Cadence clutched the letter. She wasn’t able to read or focus on it just yet. She just held it close. Simply the fact that Gus had reached out to her after all this time meant the world to her. She didn’t even care what he said, but she knew she’d have to read it.
Taking a deep breath, she unfolded the page and started to read:
Dear Cadence,
My life truly has not been the same without you in it. Many things have happened that I’m afraid to admit to you. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but I’m just too ashamed of myself to admit it to you.
I wish I could go and visit you, but school has prevented me from doing so and I can’t even explain to you just the sheer crippling reason why I simply can’t.
I was going to write how are you, but it’s not like we’re in the same room and you can respond right away. To be honest, I’m not even sure why I’m writing this letter to you.
I just need to say it, or write it, I guess. I can’t even write it down for you.
There were tear drops on this line. Cadence didn’t know if she could continue reading it. Seeing Gus be so vulnerable was tough especially since it had been so long since they had spoken. His life had moved on, whereas she felt she was punished for her inability to do so. Making a promise to herself she refused to stay still any longer. She had to move. She had to grow, no matter the circumstances. Looking past the tear stained line, she read:
I think, no, I know. I’m gay. I was with Damien. Yes, we started out by cheating on Jay, but somehow Damien stayed with me. Yes, he and I have been together. He’s tried to explain this in letters to you before, but you never responded. I couldn’t write to you out of fear. But now that I’ve said it to you, my previous love, I think I can finally say it to anyone and be ok.
I can tell you it’s over. I tried to reach out to Jay begging for his forgiveness, but he never gave it to me. He never reciprocated any attempts to reconcile.
I pray you’ll write back to me, telling me you support me being me, but I’d understand if you don’t. I look at myself as despicable, not because I’m gay, but because I am the other man despite that I won, even if only for a little bit. If Jay can’t forgive me and support me, I hope you will.
Whether you want me to or not, I would still like to come and visit you at some point, to see your face again even if it’s only for one last time. I eagerly await our time together.
Gus
Cadence crumpled the page forming a fist in her hand. Forgiveness didn’t seem like a legitimate option. Grabbing Damien’s letters, she ripped each one to shreds. Jay’s letters were the only letters she wanted to read now. She wasn’t ready to read Kerass’s.
“Cadence,” the security guard said outside her cell.
She looked up at her.
“You have a visitor.”
The door opened. Jay exhaled. He was ready for whatever would happen. If this was the only way to get some, then by god he was going to take that opportunity. He had never wanted something more than this and there he stood before him.
“Come on in, Jay,” Gil said. “I never thought I’d hear from you after all this time.”
“Is he here?” Francis asked from the living room.
“Yes, I am,” Jay tried to say confidently, but ultimately said underneath his breath.
“Have you finally made a decision?” Gil asked, while Francis came to the foyer.
Jay couldn’t help but chuckle. He thought he had made his decision walking over here, but standing in front of them with their longing, lustful looks in their eyes, he was no longer so sure. It looked like dogs panting before you begging for attention. This was a mistake. He turned around to leave, but then someone grabbed his hand. Jay exhaled. There was no turning back now.
He slowly turned around. Francis was holding his hand. “Please don’t leave,” he begged.
“Ok,” Jay whispered. “Just promise me one thing if I begin this relationship with both of you.”
“Anything,” Francis breathed, while Gil nodded.
“I will commit to being in a polyamorous relationship with you as long as you agree that I can finally lose my virginity. I’ve waited far too long as it is.”
“That is totally fair,” Gil said sitting down, “and we promise you that it will happen.”
“We don’t have to rush it though,” Francis reassured him.
Jay chuckled, but then he realized he hadn’t let go of Francis’s hand. Francis lead him close to them.
“Stand up,” he told Gil.
They both leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Jay smiled. With Francis he felt passion. With Gil he felt safe for they had known each other for years. Fuck Damien. He didn’t even give a shit about him anymore. Jay leaned forward and kissed Francis on the lips. Francis was a little taken aback, his face betrayed him.
“I wasn’t expecting you to get so comfortable so quickly.”
Jay stated that he was full of surprises. Turning to Gil, letting go of Francis’s hand, he grabbed Gil’s face and kissed him passionately. “Thanks for choosing me.”
“So,” Gil said exhaling, “when are you moving in?”
The walk from the parking lot into the building wasn’t that far, but it terrified Kerass. He inhaled and sighed. Every step he took felt like an eternity. Why was he doing this?
“Hello!” a man at the door called out to him. “Welcome to Valley Bible Church,” he added with a smile on his face. “What’s your name?”
“Kerass,” he replied.
“We’re so glad you’re here,” the man added. He continued to tell him to enjoy the service.
Kerass couldn’t wait to just rush in the door. He wasn’t there to be seen. He was there to worship God. Not wanting to be bothered, he rushed into the sanctuary.
The building wasn’t very big and there was a bizarre obsession with doors. The walls didn’t consist of plaster, but of antique doors. He couldn’t say that he hated it, but it was very odd. There were even doors all around the sanctuary. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it was odd.
He wanted to sit down in the back, but something caught his eye and he couldn’t look away. There was a girl, someone who had to be in college too. She was young like he was, attractive, but not exactly smoking hot, but there was something different about her. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. There was a joy about her, a light, like a literal light that was shining, radiating out from her. It was so bright that he had to squint while looking at her, but he was still drawn to her. He daren’t look away. Worshipping the Lord would be quite difficult this morning.
Damien lay on his back staring at the ceiling in his apartment. Moving out of bed to begin another day in grad school was nearly impossible. Grad school was whooping his ass. He couldn’t even move.
Why? Why had he decided to go to grad school? He wasn’t exactly ready for college to end, but it was just too much for him to handle.
His phone vibrated loudly on his nightstand. It had to be his alarm beckoning him to begin his day. Rolling his eyes, without moving from his position on the bed, he stretched out his hand, grabbing his phone. He was more than a little surprised. It wasn’t his alarm at all. It was Gus calling him.
They hadn’t spoken since Jay had yelled at them on campus several months ago. He was certain it was over. Why was he calling him now? Picking up the call Damien said hello.
“Hey.”
“What’s going on, Gus?” Damien asked bluntly. “I thought we were over months ago. Why are you reaching out to me now?”
“I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you think it’s a little late now?” he asked turning on his side leaning on his left elbow.
“I hope not,” Gus whispered. “I have a confession to make.”
Damien didn’t say anything. He wasn’t going to cut him any slack. Giving Gus the satisfaction to know that he was curious would never happen.
“Ok, then,” Gus continued. “I, uh, see, I tried to maintain a friendship with Jay because I felt guilty over us, over what we did, but he wanted nothing to do with me, despite numerous attempts to reach out to him.”
Damien smiled. Gus was a great guy. He knew he had made the right decision, but he denied his lips to open up in speech.
“I just want to be with you, to let you hold me close to you again like those many months ago. Jay isn’t worth it. He never was, but you are. You always have been and you forever will be. I want to see you in person.”
“Where are you?” Damien’s vocals betrayed him. “I can’t wait to see you again. I’ll come to you.”
“You don’t have to go far.”
“Huh?”
“I’m standing outside your door.”
Damien had never jumped out of bed so quickly in his life. Within milliseconds he opened the door embracing Gus, who crumbled into tears on his shoulder. Damien petted the back of his head, kissing the side of his face.
After they let go of their embrace, Damien looked straight into Gus’s eyes. They were filled with fiery passion, love, and desire. Grabbing his face, Damien kissed Gus longer than he had ever kissed anyone before.
Closing the door, breaking the kiss, they both took their shirts off and headed straight to the bed.
Walking on campus, Kerass headed towards the flower tree. He rarely spent time there, but just wanted to sit and bask in its beauty while he still had the chance.
The closer he got, he noticed someone else was already sitting there. Damn it, he thought. He’d have to swing by another time, but then the light caught his eye.
Who happened to be sitting there other than the girl whose radiance distracted him from the entire Sunday morning worship service. This couldn’t just be a coincidence, but he daren’t claim it was from God either.
She was talking to herself. There was no phone in her hand. It was undeniable. There was no one else there and she was sitting in a public place, talking aloud to herself. What a weirdo, but in spite of it all, he still found himself unable to stop moving.
Sighing, he walked over to her. She looked up with a smirk on her face. He wasn’t going to let her intimidate him.
“Hi,” he said.
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