to her. She didn’t want to be derailed, but she didn’t want to be pursued either. She didn’t know what she wanted.
“Hey,” Damien said. The simplicity of the greeting took her aback. She struggled to open her mouth and respond back. Not even knowing that her vocal chords were working again, she realized she had replied with a simple hi.
Silence ensued after the initial greeting which only made this whole interaction the more awkward. “We should really talk,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. It took her a moment to process through what he had said because he was so quiet. The confidence he exuded with ease vanished after that night.
“Yeah, I guess we should,” she said against her better judgment. The last time this had happened it had ruined her relationship with Kerass. She wanted to make sure that this wouldn’t ruin it. She stopped herself. She had admitted to Kerass that she had had sex in a previous relationship. She also admitted that it meant nothing to her, but her own stubbornness let him leave the house without hesitation. She never went after him. She didn’t say anything else to Damien either, she simply left the house without a word. She let him go. Kerass and her were…she couldn’t even utter the word in her own mind. They were…she forced herself to say the word out loud, “over.”
“Over what? Like lunch or something?” Damien asked. She responded that that would be best. They would meet in the cafeteria and talk things out. He moved towards her in an attempt to hug her, but changed his mind midway. He awkwardly turned around and walked away.
“Over,” she said again louder this time breaking the silence that had consumed her for a week.
Damien walked into the English hallway. Room D60 really meant nothing to him. He was still trying to find the layout of the school. Upon walking into the classroom, the seating arrangement had changed yet again. His seating partner was Jay. His hand immediately shot up in the air. Mr. Hendricks called on him asking for his name for the ten thousandth time. “Damien, how come I’m sitting next to a freshmen? I’m a junior!” he exclaimed.
“It’s just study hall,” Mr. Hendricks said. He went on to explain that each study hall was packed with freshmen, sophomores, and juniors. Seniors got to eat lunch off campus during study hall period.
“Ridiculous,” Damien muttered under his breath.
“I’m really not that bad once you get to know me,” Jay said beside him instantly making Damien feel bad. Damien apologized saying he was just surprised by how study hall had worked at Oak Stream High.
“So…you’re the ex right?” Jay asked. He continued explaining he meant the ex that had come from out of town to sweep Cadence off of her feet.
“Let me guess, Kerass’ best friend?” Damien replied. Jay nodded. Damien continued saying, “Thought so. So, what’s his deal?” He went on asking why he was so intense.
“He’s less intense than he is judgmental,” Jay responded spitefully.
This surprised Damien. Jay was supposed to be Kerass’ best friend and yet he was derailing him behind his back. Wanting to learn more, he asked, “Why would you say that?”
“He’s a Christian,” Jay said.
“Back off!” Damien exclaimed. Mr. Hendricks perked up asking the two of them to quiet down. “So am I,” he said quieter.
Jay continued saying that that was fine but he didn’t want his rights imposed upon. Damien asked what rights he was referring to. “I’m gay,” Jay said.
“So what? That’s fine,” Damien said. Jay’s face revealed his thoughts. He was in shock. He wasn’t expecting to hear this. Damien continued saying, “This is the 21st century, right? We allow women preachers now. Times change and the way we read the Bible does too.”
Jay’s mouth dropped open. Damien continued saying that although he didn’t have a problem with it, he did have a problem with him releasing it so publically so quickly. “Seriously, be more careful about that. I mean, it’s fine now, but you could get beat up for something like that.”
“You’re right,” Jay continued saying that it just felt like it was his whole world and he just wanted acceptance.
Damien said he knew. “But don’t let any one thing consume your world.”
“Not even Christianity?”
“Especially not Christianity,” Damien replied. He said it was just a moral code that he chose to live by, nothing less, nothing more. He couldn’t understand why more Christians were like him. There was no other way to truly be a Christian he felt. Too many things just didn’t add up. However, when he said this out loud, he began to wonder if he even believed in the moral code of Christianity at all anymore. Deciding not to dwell on it, he asked Jay where Kerass was.
“I’m not sure,” Jay responded. “I haven’t seen him at all today.”
Lunch was nearing. Damien started counting down the seconds. His eyes never strayed from the clock. When the bell rang he bolted out the door without a word to Jay.
Kerass set his lunch down on the table next to her. He sat down and started to eat in silence. His mother lay in silence. Her breathing was rhythmic ultimately soothing him. Even though he didn’t know if she could hear him, he knew she was still alive and that was reason enough to put a smile on his face. It was moments like these that he treasured.
“I, uh,” he started clearing his throat, “I skipped school today to see you, Mom.” Tears started to form in his eyes. He continued saying that he was still doing well grade wise. He got A’s and B’s. “I don’t really get noticed after football season…I, uh, joined the swimming team. I’m not very good, but hey it’s at least something to keep my mind off of things.” He took a deep breath. Tears were flowing down his face now. It would have been easier to have just said the words in his head, but if there was even the slightest possibility that she could hear, it made talking through the tears worth it. “I’m so lonely, Mom. I feel like no one really sees or even hears me…” He paused, his face dropping. “I think we’re officially over now. She slept with her ex. Granted, it was while they were dating, but losing her virginity meant absolutely nothing to her.” His voice started to crack. “I’m so lost. I’m so alone. Mom, I can’t take the pain anymore. I feel like ever since your accident there’s been this huge hole that hasn’t been filled inside of me. I thought Cadence could fill that, but it only numbed the pain for a little while and now I’m all alone again.” His hands started shaking as he reached his hand out and grabbed hers. “Why isn’t Dad proud of me? Why can’t I ever please him? Mom, I need you. I need you to wake up. God, please, please help my mother to wake up,” he said barely above a whisper as he collapsed hugging her. His tears fell on the sheets until his eyes had run dry.
As he lay in silence the only thing he could hear was the rhythmic sound of her beating heart on the monitor.
Cadence sat down at her table waiting for Damien. She looked around the cafeteria. Neither Damien, nor Kerass were anywhere in sight. She started to get worried, not for Damien, but for Kerass. Even if it was over, she still felt protection over him. Before her mind wandered even more, Damien sat down next to her.
“Well-” he began.
“It’s over, Damien,” she cut him off. His face dropped. His breathing became deeper.
“I kinda expected as much,” he said a single tear slowly moving down his face. “Can we at least learn to live with each other being at the same school?” he asked gasping for a breath after he finished speaking.
“I don’t know,” she said. The silence after her response commanded attention. She didn’t want to even be friends anymore. Her decision was final, but she would never say this out loud to him. She tried to convey all of this with a simple look.
“Are you still friends with Jay?” he asked.
He obviously didn’t understand the finality part of the look. It frustrated her. She didn’t understand how he could possibly have interpreted that look any other way. Before her thoughts started racing he continued on saying that he and Jay had become fast friends during their study hall period. She asked him how.
“I accepted him as gay,” he said with a chuckle. “I guess I’m the only Christian who’s told him it’s ok to be gay.”
Her frustration at him turned into fury. He was completely blind to the contradictions in his very statement. “Damien, you are not a Christian.”
“Yes I am!” he exclaimed offense painted across his face.
“No, you’re not.” She continued saying that a Christian wouldn’t have sex before marriage. “A Christian wouldn’t claim that it was just a moral code. A Christian would say it’s about a relationship with God. A Christian would not encourage someone to embrace homosexuality. Now, I’m the farthest thing from a Christian and I was Jay’s first ally in his coming out process, but you have got to stop lying to yourself. Your views and your words don’t add up.”
“There’s nothing you can say. I know I’m a Christian. I just show more grace than the majority of us do,” he said boldly.
“Whatever, you can keep lying to yourself,” she said. She continued saying that eventually he would realize that she was telling the truth. He got up from the table and left the cafeteria without another word.
By the time Kerass walked into the house, he had realized he had spent several hours at his mother’s bedside. His father sat at the couch waiting for him.
“What do you think you were doing today?” his father asked. He continued saying that he had missed practice, which would cause him to miss the upcoming tournament.
“So what? Missing a tournament is more important than missing school?” Kerass asked back sarcastically.
“Yes! Because that’s who you are, Kerass.” His father then said that that was his best attribute. It was the thing that made him unique.
“You know what, I could care less about what you say because there is so much more to me than just being the sports star,” he said storming out of the room.
His father let out an aggravated scream that echoed off of the walls of the hallway. Kerass turned around screaming back, “WHAT!” What he saw caused the color to drain out of his face. His father lay on the floor. He ran over and checked his pulse. He couldn’t find one. He instantly pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911.
“Hello, my, my father,” he paused, his mind racing trying to figure out how to speak, “I think he’s suffered from a heart attack. He’s not breathing.”
Damien walked over towards her. Anticipation rose inside as he walked over to her. She didn’t want to be derailed, but she didn’t want to be pursued either. She didn’t know what she wanted.
“Hey,” Damien said. The simplicity of the greeting took her aback. She struggled to open her mouth and respond back. Not even knowing that her vocal chords were working again, she realized she had replied with a simple hi.
Silence ensued after the initial greeting which only made this whole interaction the more awkward. “We should really talk,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. It took her a moment to process through what he had said because he was so quiet. The confidence he exuded with ease vanished after that night.
“Yeah, I guess we should,” she said against her better judgment. The last time this had happened it had ruined her relationship with Kerass. She wanted to make sure that this wouldn’t ruin it. She stopped herself. She had admitted to Kerass that she had had sex in a previous relationship. She also admitted that it meant nothing to her, but her own stubbornness let him leave the house without hesitation. She never went after him. She didn’t say anything else to Damien either, she simply left the house without a word. She let him go. Kerass and her were…she couldn’t even utter the word in her own mind. They were…she forced herself to say the word out loud, “over.”
“Over what? Like lunch or something?” Damien asked. She responded that that would be best. They would meet in the cafeteria and talk things out. He moved towards her in an attempt to hug her, but changed his mind midway. He awkwardly turned around and walked away.
“Over,” she said again louder this time breaking the silence that had consumed her for a week.
Damien walked into the English hallway. Room D60 really meant nothing to him. He was still trying to find the layout of the school. Upon walking into the classroom, the seating arrangement had changed yet again. His seating partner was Jay. His hand immediately shot up in the air. Mr. Hendricks called on him asking for his name for the ten thousandth time. “Damien, how come I’m sitting next to a freshmen? I’m a junior!” he exclaimed.
“It’s just study hall,” Mr. Hendricks said. He went on to explain that each study hall was packed with freshmen, sophomores, and juniors. Seniors got to eat lunch off campus during study hall period.
“Ridiculous,” Damien muttered under his breath.
“I’m really not that bad once you get to know me,” Jay said beside him instantly making Damien feel bad. Damien apologized saying he was just surprised by how study hall had worked at Oak Stream High.
“So…you’re the ex right?” Jay asked. He continued explaining he meant the ex that had come from out of town to sweep Cadence off of her feet.
“Let me guess, Kerass’ best friend?” Damien replied. Jay nodded. Damien continued saying, “Thought so. So, what’s his deal?” He went on asking why he was so intense.
“He’s less intense than he is judgmental,” Jay responded spitefully.
This surprised Damien. Jay was supposed to be Kerass’ best friend and yet he was derailing him behind his back. Wanting to learn more, he asked, “Why would you say that?”
“He’s a Christian,” Jay said.
“Back off!” Damien exclaimed. Mr. Hendricks perked up asking the two of them to quiet down. “So am I,” he said quieter.
Jay continued saying that that was fine but he didn’t want his rights imposed upon. Damien asked what rights he was referring to. “I’m gay,” Jay said.
“So what? That’s fine,” Damien said. Jay’s face revealed his thoughts. He was in shock. He wasn’t expecting to hear this. Damien continued saying, “This is the 21st century, right? We allow women preachers now. Times change and the way we read the Bible does too.”
Jay’s mouth dropped open. Damien continued saying that although he didn’t have a problem with it, he did have a problem with him releasing it so publically so quickly. “Seriously, be more careful about that. I mean, it’s fine now, but you could get beat up for something like that.”
“You’re right,” Jay continued saying that it just felt like it was his whole world and he just wanted acceptance.
Damien said he knew. “But don’t let any one thing consume your world.”
“Not even Christianity?”
“Especially not Christianity,” Damien replied. He said it was just a moral code that he chose to live by, nothing less, nothing more. He couldn’t understand why more Christians were like him. There was no other way to truly be a Christian he felt. Too many things just didn’t add up. However, when he said this out loud, he began to wonder if he even believed in the moral code of Christianity at all anymore. Deciding not to dwell on it, he asked Jay where Kerass was.
“I’m not sure,” Jay responded. “I haven’t seen him at all today.”
Lunch was nearing. Damien started counting down the seconds. His eyes never strayed from the clock. When the bell rang he bolted out the door without a word to Jay.
Kerass set his lunch down on the table next to her. He sat down and started to eat in silence. His mother lay in silence. Her breathing was rhythmic ultimately soothing him. Even though he didn’t know if she could hear him, he knew she was still alive and that was reason enough to put a smile on his face. It was moments like these that he treasured.
“I, uh,” he started clearing his throat, “I skipped school today to see you, Mom.” Tears started to form in his eyes. He continued saying that he was still doing well grade wise. He got A’s and B’s. “I don’t really get noticed after football season…I, uh, joined the swimming team. I’m not very good, but hey it’s at least something to keep my mind off of things.” He took a deep breath. Tears were flowing down his face now. It would have been easier to have just said the words in his head, but if there was even the slightest possibility that she could hear, it made talking through the tears worth it. “I’m so lonely, Mom. I feel like no one really sees or even hears me…” He paused, his face dropping. “I think we’re officially over now. She slept with her ex. Granted, it was while they were dating, but losing her virginity meant absolutely nothing to her.” His voice started to crack. “I’m so lost. I’m so alone. Mom, I can’t take the pain anymore. I feel like ever since your accident there’s been this huge hole that hasn’t been filled inside of me. I thought Cadence could fill that, but it only numbed the pain for a little while and now I’m all alone again.” His hands started shaking as he reached his hand out and grabbed hers. “Why isn’t Dad proud of me? Why can’t I ever please him? Mom, I need you. I need you to wake up. God, please, please help my mother to wake up,” he said barely above a whisper as he collapsed hugging her. His tears fell on the sheets until his eyes had run dry.
As he lay in silence the only thing he could hear was the rhythmic sound of her beating heart on the monitor.
Cadence sat down at her table waiting for Damien. She looked around the cafeteria. Neither Damien, nor Kerass were anywhere in sight. She started to get worried, not for Damien, but for Kerass. Even if it was over, she still felt protection over him. Before her mind wandered even more, Damien sat down next to her.
“Well-” he began.
“It’s over, Damien,” she cut him off. His face dropped. His breathing became deeper.
“I kinda expected as much,” he said a single tear slowly moving down his face. “Can we at least learn to live with each other being at the same school?” he asked gasping for a breath after he finished speaking.
“I don’t know,” she said. The silence after her response commanded attention. She didn’t want to even be friends anymore. Her decision was final, but she would never say this out loud to him. She tried to convey all of this with a simple look.
“Are you still friends with Jay?” he asked.
He obviously didn’t understand the finality part of the look. It frustrated her. She didn’t understand how he could possibly have interpreted that look any other way. Before her thoughts started racing he continued on saying that he and Jay had become fast friends during their study hall period. She asked him how.
“I accepted him as gay,” he said with a chuckle. “I guess I’m the only Christian who’s told him it’s ok to be gay.”
Her frustration at him turned into fury. He was completely blind to the contradictions in his very statement. “Damien, you are not a Christian.”
“Yes I am!” he exclaimed offense painted across his face.
“No, you’re not.” She continued saying that a Christian wouldn’t have sex before marriage. “A Christian wouldn’t claim that it was just a moral code. A Christian would say it’s about a relationship with God. A Christian would not encourage someone to embrace homosexuality. Now, I’m the farthest thing from a Christian and I was Jay’s first ally in his coming out process, but you have got to stop lying to yourself. Your views and your words don’t add up.”
“There’s nothing you can say. I know I’m a Christian. I just show more grace than the majority of us do,” he said boldly.
“Whatever, you can keep lying to yourself,” she said. She continued saying that eventually he would realize that she was telling the truth. He got up from the table and left the cafeteria without another word.
By the time Kerass walked into the house, he had realized he had spent several hours at his mother’s bedside. His father sat at the couch waiting for him.
“What do you think you were doing today?” his father asked. He continued saying that he had missed practice, which would cause him to miss the upcoming tournament.
“So what? Missing a tournament is more important than missing school?” Kerass asked back sarcastically.
“Yes! Because that’s who you are, Kerass.” His father then said that that was his best attribute. It was the thing that made him unique.
“You know what, I could care less about what you say because there is so much more to me than just being the sports star,” he said storming out of the room.
His father let out an aggravated scream that echoed off of the walls of the hallway. Kerass turned around screaming back, “WHAT!” What he saw caused the color to drain out of his face. His father lay on the floor. He ran over and checked his pulse. He couldn’t find one. He instantly pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911.
“Hello, my, my father,” he paused, his mind racing trying to figure out how to speak, “I think he’s suffered from a heart attack. He’s not breathing.”
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Fallen Leaves - Chapter 7: Up All Night
It seemed like a good idea at the time, Kerass thought to himself. He had stormed out of the house after the reveal. He couldn’t even utter the thought in his mind, he was so infuriated and disgusted. He had no idea where he was walking and he didn’t care, but anywhere was better than his house with the traitor. Kerass cursed under his breath continuing to walk in the rain not caring that he was completely drenched. Not even caring if his clean, nice boy image was ruined, he kept walking. He didn’t even notice the rain after a while…
12 hours earlier…
Her heartbeat rose, palms sweaty, deeper breaths: it was all just another sign that she was about to confess something to Kerass. Kerass had made her feel safe, something her ex had done, but that safety ended quickly and within a day she had been withdrawn from the school. She shunned that memory out of her mind.
“I have to tell you something and it’s kinda, very hard to say,” she said amazed at how controlled her voice sounded, inside she felt like she was going to explode.
“I’m all ears,” Kerass said with a smile on his face.
Cadence opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. This time it had nothing to do with nerves. She felt like she was about to faint. There he was, her ex stood down the hallway walking straight over to them. His hair was now bleach blonde, an unfortunate choice, but his gaze was just as powerful and intense as Kerass’ was at the beginning. She knew he had said he would come three months later, but she couldn’t believe how quickly the time had flown by. After the peer support group was disbanded, she hadn’t texted him. She had grown attached to Kerass.
“Hold me,” she said at once, but it was too late, Damien, her ex, had put his arms around her.
“I’ve been waiting to hear you say that, baby,” Damien said kissing her on the neck.
“Let go, Damien!” she said, a little louder than she had wanted too.
Kerass pushed him. Cadence begged inside her head that he wouldn’t do something stupid and try to intimidate him physically. Damien was a junior and therefore much stronger than Kerass was. “What the heck do you think you’re doing to my girlfriend?” Kerass asked.
“The heck?” Damien laughed. “Who’s this, Mr. Clean? No it can’t be…he’s not buff enough.” Damien continued saying that it was time to embrace the real world.
Kerass responded he lived in it but there was no point in having a dirty mouth or a dirty mind.
“Just keep telling yourself that, kid,” Damien said. He turned and looked at Cadence. “Let’s just ditch. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”
Cadence resisted, but only for a second. She knew they had to talk things out. Kerass looked right at her. With a look, she tried to convey that she loved him, but this was just something that she had to do, but boys were stupid. She’d have to explain it in great detail later, but she just couldn’t get the words out of her mouth. Kerass turned and walked the other way down the hallway. She silently begged for forgiveness, but yet again, no sound came out of her mouth.
She wasn’t anywhere to be seen in the cafeteria either. At the beginning of the year, Kerass had always sat next to Jay, but ever since Cadence and him had become an item he had never sat at lunch with Jay. It seemed like they may no longer be an item. He was being pessimistic though. He walked over and sat down next to Jay knowing without a shadow of a doubt that he’d still want to have him sit down next to him.
“Wha- What are you doing here?” Jay stuttered.
Kerass asked if it was all right if he sat down there. “The ex has come back into town. She skipped the rest of the day in order to talk to him,” he said completely stagnant.
“Sit down,” Jay responded putting away his phone. He avoided eye contact from Kerass.
Kerass asked if something was wrong. He responded that it was nothing compared to the problems that Kerass was facing. “True enough,” he said.
Things started to get really tense. Jay was holding back, he could tell, but honestly he didn’t care at the moment. The only thing he was focused on was the conversation that he wished he could be sitting in on.
“How could she have left school for him, man?” he asked out loud. “It just doesn’t make any sense.”
He was surprised when he heard an answer out of Jay. Jay responded that potentially the bond wasn’t as strong as he had originally thought. “Or maybe it’s not mutual, you know?”
The thought had never occurred to him. What if that was true…he couldn’t bear it if it was. He could tell that tears were starting to form. He fought them back. He couldn’t show that this was hurting him as deeply as it had. He bit his tongue. It made him jump and snap out of it.
“I met him actually as he was walking in,” Jay said candidly.
“You what???” Kerass asked. This information was boggling his mind.
Jay continued saying that he was way cool. “I mean, I can understand why she left school for him,” he said with a smile on his face.
“Now that’s a low blow,” Kerass answered. He continued stating firmly that he should be his best friend and that it showed more love to lie to him than to tell the truth so bluntly.
Jay responded that the truth was always better than a lie. “I mean, it’s just whatever, but I doubt he even remembers meeting me.”
Jay was becoming extremely defensive about it. This began to bug Kerass because he began to feel like he had to walk on egg shells around Jay, but it didn’t matter now. He wanted to find out what was happening between Damien and Cadence. The bell rang which caused everyone to groan, but Kerass was thrilled. He was one hour closer to finding out what was happening with Cadence. He wasn’t even sure if she was still his girlfriend or not.
“Listen,” Damien started. Whenever he talked, it commanded attention. Cadence fought back not maintaining eye contact. “I’m gonna have a small party at my house, like a house warming thing.” He grabbed her chin which lifted her eyes to meet his gaze. Now she couldn’t take her eyes off of him no matter how hard she tried. He expressed how important it was to him that she show up.
“All right,” she said. Damien let out a huge sigh of relief. Cadence continued saying there was one exception. “Kerass has to come along.”
Damien’s eyes showed his sheer disappointment in what she said. Reluctance painted over his voice, he agreed to the condition. “9:00,” he said staring off to the side. “Don’t be late.”
Knock. Knock. Knock. Kerass couldn’t believe that he had agreed to this. He started to regret the decision once Damien opened the door. Damien was the ultimate enemy. Kerass equated him to the anti-Christ. He certainly had the charm to be. Once inside the house, he could hear music faintly in a different room. The song ended and immediately started up again.
“Wait…is Katy Perry on replay?” Kerass asked bewildered. This dude was even weirder than he had anticipated.
“Why, yeah,” Damien replied eloquently. “What’s the matter with that?”
Kerass smirked. “Nothing, it’s your house, man,” he said trying to hold back laughter. He was unsuccessful. His laughter echoed off of the walls.
“Keep it down!” Damien said quietly but firmly. He went on saying that it would annoy the neighbors. Kerass, always being one to obey the rules closed his mouth. Not out of respect to Damien, but out of respect to the neighbors.
“Follow me,” he said. Unpacked boxes stacked up to the ceiling. They really had just moved in. It wasn’t a fluke visit, or a runaway situation. Kerass’ heart sank in sheer disappointment.
They walked up a flight of stairs. Nails hung out of the wall. Picture frames should be hung here, but they must be in all the boxes, he thought to himself. Walking down the hallway, he could sense something wasn’t right. Where was everyone else? They walked straight into his bedroom. He could tell he was going to explode… “Where’s everybody else?” he demanded louder than he had wanted.
“Uh…” Damien began to stutter. For the first time, Kerass saw Damien, the junior who commanded control, stumble. His words became few as he kept on restarting his next sentence. Kerass could tell he was nervous and he was glad that he looked like a fool. It served him right. “There’s no one else.”
Kerass put his hand into a fist. His knuckles turned white.
“What did you think was going to happen, Damien?” Cadence asked interceding the tension rising between the two of them.
“Do you love him?” Damien asked. Visibly he was calming down, regaining his cool.
Kerass looked at Cadence’s eyes. They started to glisten. His anger started to boil over.
“You know I do. It’s not even a competition,” she said sympathetically, but with a confidence that expressed that whatever they had was over.
Kerass let out a sigh of relief. Finally things could start turning back to normal. “Well, I’m awake enough to stay up all night,” he said. Cadence locked her hand into his saying that she would join him.
“You can’t possibly l-love him!” Damien shouted at the top of his lungs. His hands started to shake. “Not the way that you loved me,” he added barely above a whisper.
Cadence begged Damien not to continue. Kerass’ heart rate started to raise. Attempting to keep his cool, he asked, “What does he mean, the way you loved him?”
Cadence began by saying that she was going to wait to tell him. Her voice low, but still filled with confidence. “I had sex with Damien, but it didn’t mean anything.”
Damien burst into tears. He fell to the floor gasping for breath. “How could it not mean anything to you?” he said in between sobs. “My world was rocked by you...and it meant...nothing.”
Kerass reiterated Damien’s question. “How could losing your virginity mean nothing?!”
“I-,” she began, but no further words came out.
Kerass continued asking whether that was the reason she transferred out of the Lutheran school. “Or were you kicked out?” he paused waiting for an answer, but she was stoic. “Answer me!” he demanded.
“What I do with my body is no one’s business but mine,” she said acidly.
Kerass stormed out of the bedroom racing down the stairs. It was raining outside, but he didn’t care. His body demanded air. She had betrayed him. What else had she been hiding from him? Damien deserved Cadence, the traitor. He stormed out the door into the pouring rain. He knew definitively now that he was going to stay up all night.
12 hours earlier…
Her heartbeat rose, palms sweaty, deeper breaths: it was all just another sign that she was about to confess something to Kerass. Kerass had made her feel safe, something her ex had done, but that safety ended quickly and within a day she had been withdrawn from the school. She shunned that memory out of her mind.
“I have to tell you something and it’s kinda, very hard to say,” she said amazed at how controlled her voice sounded, inside she felt like she was going to explode.
“I’m all ears,” Kerass said with a smile on his face.
Cadence opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. This time it had nothing to do with nerves. She felt like she was about to faint. There he was, her ex stood down the hallway walking straight over to them. His hair was now bleach blonde, an unfortunate choice, but his gaze was just as powerful and intense as Kerass’ was at the beginning. She knew he had said he would come three months later, but she couldn’t believe how quickly the time had flown by. After the peer support group was disbanded, she hadn’t texted him. She had grown attached to Kerass.
“Hold me,” she said at once, but it was too late, Damien, her ex, had put his arms around her.
“I’ve been waiting to hear you say that, baby,” Damien said kissing her on the neck.
“Let go, Damien!” she said, a little louder than she had wanted too.
Kerass pushed him. Cadence begged inside her head that he wouldn’t do something stupid and try to intimidate him physically. Damien was a junior and therefore much stronger than Kerass was. “What the heck do you think you’re doing to my girlfriend?” Kerass asked.
“The heck?” Damien laughed. “Who’s this, Mr. Clean? No it can’t be…he’s not buff enough.” Damien continued saying that it was time to embrace the real world.
Kerass responded he lived in it but there was no point in having a dirty mouth or a dirty mind.
“Just keep telling yourself that, kid,” Damien said. He turned and looked at Cadence. “Let’s just ditch. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”
Cadence resisted, but only for a second. She knew they had to talk things out. Kerass looked right at her. With a look, she tried to convey that she loved him, but this was just something that she had to do, but boys were stupid. She’d have to explain it in great detail later, but she just couldn’t get the words out of her mouth. Kerass turned and walked the other way down the hallway. She silently begged for forgiveness, but yet again, no sound came out of her mouth.
She wasn’t anywhere to be seen in the cafeteria either. At the beginning of the year, Kerass had always sat next to Jay, but ever since Cadence and him had become an item he had never sat at lunch with Jay. It seemed like they may no longer be an item. He was being pessimistic though. He walked over and sat down next to Jay knowing without a shadow of a doubt that he’d still want to have him sit down next to him.
“Wha- What are you doing here?” Jay stuttered.
Kerass asked if it was all right if he sat down there. “The ex has come back into town. She skipped the rest of the day in order to talk to him,” he said completely stagnant.
“Sit down,” Jay responded putting away his phone. He avoided eye contact from Kerass.
Kerass asked if something was wrong. He responded that it was nothing compared to the problems that Kerass was facing. “True enough,” he said.
Things started to get really tense. Jay was holding back, he could tell, but honestly he didn’t care at the moment. The only thing he was focused on was the conversation that he wished he could be sitting in on.
“How could she have left school for him, man?” he asked out loud. “It just doesn’t make any sense.”
He was surprised when he heard an answer out of Jay. Jay responded that potentially the bond wasn’t as strong as he had originally thought. “Or maybe it’s not mutual, you know?”
The thought had never occurred to him. What if that was true…he couldn’t bear it if it was. He could tell that tears were starting to form. He fought them back. He couldn’t show that this was hurting him as deeply as it had. He bit his tongue. It made him jump and snap out of it.
“I met him actually as he was walking in,” Jay said candidly.
“You what???” Kerass asked. This information was boggling his mind.
Jay continued saying that he was way cool. “I mean, I can understand why she left school for him,” he said with a smile on his face.
“Now that’s a low blow,” Kerass answered. He continued stating firmly that he should be his best friend and that it showed more love to lie to him than to tell the truth so bluntly.
Jay responded that the truth was always better than a lie. “I mean, it’s just whatever, but I doubt he even remembers meeting me.”
Jay was becoming extremely defensive about it. This began to bug Kerass because he began to feel like he had to walk on egg shells around Jay, but it didn’t matter now. He wanted to find out what was happening between Damien and Cadence. The bell rang which caused everyone to groan, but Kerass was thrilled. He was one hour closer to finding out what was happening with Cadence. He wasn’t even sure if she was still his girlfriend or not.
“Listen,” Damien started. Whenever he talked, it commanded attention. Cadence fought back not maintaining eye contact. “I’m gonna have a small party at my house, like a house warming thing.” He grabbed her chin which lifted her eyes to meet his gaze. Now she couldn’t take her eyes off of him no matter how hard she tried. He expressed how important it was to him that she show up.
“All right,” she said. Damien let out a huge sigh of relief. Cadence continued saying there was one exception. “Kerass has to come along.”
Damien’s eyes showed his sheer disappointment in what she said. Reluctance painted over his voice, he agreed to the condition. “9:00,” he said staring off to the side. “Don’t be late.”
Knock. Knock. Knock. Kerass couldn’t believe that he had agreed to this. He started to regret the decision once Damien opened the door. Damien was the ultimate enemy. Kerass equated him to the anti-Christ. He certainly had the charm to be. Once inside the house, he could hear music faintly in a different room. The song ended and immediately started up again.
“Wait…is Katy Perry on replay?” Kerass asked bewildered. This dude was even weirder than he had anticipated.
“Why, yeah,” Damien replied eloquently. “What’s the matter with that?”
Kerass smirked. “Nothing, it’s your house, man,” he said trying to hold back laughter. He was unsuccessful. His laughter echoed off of the walls.
“Keep it down!” Damien said quietly but firmly. He went on saying that it would annoy the neighbors. Kerass, always being one to obey the rules closed his mouth. Not out of respect to Damien, but out of respect to the neighbors.
“Follow me,” he said. Unpacked boxes stacked up to the ceiling. They really had just moved in. It wasn’t a fluke visit, or a runaway situation. Kerass’ heart sank in sheer disappointment.
They walked up a flight of stairs. Nails hung out of the wall. Picture frames should be hung here, but they must be in all the boxes, he thought to himself. Walking down the hallway, he could sense something wasn’t right. Where was everyone else? They walked straight into his bedroom. He could tell he was going to explode… “Where’s everybody else?” he demanded louder than he had wanted.
“Uh…” Damien began to stutter. For the first time, Kerass saw Damien, the junior who commanded control, stumble. His words became few as he kept on restarting his next sentence. Kerass could tell he was nervous and he was glad that he looked like a fool. It served him right. “There’s no one else.”
Kerass put his hand into a fist. His knuckles turned white.
“What did you think was going to happen, Damien?” Cadence asked interceding the tension rising between the two of them.
“Do you love him?” Damien asked. Visibly he was calming down, regaining his cool.
Kerass looked at Cadence’s eyes. They started to glisten. His anger started to boil over.
“You know I do. It’s not even a competition,” she said sympathetically, but with a confidence that expressed that whatever they had was over.
Kerass let out a sigh of relief. Finally things could start turning back to normal. “Well, I’m awake enough to stay up all night,” he said. Cadence locked her hand into his saying that she would join him.
“You can’t possibly l-love him!” Damien shouted at the top of his lungs. His hands started to shake. “Not the way that you loved me,” he added barely above a whisper.
Cadence begged Damien not to continue. Kerass’ heart rate started to raise. Attempting to keep his cool, he asked, “What does he mean, the way you loved him?”
Cadence began by saying that she was going to wait to tell him. Her voice low, but still filled with confidence. “I had sex with Damien, but it didn’t mean anything.”
Damien burst into tears. He fell to the floor gasping for breath. “How could it not mean anything to you?” he said in between sobs. “My world was rocked by you...and it meant...nothing.”
Kerass reiterated Damien’s question. “How could losing your virginity mean nothing?!”
“I-,” she began, but no further words came out.
Kerass continued asking whether that was the reason she transferred out of the Lutheran school. “Or were you kicked out?” he paused waiting for an answer, but she was stoic. “Answer me!” he demanded.
“What I do with my body is no one’s business but mine,” she said acidly.
Kerass stormed out of the bedroom racing down the stairs. It was raining outside, but he didn’t care. His body demanded air. She had betrayed him. What else had she been hiding from him? Damien deserved Cadence, the traitor. He stormed out the door into the pouring rain. He knew definitively now that he was going to stay up all night.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Fallen Leaves - Chapter 6: Truly Madly Deeply
Jay, sitting in his chair in his bedroom, journaled out his thoughts of the day’s events. Writing down his thoughts was one of the only ways that he felt he could fully express himself. He had felt empty ever since he had been dropped from the play. He could sense that his thoughts were betraying him yet again.
Kerass was his friend, he knew that to be a fact, but he couldn’t get the image of him running around shirtless on the track out of his head. Thinking back on when he was pushed down the stairs of Kerass’ house, he tried to get the thoughts out of his mind completely, but the more he tired to suppress it, the stronger, the crisper the images solidified in his mind.
Cursing under his breath he started to pace around the room. Blood started rushing through his body. His heart began to pound, his head throbbing, stronger and stronger. Nothing seemed to take away this strong desire, this need to see Kerass shirtless.
His thoughts began to spin, wondering if there was any way he could keep this image with him forever. The only thing that came to mind was to take a picture. Then it clicked. Everything came to place in his mind in a single instant. He would take a picture with his phone. It was simple enough. He just had to catch Kerass at a time that he would be shirtless, but he had no idea when that would be. Getting pissed that he couldn’t find a solution, he left his bedroom, neglecting to finish his morning journal entry.
“You’re down early,” his father said beaming. Jay bit his tongue from cursing at his father. He had no idea how his father would react if he found out what he had just been thinking. He assumed the worst. He and his father were never the closest. In an attempt to stop the bonding from even beginning, he simply nodded and headed towards the front door.
His father let him go without a word just like every single moment between the two of them. Running into his father unexpectedly that morning, his heart rate had come down. For some reason, he felt the urge to turn around and talk with his father. Deciding that urge would still be there the following day, he opted instead to just keep walking straight to the bus stop.
“You’re not home a lot during the afternoons anymore,” Kerass’ father inquired. He was very perceptive, Kerass acknowledged in his mind. He had to give him that at the very least. Kerass simply replied that it was due to extra curricular activities. His father replied that football was now over. “What else are you staying after school for?”
Kerass sighed realizing he had been caught in his white lie. “I’m staying after school to hang out with a girl Dad.” His father’s face instantly lit up beaming. He wanted to know all about her, where she was from, how long they had been dating, all this information that pissed Kerass off that he wanted to know.
“Why are you so interested in my life anyways?” Kerass continued saying that he had never paid attention to anything other than his football stats for years.
His father replied that things had changed considering his mother’s accident. “I realized I hadn’t been there for you. I want to be,” his father said. Kerass was skeptical knowing there was something else his father was trying to find out. “I’d love to meet her,” he said expressing his desire for them all to have dinner together.
Kerass responded that she wouldn’t go for it out of spite. His father asked him to just try. “I’ll see what she says,” Kerass said walking out the door saying that he would be late for the bus if he didn’t leave the house that instant.
Realizing the bus was just pulling up to the stop, he ran as fast as he could. He made it on just in time. To his surprise, Jay was on the late bus run. Jay smiled at him as he sat down next to him. “You’re later than usual,” Kerass said, a smirk on his face.
Jay asked him how he was doing that morning. Kerass answered saying there was tension with his father. “Believe me, I understand how that is,” Jay replied.
Kerass asked Jay if there were any problems with him and his father, but Jay replied that there were no more than usual. “I need to find another sport to get into,” Kerass said. “I can’t be at home anymore during the afternoons.”
Jay’s eyes instantly alit with a fiery passion that he only saw when Jay performed on the stage. “I think you should join swimming!” Jay exclaimed emphatically. Kerass replied that he needed to keep his voice down. Smiling back at Jay, he realized things were getting back to normal between the two of them. He had missed his best friend. He wouldn’t possibly attempt to ruin their friendship again.
“That’s not that bad of an idea, actually,” Kerass replied. He continued saying that tryouts were that afternoon. He hadn’t given a thought to it, but it was great for upper body strength and it would keep him in shape during the winter.
“Can I take a pic?” Jay asked almost jumping out of his seat. Kerass asked of what to which Jay replied of him after his try out.
“I don’t see why not, just use your cell phone, nothing professional,” he said.
Jay responded, “Oh don’t worry, there’s nothing professional about this.”
Kerass beamed. He was so stoked that Jay and him were able to talk the way they used to. Finally, things were the way they should be.
Before he knew it, men sporting Speedos surrounded him. It seemed like a dream come true. He begged himself to not get excited. Kerass took off his shirt then. His heart pounded. He looked even better now than he had the last time he had been shirtless before him. “You’ve come!” he exclaimed running towards him. He explained how nervous he was. “I mean, I just want to be the best,” he whispered. “But I’m really uncomfortable being shirtless in front of people.”
Jay began to feel guilty, which he didn’t like feeling. “Can I still take a picture?” he asked hopeful that this wasn’t betraying their friendship. He knew he was lying to himself, but his desires screamed at him to ignore it.
“Only if you’re in it with me,” he said. Kerass, wearing nothing but a Speedo, put his arm around Jay. Jay’s head beaded with sweat. Jay handed the smart phone off. They both smiled as the picture was taken. “Make sure you text the photo to me,” Kerass said jumping into the water.
Jay smiled at him as he responded, “It’s already done.”
Cadence’s heart raced as she waited for the door to open. She was concerned that Kerass didn’t want to show her off to his father. He was a pastor after all. Maybe her strong push against religion would turn off any pastor, especially considering she was dating his son.
The door opened before she could collect any more thoughts. “Come on in!” his father said waving her inside the house. The house was a lot different than she had expected. It wasn’t completely upfront a religious house. There were no Bible verses hanging in picture frames, no pictures of Jesus, and no Bible set up on a stand. She felt a lot more comfortable than she ever thought she would.
“Take a seat, honey,” Kerass said pulling the chair out for her. Her heartbeat fell to a normal level as she sat down. She asked what was for dinner. Kerass’ father replied that they had made steak that evening.
“Um,” she paused not knowing how to say it. “I’m a vegan,” she said.
“Oh!” Kerass said. She could tell he attempted to avoid eye contact with her and his father.
“I guess you didn’t know as much about her as you thought, did you son?” his father inquired. He continued asking if that was not what he said was her favorite meal.
“I guess I never really asked,” Kerass responded his voice barely above a whisper.
Cadence replied that it was fine. She would just eat the salad and it would all be fine.
His father said that wouldn’t do, they would find something for her to eat a full meal. “What else do you not know about her, Kerass?”
Cadence tried to keep calm. She looked over at Kerass. He was pouting. His father was completely embarrassing both of them. He was derailing his own son with such glee and ease that it completely disgusted Cadence.
“I know she’s not religious. Is that what you’re after?” Kerass screamed back at him. He continued saying that he was only looking for ways that Cadence wasn’t good enough for him. “Just because I didn’t know she was a vegan doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to who she really is.”
“And who is that?” his father asked with a smirk on his face.
“She’s the girl I love,” Kerass replied.
Kerass’ father busted out laughing saying he had no true conception of what love really was. “Without Jesus in a person’s life, love doesn’t really exist.”
Kerass glared back at his father. This was the father he had grown up with. The father who was loving and forgiving was gone. That was only momentary kindness. This was who he really was. “Why don’t you start practicing what you actually preach? Maybe then you can start being a real father,” Kerass said acidly.
Cadence ran out the door. She didn’t want to stay before any more verbal abuse was uttered. She didn’t even want to think that physical abuse was used in that family. She tried to catch her breath standing outside the door. Kerass followed shortly behind telling her instantly how sorry he was that she had to see that.
“How did that escalate so quickly?” she asked exclaiming that it made no sense whatsoever.
Kerass replied that he was only looking for a way to find out why she wasn’t right for him. Cadence sighed saying that if their relationship was causing that much problems, then maybe they should break up before he got any more emotional abuse.
“No! I fought for you in there!” he shouted.
“I know and I love you for it,” she said. She continued saying she couldn’t stand seeing him get hurt anymore the way that he was in there. “No one should take advantage of you.”
He grabbed her face as tears started to fall down his own. “I am truly, madly, deeply in love with you,” he said.
Her emotions overwhelmed her. It almost felt like her heart nearly stopped. She then grabbed him and kissed him. It was the most passionate kiss she had ever experienced in her entire life. Their lips locked together in perfect harmony. Nothing could interrupt this moment. Nothing could tear their love apart.
Jay’s thoughts overwhelmed him. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of the picture on his phone. Kerass’ body was truly something to behold. He knew he was betraying his best friend, but he no longer cared. Nothing interrupted his thoughts, his needs. He decided he would give into his desires and stop fighting it. Taking the phone with him, he walked down the hallway closing the bathroom door behind him.
Kerass was his friend, he knew that to be a fact, but he couldn’t get the image of him running around shirtless on the track out of his head. Thinking back on when he was pushed down the stairs of Kerass’ house, he tried to get the thoughts out of his mind completely, but the more he tired to suppress it, the stronger, the crisper the images solidified in his mind.
Cursing under his breath he started to pace around the room. Blood started rushing through his body. His heart began to pound, his head throbbing, stronger and stronger. Nothing seemed to take away this strong desire, this need to see Kerass shirtless.
His thoughts began to spin, wondering if there was any way he could keep this image with him forever. The only thing that came to mind was to take a picture. Then it clicked. Everything came to place in his mind in a single instant. He would take a picture with his phone. It was simple enough. He just had to catch Kerass at a time that he would be shirtless, but he had no idea when that would be. Getting pissed that he couldn’t find a solution, he left his bedroom, neglecting to finish his morning journal entry.
“You’re down early,” his father said beaming. Jay bit his tongue from cursing at his father. He had no idea how his father would react if he found out what he had just been thinking. He assumed the worst. He and his father were never the closest. In an attempt to stop the bonding from even beginning, he simply nodded and headed towards the front door.
His father let him go without a word just like every single moment between the two of them. Running into his father unexpectedly that morning, his heart rate had come down. For some reason, he felt the urge to turn around and talk with his father. Deciding that urge would still be there the following day, he opted instead to just keep walking straight to the bus stop.
“You’re not home a lot during the afternoons anymore,” Kerass’ father inquired. He was very perceptive, Kerass acknowledged in his mind. He had to give him that at the very least. Kerass simply replied that it was due to extra curricular activities. His father replied that football was now over. “What else are you staying after school for?”
Kerass sighed realizing he had been caught in his white lie. “I’m staying after school to hang out with a girl Dad.” His father’s face instantly lit up beaming. He wanted to know all about her, where she was from, how long they had been dating, all this information that pissed Kerass off that he wanted to know.
“Why are you so interested in my life anyways?” Kerass continued saying that he had never paid attention to anything other than his football stats for years.
His father replied that things had changed considering his mother’s accident. “I realized I hadn’t been there for you. I want to be,” his father said. Kerass was skeptical knowing there was something else his father was trying to find out. “I’d love to meet her,” he said expressing his desire for them all to have dinner together.
Kerass responded that she wouldn’t go for it out of spite. His father asked him to just try. “I’ll see what she says,” Kerass said walking out the door saying that he would be late for the bus if he didn’t leave the house that instant.
Realizing the bus was just pulling up to the stop, he ran as fast as he could. He made it on just in time. To his surprise, Jay was on the late bus run. Jay smiled at him as he sat down next to him. “You’re later than usual,” Kerass said, a smirk on his face.
Jay asked him how he was doing that morning. Kerass answered saying there was tension with his father. “Believe me, I understand how that is,” Jay replied.
Kerass asked Jay if there were any problems with him and his father, but Jay replied that there were no more than usual. “I need to find another sport to get into,” Kerass said. “I can’t be at home anymore during the afternoons.”
Jay’s eyes instantly alit with a fiery passion that he only saw when Jay performed on the stage. “I think you should join swimming!” Jay exclaimed emphatically. Kerass replied that he needed to keep his voice down. Smiling back at Jay, he realized things were getting back to normal between the two of them. He had missed his best friend. He wouldn’t possibly attempt to ruin their friendship again.
“That’s not that bad of an idea, actually,” Kerass replied. He continued saying that tryouts were that afternoon. He hadn’t given a thought to it, but it was great for upper body strength and it would keep him in shape during the winter.
“Can I take a pic?” Jay asked almost jumping out of his seat. Kerass asked of what to which Jay replied of him after his try out.
“I don’t see why not, just use your cell phone, nothing professional,” he said.
Jay responded, “Oh don’t worry, there’s nothing professional about this.”
Kerass beamed. He was so stoked that Jay and him were able to talk the way they used to. Finally, things were the way they should be.
Before he knew it, men sporting Speedos surrounded him. It seemed like a dream come true. He begged himself to not get excited. Kerass took off his shirt then. His heart pounded. He looked even better now than he had the last time he had been shirtless before him. “You’ve come!” he exclaimed running towards him. He explained how nervous he was. “I mean, I just want to be the best,” he whispered. “But I’m really uncomfortable being shirtless in front of people.”
Jay began to feel guilty, which he didn’t like feeling. “Can I still take a picture?” he asked hopeful that this wasn’t betraying their friendship. He knew he was lying to himself, but his desires screamed at him to ignore it.
“Only if you’re in it with me,” he said. Kerass, wearing nothing but a Speedo, put his arm around Jay. Jay’s head beaded with sweat. Jay handed the smart phone off. They both smiled as the picture was taken. “Make sure you text the photo to me,” Kerass said jumping into the water.
Jay smiled at him as he responded, “It’s already done.”
Cadence’s heart raced as she waited for the door to open. She was concerned that Kerass didn’t want to show her off to his father. He was a pastor after all. Maybe her strong push against religion would turn off any pastor, especially considering she was dating his son.
The door opened before she could collect any more thoughts. “Come on in!” his father said waving her inside the house. The house was a lot different than she had expected. It wasn’t completely upfront a religious house. There were no Bible verses hanging in picture frames, no pictures of Jesus, and no Bible set up on a stand. She felt a lot more comfortable than she ever thought she would.
“Take a seat, honey,” Kerass said pulling the chair out for her. Her heartbeat fell to a normal level as she sat down. She asked what was for dinner. Kerass’ father replied that they had made steak that evening.
“Um,” she paused not knowing how to say it. “I’m a vegan,” she said.
“Oh!” Kerass said. She could tell he attempted to avoid eye contact with her and his father.
“I guess you didn’t know as much about her as you thought, did you son?” his father inquired. He continued asking if that was not what he said was her favorite meal.
“I guess I never really asked,” Kerass responded his voice barely above a whisper.
Cadence replied that it was fine. She would just eat the salad and it would all be fine.
His father said that wouldn’t do, they would find something for her to eat a full meal. “What else do you not know about her, Kerass?”
Cadence tried to keep calm. She looked over at Kerass. He was pouting. His father was completely embarrassing both of them. He was derailing his own son with such glee and ease that it completely disgusted Cadence.
“I know she’s not religious. Is that what you’re after?” Kerass screamed back at him. He continued saying that he was only looking for ways that Cadence wasn’t good enough for him. “Just because I didn’t know she was a vegan doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to who she really is.”
“And who is that?” his father asked with a smirk on his face.
“She’s the girl I love,” Kerass replied.
Kerass’ father busted out laughing saying he had no true conception of what love really was. “Without Jesus in a person’s life, love doesn’t really exist.”
Kerass glared back at his father. This was the father he had grown up with. The father who was loving and forgiving was gone. That was only momentary kindness. This was who he really was. “Why don’t you start practicing what you actually preach? Maybe then you can start being a real father,” Kerass said acidly.
Cadence ran out the door. She didn’t want to stay before any more verbal abuse was uttered. She didn’t even want to think that physical abuse was used in that family. She tried to catch her breath standing outside the door. Kerass followed shortly behind telling her instantly how sorry he was that she had to see that.
“How did that escalate so quickly?” she asked exclaiming that it made no sense whatsoever.
Kerass replied that he was only looking for a way to find out why she wasn’t right for him. Cadence sighed saying that if their relationship was causing that much problems, then maybe they should break up before he got any more emotional abuse.
“No! I fought for you in there!” he shouted.
“I know and I love you for it,” she said. She continued saying she couldn’t stand seeing him get hurt anymore the way that he was in there. “No one should take advantage of you.”
He grabbed her face as tears started to fall down his own. “I am truly, madly, deeply in love with you,” he said.
Her emotions overwhelmed her. It almost felt like her heart nearly stopped. She then grabbed him and kissed him. It was the most passionate kiss she had ever experienced in her entire life. Their lips locked together in perfect harmony. Nothing could interrupt this moment. Nothing could tear their love apart.
Jay’s thoughts overwhelmed him. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of the picture on his phone. Kerass’ body was truly something to behold. He knew he was betraying his best friend, but he no longer cared. Nothing interrupted his thoughts, his needs. He decided he would give into his desires and stop fighting it. Taking the phone with him, he walked down the hallway closing the bathroom door behind him.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Fallen Leaves - Chapter 5: Gotta Be You
Kerass woke with a start. His alarm never failed to surprise himself. It always interrupted a deep slumber. His clock read 6:15. He immediately got out of his bed beginning to dress himself for the day. It took no time at all. This was the final football game of the season. All he had to do was wear a team shirt, which was always washed come Sunday. Throwing his backpack over his shoulder, he walked downstairs ready to embrace the day.
Sitting down on the living room sofa reading a Bible, was his father. He knew not to disturb his father’s devotion time, so he decided to walk straight out the door. His hand on the doorknob, opening it as quietly as he possibly could, his father spoke up stopping him. “I was hoping we could talk,” his father said.
Kerass replied that that was fine as he sat down on the couch. There was a pause. Neither of them spoke for a few seconds. Kerass looked into his father’s eyes. Whatever wanted to be discussed was most likely serious, too serious for 6:20 in the morning. “What’s up?” Kerass asked.
His father replied that he had noticed that he hadn’t been partaking in devotions recently. He asked him if anything had changed recently. Kerass just replied that he was swamped with schoolwork, the football team, all of that stuff.
“Hmm,” his father replied. “I’ve also noticed that Jay hasn’t been around recently.” His father looked straight into his eyes. It was as if he was staring straight into his soul. Kerass responded that Jay wouldn’t be around again anytime soon. The next question was obvious. Kerass explained before his father even had to ask.
“He’s gay, Dad,” Kerass said vainly. “He tried to kiss me.” Looking over, he saw his father’s expression change. His father looked almost remorseful for some bizarre reason. Kerass continued saying not to give him a lecture about how he told him so. He liked theater kids, not every guy who did theater was gay.
His father replied that he wasn’t going there at all. “I think you need to forgive him.” Kerass couldn’t believe his ears. This couldn’t possibly be the same father he had known for years. This father was loving and forgiving, something he couldn’t remember the last time he had experienced.
“No,” he said and immediately walked out of the door, slamming it shut behind him.
The beating of his heart remained the same. Jay stood by his locker alone. There was no difference in his heart rate. It remained stagnant, unmoving. His best friend wasn’t standing next to him. He had lost the only friend he had in the world. Ever since Kerass had told him that he never wanted to see him again, his heart had ached. A huge hole seemed like it was punched through his chest. Honesty definitely was not the best policy. It had destroyed everything that he had cared about. YouTube had told him that if he was honest people would love and accept him, but oddly enough YouTube had lied to him. Maybe coming out to his best friend while trying to kiss him wasn’t the smartest decision in the world. Scratch that, it was the dumbest decision he had ever made in his entire life.
He was only a freshmen in high school and he felt like his entire life was over. Maybe things weren’t as bad as he thought, but in the moment it sure felt like they were. He realized walking towards his locker, acknowledging that Kerass wasn’t going to be there, that he simply didn’t care anymore. That was the reason his heartbeat remained the same. He didn’t care about anyone in this school. If he was lucky, maybe he wouldn’t even be noticed at all.
Cadence smiled noticing Jay standing by his locker. Kerass wasn’t with him. That seemed very strange. Perhaps he was sick. It’s the only explanation that made any sense as to why Kerass wasn’t there with them. She tapped his shoulder which made him jump sky high. She laughed and asked him how he was doing.
“Things could always be better,” he said completely monotone. She asked him what was wrong, but he didn’t budge. His eyes told her everything. He wasn’t going to let anybody in. She then said the only thing she thought correlated, “Where’s Kerass?”
He told her he didn’t know who she was talking about. He turned around walking away. Taken aback, she spun him back around both hands gripping his arms. Her grip demanded attention. She attempted to bore into his mind the way that Kerass bored into hers during the first and only peer support group meeting. It wasn’t the most affective. He smiled down at her.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he asked. The bell rang signifying the 5-minute warning for the start of the day. She smiled back at him.
“Tell me at the game,” she said. She made him promise that he would be there. He promised by snapping it. “See? Things are always better off than they seem.”
Joy arose from every student as the final bell rang signifying the end of the day. For Kerass, he couldn’t wait to have the football season end. It was one of the things he had dreaded the most about being in high school. Sports were tougher. He knew he could handle the pressure, but he wasn’t sure that he could handle the people, the fake smiles telling him that they cared about him.
His father’s advice bugged him the entire day. He didn’t know what to do with that. The only thing he wanted to do was to ignore it, but he couldn’t get his mind off of it. The guilt over cutting his best friend out of his life was eating away inside of him. Jay definitely had crossed the line and embracing a life celebrating sin was so not cool, but the way he had initially reacted was not cool either. He couldn’t possibly be turning into his father. Maybe he had gotten his father all wrong. He had promoted forgiveness that morning. Every time he thought he was going to forgive Jay, he instantly flashed back to when Jay attempted to kiss him. Anger would boil inside of him brimming over whenever he had that flashback. The only thing that could keep him calm was Cadence.
He convinced himself that he would surprise Cadence. He hid beneath the stairwell and waited. He didn’t care that his thoughts were sinful. He relished in his fantasies. Cadence started to walk into the main hallway having just walked down the stairs. Kerass grabbed her pulling her back underneath the stairwell. Their lips met instantaneously. His heart started pounding. He demanded his body to keep still. She asked him what that was for. “For being you,” he replied.
They walked out of the stairwell hand in hand. Mr. Baganz called out to him. Every football player was asked to give their jersey to a teacher during game days. Kerass always gave it to his history teacher. Mr. Baganz felt more than simply a teacher to him, he felt like a mentor, a friend. Mr. Baganz truly supported him, not just the quarterback. Kerass beamed back at him convinced that now nothing could mess up his game.
Jay wasn’t sure why he was even here. The football stadium was like sheer hell for him. Kerass was the only one who made him feel welcome sitting in the stands and now he was no longer his friend. Cadence waved her hand to get him to sit down next to her. Looking behind him checking to make sure she wasn’t waving at anybody else, he walked up the stands and sat down next to Cadence.
He looked over at the scoreboard. They were winning, but only slightly. They were only up by three points. This was definitely not Kerass’ usual game. He always dominated the field. Within seconds, they were losing. The other team scored by intercepting the ball. Jay couldn’t believe his eyes. For the first time, he was seeing Kerass lose. It felt glorious to see him suffer. He decided he was going to stay and watch him be tortured even longer.
Cadence looked over at him asking him to spill. His heart began to pound. The two words he was about to utter could potentially destroy his life. He didn’t know why, but it was easier to trust her because she hadn’t known him as long. “I’m gay,” he uttered under his breath.
Her smile back surprised him. She told him that it had been obvious from her encounters with him. “Don’t even worry, I am definitely an ally.” She hugged him. It kinda felt uncomfortable. He didn’t really like being this close to girls anyways. The hug broke, even though he was ecstatic to finally have an ally, he never wanted to hug a girl again.
Kerass had been benched. Jay realized he was looking at him. They locked eyes only for a moment before Kerass called him over to the chain-link fence. Jay hesitated. The previous reaction from him had been so severe he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be around him when he exploded again.
By the time he reached the fence, his heart was racing. Only two words were uttered. “I’m sorry,” they both said at once. Kerass asked to go first. He responded that while it was not cool that he had tried to kiss him and he made it clear that he did not support his decision to embrace homosexuality, he knew he had reacted improperly. Neither of those things was a good enough reason to break a friendship. “At least you were honest with me.” He asked to say just one more thing. “Listen, if I’m going to have a best friend that I care about and trust it’s gotta be you.”
Jay’s eyes started to tear up. He reassured Kerass that he would never try to kiss him again. “I definitely could’ve found a better way of telling you about it.” Kerass beamed at him. Jay was exuberant to have his best friend back. “Snap it,” he said. They slid their right hands over each other and snapped in unison.
Kerass walked down the barren hallway. The bright white hallway had this ethereal feel about it. He hated walking down this hallway. It always made him regret coming, but he had to see her. He had to let her know how it had turned out. Still, the brightness of the hallway was too striking of a contrast to the depression that lay in front of him. Turning into room 601 he sat down next to the bed. “We won our final game, Mom.” His mother lay in the bed absolutely still. “Please wake up soon,” he said telling her that he needed her. They were inside the hospital. His mother lay in a coma.
Sitting down on the living room sofa reading a Bible, was his father. He knew not to disturb his father’s devotion time, so he decided to walk straight out the door. His hand on the doorknob, opening it as quietly as he possibly could, his father spoke up stopping him. “I was hoping we could talk,” his father said.
Kerass replied that that was fine as he sat down on the couch. There was a pause. Neither of them spoke for a few seconds. Kerass looked into his father’s eyes. Whatever wanted to be discussed was most likely serious, too serious for 6:20 in the morning. “What’s up?” Kerass asked.
His father replied that he had noticed that he hadn’t been partaking in devotions recently. He asked him if anything had changed recently. Kerass just replied that he was swamped with schoolwork, the football team, all of that stuff.
“Hmm,” his father replied. “I’ve also noticed that Jay hasn’t been around recently.” His father looked straight into his eyes. It was as if he was staring straight into his soul. Kerass responded that Jay wouldn’t be around again anytime soon. The next question was obvious. Kerass explained before his father even had to ask.
“He’s gay, Dad,” Kerass said vainly. “He tried to kiss me.” Looking over, he saw his father’s expression change. His father looked almost remorseful for some bizarre reason. Kerass continued saying not to give him a lecture about how he told him so. He liked theater kids, not every guy who did theater was gay.
His father replied that he wasn’t going there at all. “I think you need to forgive him.” Kerass couldn’t believe his ears. This couldn’t possibly be the same father he had known for years. This father was loving and forgiving, something he couldn’t remember the last time he had experienced.
“No,” he said and immediately walked out of the door, slamming it shut behind him.
The beating of his heart remained the same. Jay stood by his locker alone. There was no difference in his heart rate. It remained stagnant, unmoving. His best friend wasn’t standing next to him. He had lost the only friend he had in the world. Ever since Kerass had told him that he never wanted to see him again, his heart had ached. A huge hole seemed like it was punched through his chest. Honesty definitely was not the best policy. It had destroyed everything that he had cared about. YouTube had told him that if he was honest people would love and accept him, but oddly enough YouTube had lied to him. Maybe coming out to his best friend while trying to kiss him wasn’t the smartest decision in the world. Scratch that, it was the dumbest decision he had ever made in his entire life.
He was only a freshmen in high school and he felt like his entire life was over. Maybe things weren’t as bad as he thought, but in the moment it sure felt like they were. He realized walking towards his locker, acknowledging that Kerass wasn’t going to be there, that he simply didn’t care anymore. That was the reason his heartbeat remained the same. He didn’t care about anyone in this school. If he was lucky, maybe he wouldn’t even be noticed at all.
Cadence smiled noticing Jay standing by his locker. Kerass wasn’t with him. That seemed very strange. Perhaps he was sick. It’s the only explanation that made any sense as to why Kerass wasn’t there with them. She tapped his shoulder which made him jump sky high. She laughed and asked him how he was doing.
“Things could always be better,” he said completely monotone. She asked him what was wrong, but he didn’t budge. His eyes told her everything. He wasn’t going to let anybody in. She then said the only thing she thought correlated, “Where’s Kerass?”
He told her he didn’t know who she was talking about. He turned around walking away. Taken aback, she spun him back around both hands gripping his arms. Her grip demanded attention. She attempted to bore into his mind the way that Kerass bored into hers during the first and only peer support group meeting. It wasn’t the most affective. He smiled down at her.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he asked. The bell rang signifying the 5-minute warning for the start of the day. She smiled back at him.
“Tell me at the game,” she said. She made him promise that he would be there. He promised by snapping it. “See? Things are always better off than they seem.”
Joy arose from every student as the final bell rang signifying the end of the day. For Kerass, he couldn’t wait to have the football season end. It was one of the things he had dreaded the most about being in high school. Sports were tougher. He knew he could handle the pressure, but he wasn’t sure that he could handle the people, the fake smiles telling him that they cared about him.
His father’s advice bugged him the entire day. He didn’t know what to do with that. The only thing he wanted to do was to ignore it, but he couldn’t get his mind off of it. The guilt over cutting his best friend out of his life was eating away inside of him. Jay definitely had crossed the line and embracing a life celebrating sin was so not cool, but the way he had initially reacted was not cool either. He couldn’t possibly be turning into his father. Maybe he had gotten his father all wrong. He had promoted forgiveness that morning. Every time he thought he was going to forgive Jay, he instantly flashed back to when Jay attempted to kiss him. Anger would boil inside of him brimming over whenever he had that flashback. The only thing that could keep him calm was Cadence.
He convinced himself that he would surprise Cadence. He hid beneath the stairwell and waited. He didn’t care that his thoughts were sinful. He relished in his fantasies. Cadence started to walk into the main hallway having just walked down the stairs. Kerass grabbed her pulling her back underneath the stairwell. Their lips met instantaneously. His heart started pounding. He demanded his body to keep still. She asked him what that was for. “For being you,” he replied.
They walked out of the stairwell hand in hand. Mr. Baganz called out to him. Every football player was asked to give their jersey to a teacher during game days. Kerass always gave it to his history teacher. Mr. Baganz felt more than simply a teacher to him, he felt like a mentor, a friend. Mr. Baganz truly supported him, not just the quarterback. Kerass beamed back at him convinced that now nothing could mess up his game.
Jay wasn’t sure why he was even here. The football stadium was like sheer hell for him. Kerass was the only one who made him feel welcome sitting in the stands and now he was no longer his friend. Cadence waved her hand to get him to sit down next to her. Looking behind him checking to make sure she wasn’t waving at anybody else, he walked up the stands and sat down next to Cadence.
He looked over at the scoreboard. They were winning, but only slightly. They were only up by three points. This was definitely not Kerass’ usual game. He always dominated the field. Within seconds, they were losing. The other team scored by intercepting the ball. Jay couldn’t believe his eyes. For the first time, he was seeing Kerass lose. It felt glorious to see him suffer. He decided he was going to stay and watch him be tortured even longer.
Cadence looked over at him asking him to spill. His heart began to pound. The two words he was about to utter could potentially destroy his life. He didn’t know why, but it was easier to trust her because she hadn’t known him as long. “I’m gay,” he uttered under his breath.
Her smile back surprised him. She told him that it had been obvious from her encounters with him. “Don’t even worry, I am definitely an ally.” She hugged him. It kinda felt uncomfortable. He didn’t really like being this close to girls anyways. The hug broke, even though he was ecstatic to finally have an ally, he never wanted to hug a girl again.
Kerass had been benched. Jay realized he was looking at him. They locked eyes only for a moment before Kerass called him over to the chain-link fence. Jay hesitated. The previous reaction from him had been so severe he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be around him when he exploded again.
By the time he reached the fence, his heart was racing. Only two words were uttered. “I’m sorry,” they both said at once. Kerass asked to go first. He responded that while it was not cool that he had tried to kiss him and he made it clear that he did not support his decision to embrace homosexuality, he knew he had reacted improperly. Neither of those things was a good enough reason to break a friendship. “At least you were honest with me.” He asked to say just one more thing. “Listen, if I’m going to have a best friend that I care about and trust it’s gotta be you.”
Jay’s eyes started to tear up. He reassured Kerass that he would never try to kiss him again. “I definitely could’ve found a better way of telling you about it.” Kerass beamed at him. Jay was exuberant to have his best friend back. “Snap it,” he said. They slid their right hands over each other and snapped in unison.
Kerass walked down the barren hallway. The bright white hallway had this ethereal feel about it. He hated walking down this hallway. It always made him regret coming, but he had to see her. He had to let her know how it had turned out. Still, the brightness of the hallway was too striking of a contrast to the depression that lay in front of him. Turning into room 601 he sat down next to the bed. “We won our final game, Mom.” His mother lay in the bed absolutely still. “Please wake up soon,” he said telling her that he needed her. They were inside the hospital. His mother lay in a coma.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Fallen Leaves - Chapter 4: Last First Kiss
Jay, trying to muster the strength he had, avoided the truth at all costs. The hurt in Kerass’ eyes was so evident. It really hurt Kerass that he couldn’t outright say what was wrong. Blaming it on the football game, Jay finally said, “I just forgot. I’m so sorry.”
Kerass patted his shoulder. “It’s fine,” he reassured him letting him know that he had nothing to be upset about. That he was just over analyzing things yet again. “In fact, your little outburst at the pep rally forced Cadence to act. Thanks to you I’ve got a date next Friday. You went about it in a weird way, but you’re the best friend anybody could ever have,” he said instantly hugging Jay.
Jay kept calm begging every part of him to do the same. Kerass snapped it out and rushed on home. I love you, Jay mouthed silently after Kerass was out of site.
Cadence couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Ok, his name’s Kerass,” she said brimming with excitement. She spilled about how she had always found him cute and how he increasingly became nicer to her over their time together.
Her mother asked if that was the guy that had shown up to the peer support group. Cadence pouted at her mother knowing what was coming next. “I’m only saying maybe what he needs right now is a friend, not a girlfriend. We can’t have a repeat of your past relationship.”
“That’s great, Ma, way to ruin the only good thing happening in my life right now,” Cadence said brimming on tears as she slammed the door walking toward the bus stop. She cursed under her breath realizing she had left her backpack inside the house. Her student mode overrode her anger mode. She walked back inside the house as quietly as she could. She was found out immediately. Her mother apologized and said they would talk about it later. Her mother kissed her cheek, but Cadence was still pissed at her so she didn’t reciprocate the act.
She walked down to the bus stop attempting to hold back tears. She hated ending things on a bad note with her mother, but she was too upset to rectify things just yet. An arm hugged her shoulder pulling her in. Kerass was standing at her bus stop. Her stop was a mile away from his. She opened her mouth to speak, but like most times around Kerass, no words came out.
“I know, I just wanted to,” he said which made her cry. She leaned into his shoulder as the tears started to flow. It made all the difference in the world to her to finally have a boyfriend even if they hadn’t officially come out as a couple yet.
The week went by without a hitch. It was sheer perfection. Kerass wouldn’t have traded it in for the whole world. The only thing he missed was seeing Jay who he hadn’t seen for a couple of days. Guess that’s just what happens whenever you get a girlfriend.
The hallways seemed different throughout the high school. The fluorescent lights seemed brighter, people just seemed happier. He wasn’t sure how long this feeling would last, but he didn’t want it to end. He waited outside her class having been let out early. His heart was pounding. Every fiber in his being wanted one thing and one thing only: to hold her hand. A sweaty palm was a new experience for Kerass. He had never felt this way about a girl before.
The bell rang without warning. He felt like he had just jumped out of his skin. Knowing Cadence she would be one of the first people out of the door, not out of disrespect to the teacher, quite the contrary. It was just a rush to be the first person to the next classroom.
She rushed out of the classroom like a bolt of lightning almost missing that he was waiting outside her classroom entirely. She smiled at him as they walked down the hallway. His heartbeat rose faster and faster. The voice inside his head commanded him to reject passivity, reject manhood, and finally act. He held his hand out. She reciprocated immediately. Every finger linking together one at a time seemed to take forever. Once their hands were linked he let out a sigh of relief. Their hands linked for the rest of the day, it seemed like a perfect fit.
A date, Cadence never thought this would happen to herself again. Although they had been holding hands they weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet. In her mind everything rode on this night. If things went wrong, they would be through. She was risking everything for this date: her friendship with him, her club, the only friendship she actually had at Oak Stream…everything would be decided within an hour and a half.
The doorbell rang. She raced to the door, but it was too late, her mom had already answered the door for her. Her mother gave him a smile, told him to have her back by 10, the usual things. As much as she was embarrassed by her mother’s interrogation, she couldn’t deny that she found a malicious joy in watching him squirm trying to answer every question as honorably as possible. Deciding he had been tortured enough, she came on out.
“You look beautiful,” he said instantly making her blush.
Her mother brushed them out the door telling Kerass she approved as they walked out of the door. Cadence asked where they were going noticing that they didn’t have a car. He told her they were just going to take a walk. This was no usual date of that she was certain. Her previous relationship was nothing like this one had ever been.
Their walk was along Main Street. They passed by the cookie shop, the local bar, plenty of restaurants, but none of that mattered. Kerass was telling her about his life. He had been depressed for a while. He knew he should tell Jay about it, but he just couldn’t muster up the courage to do so. “You know,” he said, “you’re the only one I’ve been able to talk to. You’re the only one that I trust at Oak Stream High.”
Her heart started pounding. That was the sweetest thing she had ever heard and she told him that, but she held something else back. Her past relationship had gone horribly wrong and she was moved to a different school because of it. She knew she should tell him about what had happened, but seeing that cross around his neck forced her to change her mind. She wouldn’t tell him…ever.
Thus, she lied. She said that he was her first and only friend so far at Oak Stream. That much was true. She said she had never been in love with someone quite like this before. That was a flat out lie. She had loved him a lot more than she loved Kerass right now. If there hadn’t have been proof of that, they would still be together, but Kerass was a great alternative. Her phone beeped. “Hold on,” she said certain it was her mother telling her that she had to come home. But it wasn’t her mother. It was him. He had texted her: I miss u lets find a way to talk soon. She texted him back instantly: ill find a way promise <3.
“Who was that?” he asked her.
She looked up remembering that she was on a date with Kerass. “That was my mother. We need to head back now.”
He responded that that was fine and walked her back, but before they left main street he pulled her aside. “I’ve never done this before, but I can’t deny my feelings anymore.” He kissed her on the lips.
Jay sat inside The Hub, the original burger joint in Oak Stream. Outside the window he saw his worst nightmare. Kerass, his heart’s desire, was kissing Cadence. He paid for the burger and hid in the bathroom trying to wait them out. He couldn’t stand being found out in this condition. Inside he just wanted to die.
There was another knock at the door. Jay hoped Kerass would open up. It had been half a week since he had seen them kiss. They hadn’t talked for a week and a half. Kerass opened the door and instantly smiled at Jay.
“Jay!” he exclaimed. “I’m so glad you came on by.” He explained that he knew that Cadence had gotten in the way of their chill time, but that he would spend the whole day with him today.
Jay shook his head saying that wasn’t the reason that he showed up. “I’m finally gonna be honest with you.” Jay’s heartbeat rose as he began to tell the truth. “I don’t want to chill with you. I just want…you.” Jay leaned forward about to kiss Kerass but Kerass pushed him back with such force that he toppled down the stairs of the entrance.
“Don’t you dare,” Kerass said his voice venomous. “Leave. Get out!”
“Let me just explain-” Jay interjected.
Kerass shook his head. “Actions speak much louder than words Jay. I want you out of my sight and don’t you ever speak to me again. You crossed the line of what friendship is supposed to be.”
Jay got up sprinting away from the house tears streaming down his face. He didn’t dare turn back around to see what Kerass was doing as he screamed at the top of his lungs. He didn’t want to know. He just wanted to be safe, but that seemed impossible now.
“Cadence?” her mother called out.
She walked into the kitchen agitated. “Can it wait? I’m in the middle of homework.”
Her mother’s eyes glistened. “Baby, I’m sorry.” Cadence’s heart beat rose. She wasn’t sure what she was sorry about. She couldn’t possibly know that they were texting again. “The peer support group has been disbanded this year for lack of interest.”
Although it was a relief, it still knocked the wind out of Cadence. She started crying trying to understand why a group like this wouldn’t work. She would be lying to herself if she said she didn’t need it just as much as Kerass did, but for very different reasons.
Finally getting enough breath to speak she said, “Well, I guess that’s it then. Everybody’s screwed.”
Her phone rang. It was Kerass. Knowing tears were falling, she realized she didn’t want to talk to Kerass in this vulnerable state. She ignored the call and went inside her bedroom. She texted him then: everythings gone wrong i rly wish i could see u again. Within 30 seconds she received a text back: u will soon enough…im moving to Oak Stream in 3 months.
Kerass patted his shoulder. “It’s fine,” he reassured him letting him know that he had nothing to be upset about. That he was just over analyzing things yet again. “In fact, your little outburst at the pep rally forced Cadence to act. Thanks to you I’ve got a date next Friday. You went about it in a weird way, but you’re the best friend anybody could ever have,” he said instantly hugging Jay.
Jay kept calm begging every part of him to do the same. Kerass snapped it out and rushed on home. I love you, Jay mouthed silently after Kerass was out of site.
Cadence couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Ok, his name’s Kerass,” she said brimming with excitement. She spilled about how she had always found him cute and how he increasingly became nicer to her over their time together.
Her mother asked if that was the guy that had shown up to the peer support group. Cadence pouted at her mother knowing what was coming next. “I’m only saying maybe what he needs right now is a friend, not a girlfriend. We can’t have a repeat of your past relationship.”
“That’s great, Ma, way to ruin the only good thing happening in my life right now,” Cadence said brimming on tears as she slammed the door walking toward the bus stop. She cursed under her breath realizing she had left her backpack inside the house. Her student mode overrode her anger mode. She walked back inside the house as quietly as she could. She was found out immediately. Her mother apologized and said they would talk about it later. Her mother kissed her cheek, but Cadence was still pissed at her so she didn’t reciprocate the act.
She walked down to the bus stop attempting to hold back tears. She hated ending things on a bad note with her mother, but she was too upset to rectify things just yet. An arm hugged her shoulder pulling her in. Kerass was standing at her bus stop. Her stop was a mile away from his. She opened her mouth to speak, but like most times around Kerass, no words came out.
“I know, I just wanted to,” he said which made her cry. She leaned into his shoulder as the tears started to flow. It made all the difference in the world to her to finally have a boyfriend even if they hadn’t officially come out as a couple yet.
The week went by without a hitch. It was sheer perfection. Kerass wouldn’t have traded it in for the whole world. The only thing he missed was seeing Jay who he hadn’t seen for a couple of days. Guess that’s just what happens whenever you get a girlfriend.
The hallways seemed different throughout the high school. The fluorescent lights seemed brighter, people just seemed happier. He wasn’t sure how long this feeling would last, but he didn’t want it to end. He waited outside her class having been let out early. His heart was pounding. Every fiber in his being wanted one thing and one thing only: to hold her hand. A sweaty palm was a new experience for Kerass. He had never felt this way about a girl before.
The bell rang without warning. He felt like he had just jumped out of his skin. Knowing Cadence she would be one of the first people out of the door, not out of disrespect to the teacher, quite the contrary. It was just a rush to be the first person to the next classroom.
She rushed out of the classroom like a bolt of lightning almost missing that he was waiting outside her classroom entirely. She smiled at him as they walked down the hallway. His heartbeat rose faster and faster. The voice inside his head commanded him to reject passivity, reject manhood, and finally act. He held his hand out. She reciprocated immediately. Every finger linking together one at a time seemed to take forever. Once their hands were linked he let out a sigh of relief. Their hands linked for the rest of the day, it seemed like a perfect fit.
A date, Cadence never thought this would happen to herself again. Although they had been holding hands they weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet. In her mind everything rode on this night. If things went wrong, they would be through. She was risking everything for this date: her friendship with him, her club, the only friendship she actually had at Oak Stream…everything would be decided within an hour and a half.
The doorbell rang. She raced to the door, but it was too late, her mom had already answered the door for her. Her mother gave him a smile, told him to have her back by 10, the usual things. As much as she was embarrassed by her mother’s interrogation, she couldn’t deny that she found a malicious joy in watching him squirm trying to answer every question as honorably as possible. Deciding he had been tortured enough, she came on out.
“You look beautiful,” he said instantly making her blush.
Her mother brushed them out the door telling Kerass she approved as they walked out of the door. Cadence asked where they were going noticing that they didn’t have a car. He told her they were just going to take a walk. This was no usual date of that she was certain. Her previous relationship was nothing like this one had ever been.
Their walk was along Main Street. They passed by the cookie shop, the local bar, plenty of restaurants, but none of that mattered. Kerass was telling her about his life. He had been depressed for a while. He knew he should tell Jay about it, but he just couldn’t muster up the courage to do so. “You know,” he said, “you’re the only one I’ve been able to talk to. You’re the only one that I trust at Oak Stream High.”
Her heart started pounding. That was the sweetest thing she had ever heard and she told him that, but she held something else back. Her past relationship had gone horribly wrong and she was moved to a different school because of it. She knew she should tell him about what had happened, but seeing that cross around his neck forced her to change her mind. She wouldn’t tell him…ever.
Thus, she lied. She said that he was her first and only friend so far at Oak Stream. That much was true. She said she had never been in love with someone quite like this before. That was a flat out lie. She had loved him a lot more than she loved Kerass right now. If there hadn’t have been proof of that, they would still be together, but Kerass was a great alternative. Her phone beeped. “Hold on,” she said certain it was her mother telling her that she had to come home. But it wasn’t her mother. It was him. He had texted her: I miss u lets find a way to talk soon. She texted him back instantly: ill find a way promise <3.
“Who was that?” he asked her.
She looked up remembering that she was on a date with Kerass. “That was my mother. We need to head back now.”
He responded that that was fine and walked her back, but before they left main street he pulled her aside. “I’ve never done this before, but I can’t deny my feelings anymore.” He kissed her on the lips.
Jay sat inside The Hub, the original burger joint in Oak Stream. Outside the window he saw his worst nightmare. Kerass, his heart’s desire, was kissing Cadence. He paid for the burger and hid in the bathroom trying to wait them out. He couldn’t stand being found out in this condition. Inside he just wanted to die.
There was another knock at the door. Jay hoped Kerass would open up. It had been half a week since he had seen them kiss. They hadn’t talked for a week and a half. Kerass opened the door and instantly smiled at Jay.
“Jay!” he exclaimed. “I’m so glad you came on by.” He explained that he knew that Cadence had gotten in the way of their chill time, but that he would spend the whole day with him today.
Jay shook his head saying that wasn’t the reason that he showed up. “I’m finally gonna be honest with you.” Jay’s heartbeat rose as he began to tell the truth. “I don’t want to chill with you. I just want…you.” Jay leaned forward about to kiss Kerass but Kerass pushed him back with such force that he toppled down the stairs of the entrance.
“Don’t you dare,” Kerass said his voice venomous. “Leave. Get out!”
“Let me just explain-” Jay interjected.
Kerass shook his head. “Actions speak much louder than words Jay. I want you out of my sight and don’t you ever speak to me again. You crossed the line of what friendship is supposed to be.”
Jay got up sprinting away from the house tears streaming down his face. He didn’t dare turn back around to see what Kerass was doing as he screamed at the top of his lungs. He didn’t want to know. He just wanted to be safe, but that seemed impossible now.
“Cadence?” her mother called out.
She walked into the kitchen agitated. “Can it wait? I’m in the middle of homework.”
Her mother’s eyes glistened. “Baby, I’m sorry.” Cadence’s heart beat rose. She wasn’t sure what she was sorry about. She couldn’t possibly know that they were texting again. “The peer support group has been disbanded this year for lack of interest.”
Although it was a relief, it still knocked the wind out of Cadence. She started crying trying to understand why a group like this wouldn’t work. She would be lying to herself if she said she didn’t need it just as much as Kerass did, but for very different reasons.
Finally getting enough breath to speak she said, “Well, I guess that’s it then. Everybody’s screwed.”
Her phone rang. It was Kerass. Knowing tears were falling, she realized she didn’t want to talk to Kerass in this vulnerable state. She ignored the call and went inside her bedroom. She texted him then: everythings gone wrong i rly wish i could see u again. Within 30 seconds she received a text back: u will soon enough…im moving to Oak Stream in 3 months.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Fallen Leaves - Chapter 3: Same Mistakes
Cadence beamed at Kerass. She had always been afraid to show off her smile before. Even though her dentist told her that she had perfectly healthy teeth hers weren’t white. She was tired of all the why don’t you brush questions. But with Kerass all her insecurities vanished.
“You know, you have a beautiful smile,” Kerass said which only made her blush even more. He wasn’t the subtlest flirt in the world, but she had no complaints. The most popular guy in the freshmen class was complementing her on her smile. Her thoughts raced forward. She had the potential to be the most popular girl in their class, which had never happened before in her life. The thought of being most popular had never been all that appealing to her, but the closer she got to it the more she wanted it. Her desires were screaming at her to get it.
Then her smile disappeared. Kerass asked her if something was wrong. “It’s nothing,” she replied. “I’ll see you at the game.” She immediately began to feel guilty. Kerass came. He was the only person who showed. He wasn’t looking for a date he was looking for support. Her wants and desires couldn’t get in the way of that. Her thoughts changed from guilt to self-loathing. She hated herself for thinking of their relationship going so quickly. She hardly knew anything about him.
“Hey, don’t worry,” he said. “I’m sure Jay’s a shoe in for joining.” His words broke her train of thought instantly. She thanked him again for caring so much about the peer support group and bid him farewell.
The bell rang signifying the end of the day. Football Fridays meant the school let out early, but they had to stay for a pep rally. Jay utterly hated the pep rallies. As much as he loved Kerass as his best friend, he just couldn’t stand not being the center of attention, not being in the spotlight. He often called himself a theater embryo. Performing was his passion.
“Hey,” she said. To his utmost surprise, Cadence was standing next to him as he was walking down the hallway. He couldn’t pinpoint why she would even want to be near him. She was so obviously into Kerass. The whole peer support group was just a way for her to get into his life. It was utterly pathetic. “Can we sit next to each other during the pep rally? I don’t really have anybody else to sit next to seeing that Kerass is in it.”
“Sure, I mean why not?” he asked his eyes alit with fire. This was it. It was the perfect opportunity to ruin her image of Kerass, to keep her away from him. “Ladies first,” he said opening the door for her to the school’s gymnasium.
Small talk wasn’t a specialty for either of them as they sat waiting for the pep rally to begin. The usual stupid peppy stuff happened. The cheerleaders came out and did a cheer. One cheerleader was nearly dropped, there was that one awkward guy who could jump into a full split that was incredibly painful for everyone to watch. The guy just kept on smiling while some girls bizarrely cheered him on. Then the dance team came on. They did some unbelievably inappropriate dance number that was cut short. They were quickly rushed out of the gym.
“You never saw this in Lutheran private school,” Cadence commented.
“Really? You went to private school?” he asked in response. She nodded and immediately explained that it had nothing to do with religion. She was easily impressionable, so they placed her in a Christian private school that would look out for her. “Why’d you switch over to public?”
“You really don’t need to know,” she said. Her glare told him everything. He wouldn’t ask her anything else about it.
After another 10 minutes of presenting people from fall teams he had never heard talked about in the hallways, the freshmen football team came out. Nobody cared about any other sport other than football at Oak Stream High. Kerass came out last after his other teammates were called out. Everyone stood up cheering. Kerass was getting a standing ovation.
“Cadence is in love with you!” Jay cried out. Nobody else aside from Kerass and Cadence heard it above the roar of the crowd but the poison had already started to spread. Mission accomplished, he thought to himself.
Cadence didn’t say a word to Jay after they walked out of the pep rally. She knew Kerass had heard what he shouted. She couldn’t tell if she was angry because he told Kerass or because he was right about what he said. There wasn’t anything that could be done. He already knew. She debated whether staying after school to see the football game was a good decision after all, but her mom already told her that she was going to pick her up and her cell phone didn’t have reception at the school.
The game was free for students with an ID. As packed out as the freshmen games usually were, this was a surprisingly small turnout. Friday afternoons were not the best time for people to stay and watch a football game. Freshmen games were usually played on Monday nights. The fact that the team always dominated the field made everyone’s Mondays a lot brighter. Cadence sat down near the top of the bleachers. She was hoping she wouldn’t be bothered or even noticed by Jay. As the time kept ticking away she realized that Jay wasn’t in the stands at least not the stands she was in. It was then that she noticed that she was in the away team stands. Shaking her head at her utter stupidity she got up and went to the home team stands. While a little fuller, the stands weren’t as packed out as people had promised. She decided to sit lower in the stands closer to the field to get a better look at Kerass while he played. Jay wasn’t anywhere in the home stands either. It couldn’t possibly be that he had grown a conscience since the pep rally. Even though she had only spent time with him then, that seemed out of character for him.
Number 22. That was the number of his jersey. She watched him as he made play after play that seemed to inevitably turn into a touchdown. She never watched football that often, but she had never seen a team dominate so strongly during a football game before. After he played an entire quarter, they were up by 50 points, so he was taken out and given a break on the bench. He turned around noticing that she was in the stands. He smiled at her and waved. She found herself smiling and waving back. She couldn’t control herself when he looked at her.
A tiny piece of his jersey near his chest caught the sunlight nearly blinding her. It was then that she noticed that he was wearing a necklace: a silver necklace with a cross on it. He must have been wearing it underneath his shirt every time she saw him. Either that or she was just completely oblivious that it was there. It was almost like an immediate turn off. As much as she liked Kerass and truly wanted to help him, she couldn’t stand all the hypocrites that claimed to be gracious professing truth based on a fictional account of some dead guy. She stood up and began to walk out.
Kerass called out after her as she walked past the bench. He asked her why she was leaving telling her that he wanted her to stay at the same time. “You obviously heard what Jay told you,” she said, her voice annoyed yet barely above a whisper.
“Yeah,” he said his voice breathy. “Is it true?”
“You know it is,” she said fighting to keep control of herself. His face lit up beaming.
“Good, I was hoping it was.”
She looked him straight in the eyes. “Listen,” she began explaining that she noticed the cross he wore. She told him that she wasn’t religious and that she wanted nothing to do with it, but she still wanted to be with him. He responded that he wanted that too. “Stay,” he begged her, “for me.”
His eyes were glistening. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. She told him that she would. She went back to the stands and sat down.
Jay sat at his desk at home. He hated what he had done during the pep rally. Their relationship wasn’t any of his business, even if he was Kerass’ best friend. He began to think through why he did it. He wasn’t usually a spiteful person. Flashing back through every second of that pep rally, he realized he didn’t like who he had become. He deserved to be let go from the school play. No man with an ego his size should ever have a lead role. He was always making the same mistakes.
He opened up his spiral notebook. Tucked and folded inside the separator was a flier for the Gay Straight Alliance. The slogan read: Do you believe in tolerance? Do you believe in acceptance? OR Do you believe in equality? He closed his eyes as tears started to form and run down his face. Silently begging that it wasn’t true, that it wasn’t a mistake. He put the flier back inside the notebook.
He knew why he had acted the way he did during the pep rally. He was just hoping and wishing with all he had that he didn’t have to accept it. His friendship with Kerass wasn’t just a friendship to him. He had an undeniable crush on Kerass. His cell phone rang at his desk. Kerass was calling him. He ignored the call immediately sending Kerass to voicemail. Tears flew down his face as he gasped for air. He hoped and begged whatever higher power he was calling out to that he wouldn’t lose his best friend over this.
Kerass knocked on the front door. His best friend was never good at keeping secrets from him and he knew he was hiding something. He wouldn’t have skipped out on the game that he promised to go to unless he was trying to hide something. The door opened slowly. The puffy red eyes told him everything: Jay had been crying.
“Please, not now, Kerass,” Jay begged closing the door on him.
Kerass’ hand stopped him. “What’s going on? What’s wrong Jay?” he asked.
Jay started up crying again. Kerass tried to hug him, but Jay pushed him back with more force than he had ever seen from him. “Don’t, just don’t ok.”
“Please tell me,” Kerass pleaded with him. “I want to help in any way I can.”
Jay was sobbing by that point. “I have something I need to tell you,” he said in between sobs.
“What?” Kerass responded. “Tell me,” he said as gently as he possibly could. “Please.”
“You know, you have a beautiful smile,” Kerass said which only made her blush even more. He wasn’t the subtlest flirt in the world, but she had no complaints. The most popular guy in the freshmen class was complementing her on her smile. Her thoughts raced forward. She had the potential to be the most popular girl in their class, which had never happened before in her life. The thought of being most popular had never been all that appealing to her, but the closer she got to it the more she wanted it. Her desires were screaming at her to get it.
Then her smile disappeared. Kerass asked her if something was wrong. “It’s nothing,” she replied. “I’ll see you at the game.” She immediately began to feel guilty. Kerass came. He was the only person who showed. He wasn’t looking for a date he was looking for support. Her wants and desires couldn’t get in the way of that. Her thoughts changed from guilt to self-loathing. She hated herself for thinking of their relationship going so quickly. She hardly knew anything about him.
“Hey, don’t worry,” he said. “I’m sure Jay’s a shoe in for joining.” His words broke her train of thought instantly. She thanked him again for caring so much about the peer support group and bid him farewell.
The bell rang signifying the end of the day. Football Fridays meant the school let out early, but they had to stay for a pep rally. Jay utterly hated the pep rallies. As much as he loved Kerass as his best friend, he just couldn’t stand not being the center of attention, not being in the spotlight. He often called himself a theater embryo. Performing was his passion.
“Hey,” she said. To his utmost surprise, Cadence was standing next to him as he was walking down the hallway. He couldn’t pinpoint why she would even want to be near him. She was so obviously into Kerass. The whole peer support group was just a way for her to get into his life. It was utterly pathetic. “Can we sit next to each other during the pep rally? I don’t really have anybody else to sit next to seeing that Kerass is in it.”
“Sure, I mean why not?” he asked his eyes alit with fire. This was it. It was the perfect opportunity to ruin her image of Kerass, to keep her away from him. “Ladies first,” he said opening the door for her to the school’s gymnasium.
Small talk wasn’t a specialty for either of them as they sat waiting for the pep rally to begin. The usual stupid peppy stuff happened. The cheerleaders came out and did a cheer. One cheerleader was nearly dropped, there was that one awkward guy who could jump into a full split that was incredibly painful for everyone to watch. The guy just kept on smiling while some girls bizarrely cheered him on. Then the dance team came on. They did some unbelievably inappropriate dance number that was cut short. They were quickly rushed out of the gym.
“You never saw this in Lutheran private school,” Cadence commented.
“Really? You went to private school?” he asked in response. She nodded and immediately explained that it had nothing to do with religion. She was easily impressionable, so they placed her in a Christian private school that would look out for her. “Why’d you switch over to public?”
“You really don’t need to know,” she said. Her glare told him everything. He wouldn’t ask her anything else about it.
After another 10 minutes of presenting people from fall teams he had never heard talked about in the hallways, the freshmen football team came out. Nobody cared about any other sport other than football at Oak Stream High. Kerass came out last after his other teammates were called out. Everyone stood up cheering. Kerass was getting a standing ovation.
“Cadence is in love with you!” Jay cried out. Nobody else aside from Kerass and Cadence heard it above the roar of the crowd but the poison had already started to spread. Mission accomplished, he thought to himself.
Cadence didn’t say a word to Jay after they walked out of the pep rally. She knew Kerass had heard what he shouted. She couldn’t tell if she was angry because he told Kerass or because he was right about what he said. There wasn’t anything that could be done. He already knew. She debated whether staying after school to see the football game was a good decision after all, but her mom already told her that she was going to pick her up and her cell phone didn’t have reception at the school.
The game was free for students with an ID. As packed out as the freshmen games usually were, this was a surprisingly small turnout. Friday afternoons were not the best time for people to stay and watch a football game. Freshmen games were usually played on Monday nights. The fact that the team always dominated the field made everyone’s Mondays a lot brighter. Cadence sat down near the top of the bleachers. She was hoping she wouldn’t be bothered or even noticed by Jay. As the time kept ticking away she realized that Jay wasn’t in the stands at least not the stands she was in. It was then that she noticed that she was in the away team stands. Shaking her head at her utter stupidity she got up and went to the home team stands. While a little fuller, the stands weren’t as packed out as people had promised. She decided to sit lower in the stands closer to the field to get a better look at Kerass while he played. Jay wasn’t anywhere in the home stands either. It couldn’t possibly be that he had grown a conscience since the pep rally. Even though she had only spent time with him then, that seemed out of character for him.
Number 22. That was the number of his jersey. She watched him as he made play after play that seemed to inevitably turn into a touchdown. She never watched football that often, but she had never seen a team dominate so strongly during a football game before. After he played an entire quarter, they were up by 50 points, so he was taken out and given a break on the bench. He turned around noticing that she was in the stands. He smiled at her and waved. She found herself smiling and waving back. She couldn’t control herself when he looked at her.
A tiny piece of his jersey near his chest caught the sunlight nearly blinding her. It was then that she noticed that he was wearing a necklace: a silver necklace with a cross on it. He must have been wearing it underneath his shirt every time she saw him. Either that or she was just completely oblivious that it was there. It was almost like an immediate turn off. As much as she liked Kerass and truly wanted to help him, she couldn’t stand all the hypocrites that claimed to be gracious professing truth based on a fictional account of some dead guy. She stood up and began to walk out.
Kerass called out after her as she walked past the bench. He asked her why she was leaving telling her that he wanted her to stay at the same time. “You obviously heard what Jay told you,” she said, her voice annoyed yet barely above a whisper.
“Yeah,” he said his voice breathy. “Is it true?”
“You know it is,” she said fighting to keep control of herself. His face lit up beaming.
“Good, I was hoping it was.”
She looked him straight in the eyes. “Listen,” she began explaining that she noticed the cross he wore. She told him that she wasn’t religious and that she wanted nothing to do with it, but she still wanted to be with him. He responded that he wanted that too. “Stay,” he begged her, “for me.”
His eyes were glistening. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. She told him that she would. She went back to the stands and sat down.
Jay sat at his desk at home. He hated what he had done during the pep rally. Their relationship wasn’t any of his business, even if he was Kerass’ best friend. He began to think through why he did it. He wasn’t usually a spiteful person. Flashing back through every second of that pep rally, he realized he didn’t like who he had become. He deserved to be let go from the school play. No man with an ego his size should ever have a lead role. He was always making the same mistakes.
He opened up his spiral notebook. Tucked and folded inside the separator was a flier for the Gay Straight Alliance. The slogan read: Do you believe in tolerance? Do you believe in acceptance? OR Do you believe in equality? He closed his eyes as tears started to form and run down his face. Silently begging that it wasn’t true, that it wasn’t a mistake. He put the flier back inside the notebook.
He knew why he had acted the way he did during the pep rally. He was just hoping and wishing with all he had that he didn’t have to accept it. His friendship with Kerass wasn’t just a friendship to him. He had an undeniable crush on Kerass. His cell phone rang at his desk. Kerass was calling him. He ignored the call immediately sending Kerass to voicemail. Tears flew down his face as he gasped for air. He hoped and begged whatever higher power he was calling out to that he wouldn’t lose his best friend over this.
Kerass knocked on the front door. His best friend was never good at keeping secrets from him and he knew he was hiding something. He wouldn’t have skipped out on the game that he promised to go to unless he was trying to hide something. The door opened slowly. The puffy red eyes told him everything: Jay had been crying.
“Please, not now, Kerass,” Jay begged closing the door on him.
Kerass’ hand stopped him. “What’s going on? What’s wrong Jay?” he asked.
Jay started up crying again. Kerass tried to hug him, but Jay pushed him back with more force than he had ever seen from him. “Don’t, just don’t ok.”
“Please tell me,” Kerass pleaded with him. “I want to help in any way I can.”
Jay was sobbing by that point. “I have something I need to tell you,” he said in between sobs.
“What?” Kerass responded. “Tell me,” he said as gently as he possibly could. “Please.”
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Fallen Leaves - Chapter 2: They Don't Know About Us
Kerass stood still while his thoughts ran rampant. He was silently begging her to respond. Any response would be fine by this point. Anything that relieved the awkward tension of this one-way conversation. With a dispirited sigh, Kerass turned around and began to walk away.
“Wait!” Cadence called out after him.
He turned back around and entered the classroom looking straight into her eyes. It was a look that could see through any lie that she would conjure up. “Well, will you?” he asked dryly, his eyes never straying even for a millisecond from his gaze on her.
“What do you need…or should I say want help with?” she asked, her voice shaking.
“I don’t have friends.” he started to say. She instantly started laughing. He told her that if she was just going to treat it like a joke then he was wasting his time. He didn’t want to be wrong about her, she had seemed different, but he was obviously wrong.
She responded that she was sorry. It had taken her aback, so her natural response was to laugh at any shock that came her way. “You seem like you have all the friends in the world. I don’t see why you would need support from this group or even friends for that matter.”
“They only care about one thing and that’s not me. They don’t give a crap about me. They only care about my stats,” he sighed utterly frustrated and disappointed in the whole situation. Breaking the silence he said, “All right, if you don’t want to help me then that’s fine.”
“It’s just awkward for me ok. You’re the only person who showed up. I don’t think this group should be just a one-on-one thing. Listen,” she began. She explained that if he were to bring at least one other person then she would do whatever she could to make him more confident with himself. She promised she would be his friend, but he would have to bring at least one other person along with him.
“All right, you’ve got yourself a deal,” he said. They exchanged brief goodbyes before Kerass walked out of the classroom. He crumpled up the announcement for the peer support group which he held in his hand. Seeing the poster for The Crucible his eyes lit up. Tossing the peer support group announcement in the nearest trashcan, he walked down the now deserted hallways pondering on how he would ever get Jay to agree to a peer support group. If he were to get Jay to agree, he would have to be honest with him about his depression. Honesty wasn’t one of Kerass’ strongest qualities. He had the best poker face of anyone in the freshmen class, aside from maybe the new girl. The only way he could truly get the support that he wanted was to grab Jay and drag him into the group himself. He reassured himself that if he couldn’t trust Jay, his best friend, he wouldn’t be able to trust anyone. Then why did he still feel dirty about telling Jay about his depression? He could be genuine with Jay, he knew that as a certainty…but he still felt uncomfortable with letting Jay completely in.
Turning the corner walking down the science hallway to his locker, he heard sniffling. He walked down the hallway hearing it echoing down the hall. Whoever it was was attempting to hide in the stairwell. It was a good hiding place when you didn’t want to be seen, however everything you said was amplified from the higher ceilings. He walked down the hallway to see who it was and if they needed any help. Walking down the first set of stairs reaching the landing between floors, he found Jay in the corner balled up and crying.
“Jay, what happened?” Kerass asked.
Jay looked up surprised that Kerass had found him in this condition. “It’s nothing really I’m fine.” Kerass told Jay he was a terrible liar which brought a small smile to Jay’s face. “Do you want the good news or the bad news first?” Kerass stared blankly at him. Jay told him that the good news was that he would be able to see his football game Friday afternoon.
“Is play practice cancelled?” Kerass asked in response.
“Let me finish,” Jay said with sheer devastation. “I got let go.” Sighing he continued saying that the director felt that he was so far behind with his line memorization that he wouldn’t be able to partake in the show anymore.
Kerass placed his hand on Jay’s shoulder. Jay leaned into Kerass crying in his shoulder. He didn’t say a word. This was a silent unspoken moment between the two. Their friendship supported each other in any way they possibly could. A bond this strong could not be openly shown at Oak Stream High without rumors flying around about each of their sexualities being questioned. Nothing was said between them and neither would ever mention this moment to each other again.
The rest of the week flew by for Cadence, but something inside of her had changed. She smiled a lot more than she had ever done since she had transferred to Oak Stream High. Slowly but surely, more and more makeup was being applied to her face. Walking down the stairs on Friday, her mother finally asked about what had changed over the course of the week. “I thought you had said nobody showed up to the peer support group.”
Setting her book bag by the door and sitting down at the dining room table Cadence said, “I told you one person showed up.” Her mom responded saying that she thought she was thinking of dropping the group all together. Her smile gave her away. She was wearing mascara. “Who’s the guy?”
“What guy?” Cadence asked surprised that her mom had noticed. Her mother pointed out that she was wearing her mascara. She responded that she had changed her mind about beauty products and that she wanted to slowly start applying it on. Her mother just stared at her with her arms crossed. “Can’t I just be happy?” Cadence asked.
Her mother shook her head. The more questions she asked, the bigger Cadence’s smile became, but she wouldn’t budge. Her mother let her go rush off to the bus stop hoping and praying that her newfound happiness would last.
The bus rolled up at the usual time. Cadence stepped on and took her usual spot up front, only now when she looked to the back of the bus Kerass was no longer sleeping but wide awake beaming at her. He got up and walked down the isle and sat right beside her.
“I think I know how to save your club,” Kerass said.
“How?” Cadence responded. She didn’t look at his face while she asked. She wasn’t sure why, but ever since he had stared straight at her after school that day she couldn’t look him straight in the eyes.
He laughed asking if she was still intimidated. He reassured her that he would reserve that stare for the football field. She was now able to look at his face but not directly into his eyes. “Jay. I’m gonna ask Jay,” he said.
“And what makes you so certain that he’ll want to join? I mean…he wasn’t the one that showed up after school.”
Kerass asked if she was kidding. He was certainly a lot happier. She couldn’t tell if this was an act or not, but she decided to play along. He had repeatedly been nicer to her and her mom had noticed that morning that she was a lot more giddy than she had ever been. His voice drew her back into their conversation. “Jay’s my best friend. He’ll do anything for me. Plus, I think he needs it.”
“Now come on, that’s a little bold of you to speak directly for him,” she said and instantly regretted speaking her mind so bluntly. “I love that you want to save the group, Kerass, but maybe it’s just a lost cause. I mean, you and I can still be friends,” she said a lot more gingerly.
“No, I really think I can get him to say yes,” he said. Now she looked straight into his eyes. They seemed so genuine, so real. He couldn’t possibly be lying to her. She told him that she believed him, but she wanted confirmation before the next meeting otherwise the group was going to stop. His smile reassured her that he’d be able to save it no problem.
“You want me to do what!?” Jay exclaimed at the top of his voice. He couldn’t believe his ears. “Why would you even ask me that?”
“Don’t get all excited,” Kerass responded his eyes commanding him to keep his voice down.
“Why?” Jay asked. He continued asking why he would ever want to join the peer support group. Kerass responded by reminding him of the unspoken event. Jay retorted that that was a low blow and only a moment of weakness. It wasn’t a reoccurring problem by any stretch.
“For me then,” Kerass said his voice barely above a whisper. “Please.”
Jay couldn’t bear to see Kerass look so glum, but he wasn’t going to budge. There was no way that he would ever join the peer support group. “I can’t promise you anything. I’ll think about it over the game.”
Kerass beamed. His smile showed that he was convinced he was winning the discussion. “Thanks Jay, you’re the best you know that?”
“Of course I know that but nothing’s been decided yet.”
Kerass’ smile kept getting bigger. “Sure,” he said utterly convinced he had won. “Snap it.” They slid their right hands over each other and snapped in unison. Kerass walked down the hallway. The new girl walked over to Kerass. Jay watched from the distance not daring to be seen but not daring to look away. They were talking and laughing about something stupid probably. So that was the reason that Kerass wanted to join the peer support group. Whoever the new girl was had some spell over him. Jay had never seen Kerass quite like this before. Kerass was never himself around girls. He was always the actor his part being the football stud. This was different though. It almost looked like actual flirting. Jay couldn’t stand the forced smiles. Well, they probably weren’t forced, but he didn’t want Kerass to smile at anyone other than himself like that. It had always been Kerass and Jay. This new girl wasn’t going to take away his best friend. At that moment he decided the play was back on but it was a different character and a different stage. His goal was to stop this new girl from stealing away his best friend. He only needed to find the perfect opportunity to execute it. His performance was about to begin.
“Wait!” Cadence called out after him.
He turned back around and entered the classroom looking straight into her eyes. It was a look that could see through any lie that she would conjure up. “Well, will you?” he asked dryly, his eyes never straying even for a millisecond from his gaze on her.
“What do you need…or should I say want help with?” she asked, her voice shaking.
“I don’t have friends.” he started to say. She instantly started laughing. He told her that if she was just going to treat it like a joke then he was wasting his time. He didn’t want to be wrong about her, she had seemed different, but he was obviously wrong.
She responded that she was sorry. It had taken her aback, so her natural response was to laugh at any shock that came her way. “You seem like you have all the friends in the world. I don’t see why you would need support from this group or even friends for that matter.”
“They only care about one thing and that’s not me. They don’t give a crap about me. They only care about my stats,” he sighed utterly frustrated and disappointed in the whole situation. Breaking the silence he said, “All right, if you don’t want to help me then that’s fine.”
“It’s just awkward for me ok. You’re the only person who showed up. I don’t think this group should be just a one-on-one thing. Listen,” she began. She explained that if he were to bring at least one other person then she would do whatever she could to make him more confident with himself. She promised she would be his friend, but he would have to bring at least one other person along with him.
“All right, you’ve got yourself a deal,” he said. They exchanged brief goodbyes before Kerass walked out of the classroom. He crumpled up the announcement for the peer support group which he held in his hand. Seeing the poster for The Crucible his eyes lit up. Tossing the peer support group announcement in the nearest trashcan, he walked down the now deserted hallways pondering on how he would ever get Jay to agree to a peer support group. If he were to get Jay to agree, he would have to be honest with him about his depression. Honesty wasn’t one of Kerass’ strongest qualities. He had the best poker face of anyone in the freshmen class, aside from maybe the new girl. The only way he could truly get the support that he wanted was to grab Jay and drag him into the group himself. He reassured himself that if he couldn’t trust Jay, his best friend, he wouldn’t be able to trust anyone. Then why did he still feel dirty about telling Jay about his depression? He could be genuine with Jay, he knew that as a certainty…but he still felt uncomfortable with letting Jay completely in.
Turning the corner walking down the science hallway to his locker, he heard sniffling. He walked down the hallway hearing it echoing down the hall. Whoever it was was attempting to hide in the stairwell. It was a good hiding place when you didn’t want to be seen, however everything you said was amplified from the higher ceilings. He walked down the hallway to see who it was and if they needed any help. Walking down the first set of stairs reaching the landing between floors, he found Jay in the corner balled up and crying.
“Jay, what happened?” Kerass asked.
Jay looked up surprised that Kerass had found him in this condition. “It’s nothing really I’m fine.” Kerass told Jay he was a terrible liar which brought a small smile to Jay’s face. “Do you want the good news or the bad news first?” Kerass stared blankly at him. Jay told him that the good news was that he would be able to see his football game Friday afternoon.
“Is play practice cancelled?” Kerass asked in response.
“Let me finish,” Jay said with sheer devastation. “I got let go.” Sighing he continued saying that the director felt that he was so far behind with his line memorization that he wouldn’t be able to partake in the show anymore.
Kerass placed his hand on Jay’s shoulder. Jay leaned into Kerass crying in his shoulder. He didn’t say a word. This was a silent unspoken moment between the two. Their friendship supported each other in any way they possibly could. A bond this strong could not be openly shown at Oak Stream High without rumors flying around about each of their sexualities being questioned. Nothing was said between them and neither would ever mention this moment to each other again.
The rest of the week flew by for Cadence, but something inside of her had changed. She smiled a lot more than she had ever done since she had transferred to Oak Stream High. Slowly but surely, more and more makeup was being applied to her face. Walking down the stairs on Friday, her mother finally asked about what had changed over the course of the week. “I thought you had said nobody showed up to the peer support group.”
Setting her book bag by the door and sitting down at the dining room table Cadence said, “I told you one person showed up.” Her mom responded saying that she thought she was thinking of dropping the group all together. Her smile gave her away. She was wearing mascara. “Who’s the guy?”
“What guy?” Cadence asked surprised that her mom had noticed. Her mother pointed out that she was wearing her mascara. She responded that she had changed her mind about beauty products and that she wanted to slowly start applying it on. Her mother just stared at her with her arms crossed. “Can’t I just be happy?” Cadence asked.
Her mother shook her head. The more questions she asked, the bigger Cadence’s smile became, but she wouldn’t budge. Her mother let her go rush off to the bus stop hoping and praying that her newfound happiness would last.
The bus rolled up at the usual time. Cadence stepped on and took her usual spot up front, only now when she looked to the back of the bus Kerass was no longer sleeping but wide awake beaming at her. He got up and walked down the isle and sat right beside her.
“I think I know how to save your club,” Kerass said.
“How?” Cadence responded. She didn’t look at his face while she asked. She wasn’t sure why, but ever since he had stared straight at her after school that day she couldn’t look him straight in the eyes.
He laughed asking if she was still intimidated. He reassured her that he would reserve that stare for the football field. She was now able to look at his face but not directly into his eyes. “Jay. I’m gonna ask Jay,” he said.
“And what makes you so certain that he’ll want to join? I mean…he wasn’t the one that showed up after school.”
Kerass asked if she was kidding. He was certainly a lot happier. She couldn’t tell if this was an act or not, but she decided to play along. He had repeatedly been nicer to her and her mom had noticed that morning that she was a lot more giddy than she had ever been. His voice drew her back into their conversation. “Jay’s my best friend. He’ll do anything for me. Plus, I think he needs it.”
“Now come on, that’s a little bold of you to speak directly for him,” she said and instantly regretted speaking her mind so bluntly. “I love that you want to save the group, Kerass, but maybe it’s just a lost cause. I mean, you and I can still be friends,” she said a lot more gingerly.
“No, I really think I can get him to say yes,” he said. Now she looked straight into his eyes. They seemed so genuine, so real. He couldn’t possibly be lying to her. She told him that she believed him, but she wanted confirmation before the next meeting otherwise the group was going to stop. His smile reassured her that he’d be able to save it no problem.
“You want me to do what!?” Jay exclaimed at the top of his voice. He couldn’t believe his ears. “Why would you even ask me that?”
“Don’t get all excited,” Kerass responded his eyes commanding him to keep his voice down.
“Why?” Jay asked. He continued asking why he would ever want to join the peer support group. Kerass responded by reminding him of the unspoken event. Jay retorted that that was a low blow and only a moment of weakness. It wasn’t a reoccurring problem by any stretch.
“For me then,” Kerass said his voice barely above a whisper. “Please.”
Jay couldn’t bear to see Kerass look so glum, but he wasn’t going to budge. There was no way that he would ever join the peer support group. “I can’t promise you anything. I’ll think about it over the game.”
Kerass beamed. His smile showed that he was convinced he was winning the discussion. “Thanks Jay, you’re the best you know that?”
“Of course I know that but nothing’s been decided yet.”
Kerass’ smile kept getting bigger. “Sure,” he said utterly convinced he had won. “Snap it.” They slid their right hands over each other and snapped in unison. Kerass walked down the hallway. The new girl walked over to Kerass. Jay watched from the distance not daring to be seen but not daring to look away. They were talking and laughing about something stupid probably. So that was the reason that Kerass wanted to join the peer support group. Whoever the new girl was had some spell over him. Jay had never seen Kerass quite like this before. Kerass was never himself around girls. He was always the actor his part being the football stud. This was different though. It almost looked like actual flirting. Jay couldn’t stand the forced smiles. Well, they probably weren’t forced, but he didn’t want Kerass to smile at anyone other than himself like that. It had always been Kerass and Jay. This new girl wasn’t going to take away his best friend. At that moment he decided the play was back on but it was a different character and a different stage. His goal was to stop this new girl from stealing away his best friend. He only needed to find the perfect opportunity to execute it. His performance was about to begin.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Fallen Leaves - Chapter 1: Another World
I want to do something that means something to someone, anyone, she said to herself. Cadence Harris looked at herself in the mirror. She had shoulder length golden brown hair that she always pushed back into a ponytail. She didn’t wear any makeup. It wasn’t really a statement as much as it was the fact that she didn’t want to pay for it. There were more important things to spend money on than simply manufactured beauty. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she felt content with her look for the first time that day. She was in no way stunning, but she wasn’t ugly either. She had an essence of purity and innocence about her, something that could never be manufactured.
Her textbooks were stacked neatly on her desk inside her room. She was taking all advance classes, which always made her mom smile. Her Geometry homework sat unfinished. Looking at the clock, Cadence felt she had enough time to get to school early enough so she could meet up with Ms. Flinch, her geometry teacher, and attempt to get some one-on-one time before her geometry class started at 7:20 sharp. The clock read 6:03. She placed her books and her homework in her book bag. Slipping her book bag around her shoulder, she decided it was time to leave her bedroom and begin the day.
Her mother sat at the dining room table sipping a cup of tea. Her mother had a pixie cut. Seeing Cadence step in, her mother held up her cup.
“Nah, just water, Ma,” she said.
Her mother started to get up, but Cadence stopped her saying she would get a glass for herself.
“Is it today?” her mother asked.
“What?” Cadence asked even though she had heard her the first time. Sometimes Cadence just started talking before she gave her brain time to process what had just been said. By the time she had said the word ‘what’ she had already processed what was said. She carried her glass of water over to the table, placed her book bag at the foot of the door, and started sitting down while her mother repeated her question.
“Yeah, actually,” Cadence said with a smile. As much as she attempted to suppress her excitement, the happier, the more excited she became.
Her mother returned the smile. “Don’t try to hold it back! You should be very proud of yourself. It’s a great idea and I’m certain a lot of people will go for it.”
“Thanks, Ma,” Cadence whispered her response back.
They continued to sit in silence as the time slipped away. The clock now read 6:20. Cadence grabbed her book bag and walked out of the door. Her mother stepped in the doorframe beckoning her back in. Cadence kissed her cheek.
“I love you, Cadence,” her mother said as Cadence began to walk away.
Cadence turned around and with a smile said, “Yeah, I love you too.” She walked away as the bus pulled up on the end of the street. She felt the urge to run even though the bus was only a house over. The bus was 5 minutes earlier than usual, or she was 5 minutes later, she couldn’t tell.
Stepping on, she knew it was just going to be another normal day. She saw him again. Sitting in the very back of the bus sleeping in his letterman jacket as usual was the most athletic boy in her class. Athletics were big at Oak Stream High. Kerass Coscarelli was only a freshman, but his strength and size brought people in droves to see freshman football games. More people watched the freshmen games than the varsity games. He bore a crew cut, which only increased his intimidation factor on the field. He seemed a million miles away from Cadence.
The bus pulled into Oak Stream’s parking lot. Cadence immediately began walking from point A, the bus, to point C, the geometry classroom. There was no time for point B. Point B did not exist. Point B was reserved for talking to friends, but after transferring to Oak Stream midway through her freshman year, she had yet to gain any. A month and a half had gone by since she had transferred and she felt like she had barely been noticed. No one stopped her in the hall as she made her way to the geometry room and sat down at 7:00. Oak Stream felt like another world entirely, one she had yet to learn the societal rules of.
Jay Meyer jumped as his locker was closed in front of him. Kerass laughed at Jay while he held his hand over his heart trying to calm himself down. Jay smiled back at him. “You’re such a jerk, you know that?”
“Oh yeah, then why you smiling?” Kerass responded.
Jay then joined in with the laughter. Jay had gelled jet black hair. The spikes in his hair only made him stand out more in a sea of people that just went with the flow. Jay wore a red shirt. In black letters ‘The Crucible – See it March 12-14’ was written on the center of the shirt.
“How’s rehearsals going?” Kerass asked.
Jay paused looking guilty. “They could always be better, I guess.”
Kerass could sense that something was wrong. He asked Jay about it and Jay responded that he had yet to memorize his lines. The yelling from his fellow cast mates and the show’s director shook him up pretty badly. “I’m sorry,” Kerass offered. Jay accepted it with a smile on his face.
“It’ll be fine. I play the evil judge. I get to wear a wig. At least I don’t have to change my hair this time,” Jay said with a smirk.
Kerass yawned attempting to stay awake. Jay play punched him in the stomach knocking the wind out of Kerass. Kerass smiled right back at Jay.
“How are your stats coming, football stud?” Jay asked.
“For one thing I’m not a stud. You know I don’t pay attention to that sorta stuff,” Kerass said.
Jay smiled. “Yeah, I know.”
Kerass sighed, finally awake. “Are you coming to the game Friday afternoon?”
The smile immediately left Jay’s face. Jay explained that he would love to, but he had rehearsal during that time. He then began to promise that he would come to every game he possibly could, but he would have to skip this one. “Go score a basket for me, ok?”
“They’re called touchdowns…” Kerass said agitated.
“You can’t blame me, I don’t understand anything about this sports stuff.”
Kerass’s eyes lit up. “Yeah, I know. That’s why we’re friends.” Kerass pulled out his geometry homework. “Hey, do you have Ms. Flinch?”
“Nah, I have Mr. Martin. You know, that whole weird two first names thing?”
Kerass said that he had best go to her room to try to figure out the answer to the problem. “Maybe I could get some one-on-one tutoring time or something.” Jay told him to snap it. They slid their right hands over each other and snapped in unison. That was their ritual to end every conversation. It beat saying goodbye by a long shot, plus to them it looked cool. It was all just another day between the two of them.
Kerass sprinted up the stairs two at a time to reach the math hallway. By the time he made it to room M25, it was only 7:05. Someone was already in the room. He felt like he recognized her outside of the classroom for some reason, but he couldn’t quite place it. She was the new girl, of that he was certain. “I bet we have the same question. Do you mind if I join in?” She shook her head. He sat down right beside her. He glanced over at her sheet of paper making sure of her name before he said anything else. “You’re new here, right, Cadence?”
“Yeah,” she said with a nod.
“Hey, are you that girl?” He asked. “That girl they’ve talked about on the announcements?”
She smiled back at him. A few more questions were asked to no avail before they both became solely focused on finding the obtuse angle. The problem was actually quite simple once the teacher explained it.
The announcements came on over an intercom full of static. The usual things were announced. The freshmen football game was Friday at 3:30. Kerass’s stats began to be read. He immediately covered his ears trying to block out all sound until the announcement was over. Cadence mouthed to him that it was over which instantly relieved him. He looked back up just in time to hear that play rehearsals were Thursday and Friday from 2:30-5:00.
“And lastly, the peer support group meets up for their first meeting ever after school at 2:30 today in the English hallway at room D60. Ask Mr. Hendricks or Cadence Harris for more details. Now, let us pause for a minute of silence.”
The intercom went silent. Eyes shifted over to Cadence who remained silent staring at the white board.
The end of the day seemed like it took forever to get to, but finally the final bell rang. Cadence made her way down to room D60 and made it at 2:14 sharp. Mr. Hendricks said he had a meeting to go to, but he would return once it was over at 3:00. Cadence smiled at him as he walked out the door.
Her excitement was boiling over. She couldn’t wait for people to walk inside the door. The time kept ticking on. 2:20…2:30…2:40…she was getting anxious. Nobody had shown up. She was about to leave, but decided instead to stay behind until Mr. Hendricks had returned. She walked over to the window and stared at the barren trees outside.
There was a knock at the door. Her first thought was to look at the clock. It was 2:45. Her eyes fell down on the person who stood in the doorway. She couldn’t believe her eyes. It was Kerass. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” he said stepping inside the door.
She continued to stare at him. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be happening. Nobody was happier in the freshmen class than Kerass. No one had gotten more support than Kerass. Everybody liked Kerass. Why was he the only one to show up for the peer support group?
“Is the meeting over?” he asked.
“No,” she replied back, surprised that her voice actually worked. She looked into his eyes. They were filled with such sorrow. They seemed so empty. She had to say something. She had to ask. “Why are you here, Kerass?”
“I need help.”
She sighed, trying to muster the courage to keep talking. Nothing was helping. She was still in shock that he was the only one who had shown up.
“Please.”
Her textbooks were stacked neatly on her desk inside her room. She was taking all advance classes, which always made her mom smile. Her Geometry homework sat unfinished. Looking at the clock, Cadence felt she had enough time to get to school early enough so she could meet up with Ms. Flinch, her geometry teacher, and attempt to get some one-on-one time before her geometry class started at 7:20 sharp. The clock read 6:03. She placed her books and her homework in her book bag. Slipping her book bag around her shoulder, she decided it was time to leave her bedroom and begin the day.
Her mother sat at the dining room table sipping a cup of tea. Her mother had a pixie cut. Seeing Cadence step in, her mother held up her cup.
“Nah, just water, Ma,” she said.
Her mother started to get up, but Cadence stopped her saying she would get a glass for herself.
“Is it today?” her mother asked.
“What?” Cadence asked even though she had heard her the first time. Sometimes Cadence just started talking before she gave her brain time to process what had just been said. By the time she had said the word ‘what’ she had already processed what was said. She carried her glass of water over to the table, placed her book bag at the foot of the door, and started sitting down while her mother repeated her question.
“Yeah, actually,” Cadence said with a smile. As much as she attempted to suppress her excitement, the happier, the more excited she became.
Her mother returned the smile. “Don’t try to hold it back! You should be very proud of yourself. It’s a great idea and I’m certain a lot of people will go for it.”
“Thanks, Ma,” Cadence whispered her response back.
They continued to sit in silence as the time slipped away. The clock now read 6:20. Cadence grabbed her book bag and walked out of the door. Her mother stepped in the doorframe beckoning her back in. Cadence kissed her cheek.
“I love you, Cadence,” her mother said as Cadence began to walk away.
Cadence turned around and with a smile said, “Yeah, I love you too.” She walked away as the bus pulled up on the end of the street. She felt the urge to run even though the bus was only a house over. The bus was 5 minutes earlier than usual, or she was 5 minutes later, she couldn’t tell.
Stepping on, she knew it was just going to be another normal day. She saw him again. Sitting in the very back of the bus sleeping in his letterman jacket as usual was the most athletic boy in her class. Athletics were big at Oak Stream High. Kerass Coscarelli was only a freshman, but his strength and size brought people in droves to see freshman football games. More people watched the freshmen games than the varsity games. He bore a crew cut, which only increased his intimidation factor on the field. He seemed a million miles away from Cadence.
The bus pulled into Oak Stream’s parking lot. Cadence immediately began walking from point A, the bus, to point C, the geometry classroom. There was no time for point B. Point B did not exist. Point B was reserved for talking to friends, but after transferring to Oak Stream midway through her freshman year, she had yet to gain any. A month and a half had gone by since she had transferred and she felt like she had barely been noticed. No one stopped her in the hall as she made her way to the geometry room and sat down at 7:00. Oak Stream felt like another world entirely, one she had yet to learn the societal rules of.
Jay Meyer jumped as his locker was closed in front of him. Kerass laughed at Jay while he held his hand over his heart trying to calm himself down. Jay smiled back at him. “You’re such a jerk, you know that?”
“Oh yeah, then why you smiling?” Kerass responded.
Jay then joined in with the laughter. Jay had gelled jet black hair. The spikes in his hair only made him stand out more in a sea of people that just went with the flow. Jay wore a red shirt. In black letters ‘The Crucible – See it March 12-14’ was written on the center of the shirt.
“How’s rehearsals going?” Kerass asked.
Jay paused looking guilty. “They could always be better, I guess.”
Kerass could sense that something was wrong. He asked Jay about it and Jay responded that he had yet to memorize his lines. The yelling from his fellow cast mates and the show’s director shook him up pretty badly. “I’m sorry,” Kerass offered. Jay accepted it with a smile on his face.
“It’ll be fine. I play the evil judge. I get to wear a wig. At least I don’t have to change my hair this time,” Jay said with a smirk.
Kerass yawned attempting to stay awake. Jay play punched him in the stomach knocking the wind out of Kerass. Kerass smiled right back at Jay.
“How are your stats coming, football stud?” Jay asked.
“For one thing I’m not a stud. You know I don’t pay attention to that sorta stuff,” Kerass said.
Jay smiled. “Yeah, I know.”
Kerass sighed, finally awake. “Are you coming to the game Friday afternoon?”
The smile immediately left Jay’s face. Jay explained that he would love to, but he had rehearsal during that time. He then began to promise that he would come to every game he possibly could, but he would have to skip this one. “Go score a basket for me, ok?”
“They’re called touchdowns…” Kerass said agitated.
“You can’t blame me, I don’t understand anything about this sports stuff.”
Kerass’s eyes lit up. “Yeah, I know. That’s why we’re friends.” Kerass pulled out his geometry homework. “Hey, do you have Ms. Flinch?”
“Nah, I have Mr. Martin. You know, that whole weird two first names thing?”
Kerass said that he had best go to her room to try to figure out the answer to the problem. “Maybe I could get some one-on-one tutoring time or something.” Jay told him to snap it. They slid their right hands over each other and snapped in unison. That was their ritual to end every conversation. It beat saying goodbye by a long shot, plus to them it looked cool. It was all just another day between the two of them.
Kerass sprinted up the stairs two at a time to reach the math hallway. By the time he made it to room M25, it was only 7:05. Someone was already in the room. He felt like he recognized her outside of the classroom for some reason, but he couldn’t quite place it. She was the new girl, of that he was certain. “I bet we have the same question. Do you mind if I join in?” She shook her head. He sat down right beside her. He glanced over at her sheet of paper making sure of her name before he said anything else. “You’re new here, right, Cadence?”
“Yeah,” she said with a nod.
“Hey, are you that girl?” He asked. “That girl they’ve talked about on the announcements?”
She smiled back at him. A few more questions were asked to no avail before they both became solely focused on finding the obtuse angle. The problem was actually quite simple once the teacher explained it.
The announcements came on over an intercom full of static. The usual things were announced. The freshmen football game was Friday at 3:30. Kerass’s stats began to be read. He immediately covered his ears trying to block out all sound until the announcement was over. Cadence mouthed to him that it was over which instantly relieved him. He looked back up just in time to hear that play rehearsals were Thursday and Friday from 2:30-5:00.
“And lastly, the peer support group meets up for their first meeting ever after school at 2:30 today in the English hallway at room D60. Ask Mr. Hendricks or Cadence Harris for more details. Now, let us pause for a minute of silence.”
The intercom went silent. Eyes shifted over to Cadence who remained silent staring at the white board.
The end of the day seemed like it took forever to get to, but finally the final bell rang. Cadence made her way down to room D60 and made it at 2:14 sharp. Mr. Hendricks said he had a meeting to go to, but he would return once it was over at 3:00. Cadence smiled at him as he walked out the door.
Her excitement was boiling over. She couldn’t wait for people to walk inside the door. The time kept ticking on. 2:20…2:30…2:40…she was getting anxious. Nobody had shown up. She was about to leave, but decided instead to stay behind until Mr. Hendricks had returned. She walked over to the window and stared at the barren trees outside.
There was a knock at the door. Her first thought was to look at the clock. It was 2:45. Her eyes fell down on the person who stood in the doorway. She couldn’t believe her eyes. It was Kerass. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” he said stepping inside the door.
She continued to stare at him. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be happening. Nobody was happier in the freshmen class than Kerass. No one had gotten more support than Kerass. Everybody liked Kerass. Why was he the only one to show up for the peer support group?
“Is the meeting over?” he asked.
“No,” she replied back, surprised that her voice actually worked. She looked into his eyes. They were filled with such sorrow. They seemed so empty. She had to say something. She had to ask. “Why are you here, Kerass?”
“I need help.”
She sighed, trying to muster the courage to keep talking. Nothing was helping. She was still in shock that he was the only one who had shown up.
“Please.”
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