Kerass woke with a start. His alarm never failed to surprise himself. It always interrupted a deep slumber. His clock read 6:15. He immediately got out of his bed beginning to dress himself for the day. It took no time at all. This was the final football game of the season. All he had to do was wear a team shirt, which was always washed come Sunday. Throwing his backpack over his shoulder, he walked downstairs ready to embrace the day.
Sitting down on the living room sofa reading a Bible, was his father. He knew not to disturb his father’s devotion time, so he decided to walk straight out the door. His hand on the doorknob, opening it as quietly as he possibly could, his father spoke up stopping him. “I was hoping we could talk,” his father said.
Kerass replied that that was fine as he sat down on the couch. There was a pause. Neither of them spoke for a few seconds. Kerass looked into his father’s eyes. Whatever wanted to be discussed was most likely serious, too serious for 6:20 in the morning. “What’s up?” Kerass asked.
His father replied that he had noticed that he hadn’t been partaking in devotions recently. He asked him if anything had changed recently. Kerass just replied that he was swamped with schoolwork, the football team, all of that stuff.
“Hmm,” his father replied. “I’ve also noticed that Jay hasn’t been around recently.” His father looked straight into his eyes. It was as if he was staring straight into his soul. Kerass responded that Jay wouldn’t be around again anytime soon. The next question was obvious. Kerass explained before his father even had to ask.
“He’s gay, Dad,” Kerass said vainly. “He tried to kiss me.” Looking over, he saw his father’s expression change. His father looked almost remorseful for some bizarre reason. Kerass continued saying not to give him a lecture about how he told him so. He liked theater kids, not every guy who did theater was gay.
His father replied that he wasn’t going there at all. “I think you need to forgive him.” Kerass couldn’t believe his ears. This couldn’t possibly be the same father he had known for years. This father was loving and forgiving, something he couldn’t remember the last time he had experienced.
“No,” he said and immediately walked out of the door, slamming it shut behind him.
The beating of his heart remained the same. Jay stood by his locker alone. There was no difference in his heart rate. It remained stagnant, unmoving. His best friend wasn’t standing next to him. He had lost the only friend he had in the world. Ever since Kerass had told him that he never wanted to see him again, his heart had ached. A huge hole seemed like it was punched through his chest. Honesty definitely was not the best policy. It had destroyed everything that he had cared about. YouTube had told him that if he was honest people would love and accept him, but oddly enough YouTube had lied to him. Maybe coming out to his best friend while trying to kiss him wasn’t the smartest decision in the world. Scratch that, it was the dumbest decision he had ever made in his entire life.
He was only a freshmen in high school and he felt like his entire life was over. Maybe things weren’t as bad as he thought, but in the moment it sure felt like they were. He realized walking towards his locker, acknowledging that Kerass wasn’t going to be there, that he simply didn’t care anymore. That was the reason his heartbeat remained the same. He didn’t care about anyone in this school. If he was lucky, maybe he wouldn’t even be noticed at all.
Cadence smiled noticing Jay standing by his locker. Kerass wasn’t with him. That seemed very strange. Perhaps he was sick. It’s the only explanation that made any sense as to why Kerass wasn’t there with them. She tapped his shoulder which made him jump sky high. She laughed and asked him how he was doing.
“Things could always be better,” he said completely monotone. She asked him what was wrong, but he didn’t budge. His eyes told her everything. He wasn’t going to let anybody in. She then said the only thing she thought correlated, “Where’s Kerass?”
He told her he didn’t know who she was talking about. He turned around walking away. Taken aback, she spun him back around both hands gripping his arms. Her grip demanded attention. She attempted to bore into his mind the way that Kerass bored into hers during the first and only peer support group meeting. It wasn’t the most affective. He smiled down at her.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he asked. The bell rang signifying the 5-minute warning for the start of the day. She smiled back at him.
“Tell me at the game,” she said. She made him promise that he would be there. He promised by snapping it. “See? Things are always better off than they seem.”
Joy arose from every student as the final bell rang signifying the end of the day. For Kerass, he couldn’t wait to have the football season end. It was one of the things he had dreaded the most about being in high school. Sports were tougher. He knew he could handle the pressure, but he wasn’t sure that he could handle the people, the fake smiles telling him that they cared about him.
His father’s advice bugged him the entire day. He didn’t know what to do with that. The only thing he wanted to do was to ignore it, but he couldn’t get his mind off of it. The guilt over cutting his best friend out of his life was eating away inside of him. Jay definitely had crossed the line and embracing a life celebrating sin was so not cool, but the way he had initially reacted was not cool either. He couldn’t possibly be turning into his father. Maybe he had gotten his father all wrong. He had promoted forgiveness that morning. Every time he thought he was going to forgive Jay, he instantly flashed back to when Jay attempted to kiss him. Anger would boil inside of him brimming over whenever he had that flashback. The only thing that could keep him calm was Cadence.
He convinced himself that he would surprise Cadence. He hid beneath the stairwell and waited. He didn’t care that his thoughts were sinful. He relished in his fantasies. Cadence started to walk into the main hallway having just walked down the stairs. Kerass grabbed her pulling her back underneath the stairwell. Their lips met instantaneously. His heart started pounding. He demanded his body to keep still. She asked him what that was for. “For being you,” he replied.
They walked out of the stairwell hand in hand. Mr. Baganz called out to him. Every football player was asked to give their jersey to a teacher during game days. Kerass always gave it to his history teacher. Mr. Baganz felt more than simply a teacher to him, he felt like a mentor, a friend. Mr. Baganz truly supported him, not just the quarterback. Kerass beamed back at him convinced that now nothing could mess up his game.
Jay wasn’t sure why he was even here. The football stadium was like sheer hell for him. Kerass was the only one who made him feel welcome sitting in the stands and now he was no longer his friend. Cadence waved her hand to get him to sit down next to her. Looking behind him checking to make sure she wasn’t waving at anybody else, he walked up the stands and sat down next to Cadence.
He looked over at the scoreboard. They were winning, but only slightly. They were only up by three points. This was definitely not Kerass’ usual game. He always dominated the field. Within seconds, they were losing. The other team scored by intercepting the ball. Jay couldn’t believe his eyes. For the first time, he was seeing Kerass lose. It felt glorious to see him suffer. He decided he was going to stay and watch him be tortured even longer.
Cadence looked over at him asking him to spill. His heart began to pound. The two words he was about to utter could potentially destroy his life. He didn’t know why, but it was easier to trust her because she hadn’t known him as long. “I’m gay,” he uttered under his breath.
Her smile back surprised him. She told him that it had been obvious from her encounters with him. “Don’t even worry, I am definitely an ally.” She hugged him. It kinda felt uncomfortable. He didn’t really like being this close to girls anyways. The hug broke, even though he was ecstatic to finally have an ally, he never wanted to hug a girl again.
Kerass had been benched. Jay realized he was looking at him. They locked eyes only for a moment before Kerass called him over to the chain-link fence. Jay hesitated. The previous reaction from him had been so severe he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be around him when he exploded again.
By the time he reached the fence, his heart was racing. Only two words were uttered. “I’m sorry,” they both said at once. Kerass asked to go first. He responded that while it was not cool that he had tried to kiss him and he made it clear that he did not support his decision to embrace homosexuality, he knew he had reacted improperly. Neither of those things was a good enough reason to break a friendship. “At least you were honest with me.” He asked to say just one more thing. “Listen, if I’m going to have a best friend that I care about and trust it’s gotta be you.”
Jay’s eyes started to tear up. He reassured Kerass that he would never try to kiss him again. “I definitely could’ve found a better way of telling you about it.” Kerass beamed at him. Jay was exuberant to have his best friend back. “Snap it,” he said. They slid their right hands over each other and snapped in unison.
Kerass walked down the barren hallway. The bright white hallway had this ethereal feel about it. He hated walking down this hallway. It always made him regret coming, but he had to see her. He had to let her know how it had turned out. Still, the brightness of the hallway was too striking of a contrast to the depression that lay in front of him. Turning into room 601 he sat down next to the bed. “We won our final game, Mom.” His mother lay in the bed absolutely still. “Please wake up soon,” he said telling her that he needed her. They were inside the hospital. His mother lay in a coma.
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