Patting his father on the back, Kerass broke the embrace, and smiled at his father. For the first time in years it felt good to be in such a familiar place. There was no denying that Oak Stream would forever be home and that he would eventually find his way back in his own timing, on his own terms. Now wasn’t the proper time, but he had to let it out. He had to say something.
“Dad, I,” he paused taking a deep breath, “there’s, uh, something, something I need to say to you.”
“Sure,” his dad nodded. He added that they could step into his office so they’d have privacy.
Walking up the stairs, he looked around at paintings of Jesus with thorns on his head, blood dripping down his face. A plaque underneath stated: by His wounds we are healed…
It was certainly interesting and correct theology as far as Kerass could tell, but it wasn’t what he wanted to focus on. He wanted to focus on the resurrected Jesus, not the one who bled and died for him. Why did Jesus have to be in so much pain in these depictions?
Walking down the children’s hallway, he saw depictions of extremely dangerous animals smiling and waving at him: a lion, a hippo, an alligator. It was more than a little bit disturbing.
Finally, when they reached his father’s office at the end of the hallway of dangerous smiling animals, a hallway full of neglecting and disrespecting the powers of God’s creation, they walked into the office and sat down together.
“I know it’s been a while since you’ve been here and I can’t deny that I feel responsible for that, guilty even,” his father admitted. “So, I wanted to give you the opportunity to air any grievances out. You are free to say anything, to be completely uncensored. Just know that I am thrilled that you have come back to the church you grew up in.”
Kerass took a moment to think over everything he wanted to say. He had dreamed of this moment for years, ripping into his father, tearing out his heart the way he had done to him and his mother. Everything he wanted to say coming up, boiling up inside of him. Yet the spirit of God told him to be silent.
Exhaling, he spoke, but was patient to let the words form on his lips, on his tongue, “I can’t tell you what you did was right. I will never agree with the decision you made. But if we’re still to have any sense of a relationship, brotherhood in the faith, if you will, then I’ll have to forgive you. Just because I forgive you doesn’t mean that I understand why you did it, but it’s the only way that I can move forward.”
His father for the first time cried in front of him. A glimpse, that was all he needed to move on after all these years, a glimpse of the compassionate, sensitive man that his mother had fallen in love with. God would move him and continue to grow him. He had no doubt of that.
Jeremy walked down Main Street, having just shaved for the first time in months. His head, no longer a hairy mess, was presentable. He finally felt like he could take some much-needed time to process everything that had happened.
Had he not been kicked out of ROTC, he may never have gotten on the medicine. On the other hand, he may never have gone through the dark, depression valley that he had undergone. He may never have fallen back on cutting himself to feel again.
None of it mattered though. He couldn’t go back and erase his past, as much as he might want to. Truly, his past made him who he was. Yet there was only one person who he regretted let go during his time of depression. The only one who had reached out to him was Kerass. He knew no matter what Kerass would walk alongside him.
The one person he wished he still had in his life was Jaden. Their relationship had been interesting to say the least. They had gotten intimate really quickly and had run into some road blocks when he realized the only reason, she had wanted to date him was to make Pax jealous. Yet there was something he had been missing for a while. Being connected with a sister in the faith, hell even a woman was something that was severely lacking in his life.
When he reached the nature trail, he noticed that Julia was leaving it. He called out to her asking her how she was doing.
“I’m fine,” she said. “Uh, don’t take this the wrong way, but who are you?”
“I’m Jeremy. We both went to Oak Stream High together. We have a mutual friend in Kerass.”
Julia gasped. “Oh, yes! When we’ve talked, albeit briefly, he’s mentioned you before. He’s quite concerned about you. Are you ok?”
“I will be,” he stated. “You know, he was right about you. You’re not afraid to go for the jugular.”
“No. I care too much about people to let them be fake around me.”
“That’s really commendable of you,” he stated. Now, he was torn. Here was an opportunity right in front of him for some female connection. He didn’t even know if Jaden even wanted to still talk to him. He’d never know if he didn’t reach out to her, but could this chance encounter be from the Lord? After all Oak Stream was home and it always would be.
“Nice seeing you, Jeremy,” she said as she walked away.
“Hold up!” he called out after her.
Turning around, she locked eyes with him, putting her hair behind her ears. She looked so innocent.
“Do you want to, I don’t know, uh, go out with me?” he laid the question out.
She stared him down, which deeply intimidated him, but then she smiled and giggled. “Any friend of Kerass is a friend of mine. I’d love to go out with you.”
“Excellent,” he breathed out. Jaden would have to wait. For now, he was more than fine with exploring whatever would happen next.
Jay held Gus, putting his arms around his waist as Gus lay his head on his shoulder. This was beautiful and bliss. It was exactly what intimacy was supposed to be. How could anybody look down on them for expressing their love for each other?
“Did you do it?” Jay asked. He clarified by asking if he ended things with Damien.
“I will,” Gus promised him. “I’m going to talk to him in person, but you know he no longer lives in Oak Stream. He doesn’t come here over the summers like we do. I have to drive up to visit him.”
“I could go with you, if you’d like. I mean, it’s not like once school was out we really stuck to keeping away from each other.”
“No!” Gus screamed out. “This is something I have to do for myself, ok?”
Jay nodded, kissing him on the forehead. They were going to make it. Of all the relationships he’d had, this was the purest. He’d do anything to keep them connected with each other.
“How?” Cadence asked looking the chaplain directly in the eyes. “How does Jesus save people?”
“You’re asking because of the dream you’ve had?”
“It’s less of a dream than a recurring nightmare.”
“Why don’t you describe it to me again?”
“Do we have to rehash it?” she spat out. “It’s a nightmare where I’m stuck behind bars burning in hell. I don’t like to think on it.”
“But you do.”
“Yes!” she screamed out. “Why aren’t you telling me about the answer that Jesus provides? I mean, isn’t that what you get paid to do?”
“To a certain degree. But all in good timing.”
“Would you just tell me the story? Julia would’ve already done that a long time ago by now.”
“Jesus died to cover all your wrongs, your sins against God. Then he rose again from the dead crushing Satan’s plan in the process.”
“I know that part of it, but I can’t stop thinking about how he only had male disciples. Did he hate women or am I thinking wrongly about it?”
The chaplain smiled. “He valued women more than you know. When he had risen from the grave, the first people he showed himself to were women. You have no idea how precious and valuable women are to him.”
Cadence nodded. That was something she had always longed to hear, but had never heard throughout the years of growing up outside of the church. Hell, even good church going people hadn’t been able to provide an answer like that. “Yep, I think I can get on board with that.”
“Do you want to accept Jesus as Lord and savior of your life?”
“No,” she exhaled, “but I’m warming up to it.”
Damien opened the door. Gus stood before him. “Hey,” Damien said. He asked him how he was.
“I’ll be better once this is over,” Gus replied with finality.
“I don’t understand,” Damien said, his voice shaking. “This doesn’t have to end between us. We’re good together, we always have been.”
“No, we weren’t. You manipulated me and forced me into compromising situations that I’m deeply ashamed of. Things that I’ll never be able to take back, but not anymore. It’s over, Damien. I’m with Jay now and you’ll have to accept that even if you don’t respect it.”
“How can you look at me, someone who’s loved and cared for you and tell me you don’t love me anymore.”
“This has nothing to do with love!” Gus chastised me. “It was all about my body. Sex, sex, sex! That’s all you ever cared about with you and me. Jay cares about me in a way that you never did. He asks me how I am and wants to know what I’m thinking. He doesn’t care how quickly or not we have sex. He wants me for me, not for my body, not to just get off.”
“Please,” Damien begged, grabbing his shoulder, but Gus shoved it away. “If you don’t love me anymore, at least let me love you goodbye.”
“Have sex with you?” Gus asked flabbergasted. “You are truly sick, Damien. I can’t believe I ever stayed with you in the first place. Don’t come near me or Jay ever again,” he threatened, storming out the door.
Damien gently shut the door behind him. Nothing mattered anymore. The gift his father had given him for defense may be used for an entirely different purpose. All he had to do was check to see if it was still loaded.
Opening up the letter, Kerass held his breath. It had been Jordan’s first response in months. He didn’t know what to think, but he knew he had to read it. With great anticipation, he began reading:
Dear Kerass,
I am beyond thrilled to hear about how you’ve started praying before the church service! From personal experience, I know that people will not view that as a legitimate service to the church and even the pastor may push you away and tell you you’re wasting his time, but I assure you that angels in heaven are praising God for the service that you’ve done!
Please tell me more about this girl that’s teaching you how to pray. How I wish I could meet her so that we could all pray together. What a joy that would be!
Please update me on Jeremy. I pray for him nightly since you’ve written me. Please tell me if he’s all right, if he’s stopped harming himself.
As for me, rest assured that I have found more community around me. The Lord has been gracious and forever faithful to me. I’ve been transferred over and now all of my fellow soldiers are brothers in Christ. You wouldn’t believe how beautiful it is to have this intense of brotherhood. I’ve only experienced this one other time in my life and that was with you.
I fear for you, Kerass. I fear others don’t love you as intensely, passionately, and intimately, as you love them. Believe me when I tell you that I do, even though we’re many miles apart. I cherish our brotherhood together and I pray earnestly that it’ll never die.
I think you’ve made many beautiful decisions that have helped you grow more like Christ in how you love and pursue the unlovable, the unreached. May you continue to do so always.
I don’t know when I’m coming home, but I pray that I can see you in person again soon. Please don’t let it be months again before I hear from you, even if it takes me months to write you back. You are one of my dearest friends.
Your brother forever,
Jordan
Kerass clutched the letter and held it towards his chest. His heart was pounding fast. After the conversation he had with his father, this was what God had used to assure him he’d made the right decision.
Picking up a pen and paper, he instantly started to write Jordan back.
Dear Jordan,
You won’t believe what I have to update you about this year.
Jay gently knocked on the door. He felt guilty over how harsh he had been towards Damien, even though he was nothing more than a lowly scumbag. He knew he needed to apologize, be the bigger person, or whatever.
He called out his name, but there was no reply. “Damien?” he called out again. “Damien, are you in here?”
Opening the door, he realized it was unlocked. What he saw when he walked in the door, he’d never be able to unsee. Damien held a handgun to his temple. He pulled the trigger. The shot rang out. Jay screamed as a bit of blood hit him.
He rushed over to his side, tears flowing out his eyes. “You can’t do this to me! You can’t leave me by ending your life!” he screamed out. He checked his pulse. He felt the faintest heartbeat. Amazingly enough, Damien must still be alive.
Jay quickly dialed 911. “Please, I need an ambulance quickly. Someone just shot himself.”
End of Year 7
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