Damien sat down beside Kerass’s bed. Apparently Kerass had woken an hour before he arrived. Nobody thought to call Damien, which he was a little frustrated about, but really it didn’t matter because Kerass was awake and he was safe. He held Kerass’s hand, gripped it gently and then let it go.
“You know you didn’t have to let go,” Kerass told him gently. He added that he didn’t mind it at all.
“I just don’t want to cross any boundaries. I fear I’ve already done that too much recently.”
“You and I both know I’m not gay. Others may view it as weird, but believe me when I say that I don’t.”
“Thanks, Kerass,” Damien replied wiping a tear from his face. He couldn’t help himself. The moment he saw Kerass in that hospital bed, he just started crying.
“Why the tears, Damien? I’m fine. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been better.”
“You really mean that?” he asked hopefully.
“I don’t lie about those things. Of course I mean it. If I rarely say it, you know it’s true.”
“Why?”
“I had the most beautiful…” Kerass trailed off. “Well, just trust me when I say that I can’t share it even though I want to.”
“Ok,” Damien nodded. He was deathly curious, but given Kerass’s current state he daren’t ask.
“We’ve come a long way since last year.”
Damien nodded.
“Hell, I don’t even talk shit about your sexuality anymore. You really called me out on that and I’m so glad you did. I’ve grown a lot since then.”
“Indeed,” Damien tried to crack a smile, but he felt his mind kept wandering to Gus and Jay. They were all there in the same place together. Granted Jay and Gus weren’t in the hospital, but God only knows what they were sharing with each other on campus. He couldn’t keep this up and Jay had never done anything wrong, nothing worthy of breaking up over, but…well, he had just fallen in love with someone else. Jay would understand, wouldn’t he? Jay had told him during prom that he had no feelings for him anymore. There was that, but things had changed. The truth was Lyra had changed everything. He didn’t want to hold back anymore. There was no competition, but he still couldn’t bring himself to tell Jay.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Kerass observed.
“What?” Damien snapped himself back into focus.
“You were really out of it. What’s going on?”
“This is meant to be about you, Kerass, not me.”
“I told you I don’t know how many times that I’m perfectly fine now.”
“You’re not going anywhere near that guy again, are you?”
“No,” Kerass promised. “He lost his chance at friendship with me when he squeezed my neck.”
“Good because I’d personally love to kick his ass.”
“You’re avoiding, you know that?” Kerass chastised lying on his side. “Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind? Could it really be that bad?”
“Yes,” Damien breathed deeply. “I, uh, I need to confess something to you.”
“What is it? You know there’s no judgment here.”
“I know, that’s why I, uh, have to tell you. I haven’t exactly been faithful to Jay.”
“What do you mean?” Kerass asked trepidatiously.
“I’ve been seeing someone else. He just stole my heart and I’m tired of waiting for sex.”
“Oh my god…” Kerass replied, his eyes bulging. “Who?” he demanded.
“It’s not a physical affair yet, it’s more of an emotional one.”
“Stop defending yourself!” Kerass scolded. “Who?”
“Gus.”
The face of disgust that crossed Kerass told him everything. He should leave, but he couldn’t just let their friendship go just like that. “Kerass, please, please let me explain.”
“How?” Kerass replied bewildered. “How could you let this happen?”
“I fell out of love with Jay. It was nobody’s fault, we just aren’t sexually compatible.”
“What sort of bullshit is that? You just fell out of love with him. Just like that? I don’t believe a word of this.”
“How could you do this to Jay?”
“What do you mean? We just weren’t good together we never were. I thought you of all people would understand this.”
“Understand what? You’re cheating on him. You’re cheating on my oldest friend. What part of that do I not understand?”
“We’re not cheating per se. We haven’t done it yet.”
“Yet…right,” Kerass nodded. “There’s a lot that I can overlook, Damien, but this…this is just too much. You’re defending something you know full well to be wrong. Go,” he uttered in reply. “I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to look at you right now. Don’t speak with me again until you’ve resolved everything with Jay and if you can’t do that well, I don’t see how we can remain as friends. It’s as simple…”
Damien didn’t stay to hear the rest of what he said. There was no way he was staying where he wasn’t wanted. Kerass had been someone he poured so much into when they were on the same campus, but perhaps Vance was right. There was no more relationship with him because Kerass didn’t pursue him back. Plus he was being so judgmental. How could he not understand that some people just fall out of love? He felt sick to his stomach, but he just couldn’t bring himself to try and reconcile with him. He was beyond thrilled that he was awake and fine, but there was no way he was apologizing for what he’d done. He had Gus. That’s all he ever wanted. He had done nothing wrong.
Cadence woke up. The last 24 hours had been a blur. She didn’t succeed in accomplishing her goal. She was still alive. She still had to live with the fact that she murdered someone. Her mother sat next to her gasping when she opened her eyes. “Darling, you’re safe now,” she reassured her.
“What happened to me?” Cadence asked. She couldn’t explain why, but tears welled up. She began crying and she couldn’t stop.
“I think you may need some help. You attempted suicide. Thank God you didn’t succeed,” she added gently kissing her forehead.
“What do you mean by help?”
“Well, you’re going to need to stay at an inpatient psych ward.”
“Oh, Mom,” Cadence scoffed at her. She added that she didn’t need medication to fix her problems.
“You tried to kill yourself and you left a cryptic note that didn’t explain why. Why won’t you tell me what happened? I know something’s been bothering you. I know you’ve been taking from my pills. I’ve known it for a long time. I just couldn’t face it.”
“Do I have a choice?”
“No.”
Cadence doubted that was true, but didn’t have enough energy to fight her on it. All she wanted to do was sleep. Slowly closing her eyes she agreed to go to the inpatient psychiatry unit.
Rays of sunlight fell down through the clouds. It wasn’t exactly overcast. It was beautiful. It was the perfect day. Kerass beamed. He couldn’t believe he was out walking again so soon after his hospital stay. Jeremy promised to buy him his first meal after he got back on campus. He should’ve been there 5 minutes ago, but he was taking his time, leisurely walking across campus, taken with the enormity and the beauty of it all.
The student center arrived too soon on his walk. There he was waiting for him. He wasn’t exactly ready to face reality yet, not after the bombshell that Damien had left him back at the hospital. Yet, Kerass couldn’t deny that he was thrilled to see him.
Jeremy greeted him outside shaking his hand. “I was getting worried when you didn’t show up on time,” he admitted.
“Nothing to worry about,” Kerass patted his shoulder. He continued saying he was just taking the scenic route.
“Jaden used to always do that.”
“How are you two?” Kerass asked. “I mean, I haven’t exactly met her yet.”
“Oh, she’s fine. We’re taking a little bit of a break. The whole long distance thing, it just wasn’t healthy for us.”
“When did this happen?”
“Just a little over a month ago,” Jeremy replied nonchalantly. “It’s not a big deal, really.”
“Does this have anything to do with you admitting to her about our mutual problem?”
“No,” Jeremy shook his head. “She still texts me about it actually. She’s a great sister in the faith, but in terms of romance, it’s just not right now.”
“I gotcha. Makes sense really.”
“I miss her, but it’s for the best, at least for right now.”
“You think you’ll get back together?”
“We’ll see. I’m open to the idea, but whatever God wants will happen, right?”
“I guess so. I think if you want her you have to pursue her.”
“Well, anyway, what are we doing just standing out here? Let’s head inside.”
Kerass nodded. It didn’t take long to figure out what to eat. They always ate at the same place, yet he didn’t order much. He really wasn’t that hungry and he had no desire to stuff his face full of crap.
“Do you still talk to him?” Kerass asked.
Jeremy looked stunned. “Yes,” he admitted defiantly.
“Why? He tried to kill me, Jeremy. I’m never going to talk with him again. It’s too dangerous. How could you side with him after what he did to me?”
“You need to be more gracious to Jordan.”
“Why?” Kerass asked. He didn’t want to be gracious anymore. Everyone around him was just disappointing him. What was the point in hiding the fact that there were poisonous people in life? “He attacked me, not the other way around. He should be asking my forgiveness. Why should I forgive him?”
“You have no comprehension of what he’s gone through.”
Damien kissed Gus on the forehead.
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered in his ear.
“Stop it. I’m not attractive at all,” Gus replied laden with self-doubt.
“You are to me,” Damien said wrapping his arms around his waist. Whispering in his ear, he stated that he didn’t want to wait anymore.
“What are you saying, exactly?”
“I’m sick and tired of everyone telling us what to do. Telling us how to define what we mean to each other. I want you. I want all of you, right now.”
“Are you sure? It’ll be the first time for both of us.”
“Definitely. I want to tell the whole world that I loved you first. I want to make love with you.”
Gus put his hands on Damien’s cheeks. They kissed each other fervently. Damien led them towards to bed. Shutting the door behind them, locking it, he began unbuttoning his shirt.
Jay walked towards Gus’s room. He knew that Damien would be there. He just knew it. There was no point in delaying the inevitable. He knocked on the door.
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