Kerass opened his eyes. He couldn’t tell where he was. All he could see around him was clouds. He was lying down on clouds. Getting up on his elbows, he glanced below him, but he couldn’t see the earth. This couldn’t be real. He couldn’t possibly be in heaven, in paradise. He hadn’t made a decision yet on whether he wanted to believe in God, to follow Jesus, or not.
Taking a deep breath, he put his head back on the cloud underneath him completely relaxing as his stomach rhythmically rose up and down, up and down while he breathed. This was glorious. This was wonderful. Nothing could take away his peace from this moment.
The wind picked up, leaves were dancing around him landing on the clouds. He didn’t realize leaves went up this high. But wait…this wasn’t real. This was just a dream, a marvelous dream that he didn’t want to wake from.
The next gush of wind brought even more colorful leaves up toward him, instinctively, he stood up. Amazed that he was standing, walking on the clouds, he ran. He chased after the leaves attempting to catch one in his hand.
The red one danced above him, he stretched, but it just barely left his grasp. He jumped and realized he wasn’t coming down. Gravity didn’t exist here, wherever here was. He was flying. He soared stroking his arms to reach higher and higher heights. Reaching out his hand, he stretched, his arm extended extraordinarily enough. His fingers closed. The red leaf was in his hand. Smiling, he was content that he had captured this beautiful remnant of nature below, a nature he could no longer see. His arm retracted to normal length. All of a sudden, he felt gravity’s pull. He was no longer flying, he was falling. He screamed as he gained speed coming faster and faster to the clouds. He just knew they would no longer hold him, but then the clouds gently held him, bouncing him up and down like a trampoline as gravity’s pull battled for control over him.
He felt safe here. He never wanted to leave this place. This space where no one bothered him and all his problems vanished instantly. Holding the dark-red leaf in front of him, he examined the veins, running his index finger over them. It soothed him and inexplicably he felt he had held this leaf before.
A gust of wind startled him. The leaf broke free. He tried to get up, but he felt exhausted and just laid there watching it float away, yet something happened. It didn’t maintain its shape. The ridges of the leaf extended downward, flowing in the wind. It looked like red hair, long, flowing, strikingly red hair. Out from the hair, the body followed clothed in brilliant, majestic white robes. He knew this woman, yet he didn’t know why. She walked away from him, not turning back to see if he was following. He broke free from the grip that held him down and followed the red-haired woman.
After he had followed her for a time, she turned around to face him. Who he saw floored him. He couldn’t even speak.
“I’m glad you followed, Kerass,” she said, one eyebrow raised mischievously.
“Your hair is beautiful,” he replied. He added that there was never a time when her hair wasn’t stunningly beautiful.
“Thanks,” she added.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” he exhaled, “Lyra.”
Jay held Kerass’s hand, sitting beside him while he lay in a coma on the hospital bed. A tear slowly crawled down his face. How had he let Kerass get so far away from him? They were roommates. They had been best friends for years. They should be so much closer than they were, but that could change.
“I won’t let you go,” Jay reassured him. “I know you can hear me. I’ll come and visit you weekly until you come back to me.” He added that there was so much that he wanted to tell him. “So much to catch you up on.”
A hand gently grasped his shoulder, causing him to jolt with fright. Gus was looking down at him. He jumped up flinging Gus’s hand off his shoulder.
“Get the hell away from me,” Jay spat at him.
“Why? What’d I do?” Gus asked flabbergasted.
“You think I don’t know? I’m not stupid, Gus. I can read between the lines. You’ve taken Damien away from me.”
“That’s not exactly what happened,” Gus sheepishly defended himself.
“Well, why don’t you explain yourself?” Jay challenged. He continued poking saying he might be too cowardly to face the truth.
“Hey!” he yelled at him. “I’m not exactly innocent, I’ll give you that, but I am not fully to blame either and if you can’t see that, that’s not my fault.”
“Bullshit. You stole him away from me.”
“This isn’t the right time or place to talk about this,” Gus replied under his breath.
“Agreed. I don’t want you or his cheating hands anywhere near my best friend. You can leave now.”
“No, see I can’t. Damien’s coming to visit Kerass, too. You may want to reevaluate your friendship with him. He claimed me to be his best friend during high school graduation.”
“He did not,” Jay uttered back, choking on tears.
“Yeah, he did. See, I was there for him when you were off doing who knows what the hell you were doing. When you started dating Damien you pushed him away and that distance only grew over the years. You have no one to blame but yourself for that.”
Jay tried to glare at him, but he knew it wasn’t intimidating at all, because he was still crying profusely. “Why do you have to be so cruel?” he asked under his breath.
“I’m sorry. I’m just calling it like I see it. Can we both let our grievances go to come alongside Kerass in his time of need?”
“I’ll try,” Jay responded wiping the tears away.
Kerass reached out to touch her, to stroke her cheek. He feared she might be translucent. If you formed out of a leaf, well, nothing about this place surprised him anymore. Yet his thumb came in contact with skin. She was really there. He exhaled tearing up as he beheld her beauty.
“You’ve never been more beautiful,” he told her.
“You can hug me if you want. There’s nothing for you to fear here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Gently, his arms wrapped around her as he kissed her cheek. He squeezed her tighter when he felt her close to him again. He never thought he would see her again. No, he never wanted to let her go. Now he knew this was where he belonged. He didn’t belong below on Earth. This place, wherever it was, was where he belonged. He never doubted it to be true.
“Is red your natural hair color?” he asked her as he finally let her go from his grasp.
“Yes, indeed. I was born as a red head,” she said avoiding eye contact.
“What’s wrong? Did I say something I shouldn’t have?”
“No, it’s just that, well…” she trailed off. “We don’t have much time and there’s something we need to discuss.”
“We have forever up here, but if it means that much to you, please say what you have to say.”
Locking eyes with him, he felt she could read his mind. “Forever isn’t soon enough between us, but you don’t realize how close you were to not being here with me.”
“What are you talking about?” Kerass asked, unable to stop himself from interrupting her.
“You nearly died, Kerass. You need to make a decision and not for me or anyone else, but for yourself. Yet if you want to see me again, you’ll have to choose to follow Him,” she replied emphasizing the last word.
“You mean we’re in heaven now?” he asked. He didn’t think they were, but he’d believe anything she told him.
She shook her head.
“You’re saying I need to follow Jesus to get back to you?”
“No, Kerass, you misunderstand me. I want you to get back to Him. I would be nothing more than a sister to you. He’s a much better prize than me anyway.”
“Will you look the same in heaven?”
Again she shook her head. “This place doesn’t exist. This is all inside your head.”
“You’re saying you’re not real?”
“I died, Kerass. I’m not here. I’m in heaven now, worshiping Jesus now. I believe you will see me again. You will make the right decision.”
“Why should I?” he asked. “If you don’t really exist and this is all in my head, well then why would I make a commitment to you, to God. I mean,” he ran his hands through his hair exhaling, “I just don’t know if any of it’s real. Would I really see you again?”
“Yes,” she said, “but there’s someone else who wants to convince you, too.” She pointed behind him.
Kerass burst into tears. “Mom!” he screamed. Running towards her, he leaped into her embrace.
Cadence signed the note. That was it. There was nothing else for her to do. This was the only way she knew how to solve her problems. Admitting them didn’t help anyone. She was more alone than ever. There was only one way to end the pain. Stepping into the bathroom, she locked the door behind her. Pulling out a straight razor from her pocket, she paused for a second, taking a deep breath before she slit her left wrist.
Jeremy pulled into the hospital parking lot. Right outside the main entrance stood Jordan. He shook his head as he got out of the car and walked over to him.
“What do you think you’re doing here, Jordan?” Jeremy challenged. “Did you really think he’d want to see you, even if he were awake?”
“I didn’t mean it. I didn’t know what I was doing. You know that! You know me!” Jordan replied wildly.
“I know and I know she tried to stop him from coming into the room with you, but now is not the time to have that conversation.”
“He needs to know what I suffer from. I have to explain it to him.”
“I agree 100%, but I think it needs to come from someone other than you. Think about it. If you were in his shoes would you want him to explain it to you or for a mutual friend to prep you first?”
Jordan just sighed, placing his head in his hands as he sobbed. “I’ve ruined everything,” he said amidst his tears.
“Go home, Jordan. He may yet forgive you.”
Kerass cried into his mother’s shoulder. “Now I know I never want to wake up. How is this possible, Mom? He took you away from me.”
“No one will take you away from me again,” she reassured him kissing his forehead. “Oh, my sweet, sensitive, compassionate son. How I wish I could’ve been there to celebrate who God made you to be, to encourage you that those things are a gift. You’ve hidden them inside yourself for far too long out of a fear of man.”
“I’m not ashamed to cry,” he replied as she wiped the tears off his face, “never in front of you.”
“Oh, my wonderful boy, what a gift from God you are.”
“You’re the reason I’m the man I am,” he assured her.
“Please, son. I want to be with you again. Please commit to God. It is the only way we’ll ever truly be reunited.”
“I’ve wanted to,” he admitted to her, “but I’m afraid.” He continued questioning whether God would take him back. “I ran away from God the day of your funeral.”
“I know you did. How that broke my heart, but I knew you would come back. He’s waiting for you. He wants nothing more than for you to return to Him. Trust me, my son. I do not lie to you.”
One arm went around his mother’s shoulders, while another hand locked hands with Lyra. “The two most important women in my life want the same thing.”
“Well, we’ve met before, Kerass,” Lyra interjected.
“Yes,” his mother replied beaming.
“Please, please make the right choice,” Lyra said.
“Oh, and Kerass,” his mother added, “don’t tell anyone else about this dream. Let it stay between the four of us.”
“The four?” Kerass questioned.
Cadence’s mother screamed when she finished reading the note. Her precious, broken daughter wrote a suicide note. She pounded on the bathroom door, breaking it down only to see the pool of blood on the floor enveloping Cadence.
Looking at his mother and Lyra, tears welled up in his eyes. He didn’t know it was possible to cry this much. He didn’t want to go.
“It’s time for you to wake up, Kerass,” his mother told him.
“Please when will I see you again?” he desperately asked.
“Soon,” Lyra replied.
“When is soon?”
“Anytime is soon, my son,” the voice of a man replied to his question.
“Please wake up, Kerass,” Lyra said.
The clouds dispersed. He was in darkness now. A bright, shining white light felt like it was burning through his eyelids.
“Please wake up, Kerass,” Lyra said again. No, no, Kerass corrected himself. That wasn’t Lyra’s voice. That was undeniably Jay. His stomach rhythmically breathing up and down, up and down soothed him, calming him down. He now felt the bed underneath him. He was in the hospital. The last thing he remembered on Earth was being choked by Jordan. Yet he had just seen the love of his life and his mother and spoken with them. He would never forget this dream as long as he lived.
He opened his eyes.
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