Jay walked into Dianne Lesley’s office taking a deep breath before he sat down. She looked at him. It almost seemed like she recognized him before she asked him if she knew him.
“No,” Jay replied. Everything inside of him was screaming to say something, but his mouth wouldn’t open.
“Are you a freshman or a transfer student?” Dianne asked.
“No, I-” he paused recognizing that this was a mistake. “I don’t know why I’m here. Sorry to have bothered you.”
His hand was on the doorknob to leave before he turned around and said, “Listen, I know I’m not one of your students, but I’ve heard you were way cool,” he said. He continued asking her if she would be willing to see the marching band’s final performance.
“Sure, I’d love to!” she exclaimed with more enthusiasm than Jay had anticipated.
“Great…I guess,” he paused not sure of the right thing to say in response, “I’ll just see you there then.”
“Yeah, maybe,” she said. She confirmed she’d definitely watch the performance but she might not actually see him in person.
“Cool,” Jay said. He couldn’t help but smile. She was more gorgeous than he had ever imagined her to be.
“Don’t you have class to head off to?”
Jay nodded and immediately ran out the door. The first encounter was immensely awkward, which was disappointing. He didn’t know what to expect and he couldn’t bring himself to flat out tell her he was her son, but he had put himself on her radar at the very least. As far as first encounters go, he counted that one as extremely successful.
The bus was 10 minutes late the following morning which completely drove Kerass up the wall. When the doors opened this time he chose to walk on first thing. He didn’t want to wait to get on the bus and once again he went to the back, but this time Gus wasn’t sitting there. In fact Gus wasn’t on the bus at all. Kerass didn’t know what to think or why he even cared whether Gus was at school or not. He found himself jumping to the conclusion that Gus was ditching school for the day. It was all just whatever though. He might actually get some sleep this morning.
The bus pulled into the next stop. Cadence walked onto the bus looking down at her feet avoiding eye contact. Kerass held his breath. She was stunningly beautiful. He had forgotten that. Her lack of confidence made her all the more enticing and he wasn’t sure why. The sun reflected off of her shoulder length hair which swished side to side as she sat at the front of the bus. He couldn’t believe it, but he felt like he was falling in love with Cadence all over again. He instantly flashed back to the time when he first sat next to her on the bus and told her that he could save the peer support group. Her heart for helping others was always commendable, but he started to realize that it wasn’t only to help others…it was to help herself. Kerass’ heart broke. He had pushed her away when she had needed him most and he had ignored her for the bulk of the school year too. He had to say something, but not only could he not speak, his feet wouldn’t move. It was like they were cemented to the floor of the bus. A single tear fell down her face. The only thing he wanted to do was to wipe that tear off of her face and kiss her.
The bus came to a stop but the doors didn’t open. They weren’t even at the next stop. The bus driver said over the intercom that the bus had broken down and that another bus was coming to pick them all up. Everyone on the bus groaned in unison before the whole bus alit with excitement about whether they might be excused from their first period.
Kerass was up and walking and before he knew it he was standing next to Cadence’s seat looking down at her. She looked up at him not fully giving eye contact. He asked her if she minded if he sat there. “I’d love someone to chat with while we wait for the other bus.”
“Not at all,” Cadence said moving her backpack off the seat and setting it underneath her feet.
“So,” Kerass said letting out a heavy breath.
“So,” Cadence nodded in agreement.
She seemed like she was off in her own little world. It seemed like she was intentionally ignoring him. All that passive aggressive bull.
“A bus doesn’t break down every day, huh?” he said knowing he was stretching for a conversation starter.
“Actually a bus does break down every day. Multiple buses break down daily considering how many buses there are in the world.”
That conversation ended before it even started. Kerass began to regret sitting down next to Cadence. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn’t let them out no matter how hard he tried.
“Why are you here, Kerass?”
The question took him off guard. Not knowing what else to say the truth came out much faster than he had anticipated. “I still have feelings for you Cadence.”
She locked eyes with him. She had control now and he knew it. She said nothing in reply. She simply looked out the window.
The drive to the competition that weekend was a lot longer than Damien had anticipated. It took a total of an hour and a half to reach Jay’s marching band competition. The whole way there the only thing he could think of was this was the last time he would readily be able to watch Jay perform. He was graduating this year and that meant that this would be the end of the road for the two of them. Damien didn’t really believe in long distance relationships, but who was he kidding…he was completely in love with Jay. He had to make it work. He just had to.
Sitting in the car before he decided to walk towards the football stadium, Damien began to think over the past year. His life had changed and he honestly thought it was for the better. The more he thought about it though he wasn’t fully convinced that that was true. His parents were never really ok with him being in a gay relationship. Tensions ran so high that eventually they stopped talking and avoided the subject altogether. He became the roommate who was never home. His parents were completely full of it though. This was natural. It had to be. It didn’t make any sense for it not to be. He started to think through his relationship with God. Instantly his heart sank. What relationship with God? He hadn’t picked up his Bible all year, he hadn’t gone to a single church service, and since he started dating Jay he couldn’t remember a single time that he prayed or even talked to God. In fact, he couldn’t remember that ever happening even before Jay. He wasn’t sure what he believed anymore. Damien championed himself a ‘gay Christian.’ It didn’t bother him that Jay was agnostic. He began to wonder if he was living a big lie. Not the homosexual tendencies thing, that he believed to be completely true. He just wasn’t sure if he believed in God anymore. He asked himself if he would honestly live his life any differently if he didn’t believe in God and the answer was no. He loved Jay and he couldn’t imagine his life without him, but he could easily imagine living life without God…if he even existed.
Damien stepped out of the car and headed toward the stands. To his surprise he saw Kerass there. He went over and sat down next to him. “You hear to support Jay?”
“Yeah,” Kerass said. He explained he wouldn’t be here otherwise. “I don’t really get the whole marching band thing.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean…” Damien said trailing off at the end.
It was a little bit uncomfortable sitting next to Kerass. Last year his sole intention was to get Cadence back. His intentions had obviously changed this year. Still neither of them ended up dating Cadence. The competition still oddly lingered which was immensely surprising. He shouldn’t care. He played for an entirely different team, but he couldn’t help but dwell on the fact that he lost. It was an issue of pride. He felt he was definitely more attractive, had the bigger muscles and would beat him at sports…but did that honestly lead up to anything? They weren’t after the same person anymore, so it shouldn’t matter, but Damien couldn’t deny the fact that it did.
“How’s Jay handling things with his dad?” Kerass asked.
“What do you mean?” Damien asked, but before Kerass could answer Oak Stream’s marching band marched onto the football field.
It was then that the Oak Stream marching band’s performance started. Jay was more than easy to spot out being the only guy on the field in a leotard. Plus all the other guys were wearing hats unless they were in the pit. Damien concentrated solely on Jay this time when he watched the show. Jay was actually quite good. He wasn’t the best color guard on the field, but he was the farthest thing from the worst. The dance moves without the flags were what amazed Damien the most sitting and watching the final show.
During the ballad in the middle of the show Jay had nothing to do. He went off to the side. Damien looked over at Jay. They locked eyes. Jay’s eyes widened with delight when he saw that Damien and Kerass were there. Jay didn’t wave at them though, which bugged Damien, but that was probably the professional thing to do.
The final piece was visually striking. Kerass’ mouth was open in shock, which made Damien smirk. Damien checked out of the final piece waiting for it to be over. When the band marched off the field Damien saw Jay as he instantly ran up the stands. Jay hugged him first and then hugged Kerass. Damien hated that Jay hugged Kerass but there was nothing he could really do about that unless he wanted to control their friendship. Damien knew it wasn’t any of his business so he simply let it go.
“OMG! We have to take a selfie!” Jay exclaimed.
They took the picture before Jay ran off back to the band. Jay asked Damien to hold his phone for him. “I love you both! Bye!” Jay said leaving.
Damien looked at the picture on Jay's cell phone. He intended to swipe it closed but instead swiped it to the previous picture. It was of Kerass in a speedo. He swiped again and saw the same exact photo. He swiped again and again counting the photo up to 5 times before he shut off the phone in a quiet rage. Damien got up and walked down the stadium without even saying goodbye to Kerass. He didn’t know what to think, but it definitely didn’t look good. He didn’t care if he embarrassed Jay. He was going straight toward the band to call him out. His fears around Kerass had been answered. He started to add up all the little white lies Jay had told him over the school year. He was convinced that Jay was cheating on him with Kerass.
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