Kerass cleared his throat. He stood before this girl, who just kept talking to herself in front of him.
“Hello?” he said, attempting to grab her attention again.
“Can I help you?” the girl asked, shaking herself out of whatever was distracting her.
“I, uh, I saw,” he froze and cleared his throat again. “Excuse me, I saw, saw you at church.”
“Oh!” she replied, her eyes filled with delight. “You attend my church?”
“I went once,” he said, adding that it was a big deal for him.
“And why is going to church such a big deal for you?”
“May I sit down?” he asked her.
“By all means,” she replied as he sat beside her feeling the breeze blow the loose leaves onto his back before they scattered across campus.
“May I get your name before I spill my guts to a stranger?”
“Only if you give me yours first,” she challenged him.
“It’s Kerass.”
“What a beautiful name!” she exclaimed.
He raised his eyebrows averting eye contact. “I’ve never heard that said about a man’s name before.”
“Well, you’re a sensitive man. It reads all over your face.”
“What’s your name?” he asked intentionally ignoring her observation.
“Kathleen. Now stop stalling. Why was going to church such a ‘big deal’?” she asked using air quotes.
“I haven’t gone in years.”
“What grade are you?”
“What the hell does that have to do with anything?”
“Just answer the question, you dipshit.”
Kerass’s eyes bulged out of his head. He certainly wasn’t used to any sort of church girl growing up openly cursing like this, especially on a first encounter.
“I’m a junior.”
“Did you stop attending at the beginning of your freshmen year?”
“No,” he shook his head.
“There’s still hope for you then.”
“I don’t think you quite understand. Actually, I stopped before I graduated high school.”
“Something happened,” she said gazing into his eyes. “Something deeply painful that sparked it. Whatever it was caused you to drift away from God. I’d like to know what it was and what drew you back to God.”
“I’d rather talk about what drew me to you,” Kerass said under his breath.
“Oh, we’re not dating. There’s no way in hell I’d be caught dating you.”
“You’re friendzoning me already? I’m not even interested in dating you!”
“Don’t fucking lie to me, I know your type.”
“What is with you and the cursing? I thought you’d be purer than that.”
“A good Christian girl isn’t inherently pure, Kerass. She’s honest about her faults and recognizes that only the love of a savior who took the blame for her is pure.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Just by the prospect that you said that question asked me something, but I’ll allot another.”
“Why were you talking to yourself earlier?”
“What? I don’t know what you mean.”
“You were talking to yourself before I came up to you and you flat out ignored my first attempt to say hi to you.”
“Oh,” she dragged the word out. “Oh, that,” she nodded. “I was praying aloud.”
“Why were you praying aloud? No one was here to listen to you?”
“My heavenly Father was listening to me.”
“What about the parable of the religious man who prayed loudly just to seek approval from others? Aren’t you called to pray in secret?”
She smiled. Looking down at him, she stated, “You’re a pastor’s son, aren’t you?”
He simply nodded, unwilling to share anything about his father.
“That wasn’t the reason I did it,” she said defending herself, “but I’ll take your adherence under advice.”
“May I be bold enough to inquire one more question from you?”
“Sure.”
“I guess it’s more of an observation,” he said freezing up again. It was hard to say what he saw inside of her because it was just so ludicrous to verbalize. Yet he knew deep down that she’s not afraid of any question or observation he’d throw at her.
“Just go ahead and say it.”
“I want to understand the light inside of you.”
“You don’t need me to help you with that,” she instantly replied.
“Why?”
“Because you already have it.”
Rolling off the bed, Jeremy forced himself to stand up. The weekend was over and while he had no desire to go to class, he couldn’t just lay on his bed all day. The only thing he could do was go to class and eat and cut himself. It was the only thing that he had any energy for, the only thing that made him feel alive. He would never deny the fact that he cut himself to wake up.
Looking at the clock, knowing he had to rush, he quickly grabbed his razer from underneath his pillow and cut across his thighs. Feeling a jolt of energy as the blood trickled down his legs, he grabbed his notebook and pen and rushed out the door.
Damien awoke with a start. He closed his eyes again demanding to go back to sleep. Had it all been a dream? Had Gus really come down to be with him again after months? It was too good to be true. It couldn’t possibly be real. Taking a deep breath, he rolled back onto his side and tried to get back to sleep, but then he felt another body laying beside him. He opened his eyes.
There he lay: Gus. Not exactly the man of his dreams, but he was the man who took his virginity. Feeling guilty about that, he tried to erase it all from his mind. Gus was incredibly handsome and sexy, but he had lied to Jay to get Gus and in more ways than one had manipulated him into this relationship. It just wasn’t healthy for either of them, but he didn’t want to let go of his prized possession. He had worked too damn hard for it.
Gus moved beside him, waking up in his grasp as he held him close. He daren’t let this go out of fear that he would never have this again if he did. He smiled as Gus looked over at him.
“Good morning,” Damien whispered.
“Now, where were we?” Gus asked in reply.
Damien said he thought he knew what he was getting at. “Just give me a kiss.”
Damien was taken aback for the kiss he received wasn’t aggressive or passionate like their embrace last night, it was short, gentle, and sweet.
“Be gentle with me,” Gus said sheepishly.
“I always am, but we don’t have to do anything right now. I don’t want to force you into anything,” he flat out lied. He was incredibly horny and he was down for round two, but in an attempt to correct some wrongs from before, he opted to give Gus some space to breathe, to choose.
“I am going to have to get back to my school soon…” he trailed. “At least before the end of the day.”
“We’ve got plenty of time before that happens.”
“I did want to swing by Uncle Jake again before I went back.”
There it went as fleeting as it had come. The mention of a comatose patient was an instant turn off. Nope. He wasn’t getting any this morning unfortunately. He commanded his thoughts to be ok with that, trying his best to mask his disgruntled nature at the prospect of talking about that while they were in their underwear in bed together.
“I know,” Gus said caressing his face. “I know I treated you horribly last time. Punching you was not my proudest hour, but I wanted to ask if you would accompany me to see him this afternoon before I head back to school.”
“I’m in grad school now,” Damien stated, trying to control his agitation. “I can’t just drop everything to visit him.”
“Would you drop everything for me?”
“That’s not fair.”
“Why not?” Gus challenged. “I did it for you.”
“Coercing me to visit him isn’t going to help mend our relationship.”
“And more sex is?”
“Yes,” Damien bluntly replied. “Being physical with you helps me to feel close to you, to recapture what we had when we first fell for each other.”
“I know it’s bad memories, but,” Gus paused, exhaling. “I’m asking you as my closest friend, as my boyfriend, my better half if you will, to make this sacrifice for me.”
“And what will I get in return?”
“You know better than to ask,” Gus said as he lay on his back, pulling Damien on top of him.
Jay froze as he packed up his dorm room. The knock on the door startled him. It couldn’t possibly be his roommate. Hell, he thought his roommate had already moved out.
Standing up after he zipped his suitcase, he walked over to the door and opened it.
“Jay?” Kerass asked startled. “Why are you packing your suitcase?”
He went beet red. Perhaps Kerass had become a straight ally over the years, but he didn’t know how he would react to hearing he was in a polyamorous relationship now.
“Are you moving in with someone?”
“I’d rather not say,” Jay replied. He added that it was none of Kerass’s business. “Why are you even here, Kerass?”
“I came to check in on you, ask you if you wanted to catch up over lunch.”
Jay sighed. “Um, I’m sorry, I can’t right now. Just text me a day next week?” he added rushing Kerass out the door.
Kerass put his hands up preventing him from leaving the dorm. Turning around he said, “Just tell me one thing. Tell me you aren’t running back to Damien.”
“No, I can assure you of that.”
“Then what in God’s name could be so bad that you’re terrified to tell me?”
“You wouldn’t want to be friends with me if I told you the truth.”
“Has that ever stopped me from being your friend before? For more than like a day, might I clarify?”
Jay shook his head. “I’m just too embarrassed to say it. I know you won’t like it.”
“How could you know what I’ll say if you don’t tell me?”
Jay closed his eyes internally begging him to leave.
“I won’t abandon you whatever it is. I hope you know that. Just please, please share with me.”
Jay opened his eyes. “All right, fine. I’ll tell you. I’m, uh,” he paused looking into his eyes. Kerass looked so concerned, so caring. He didn’t want to break his heart, but he couldn’t stop himself from being, from living anymore. “I’m in a polyamorous relationship.”
Kerass’s eyes looked befuddled. “I don’t, um, I don’t know what that means.”
“I’m dating Gil and I’m dating Francis. They’re both dating me and they both know it. We’re committed to a three-way romantic and sexual relationship.”
“My god, Jay,” Kerass whispered.
“I knew you wouldn’t understand,” Jay rolled his eyes.
Kerass just looked at him. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Go to hell, Kerass. I don’t want or even need your support anymore and if you can’t support me just the way I am then you need to get the fuck out of my room and out of my life.”
Kerass nodded. “I’m just going to need a little bit of time to process.”
“Whatever,” Jay replied closing the door on him.
Cadence heard the lock turn. It was that time of the week again. Every single week she had gotten a visitor. It was only recently that the visitor became consistent. Every Wednesday morning, she knew who would show up. She didn’t even need to look to know who was there visiting her again.
“Good morning, Julia.”
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