I wish I could start all over again, Cadence thought as her alarm clock woke her up in the morning. It went off earlier than she had anticipated. She got to sleep in later at Our Savior. They didn’t officially start classes until 8:30. Oak Stream began class at 7:20. The summer was spent overseas in London. She wanted to get away from everything: her mother, Kerass, and her ‘friends’ at Our Savior (she used the term lightly in her mind). Everybody wanted something different from her and it was incredibly overbearing. Her mother wanted her to succeed, but the pressures from everyone else around her for personal attention or a different sense of morality only made the pressure to succeed that much greater. Kerass wanted her to be as pure as a white rose, but she was already red. She was utterly convinced that he was still pining over her. She didn’t exactly know how she would break it to him that it was over. Her peers at Our Savior relished in the fact that she had broken the rules and wanted all the dirty details, which only disgusted her. It was a personal matter and should never be talked about outside of those intimate relationships. They also itched to know what public school was truly like. The only thing she could tell them was that it was even more dramatic than the soap operas on television.
Rolling herself out of bed was harder considering she was suffering from jet lag. The day after the school year ended, she was on a plane to London for the summer. It ended up being a decision she lived to regret, but she didn’t want to dwell on it now. She didn’t fully know why but she had decided to go back to Oak Stream for the beginning of her sophomore year. She hadn’t been kicked out, she just didn’t feel a religious education, or a religious life for that matter, was something that she wanted.
In the last week alone, she had done all of her summer reading assignments. Her time in London was distracting to say the very least. Luckily two of her classes had the same book to read: Lord of the Flies. She found it both boring and pointless, but she would never say so in an analysis she was going to turn in. She wouldn’t praise the book either. She would just parrot what the teacher had said, but that’s impossible to do for a summer project, so she played it safe and just gave it slight but not overwhelming praise. Looking over at the clock she knew she had to head on out of the door and fast. She wouldn’t be the most presentable, but hardly anyone was the first day of their sophomore year of high school.
She heard her mother’s voice the instant she began to walk down the stairs. “Did you have a great time at London, darling?” she asked adding that she hadn’t asked because Cadence had looked so tired the previous afternoon.
“Not now, Mom,” she said harsher than she had intended. Taking a breath she stated that she was sorry and that she had to rush out the door because she still hadn’t adjusted not only to the time zone but to an earlier start for school again. She kissed her mother on the cheek as she ran out the door.
Cadence saw the bus in the distance. She ran to the bus as fast as she could stepping onto the bus just in the nick of time. The bus driver commented that she was cutting it kind of close. “Thanks for waiting,” Cadence said. The bus driver told her to have a seat. She sat down in the second seat of the bus.
All of what little energy she had that morning was spent trying not to turn around and see if Kerass was sleeping at the back of the bus. She didn’t know what to do. Even though she accused him in her mind of dwelling on her all summer, she had in fact been thinking of him even though it was trying to escape him. She couldn’t help but return. It seemed like an inevitability. She drummed her thumbs on the seat in front of her. The rhythmic beating of her thumbs seemed much louder this morning because she was so tired. The monotonous motion her thumbs made didn’t help at all in distracting her thoughts.
Biting her lip caving in to her inquisitive nature, she turned around and looked for Kerass. The only thing was that he wasn’t there. While it was a relief at first, a second later it became a huge disappointment. There was a lack of closure between the two of them, romantically speaking of course and that came about from her own stubbornness and an undying fear of confrontation. It saddened her that he wasn’t there, but she hoped that she would see him at school and maybe, just maybe they could be friends.
Jay woke up with a start as his alarm welcomed the morning. He didn’t feel up to journaling this morning. It was the first day of school…again. All of the excitement over the first day of freshmen year was gone. The first day of sophomore year was going to be a nightmare. High school no longer felt like a novelty, it was simply school now and that made the days a major suckfest. It took all of his energy just to get out of bed, but once he was up, he was up. He quickly dressed for the day and began to race to the door. He wanted to avoid his father that morning at all costs.
“Can’t we just sit down and talk about this?” Jay’s father asked while Jay had his hand on the doorknob.
Jay turned around rolling his eyes at his father. “No, we can’t! There’s nothing to discuss because there’s nothing wrong about me. It just is.”
“Look, Jay,” his father paused taking a breath, “I understand how you feel. I had the same feelings when I was your age, but they went away over time. Those feelings, the attraction, it was fleeting.”
“Wait, you’re gay, Dad?”
“No, I,” he paused sighing. “I’ll have to explain all of this later. You’ll be late for school if you don’t run and catch the bus.”
“Can’t you drive me?” Jay asked timidly. He was begging his father to love him. His eyes glistening, he couldn’t read his father’s emotions. His father was almost emotionless. The first conversation about Jay’s sexuality had been incredibly awkward, but there was no yelling, no tears. Over time though, Jay got this sense that his father was incredibly disappointed in him and although he would never admit it to his father it destroyed him inside. He felt so unloved and uncared for. His coming out process had been rocky from the start. He guessed it was always like that, especially if one came out in high school, but simply knowing others had gone through the same hardships didn’t make things any easier to deal with. It was all so depressing being gay and Jay felt cheated on life. Why did it have to be this hard? Why couldn’t this be something that was never questioned, but he knew thinking like this was pointless. If racism after all these years still existed homophobia would always exist. Through it all though, Jay knew his boyfriend would stand by his side, a fact his father detested.
“Sure, I can drive you,” his father finally said. Jay smiled back at him and walked out the door to the car.
Julia pulled into her assigned parking space in the Oak Stream parking lot. Kerass smiled at her. He couldn’t believe it. He had only known her for a month that summer, but he had fallen head over heels in love with Julia. They didn’t seem to have a lot in common, but that was all right because the kissing was so wonderful. They made out like crazy that summer. It drove his father up the wall, which only made it all the more appealing to do.
“You ready for the start of your sophomore year?” Julia asked. She was a junior and the oldest in her class.
Kerass replied that he guessed so. “It really doesn’t seem all that special or all that different from freshmen year,” Kerass said.
Julia responded that it would and that he would feel it the instant he saw all the freshmen enter the school. “Want to have some fun before the school year begins?” Julia asked with a smirk on her face.
“You just read my mind,” Kerass said with a big goofy smile.
It was then that their lips met. They only broke their kisses when they needed to come up for air. The passion he felt for her was always fleeting and it honestly felt horrible after it was all over, but it was so much fun in the moment that he couldn’t stop. Blocking his mind from how he would feel later, he completely succumbed into his feelings and passion for Julia.
The bus pulled into Oak Stream’s parking lot. Cadence took a deep breath as the bus doors opened. She had made this decision. She had decided to return to Oak Stream and because of that, she knew she had no reason to complain if the first day was miserable. She stood up and walked off of the bus. She walked onto the sidewalk and immediately saw some loose change on the ground. Quickly before their rightful owner would notice, she dropped to her knees and picked up what added up to $1.37 in change. A smile crept on her face. The day wouldn’t be so bad after all. She was $1.37 richer.
When she stood up she finally saw him. Kerass was sitting in the passenger seat of some girl’s car. She didn’t recognize the girl. She wouldn’t have been able to even if she had known all the girls at school. She only saw the back of her head as they were making out publically but in a way privately. Although they couldn’t hear anyone outside, their make out session was on display for all to see. Cadence’s heart dropped. The initial excitement over the change she picked up was turned into a deep sadness. She was wrong. He hadn’t been pining over her all summer the way she had been pining over him she finally admitted to herself. He was over her. A tear fell down her face. The pain she felt couldn’t be described in words. The only words that came to her mind were that it felt like her heart was crying, but even with all this sadness she couldn’t help but keep on staring at him. The couple finished kissing. When Kerass looked up, he locked eyes with Cadence. Cadence gasped.
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