Julia cursed under her breath. Her plan had completely backfired. Not only had Cadence not gotten in trouble with the school or her parents, regrettably she found herself liking Cadence more and more every time she was with her, which had become quite frequent in the past month. Cadence had this essence to her of extreme insecurity, a striking boldness, and an intense vulnerability. She was truly the most fascinating person Julia had ever met. It made a lot of sense why Kerass had fallen for her, but that insecurity and boldness can get old really quick.
The truth was that hearing about Cadence’s family situation and about her expulsion and reacceptance to Our Savior gave her sympathy, which was entirely unexpected. If she had in any way attempted to legitimately steal Kerass back, that would’ve been a different scenario entirely, but Cadence just seemed so genuine. No, she couldn’t be trying to steal Kerass back. It just seems to go against her nature, she thought to herself.
Julia picked up her keys and began to shoot out of her bedroom. She gave her mother and father a kiss on the cheek in an attempt to rush out the door.
“Hold up, hold up,” her father interceded. She loved her parents and she would take time out of every morning to talk to them, but this morning she was in a total rush.
“Ok, Dad, but I don’t have a lot of time this morning,” she said explaining that she had slept through her alarm clock.
Her mother gave her father a look instantly causing him to back down. “We would just like to know when we would get to meet this boyfriend of yours,” she said calmly.
“Right, your mother and I want to invite him over to dinner this weekend.”
“I’ll ask him today,” Julia said rushing out the door. “Love you!” she yelled out racing toward her car. She had never had a boyfriend home for dinner. The truth was she had never had a boyfriend as long as she had been dating Kerass. This one seemed serious and it was nice that her parents noticed the difference. She started the car pleased that she could share him with her parents.
Jay journaled pressing his pen to the paper so hard that the black ink bled onto the following three pages. He was angry but he didn’t quite know why. He felt he had been lied to and that infuriated him. His thoughts were racing and the page caught every word, but he was very scatter brained that morning. He knew rereading the entry wasn’t an option because it wouldn’t make any sense. No, this morning it was simply therapeutic. He had to vent and he didn’t believe anyone would actually listen to him. Neither did he trust anyone enough to be that vulnerable. His heart was fragile. Going through the coming out process was taking a major toll on him and he was afraid of getting hurt one more time.
Going through this process made him think through his early years. Did he always know? Well, he wasn’t entirely sure to be honest. He never knew his mother. His mother died giving birth to him and for some reason he never felt compelled to ask his dad about her…until now. With his weird non-revelation about his sexuality it seemed all the more pressing that they needed to talk, but he was afraid. What he might discover, the uncertainty of it all, it was just too much to handle.
He packed up his things and walked towards the door.
“Hold it!” the voice of his father came stopping Jay with his hand on the doorknob. His father continued saying he was hoping they could sit down and talk this morning.
“Dad, I’m about to miss the bus.”
“But I usually drive you, son.”
Jay sighed saying he had an extra question about his Algebra II assignment and he wanted to get there early enough to ask it before the assignment was actually due.
“That’s just an excuse. I can read it in your eyes,” his father continued saying that he recognized Jay’s avoidance card.
Jay sighing with defeat said, “All right, I’m listening.”
His father’s eyes welled up. A tear slowly fell down his face. Jay couldn’t even look him in the face he was so uncomfortable watching his father cry. Recognizing there was no going back, Jay decided to ask the question he had never thought to ask before.
“Dad, I know I’ve never asked this before but can we talk about Mom?”
It was then that his father started balling. Jay’s thoughts told him to go over and comfort his father, but his body wouldn’t listen to his mind.
Finally, after his father calmed himself down, he said, “I never knew her.”
Jay was speechless. “What are you saying?”
“I’ve never been with a woman, Jay. I adopted you.”
Jay couldn’t believe his ears. It was almost like he was frozen in time. The only thing that was calm and steady inside of him was the beating of his own heart. He felt like everything he believed about who he was and where he came from was a lie. In...out...in...out. Breathe! he told himself. All of this happened within 5 seconds as he noticed his father continuing in mid-sentence.
“but you mean every-”
Jay had heard enough. He stormed out of the house slamming the door behind him. He didn’t care how long it took him to get to school or how late he would be as long as he was as far away from his father as possible.
“No!” Kerass shouted louder than he intended to. He avoided Julia’s eyes knowing that she was either offended or disappointed, more than likely a mixture of the two.
“No?” Julia asked incredulously.
He responded saying that it wasn’t her or that he was ashamed to be in a relationship with her. “I just don’t really trust adults is all.”
“I’m calling bs on that! You know that’s a lame excuse,” she continued saying that it made no sense.
“It makes total sense!” he replied defensively.
“No, it doesn’t,” she sighed. She went on saying that he wasn’t a troublemaker. “You always submit to authority, Kerass.”
“It’s not adults…exactly,” he said tentatively. “Listen, the last time I had a dinner with the ‘rents my dad just derailed me in front of my date.” He finished saying he would never allow it to happen again.
“You don’t have to worry with my parents-” Julia began.
Kerass cut her off saying, “I said no and I meant it.”
“Whatever,” she said shoving him out of her way.
Kerass stood his ground not even turning to look at her.
Jay didn’t even know why he was here. He wasn’t a music person…at all. He was a theater embryo, but he just didn’t know if he felt safe in that kind of environment anymore, which made no sense at all, he admitted. Truthfully he wanted an extra curricular and fast to spend the least amount of time at home that he could. He saw the sign up sheet in the hallway and during his study hall period he made his way down to the band room.
The room was completely empty. The teacher was busy listening to some band piece that Jay didn’t recognize. Jay knocked on his office door. The teacher held up his finger not turning his chair around to see him.
Jay waited a minute before saying, “Mr. Martin?”
Again the teacher didn’t turn around while shushing him. Jay waited another minute until finally the piece ended. “I just love that piece,” Mr. Martin said turning his chair around. “It’s called Aurora Awakes composed by John Mackey. You ever heard it?”
“Um…” Jay paused not knowing what to do. “No,” he said revealing the truth.
Mr. Martin smiled and told him that he would be happy to play it for him now.
“That’s not the reason I came in actually.”
“I’m all ears,” Mr. Martin told him with a smile on his face.
Jay sighed, he couldn’t believe what he was about to say and he felt so gay for saying it out loud at all. “I want to join the color guard in your marching band.”
Mr. Martin raised his eyebrows. “I’ve gotta be honest with you, we’ve never had a male in the color guard,” he said. He continued saying that he was totally open to the idea, but Jay was far behind and he would have to spend several hours after school every day to catch up.
“That sounds perfect, when do I start?” Jay asked too eagerly.
“Not so fast,” Mr. Martin said holding his index finger up. He turned over to his computer putting One Direction on and said, “Show me what you’ve got. Dance.”
Jay smiled recognizing his favorite band. The first move he made effortlessly flowed into the next. He felt he was born to dance in that moment. He couldn’t help but belt along. Mr. Martin remained stoic looking at him dance and sing the whole song. The song ended before he knew it. Mr. Martin didn’t offer any feedback either positive or negative, which only made Jay more nervous.
“You have no rhythm,” Mr. Martin began, crushing Jay’s hopes, “but you have something very special. You’ve got that one thing I’ve been looking for: spontaneity. I like you.”
Jay beamed bigger than he had ever beamed before.
“It will take a lot, a lot of effort, but I’m willing to work with you.”
Jay bit his tongue to prevent himself from screaming out loud.
“You’re in.”
Jay moved forward to hug him, but deciding against it at the last moment. He instead held out his hand and they shook. He was thrilled to have to work so hard to be a part of the color guard. Anything that was a major distraction was a blessing at this point.
Cadence closed her locker. Looking over at Kerass, envy filled and enraged her. She felt bitterness course through her veins. She wanted him back, but she had messed up. There was no possible way that she could get him back now. Gus came over and stood next to her locker. He looked over at Kerass, then back at Cadence.
“You’ve got the hots for him.”
“I do not!” Cadence said defensively.
“Lying isn’t going to help you get him back,” Gus said smugly.
“Oh yeah? Then what will, huh?” Cadence challenged him fire burning in her eyes.
“Date someone who would make him jealous.”
Cadence smiled. “That’s not a bad idea,” she whispered to herself ignoring the fact that Gus was still there. She looked over and saw Damien walking down the hallway.
“Cadence!” Damien called out hugging her.
She looked over and made sure she had eye contact with Kerass before she kissed Damien on the lips.
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