Closing his eyes, Kerass took a deep breath. He couldn’t even look at Mr. Baganz. Betrayal clouding his thoughts, he stepped out of the car frustrated, forcing himself to stare at the pavement, refusing to lock eyes with his father. He hadn’t slammed the door out of sheer respect, but he didn’t think he could ever trust Mr. Baganz again for pulling a fast one on him. It was sickening to even think about.
“Kerass!” Mr. Baganz called out. “Kerass, wait!”
Kerass was so focused on the ground that when he stepped onto the sidewalk he didn't have time to react before his father grabbed him.
“I’ll sign the paper for you,” his father said gently, “but only if you’ll talk to me,” he tacked on.
Of course there was a catch and that catch was too great a burden. It was too soon. In the heat of his rage, Kerass felt like it would forever be too soon.
“Then I guess you won’t be signing it,” Kerass said through gritted teeth, attempting to get out of his father’s grasp, but his strength failed him as he thought back to his mother's final moments, how he was not even looking at the plug that was pulled, he wasn't looking at her either. He had closed his eyes. How weak he truly was.
“You don’t mean that,” Mr. Baganz said beside him. He continued saying he knew how much the game meant to him.
“The game was only important to him, not to me,” Kerass said. Through gritted teeth he added that he couldn’t even look at him. “You killed my mother,” he harshly whispered. “There’s no turning back from that.”
“I’ll sign it, you don’t even have to talk to me, but don’t walk away from the game that you love.”
“I don’t care if you sign it because even if you did, I won’t play this year just to see you suffer,” he said. He tacked on that scholarships meant nothing to him. “I will never forgive you. I’ll only say this once: leave me alone and never talk to me again. Oh, and Mr. Baganz, I’d rather walk home.”
Mr. Baganz and his father yelled after him to not walk away, but he tried to tune them out amongst the constant buzz of chatter surrounding him.
“Sup senior?” someone he didn’t catch called after him. Looking down at his shirt, he was aware for the first time since he arrived that he was wearing his senior shirt. He had thought at the beginning of junior year that he would love being a senior, but all he felt was like he was disappearing, becoming invisible. Before he met Cadence, he hadn’t really shared with anyone about how he felt others didn’t see him for who he really was. Gus could and Jay wanted to, but he usually didn’t grasp the full picture. Now he felt alone and he wasn’t convinced the feeling would ever stray.
“You made it,” Jeremy said walking over to Jay.
Jay could pick out his voice in any crowd. He was still so mad at Jeremy for his reckless behavior, but it was senior year after all. It was the beginning of the end and he wanted the ending to last as long as possible. Grudges no longer lasted long on his account. Even in the intervening minutes since he called Jeremy out he had missed him.
“I’m not going to apologize for what I said,” Jay blurted out.
“I never expected you would.”
Jay couldn’t help but smile. It might not be as big of a deal as he made it out to be but it was something he just couldn’t support, yet their friendship needed to move past this. It was a tough decision.
“I guess, well,” Jay choked on the words. He said that he didn’t like what Jeremy was doing. “Just don’t do it while I’m in the car.”
“I promise.”
The pause lingered between them creating an awkwardness that was overbearing. There wasn’t anything else to say though. He thought Jeremy was smarter than this.
“Can we move past this now?” Jeremy asked hopefully.
Jay nodded. “Tensions don’t last long between us anyways.”
“Good, then I can share what I wanted to share in the car with you.”
“Isn’t it a bit early to go deep?”
“Nah, it’s never too early for an honest conversation. It’s nothing major anyways. I just wanted to let you know that I won’t be leading the men in the Christian fellowship this year.”
“You’re stepping down?” Jay asked concerned. It seemed impossible to think of anyone else who could do a better job. Jeremy was the only reason that he felt comfortable to check out the group in the first place.
“It’s a done deal. I need to refocus. Don’t worry, I’ll still be a part of the group and we’ll still hang out. I’m just not a leader anymore.”
Jay could feel Jeremy’s eyes on him expecting to hear something back, but he wasn’t about to give him that satisfaction. He couldn’t explain why it bothered him, angered him even, that Jeremy was stepping down, but he just couldn’t bring himself to reply.
“Well, I gotta run to class,” Jeremy said going into a bear hug.
Jay hugged him back, but he couldn’t look at him. He needed to collect his thoughts. He felt his heart break for Jeremy and questioned why he was so nonchalant when telling him about it.
Cadence waved at him while Gus continued to talk to her, not even noticing that he was there. Jay waved back not feeling bold enough to disrupt their conversation.
Kerass bolted down the hallway, not stopping to talk with anyone. It was so unlike him, but that could be handled later, whenever Kerass decided to start talking with him again. Right now he knew he couldn’t help Cadence or Kerass, but he had an inkling he could help Jeremy. He had to help.
The bell rang breaking him from his thoughts immediately throwing all thoughts of his friends out of his mind. He shot up the stairs racing to math class hoping against hope that it wasn’t the late bell.
Kerass sat down for first period study hall. This was great. There’d be several days a week he could just skip the beginning of the day seeing as they never took attendance during study hall and all people did was talk. It seemed perfectly ironic that study hall never involved studying. Plus, it would give him time away. If he didn’t show up on time, his father, hopefully, wouldn’t bombard him trying to maintain a relationship with him. That simply wouldn’t happen. He started strumming his fingers against the desk out of frustration. Someone behind him tapped him on the shoulder, causing him to stop.
“Are you ok?” a familiar voice asked.
“Lyra, is that you?” Kerass asked turning around.
“You already know it’s me, Kerass. There’s no need to ask the question.”
Her response seemed a little rude, but was exactly what he expected. Her bluntness was refreshing. Out of all the people he had blocked off this summer, the only person he regretted not reaching out to was Lyra. Cadence respected his privacy, plus it seemed she had problems of her own. He couldn’t imagine why he had wanted to be with Cadence at all. She was brimming over with secrets and drama. Jay on the other hand, such a loyal friend, but that loyalty was also intermixed with constant checking in. Every single time, he clicked the ignore button, which only prompted Jay to reach out more. Jay didn't understand, Kerass didn’t desire to feel better. He only wanted to hear the truth. The rest of the options had repercussions that were far too painful.
Lyra pulled her hood off. Kerass’s eyes almost flew out of his head. Her hair was completely shaved off. The stubble was even smaller than a typical buzz cut.
“Oh my god, what happened to you head!?” Kerass blurted out flabbergasted.
“I cut my hair,” Lyra responded monotone.
He apologized, telling her she was absolutely right. “I’m sorry, it just took me off guard.”
“It’s ok,” Lyra whispered back patting his arm.
“But you look good. I mean, you still look feminine even with no hair on your head.”
“I know that was meant to be a compliment, so I’m just going to say thank you.”
“Sorry, my mind’s been all over the place.”
“Because?”
“Well, my father showed up at school to try and reconcile things.”
“And?”
Kerass sighed, not exactly sure how to explain it without placing his anger onto Lyra. “I told him,” he paused, “that I never wanted to see him again.”
“I’m disappointed in you, Kerass.”
“Why?” Kerass asked floored by her response.
“Because I know you’re better than this.”
The bell rang breaking up the monotony of the first day back. The day had been a blur. Cadence wasn’t excited about a single one of her classes. At least she didn’t have to take math this year. That would’ve made her schedule even worse. It shouldn’t have surprised her, but she didn’t have a single class with Gus. He was being a little too prodding, wanting to know too much. She didn’t have a class with Kerass either. Kerass needed space and she had her own issues to think about. She had no problems giving him the time he needed to recover from his mother’s untimely passing. Jay, well, she hadn’t seen Jay in ages. She had a feeling that Kerass had probably avoided him after the funeral and she really didn’t blame him. Jay was very possessive of Kerass and didn’t understand that there were boundaries. She was glad that Julia was no longer in high school. Cadence had no idea how to read that girl and they only created drama together for Kerass. Hopefully Kerass realized how terrible and manipulative Julia was, but boys were dumb. How much could she expect from him?
The wave of people bursting through the front door seemed even more massive. The freshmen in particular looked nothing more than little children who couldn’t be taller than fourth graders. It was frightening to think that she was ever that small, ever that age. As she headed towards Gus’s car, she noticed Lyra waiting to get on the bus. Lyra, how could she have forgotten Lyra?
“Hey!” Cadence called out hugging her, asking her how she’d been. “I haven’t seen you in forever.”
The look Lyra gave her was that of disdain.
“Oh my gosh, you shaved your head. It looks marvelous.”
“Thank you,” Lyra replied running her hand through the stubble on her head, but Cadence could tell she didn’t really mean it.
“We didn’t hang out at all this summer.”
“That’s because you ditched me for Gus.”
“Hey, that’s not true,” Cadence claimed, but even as she said it, she couldn’t convince herself that it was true.
“Cadence, seriously, don’t waste my time this year.”
“I’m not following,” Cadence said worried what Lyra would say next, but curiosity getting the better of her.
“You’re cold and manipulative. You use people to get what you want. I don’t believe a word that you say, and frankly, I don’t have time for your fakeness this year or ever again. Your so-called friendship was nothing more than an illusion. You can consider this a goodbye,” Lyra said before stepping onto the bus.
Cadence walked away, failing miserably at hiding her tears, searching for Gus’s car. She couldn’t find it anywhere. In the midst of her frantic searching, the buses left. Gus’s car was nowhere to be found. She held her breath as she saw his car drive past without her, but she could tell someone else was occupying that passenger seat. She exhaled as she realized she was alone in the parking lot.
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