Clouds covered the sky. Not a ray of sunlight hit the little town of Oak Stream. Jay walked in the forest with Gil. Damien had offered to come along, but Jay encouraged him to reach out to Vance and have that dialogue that Damien had been avoiding. No, this was a conversation he had to have all on his own. He could hear the rustling of the stream beside him.
“All right,” Jay said. He stated they could stop there as they stepped right up beside the stream.
“Thanks for the hike and all, but what’s this really all about?” Gil asked.
“I know.”
“I’m not following…”
“I saw you, Gil. I saw you locking lips with that guy at prom.”
“That wasn’t a guy,” Gil jokingly replied. “That was a girl. Haven’t you seen Lyra? She’s got that shaved head. We had a little too much of that spiked fruit punch crap, that was all.”
Jay just continued to stare at him. Not only did he not believe a word of that, especially considering it was obvious Gil could hold his drink without a beat, it was obvious by the way that he responded that it was all lies. It was so odd. Gil was such a strong supporter of him getting back in the dating scene, it didn’t make sense that he’d be afraid to embrace those feelings.
“Lyra was with Kerass last night. She didn’t even go to the prom.”
“You didn’t see anything.”
“I’m not going to tell anyone I swear, but you hiding from this…it just doesn’t make sense. I can help you process this, but I thought you wouldn’t need that.”
“You didn’t see anything!” Gil yelled echoing thunder around them. “I’m going back now. Don’t follow me. I’d rather walk back alone and don’t think about talking to me either. Just don’t.”
Kerass couldn’t hold back from smiling as Lyra walked over to him. The time by the river at the crest of the mountain, even though it had only happened days ago, he found himself dreaming about it, reliving it night after night. It was so much fun and that was something he hadn’t had in a long time, but he wanted more and for whatever reason, she didn’t return his smile.
“Hey, Kerass,” Lyra mumbled under her breath.
“Hello to you too,” Kerass replied, the smile deleted from his face. He challenged her to speak up. “Go on. It’s obvious you have something on your mind, so let’s just skip the pleasantries today, ok?”
“Couldn’t agree more. Are you still not going to college?”
“I can’t afford it.”
“Student loans. I grabbed this information from the guidance counselor’s office.”
Kerass aggressively grabbed the pamphlets out of her hand chucking them on the floor. As startled as she appeared at first, she remained completely calm. “Why is it so important for you that I go? You know I can’t. Why isn’t that good enough for you?”
“If you knew the real reason why, you wouldn’t talk to me like that.”
“Then why don’t you start talking?”
“I can’t and one of these days, soon, you’ll thank me for this.”
“Why can’t we just not go to college together?”
“Oh, Kerass…” Lyra exhaled. “That is both the sweetest and the most foolish thing I’ve ever heard. You don’t understand. We’re not good for each other.”
“I say that we are.”
“I’m not going to college. I’m not even going to graduation.”
“Wait…you’re not going?” Kerass asked floored. It didn’t even occur to him that she would ditch the ceremony. “You, you can’t,” he stammered fearing his heart would burst through his chest.
“Watch me.”
“I want more,” he added breathily. “Why are you and I, together, why can’t we be good enough?”
“Way to ruin the memory,” she shook her head. “I have to go. Goodbye, Kerass,” she said. Standing on her toes she kissed his forehead before she walked away. Everything in him wanted to stop her, but she was so determined and she had hurt him so much. So he simply stood still and let her walk away from him, walk out of his life.
Cadence stood in the band room anxiety painted all over her face. The last time she had set up a peer support group meeting it had completely backfired. There was no meeting to speak of, but this time she was convinced they could make it work, even if it only lasted the last few weeks of school. Perhaps they could establish a precedent, at least in the band, of straight up vulnerability, honesty, a complete unjudgmental aura surrounding them. That’s what she longed for herself and she felt she could give that to others.
Mr. Martin smiled. “This is going to be great. Trust me on that,” he reassured her.
“Let’s hope people show.”
“They will, but I need to step away for a moment.”
“You’re leaving the band room alone?”
“Yeah, I trust you. It’ll just be 5 minutes tops.”
Cadence exhaled as she set the chairs in a circle. She could tell there was another presence in the room. Turning around, she acknowledged that it was Gus.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” she dragged the word out, laden with apprehension. She told him she was surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?”
“I came here to give you my support, in writing that is. I can’t stay.”
“I would,” she said under her breath.
“I know you would, but please, just look I’m, I’m not good with words, but I can write them down. I’m sure you remember that from English class.”
Sophomore English class, the first time she met him. It seemed forever ago. Their journey together, from partners in English class that couldn’t stand each other sophomore year, to romantic partners junior year, to that one couple that never stopped bickering until they inevitably broke up senior year. How could it be that they couldn’t talk to each other anymore?
“I do,” she finally said reminiscing about when they were in perfect synch. She’d do anything to go back to that time, before he knew, before the bomb threat ruined everything.
“I can’t say all of this to your face, so please, I’m asking you to read it. You know I can’t be here and it’s not about what you shared-”
“I know,” she interrupted him. “It’s just not working.”
“Exactly. I need time. I need space before we can start rebuilding.”
“Think that’s possible before graduation?”
“No.”
“Before we all head off for college?”
“That’s more of a possibility.”
Cadence bit her tongue trying to prevent the waterworks threatening to fall down her face.
“So I guess I’ll see you,” he stated.
“See you,” she said barely audible. She couldn’t even watch him walk away from her, but she clutched that letter, holding it as close as possible. She knew she needed to keep it together before Mr. Martin came back, but as she folded the letter into her pocket, she could no longer hold it in.
The phone rang. Damien waited to see if he would answer. Jay was a total ass for calling him out on it on prom of all nights, but the more he thought about it, he knew it to be true.
“Hey Damien,” Vance answered.
“Vance, how are you?”
“Fine, nothing’s happened within 24 hours to report. You must be really bored in Oak Stream. No one to talk to?”
“Actually, I’ve got something on my mind,” Damien admitted. He told Vance it was hard for him to talk about.
“It always is.”
“How’s Tracy? She still dancing?”
“She’s great. I just talked with her yesterday, but the answer’s no. She claims she’s only comfortable dancing with me and how can I blame her for that, I mean come on.”
“So you’re still friends then?”
“Yeah, always. Stop avoiding the topic, but I must admit that was a valiant effort. Now tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I don’t want you to freak out on me. It’s not as creepy as it sounds, promise.”
“Well, that sounds promising,” Vance jokingly chided.
“You know how I told you I was taking my ex to prom?”
“Yeah? Be careful what you share. I don’t want any gory details.”
“No, no, it’s nothing like that.”
“Spit it out,” Vance commanded.
“He called me out. He told me that I had feelings for you and while I know that you’ll never reciprocate them, I can’t lie to you.”
There was a long pause on the line. He wanted to tell Vance it was all a joke, but it wasn’t. He knew it was wrong of him to deny it anymore. They had grown close and while he had suppressed it, the feelings, the lingering sensation of intimacy had only grown over time.
“I’m glad you told me. Let me start with that,” Vance spoke after what felt like an eternity. “You’re right, it will never ever ever be reciprocated, but this is something I think we need to work through together. You were right to give pause, but we’ll survive this. I don’t care about you any less cause of it, but frankly it is a little weird.”
“So we’re cool?”
“What do you think?”
Damien already knew the answer, he just wanted to hear him say it aloud. Realizing that was selfish, he backed down.
“Thanks,” Damien replied. It was the only word that came to mind.
“Sure thing, but I’ve actually gotta go. Let’s talk next week?”
“Yeah, oh and Vance?”
“Yes?”
“One of these times can Tracy be part of the call?”
“Absolutely. She would love that.”
Damien hung up feeling a sense of relief he hadn’t felt all year. He wasn’t used to being blessed for his honesty. His parents still barely acknowledged him at home, they were so uncomfortable with his sexuality, but he had Vance and hopefully Jay would be willing to maintain a friendship too, but that question could wait until graduation day.
Kerass stood outside of the band room. He couldn’t believe he was back here with Cadence waiting inside for another attempt at the peer support group. It really was beautiful that it all seemed like it was coming full circle, yet all that was on his mind was Lyra and whether that conversation would be the last one he’d ever have with her. He didn’t really feel like walking through the door, but he knew he should. As he placed his hand on the doorknob, he felt a tap on the shoulder.
“Jay, you here for the meeting too?” Kerass asked.
“Sort of,” Jay responded. He stated he had bigger news to share with him. “Are you still harping on about not having the funds for college?”
“Yeah, because it’s true.”
“Well you can stop because I’ve resolved that for you. I challenged him to say it to your face, but he chickened out.”
“What did you do?”
“You’ve got a full ride.”
“How?”
“Your father.”
“How the hell does my father know that I got into college?” Kerass spat at Jay.
“Because I told him.”
“You’ve been talking to my father? Why? He’s an ass. I want nothing to do with him and you know that!”
“At least he wants something to do with you. You wouldn’t scold me me if you knew.”
“All right, I’ll bite. Knew what?”
“My mother wants nothing to do with me. Forgive me for pushing you to reconcile with a parent that actually wants a relationship with their child. Take the money, he’s not even expecting you to speak with him, so you’ll get the money either way.”
“How convenient.”
“It’s just the truth.”
Kerass glared at Jay. How could such good news be tainted by one revelation? “Listen to me. I know you did what you did out of kindness, or at least what you’d call it. What you did was good even, but there’s no excuse in talking about me to my father behind my back.”
“What are you saying?” Jay asked trepidatiously.
“You’ve crossed the line one too many times. I don’t want to see you anymore. I don’t trust you.”
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