The police officer looked straight into Julia’s eyes. Julia breathed deeply demanding her body not to cry. She just wanted this to be over. First her car ran out of gas and now this? It was too much.
“Is everything ok, miss?”
Julia shook her head unable to help herself as she started to cry, audibly gasping for breath.
“What seems to be the problem?”
“I, I’ve, I’ve run out of gas,” Julia said fumbling with her words.
“Oh, well that’s something we can easily fix, now can’t we?”
Julia nodded.
“You in school around here?” the officer asked.
“Yes and no,” Julia answered. She continued to explain that she was a senior but she attended Oak Stream High.
“Oak Stream?” the officer asked bewildered. “What, isn’t that about a 13 hour drive from here?”
Julia said nothing.
“Well, let’s get you some gas.”
Phew! Julia let out a sigh of relief internally. Perhaps things would be all right after all. Julia respected the officer for not prying as to why she had driven so far away from home. It seemed odd to have had such a brief conversation and feel like your life had meaning and purpose once again. That wasn’t the officer’s intention, she was sure of that, but she had honestly never thought about women police officers before. She wasn’t anything like what she was expecting. She was kind and helpful. Julia had always envisioned police officers as harsh, intimidating, maybe even a little bit cruel. This was different.
They didn’t exchange any more words together other than pleasantries, a thank you from Julia, and a good luck wish from the police officer. Nothing needed to be said. She knew it was time to return home and face her problems. It would certainly be difficult and she was sure that Kerass and Jay were worried about her, but it was all going to be fine, she tried to convince herself. As she drove home, she started envisioning herself in a uniform. It looked good on her. It seemed right in her mind. The time had definitely come for her high school career to end.
Kerass clicked his tongue twice before he knocked on Cadence’s door. He tapped his leg in anticipation as the door opened slightly. Lyra stood in the door.
“I’m pet sitting,” she quickly explained.
“She’s still not back?” Kerass asked dumbfounded. It was a rhetorical question, but Lyra nonverbally responded by shaking her head anyway.
“We were supposed to study together, for the SATs, you see…” Kerass trailed, but he knew ultimately that it was meaningless.
“Well, why can’t we study together?”
Kerass was taken aback. It seemed so obvious. He was surprised by how oblivious he was to the whole thing.
Lyra continued to explain they all needed some extra help in prepping for the SATs. “That’s why I’m spending time here. I brought a study book and all.”
“That’s a great idea actually.”
“Come on in,” Lyra said beaming. “Any friend of Cadence is a dear friend of mine.”
“Thanks, I guess,” Kerass added uneasy. He remembered saying something to the same extent to Cadence about Lyra before the play had begun. Now on the opposing end, hearing it out loud about himself, it seemed really awkward and it just didn’t settle well with Kerass.
“Who was at the door, Lyra?” Cadence’s mom called out from the kitchen.
“Mrs. Harris!?” Kerass uttered floored.
“Kerass!” Cadence’s mom yelled with excitement. “It’s lovely to see you.”
Kerass stammered trying to be polite. He couldn’t remember exactly when he had met Mrs. Harris or if they had ever met in person period. He knew what she looked like through photos and the like, but Mrs. Harris acted as if Cadence and Kerass had grown up together from the age of 3 or something. It was slightly uncomfortable, but Kerass thought he handled it with class.
“Wait, where’s Cadence?”
“Oh, didn’t she tell you?” Mrs. Harris responded. “She’s helping out on a farm with Gus for the weekend.”
Kerass stared at Lyra trying to understand. It only took 3 seconds, but in his mind it felt like 10 minutes. Cadence told him that she would be out of town. Gus told him that he had to help out at his boss’ brother’s farm. No wonder he wanted a friendship like Cadence had with Gus. They were dating each other. How had he missed this before? He cursed himself internally for being so blind. The moment he thought it, the more obvious it became in his mind. He exhaled trying to let it go and move on.
“That’s great,” Kerass replied half-heartedly. “Sorry, we really need to study now.”
“Yeah,” Lyra dragged the word out.
“Well, I’ll let you two be. Make sure you say goodbye before you leave!”
“Sure,” Kerass added in a throaty whisper.
It doesn’t matter…Kerass tried to convince himself. Internally a piece of his heart shattered. He hadn’t wanted to be Cadence’s friend. He had been lying to himself. Truthfully, he wanted to be her boyfriend and well, that wasn’t going to happen anymore. He asked himself whether he could still be Cadence’s friend. He didn’t know, truly. He had to wait to see how he would react once he saw them in the open together. For now, he was going to keep it all to himself.
“You ready?” Lyra asked him disturbing his thoughts.
“What? Sorry, yeah, totally.”
He would happily study with Lyra. Studying with her would be a much-needed break. It would be interesting to say the least. They hadn’t exchanged a word together before she answered the door, but she already felt very comfortable around him. It was a little odd, but what could he do? She seemed fine, plus he needed a study partner desperately, but he feared his mind would be elsewhere. It was already drifting away. One thing was certain: he wouldn’t retain any of the information he and Lyra were studying that afternoon.
Jay pulled into the school parking lot at 6 a.m. It was way too early for a Saturday, but that’s what happened when you took the SATs. The system always tried to screw you. He took that back in his mind. That was way too harsh and spiteful. It wasn’t true. He just didn’t want to be up this early on the weekend.
Jeremy unbuckled his seat belt thanking Jay for the ride.
“Sure, no problem,” Jay said. He put his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder sitting him back down. “I want to talk about something.”
“Before the SATs man?”
“I think Kerass is cutting himself.”
Jeremy’s face changed ever so slightly. A pensive gaze into the distance struck his face in that moment. As quickly as his face changed, he was back and said, “That’s quite the accusation. Do you have any proof?”
“Well, no. It’s really only speculation.”
“Jay, what is the matter with you?”
Taken aback, Jay remained silent. He recognized later that his drilling of Kerass in front of the other guys, and the entire stands for that matter, wasn’t the best way of going about it. He needed to do that in private, he knew that, but it was just so obvious that there was something that was going on with Kerass. The others had only just met Kerass. How could they possibly know what was up with him? They couldn’t. The fact that Kerass was lying was of severe concern.
“You don’t know him like I do,” Jay retorted.
“You’re just full of opinions, aren’t you?”
Jay was on the verge to throw sass back at him, but Jeremy continued to speak before Jay could budge a word in edgewise.
“Even if it were true, which I have serious doubts about, it’s none of your damn business.”
Commanding himself not to react was very difficult. Jay had almost audibly gasped. This was the first time Jeremy had cursed, albeit a very small one, in front of Jay.
“I’m sorry, I’m…tired, I guess,” Jeremy said in a mock apology that Jay didn’t believe for a single second. “So what if he’s cutting himself? Don’t confront him on it. Let him come to you about it.”
Jeremy walked out of the car leaving Jay shaken.
“It’s been a week,” Cadence told Gus in the car ride to the school.
“We’re gonna be late if we hit another red light,” Gus replied.
Cadence scoffed. He was avoiding the question again. When should they share about their relationship with Kerass? It was a delicate situation and needed to be treated with the utmost care.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Say that you’ll talk to him,” Cadence inferred.
“Oh no,” Gus said shaking his head. “You were the one who wanted to share with him in the first place.”
“Of course,” Cadence began. She continued saying that Kerass’s friendship was extremely important to her and that honesty in that friendship was the crux, the core of the foundation. “He deserves to know.”
“You know what I think.”
“We’re not freshmen anymore!” Cadence nearly screamed at him.
“Let me remind you I didn’t know either of you during freshmen year. I was in London freshmen year actually, but you’re right. We’re all a lot more mature than freshmen year, thank God,” Gus said whispering the last two words. “The timing is totally off though. He’s still really beat up over the loss of the football team.”
“If you love me, you’ll tell him,” Cadence jibed.
“Now who’s to say we’re not freshmen?”
Cadence cracked a smile. “I was only kidding…sort of.”
As they pulled into the school parking lot, Cadence asked him one last time “So, are you gonna talk to him or not?”
Kerass stood at the foot of his mother’s bed in the hospital holding his breath. Every part of him moaned with remorse and sadness. It was his fault. It was all his fault. The first tear fell, but was quickly joined by a river that didn’t stop. It felt like he would be crying forever. He felt like he would never feel happiness again. It was impossible.
His father had pulled him aside that morning, right before he drove to take the SATs, and sat him down at the kitchen table. They didn’t have the money anymore. They could no longer pay for his mother’s treatment at the hospital, not without draining his college funds. Kerass had been completely willing to drain the funds, even begged his father to do so. His father told him that he refused to let Kerass throw his life away. The following words would be etched in Kerass’s mind forever, he would make certain of that. “She’s not going to wake up, Kerass. She’s never going to wake up.”
It wasn’t true what they said, Kerass noted. He had read in novels and the like that there was a glow over someone as they passed on, a beauty in death. No, there wasn’t. It was a complete lie. His mother had possibly never looked more frail, more ugly.
His father nodded to the doctor. The plug was pulled. The heartbeat remained for another 15 seconds. Kerass couldn’t even look at her face, he stared at the heart rate monitor.
Thump thump…
Thump thump…
Thump……
Thump………………
Thump……………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………………………………………
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