Cadence’s heartbeat slowed as she took a deep breath. Sure, she had been a part of color guard all year. She should be considered one of the family, but she didn’t feel that way. Having only joined senior year didn’t make her feel all that welcomed or embraced by Mr. Martin. That plus the fact that she didn’t play an instrument made her feel like she had nothing in common with the man. He seemed to have shepherded Jay, at least from the way Jay had talked about him. He seemed like a great guy, a wonderful teacher. Cadence was convinced she was seeing him at his worst: during marching band practice. That sense of peace and calm didn’t seem to be around him while he was spitting from yelling so hard at the band. Clearly the man was frustrated beyond belief and it appeared to be his least favorite part of the job, but Cadence couldn’t get around the fact that she didn’t feel all that comfortable around him. Yet after what had happened she had a lot of time to think over what was really important. It had to start again. Not only did she need it, but she was convinced her friends did too.
With immense timidity, she knocked on his office door.
“Come in!” Mr. Martin called out after her.
“Hi,” Cadence uttered shyly.
“Cadence, have a seat,” he replied jovially. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here. What’s on your mind?”
“I had a favor to ask.”
“Um, ok,” he replied befuddled.
“You know with what happened it’s got the whole school talking like nobody’s talked before.”
“I know,” he nodded. “It’s a beautiful thing seeing such honesty, such vulnerability. I truly believe it helps everyone.”
“That’s the key,” Cadence began. She further explained that all she wanted to do was to help others. “Three years ago, when I was just a freshman, I tried to get a peer support group going.”
“I remember hearing about that. It sounded like a wonderful group.”
“Well it would’ve been had anyone shown up.” She daren’t admit to him that only Kerass had shown. He probably wasn’t even aware of who Kerass was. “Anyways, I wanted to start it up again, but not have it be a big deal. No huge announcements. Low key. Mainly for me and my friends to process through things. I wanted to ask if you’d be willing to let us use the band room for it and I was hoping you’d be willing to facilitate it.”
“I am honored that you thought of me for this. Give me some time to think. Wait until after next week’s final competition. Would you do that for me?” he asked with sincerity.
“Sure thing.”
Walking away from that conversation Cadence felt hope for the first time since she could remember. She wondered whether she should mention what she did to Jay. It could be awkward if Mr. Martin ultimately said no. She didn’t want to be held responsible for destroying any positive views Jay had of him. Kerass, she knew he’d be on board, he always had been. He probably still needed it. The reality was, they needed each other, but they had desired each other in all the wrong ways. They could be such a great support system for each other. If only all their romantic feelings hadn’t gotten in the way creating a junkyard with all their baggage surrounding them. Lyra would probably join but not utter a word and Gus, well they needed each other, but she couldn’t view him as a friend. She still wanted him. She still loved him and that was something he no longer needed. It pained her to admit that he might be moving beyond her already.
“Here’s to Jay for his big final performance during his high school career. To celebrate before the curtain rises tonight, we drink,” Gil said taking a shot of tequila.
Jay took the shot too, immediately coughing afterwards. Gil certainly had a different way of handling the Christian Fellowship than Jeremy did. He was happy to drink with the boys but it felt odd. There was something inherently wrong about this. Jay wasn’t one to drink either. His first time drinking alcohol was this moment and it happened to be tequila. He started to feel light headed and he felt like his tongue was on fire but after a few minutes he felt much more relaxed.
“Where’s Jeremy?” Jay asked.
“Oh, he, he’s quite mad at me,” Gil replied.
“Why’s that?”
“He doesn’t believe we should be drinking because we’re underage.”
“The man’s got a point,” Jay admitted.
“But you’re liking your party, right?”
“Yeah, Jeremy never threw a party for me like this.”
“Well, he and I disagree on quite a few things.”
“Like what?” Jay asked. He continued saying it was obvious they interpreted Christianity differently.
“Yeah, we do. I’m much more open-minded than he is.”
“In what ways?”
“I’d love to see you dating another guy because I know that’s what’s best for you.”
Jay was taken aback. He was so touched. It was something he had only heard from Damien before. Jeremy cared about him, he knew that, but he didn’t support him in the way Jay felt he should be supported.
“Sometimes I still get a little depressed about it,” Jay glumly admitted.
“Why? It’s who you are and I’m never going to ask you to change that.”
No true Christian, or who he had viewed to be a real Christian, had ever told him that. Cadence had always been supportive ever since he had come out to her during that football game freshmen year. Obviously Damien was supportive, otherwise they’d never have dated each other, but once they had committed to each other in that way, Damien greatly distanced himself from religion in general. It was obvious for Jay to see, but it took much longer for Damien to realize how much that had changed. Jay knew Jeremy wasn’t supportive of that, nor Kerass, but they both cared for him deeply in a way he hadn’t been cared for before. Gil, who he was just now getting to know near the end of senior year, there was something odd about him. He was saying all the right things and Jay was hearing everything he wanted to hear, but it was odd that they were breaking the law so nonchalantly and at a student only gathering of the Christian Fellowship.
“You stoked about the performance tonight?” Gil prodded.
“A little nervous. I want to do a good job. Love the girl well.”
“You’re the romantic lead?” Gil asked befuddled.
“Yeah, so?”
Gil was in tears he was laughing so hard. Jay didn’t see anything funny about that and the audience bought him as a romantic lead the previous two nights. He didn’t think it was that big of a deal.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t buy it. You’re so obviously gay. I knew it the first second I met you and I love you for you, but you loving the girl well on stage, that’s just not gonna happen. Don’t worry, I’ll try to keep my laughter to a minimum.”
Oh yeah, Gil could definitely be an asshole. But he did have an interesting notion. Was it obvious within seconds that he was gay? He believed firmly that it was natural, yet it still bothered him that people could tell instantaneously. There was no explanation why he felt that way other than he had low self-esteem, but again Gil came across like he knew him better than Jeremy did because he supported him in this. Gil barely knew him at all. How could he be so confident that just because he was right in guessing his sexuality he knew who he was? Next thing he knew Gil’d be messing with his dating life or lack thereof.
“What are your plans for prom?” Gil asked composing himself.
“Going stag, just with friends.”
“I’m gonna challenge you out of love, ok? I really think you should ask a guy to go to prom with you. You’ve been out since freshmen year. If anyone has a problem with it by now then it’s on them.”
Jay took a moment to think about it. Gil had a point. It was senior year, prom would never happen again. He should ask someone out, someone he trusted, but that list was so short and the list of gay people he knew was even shorter.
“Where’s my phone?” Jay asked.
“It’s over on the counter, I’ll grab it for you,” Gil replied patting him on the back.
“Can I get a ride?” Jay asked as Gil handed the phone back to him.
“You don’t trust yourself driving, do you?”
“Not after what happened to Jeremy, plus the fact that I don’t know how. That helps matters.”
“I’ll do it. Sure thing.”
“I’d rather someone else drive me.”
“You don’t trust me behind the wheel either.”
“Not with a shot of tequila in you.”
“Fair enough. I’ll find someone for you. It’ll just take a sec, but first, seeing as you won’t be the one driving, why not take an extra shot for the road?” Gil challenged holding the shot glass in front of Jay’s face.
Jay stared at it. What could it hurt? He grabbed it from him and downed it. The stuff tasted better already.
“So you did apply to colleges?” Gus asked. “That’s great, I’m really happy for you.”
“Yeah, I applied to three schools. Just waiting to hear back now,” Kerass replied, finding himself cracking a smile for the first time in months.
“Good for you.”
“What about you?” Kerass asked. He continued asking whether Gus had completed his applications yet.
“Yeah, I got them done ages ago.”
“Before we step into the performance, can I be honest with you?”
“Always.”
“My dad reached out to me after the bomb threat. Mr. Baganz called him to let him know about it.”
“Well, did you talk with him?”
“I did. I let him know which schools I was looking into, but we didn’t talk about anything else, not even about school that day. I guess he just figured it’d be best unsaid.”
“I’m proud of you for saying that much.”
“I’ve got one other thing to share and it’s even more serious,” Kerass exhaled nervous to let the secret out again.
“I’m waiting,” Gus replied raising his eyebrows.
“I’m a cutter,” Kerass whispered.
“Do you have any blades on you?”
Kerass shook his head.
“Good, and if I find out you’re lying to me I’ll confiscate them and then personally whoop your ass.”
“Hey,” Kerass paused, not even able to maintain eye contact. “I’m glad we’re friends.”
“And who said you weren’t a sentimental mess?” Gus chided. “I’m glad we are too,” he tacked on sincerely.
Lyra passed by them brusquely walking to the auditorium.
“I’m sorry, I need to grab her,” Kerass said running to catch up to her.
“You like her, don’t you?” Gus called out after him.
“I just want to ask her to prom as friends,” Kerass said and he believed it. The thought of dating Lyra was too bizarre to comprehend. She’d definitely be a different dating experience than Cadence or Julia.
“No, no you don’t. I recognize that look, that piercing look of longing. I had that when I first started pursuing Cadence. Why are you lying to yourself? I mean it’s obvious you care for her…deeply.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kerass said agitated, walking away from him.
“Go ahead, walk away from me. She’ll say no.”
“Lyra!” Kerass called out grabbing her attention right before she opened the door.
“Kerass,” Lyra beamed back telling him it was good to see him. “I’ve been meaning to reach out to you after that whole debacle, but time and energy seemed to escape me.”
“Would you go to prom with me? You know, just as friends?” Kerass blurted out.
“No, I’m not exactly a prom type of girl. I never was.”
“You can’t just say no!”
“Change my mind,” Lyra challenged.
“If you don’t want to go to prom, can I at least spend that time with you?” he asked longingly.
“You’re willing to ditch your senior prom just to spend time with me, as friends?” Lyra replied unbelieving.
“You know I am.”
Lyra sighed, scratching behind her left ear. “Are you finally ready to complete that hike? Go all the way to the top?”
“I can do that.”
“Stop by my place at 5:30.”
“You’ve got it.”
Gus patted him on the back. “I’m stunned. She said yes, it’s obvious by that giddy look on your face. How did you manage that?”
“We’re not going to prom, we’re hiking.”
“That’s just plain sexy.”
“Shut up!” Kerass scolded feeling his face turn beet red.
Jay waited backstage waiting for the curtain to open. He wasn’t in the first scene so he had a bit of a moment to breathe before he stepped on. He knew he wasn’t himself. His head was throbbing. This was a hangover. He just knew this performance would be terrible. His phone vibrated. It was a great reminder that he needed to turn it off. Quickly glancing at it while he shut the phone down he noticed that Damien had texted him. It simply read: Yes, I’d be honored.
Peeking out at the crowd he saw Gil mouth the words ‘you’re welcome’ to him. What had he asked him?
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