The rain fell lightly strumming against the metal of the new water tower. Damien looked at Jay while he rushed under the base to prevent himself from getting drenched. He couldn’t help but laugh to himself. The rain had never bothered him. The guttural screech that came out of Jay’s mouth when he first got wet was one of the oddest and funniest sounds he had ever heard. It was hard to think back on the time when they weren’t in synch with each other, where their souls weren’t compatible with one another.
He was soaked, water dripped down from the tips of his hair. He stepped under the water tower to join Jay. Gazing at him with such longing, he knew they would get back together. Nothing could prevent him from getting exactly what he wanted.
“I’m proud of you,” Damien said grabbing his face.
“Why?” Jay asked.
“Because…” Damien sighed. He pressed on saying it was difficult to put into words everything they had gone through. “You reached out to me in boldness, asking me to prom. I had forgotten everything we had meant to each other two years ago. It made me realize that I, I just want you. Kiss me,” he whispered leaning forward, caressing his face.
“No,” Jay pushed him away.
“No?” Damien replied feeling heartache over the rejection. What had gone wrong? Everything was right, the timing perfection. Perhaps he was rushing into things, but that text from Jay was so out of the blue and so wonderfully timed. He had received it the night he had come home from the semester. Nothing made sense.
“I want to wait for the right moment,” Jay timidly replied.
“What? It’s not like this isn’t the first time we’ve kissed each other. The water tower in the rain, that’s not romantic enough for you?”
“Don’t rush it, Damien,” Jay begged. “We still need to see if we’re right for each other. Let’s not get into the habit of lying to each other again.”
“I think you were the one who lied to me, kept secrets from me, but that’s all in the past, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so. Look, I need to get to school anyways.”
“Prom’s not til 8:00 tonight,” Damien pointed out. “I can think of much better things to pass the time.”
“I’ve got my final marching band performance first. I’ll see you tonight, though.”
“I can go and watch you perform.”
“Please don’t. If you’re there I’ll be distracted.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“No, not when I need to perform. I need this, please try to understand.”
“All right, you need your space. I won’t press you again.”
“Thanks. If the timing’s right, the right song, the right dance, you might get exactly what you want tonight.”
“Don’t pressure yourself. It’ll be fine. I’ll call Vance, we need to talk anyways.”
“Who’s Vance?” Jay questioned, his voice defensive.
“No one for you to feel threatened about. Don’t worry, he’s not even gay. He’s just a friend from college and we just need each other to talk. Nothing for you to be jealous about.”
Jay nodded walking away. Damien tried his hardest to remain silent, but his heart longed for finality. He needed to have more closure on this conversation.
“Do you trust me?” he called out.
Jay paused, without turning around he said, “I’m trying to.”
Jay felt queasy for the first time sitting down in the stands of the football field waiting for the results of their final performance ever. Sickness overwhelmed him, but it wasn’t physical, just emotional. He was completely emotionally drained and he didn’t know how to fix that, how to change it. It was great being back with Damien, but it all felt like a giant lie. Gil had been the one to text Damien, asking him to prom. Jay didn’t feel brave at all. He was too passive to admit to Damien the truth. It was a nice gesture that Damien was so excited about it, but Jay didn’t instigate this and the amount of love and affection towards him when they hadn’t spoken since the summer before junior year, it all seemed too fast.
He had been distracted the entire performance. He felt he was off an entire measure with his dance movements. None of them seemed to be in harmony with one another. Another year of him sticking out like a sore thumb being the only male on the color guard didn’t help things either, but he felt he should at least be grateful. Last year he was viewing this performance from the stands. Cadence sat beside him on the stands, clinging his arm.
“That performance was marvelous. Breathtaking. It was the best performance you’ve ever done,” she gushed. She continued saying he must be so proud of everything he’d accomplished.
“Honestly, I thought I sucked.”
“No, Jay,” Cadence reassured him. “There was something about your movements, a deep sadness that never came through before. It was by far your most honest performance and for that you have to be so proud.”
“I’ll try to be,” Jay whispered as the announcer quieted everyone in the stands.
The usual congratulatory crap was stated. They were all winners, there were no losers, and everyone should feel so accomplished by what they had accomplished this year alone. Jay tuned the rest of it out just wanting them to get on with it. He just wanted it all to be over.
“Oak Stream…” the announcer paused. Jay bit his tongue, holding his breath he closed his eyes. “Superior.”
Jay opened his eyes. Mr. Martin had trained them well. They cordially applauded, but didn’t cheer. Inside everyone was beaming with pride. They had gotten a 1. Each year since they had joined sophomore year, they had gotten increasingly better. For the first time Jay felt at peace about leaving high school, the marching band behind. He had said goodbye to the stage and now he was saying goodbye to the field.
“I told you last week, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. Both your performance on that stage and on this field were nothing short of spectacular. Say it for me, come on,” she egged on.
“All right,” he conceded, “I’m bursting with pride,” he said rolling his eyes.
“The saddest part is I know you mean that.”
“Whatever,” he said under his breath.
“Go on, text him,” she prodded.
“How do you know?”
“The whole band’s talking about it. Nobody cares as long as you two don’t fight in front of them again.”
“That happened two years ago. We’ve matured since then, I hope,” he jokingly doubted.
“Go on,” she encouraged.
“All right,” Jay replied pulling out his cell phone. Before he knew it, they were on the bus ride back to the school. Damien never replied back the entire journey home. Vance might not be gay, but there was something about Vance that had stolen Damien’s heart and Jay wasn’t fully convinced that he even cared.
Damien walked down the street trying to get a breath of fresh air. He jolted when he heard pounding on somebody’s door. Glancing over he noticed that guy that Cadence had hung out with all the time his senior year. What was his name, Gabe? No, but it definitely started with a G…Gus, that had to be it.
“Uncle Jake!” Gus banged on the door, calling the name out peacefully. “Uncle Jake!”
The poor boy was repeating the name over and over. The door opened sharply. Damien held back nervous he might get caught eavesdropping on their conversation.
“What’s wrong?”
“I need your advice. I think I did something foolish,” Gus sighed.
“Come on inside,” the man said.
Damien breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed. Within seconds he saw Cadence walking down the street to the same house.
Cadence knocked on Mr. Baysinger’s door. She heard rumblings inside so she waited patiently for the door to open. Mr. Baysinger opened the door slowly.
“Cadence,” Mr. Baysinger said, “what are you doing here?”
“I tried to find Gus at his house, but his mother told me he was here.”
“Oh, I see,” he breathed.
“Can I see him?”
Mr. Baysinger nodded. It didn’t take long before Gus walked outside closing the door behind him.
“Hey,” Gus said.
It seemed so simple, so nonchalant, like nothing had ever happened between them. Without saying a word, Cadence handed Gus one of the tickets. He exhaled when he glanced at it.
“Prom…” he uttered.
“We bought the tickets months ago before we talked during the-” she paused. She couldn’t bring herself to say it.
“It’s all right.”
“We never committed to go together,” Cadence began. She continued saying it was just an assumption that they would. “So what do you say?”
“I didn’t get a tux. Honestly it slipped from my mind completely.”
“I don’t care how you dress. I just think it’d be good for us to go together, it’d give us some time to talk.”
“I just don’t agree,” Gus shook his head. “I’m sorry, Cadence, but I just can’t,” he said as he handed the ticket back to her.
The door closed behind her as she walked away from Mr. Baysinger’s house. She held the ticket in her hand, taking in every color, every word. After she had put it to memory she ripped it in half. She knew she would never have prom memories. A hand grabbed her as she was walking down the street.
“Damien,” she breathed as she turned around.
“Hey, I’m here to listen if you ever need to talk.”
She nodded. Without a word she walked away from him. He knew her so well that she knew it wouldn’t bother him. She needed time alone, time away from men period.
“You ain’t dressed,” Bryce pointed out to Kerass.
“How do you mean?” Kerass asked completely baffled by his roommate’s observation.
“It’s prom night, now don’t tell me you lack school spirit. Don’t be lame on me now.”
“I’m not,” Kerass explained. He stated that he was going on a hike with Lyra.
“Oh, is she the new special someone?”
“Like you care.”
“Give me a chance, mate,” Bryce jokingly pushed back. “I’m trying my best here.”
“I know you are. She’s not…yet at least.”
“You going to ask her out?”
“Maybe, I don’t know. We’re friends. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Ok,” Bryce conceded. “I can respect your space.”
“I got my college letters the other day,” Kerass said abruptly changing the subject. He knew this would get Bryce off of his back from all the questions about Lyra or how he was doing with loving himself, a subject he realized quickly he really didn’t want to share frequently with Bryce. That’s what Mr. Baganz was for.
“And?”
“I got in. I got accepted into all of the schools I applied to.”
“That’s excellent! You must be so proud. Which one are you going to pick?” Bryce asked.
“None of them,” Kerass paused. “I proved to myself that I could get in, but I can’t afford any of them and it’s a little too late to have scholarships pick up everything.”
“You can’t just not go…”
“Oh yeah? Watch me.”
“If you talked to your father.”
“To hell with my father,” Kerass acidly replied. “I’m not letting him know that I got in because it doesn’t matter. All he needs to know is that I’m breathing. He doesn’t need to be a part of anything else in my life.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“Don’t. I couldn’t be happier,” Kerass said smugly. “Don’t wait up,” Kerass replied as he walked out the door.
“This is where we stopped last time,” Lyra told Kerass. “You seem stronger now. You been working out?”
“No, honestly,” Kerass laughed. “I’m just determined.”
He followed her as she led him further up the mountain. The sun was blazing, directly in his eyes, but he didn’t care. He was with her, the only girl, the only person who understood where his boundaries were and respected them. For all intents and purposes, she was his best friend and that was strange of him to admit. He couldn’t keep silent anymore. He held his hand up blocking his eyes from the sun glaring down on them in the cloudless sky.
“Just one more step,” she held out her hand pulling him up to the crest of the mountain.
Kerass held his breath as he surveyed the beauty of the sea of green. Directly beside him lay a waterfall the fed into a small river that poured down the other side of the mountain.
“Ready for a swim?” Lyra challenged him.
“I don’t have a bathing suit. What am I supposed to do, swim with all my clothes on?” Kerass joked.
“No, of course not. Take them off. Then jump in.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Don’t tell me you’ve never skinny dipped before.”
“Um…”
“Sure this river’s a little dangerous if you fall over the edge, but I won’t let that happen.”
“You saying we’re together now?”
“Don’t ruin the memory.”
“It’s not a memory yet.”
“Exactly. Live in the moment,” Lyra said as she began undressing before him.
Jay sat at one of the tables to the side with Damien. They hadn’t gotten on the dance floor once and Jay felt incredibly uncomfortable to be there with his ex of all people.
“You know, you could ask me to dance,” Damien prodded. “I’d say yes.”
“I don’t want to dance,” Jay responded agitated.
“Then why’d you ask me here in the first place?”
“I didn’t,” Jay began. He explained to Damien that it was a friend who had texted for him. “It’s just as creepy as it sounds.”
“Why would he do that for you, not that I’m upset to be here with you. I guess I’m just a little disappointed. Wish my expectations were more properly set.”
“I couldn’t say anything,” Jay threw off to the side.
“You don’t really want me here tonight, do you?”
“I thought I did, but when you never replied to any of my texts on the drive back…”
“I’m sorry that I hurt you by that.”
“No, that’s just the thing. I realized I didn’t care. Vance may not be gay, but you definitely have feelings for him.”
“I do not!” Damien defended.
“Yeah, you do. Otherwise you wouldn’t have spent all that time talking with him and ignoring your boyfriend.”
“Can I at least give you one dance?”
“I’m not asking you to leave.”
“Let’s stand out one last time?” Damien pleaded.
“Ok,” Jay whispered in agreement. Damien held out his hand leading him onto the dance floor as the Motown hit My Girl started playing. Jay rolled his eyes at the irony of it all.
“I know, I know, but just change one word and it’s the best song ever,” Damien reassured him.
Jay thought he was over Damien, but he realized how comfortable he felt dancing with him on the floor. He was definitely over Damien, but the mixed feelings started messing with his head. Sighing, he leaned his head on Damien’s shoulder and rested as the song played on ignoring all the stares from everyone around them.
“Don’t look!” Kerass commanded as he pulled off his last layer of clothing. Screaming he jumped into the water. He felt his nostrils flare with water. He rushed up to the surface laughing. Instantly he splashed Lyra. She splashed him back. He grabbed her head and dunked it under the water’s surface. Oddly enough even though they were naked, Kerass felt no shame. The moment was pure bliss, pure innocence. He forced his eyes not to look down at her.
“See?” Lyra raised her eyebrows. “I told you you’d have fun.”
Kerass beamed at her. He replied that he had never had as much fun in his life. “Can we address the elephant in the room?”
“No, I’m not looking, so don’t even me to-” Lyra began.
“No, no,” Kerass cut her off. “Will you, uh, will you be my girlfriend?” he felt so lame as he finished the question.
“You want to address this now while we’re skinny dipping on the top of a mountain? What sort of psycho are you?” Lyra replied floored.
“Will you stop avoiding the question?”
“No.”
“No?”
“Obviously your hearing’s working.”
“Why not?” Kerass asked laden with disappointment.
“Because you wouldn’t want me, not where I’m going. The reality is I don’t know where I’m going to be next year. I won’t be in Oak Stream much longer, and I’m not even going to college.”
“You and me both. I’m not going to college either.”
“What?” Lyra questioned, her eyes as big as saucers. “No, you have to go. You must. You have a future ahead of you, one that I’ll never have. I just wanted you to have one night with me that you’d always remember. I wanted a memory of us here in this water together to stay with you.”
“What are you hinting at?”
“Nothing…we should go.”
“I’ll stand by you no matter what.”
“I know and that’s exactly the reason why this won’t work.”
Kerass bit his tongue to try to prevent himself from crying.
Jay walked out of the auditorium to head towards the bathroom. Damien was going to drive them home after he relieved himself. As he rounded the corner to the bathroom he saw Gil, the Christian Fellowship president, and another boy locking lips by the lockers. He silently raced back into the auditorium. He didn’t want to face them. Jay could hold it.
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