The alarm clock disturbed Jay’s slumber. It had been 3 months to the day when Damien told him that they should take a break. Slipping out of bed more depressed than ever Jay walked over to his desk pulling out his journal for the first time in months. Not only was it three months later since the break up, it was also the last week of school. Jay knew he needed to write out his thoughts.
The instant that his pen hit the paper, he couldn’t stop writing. All of his concerns about whether he would ever find love, would Damien ever be his friend, let alone his boyfriend again. His thoughts dwelled on his romantic future. The depression he was experiencing wasn’t solely because of Damien, he finally admitted after months of denial. He irrationally blamed Damien for his birth mother walking out of his life as well. While not much had changed internally inside of him during these months, most everyone had paired off again. Kerass was still his best friend, but it was only a shadow of where they had been before Jay had come out. He talked to Cadence occasionally when Kerass would bring her along to hang out. The trio became a square quickly when Cadence’s best friend Gus was brought into the group’s hangouts and very quickly Jay felt like a freak of nature. He just didn’t enjoy hanging out with big groups of people and that was deemed bizarre by everyone around him except for Kerass, but with Kerass and Cadence amazingly back together and for three months now no less, Jay never saw Kerass alone anymore.
Looking at the clock, seeing that it was 6:10, he knew he needed to grab a shower and rush out the door. He closed his journal, but kept it on his desk promising himself that he would make it a daily habit before walking out his bedroom door.
“Could you at least attempt to show a semblance of caring about how I feel?” Cadence asked Kerass. She couldn’t believe how selfish he was being.
“I don’t get what the big deal is,” Kerass began. He went on to explain that they hung out with Gus all the time. “I’ve made an effort, so what’s the big deal?”
“I want you to be his friend too.”
“We hang out don’t we?” Kerass asked incredulously.
Cadence conceded that while that may be true, they never hung out together. “It’s important to me that you be friends with my best friend.”
She watched as Kerass scratched his forehead scrunching up his face. “All right, I’ve got a proposition for you,” he began. He explained that if he went out of his way to spend some one-on-one time with Gus that it was only fair if she spent some one-on-one time with his best friend Jay. “It’d only be fair.”
“No! That’s not fair at all!” Cadence yelled at him afraid to speak the truth.
“Why not?”
“Kerass, Jay is a total creepass.”
“What?!” Kerass exclaimed.
“He’s obsessed with you,” Cadence said. She continued saying that the way he looked at Kerass and the way he acted around Kerass was a red flag of co-dependency. “And Kerass, you can’t satisfy him the way that he wants you too. He’s just-”
“My best friend, ok?” Kerass looked down on her which made her feel small and insignificant. “I forgave him for all that stuff. Sure he’s a little clingy, but he’s my best friend, what’s so wrong with that?”
“You’re letting your history with him blind what the real problem is.”
“If you don’t then there’s no way I’m going out of my way to chill with Gus alone, all right?”
“Fine, I’ll do it, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Cadence said before storming off. Her anger rose with each step. She was stepping into English class focusing all of her anger onto Cry the Beloved Country…anger always made for the best class discussions. She would definitely get her full participation points.
Damien walked down the sophomore hallway. The place seemed foreign after he had avoided it like the plague post-break up. Although he had said they were only taking a break, he knew the following morning that it was over. He was walking over to Jay to let him know that that was the end. Jay’s surprise read all over his face and Damien instantly regretted the decision to come over. Jay’s face was filled with hope when he saw Damien.
“How are you?” Damien asked.
“I, I’m,” Jay paused taking a breath. “I’m doing well, how are you?”
“I’m fine. I chose to attend Dowden Terrace College. Orientation begins in 2 weeks.”
“That’s awesome!” Jay said. He continued to say that he knew he’d make a decision eventually. “I’m really happy for you.”
“Listen-”
“Is there any hope for us? I mean,” Jay paused running his hand over his spiky hair, “can we even be friends?”
“I don’t think so.”
A single tear started to fall down Jay’s face.
Damien continued to say, “I didn’t come back for you. I came here to tell you goodbye. I hope everything works out for you, I really do.”
Looking at Jay who was breathing heavily, attempting to slow down the tears, he didn’t know what else to say so he uttered the only word on his mind, “Bye.”
Damien turned around and walked over to the junior hallway, which was just a hallway over. Julia smiled at him as he walked over toward her locker. Not only had Julia become his friend, Julia had become his best friend. Her face fell as he walked closer to her.
“You ended it, didn’t you?” she whispered to him.
He nodded adding, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You are such a chick, I love it!”
Damien’s eyes alit with fire. Sure, he was gay, but he was the farthest thing from a chick.
“It’s so cool having a gay best friend,” Julia added smiling at him. She leaned forward to hug him but he put his hand up preventing her.
“Stop!” he said surprised at the volume of his voice. His breaths became short as his anger rose.
“I’m sorry, I,” Julia paused, “I don’t understand.”
“Why do I have to be your gay best friend, huh?” Damien continued asking why he couldn’t just be her best friend. “Why are you stereotyping me? You know that I’m the farthest thing from the gay stereotypes. I hate being labeled like that so just stop it!”
“I didn’t think it was a problem.”
“That’s right, you didn’t think at all,” Damien said sighing with frustration. “Could you like attempt to have empathy just this once?”
“I have that, but this is the first time you’ve mentioned it before!”
Damien calmed himself down seeing that she was completely oblivious. He mentioned to her that he was being super sensitive having broken up with Jay. “I just thought you would have thought about it more.”
“Fine, I won’t do it again,” Julia said gently.
“All right,” Damien said beginning to walk away. Julia’s voice stopped him as he headed toward first period. She asked him if they were cool. Damien turned around and said, “Yeah, we’re cool.”
“Then, why don’t I believe you?” Julia asked.
“Just forget it,” Damien said and walked away blocking out everything else she called out after him.
Kerass couldn’t believe he was doing this. He walked inside the comic book store on Main Street after the school day had ended. He had never been into anything geeky like comic books. He was walking in an uncharted landscape and he couldn’t help but feel like he was in enemy territory. Kerass was a jock in the strictest sense of the term. The junior varsity football team was just as successful as the freshman football team had been last year all thanks to Kerass. Noticing no one was at the counter, he decided to walk around looking through the isles of all the various bizarre comic books. They all seemed to be the exact same premise, none of them was uniquely different, and he couldn’t understand the appeal anyone would have for any of these so-called superheroes.
Out of his periphery vision, Kerass noticed Gus walk up to the counter. Gus’ mouth dropped when he saw Kerass in the comic book store. “You don’t have to look so surprised,” Kerass said, but he knew full well that it was a shock.
“Sorry, it’s just…wow,” Gus said shaking his head in disbelief. “You finally got bit by the superhero bug, didn’t you?”
“No, actually, I came here to speak with you.”
Gus was clearly avoiding his eye contact. Gus had just made the whole situation 10 times more uncomfortable. “What about?”
“Do you like, I don’t know,” Kerass said trailing off. This didn’t feel right at all, but he promised Cadence he would and he always held onto his promises. “Do you want to, you know, like chill?”
“I, uh…” Gus began. He clearly lacked the usual confidence that he exuded. Kerass had never seen him like this, but he couldn’t deny it was hilarious watching Gus squirm. Kerass thought Gus must not be comfortable on his home turf inside a comic book store.
“I guess so. I guess we could do that, yeah,” Gus finally stated his answer.
“Cool, well I guess I’ll check with you later then?” Kerass asked. He continued to clarify that they could come up with a time and place at school the next day.
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Gus replied timidly.
It was so obvious that Gus wanted Kerass to leave as quickly as possible. Not wanting to extend the uncomfortable tension any longer, Kerass saluted Gus as he walked out of the comic book store. He couldn’t get a grasp on who Gus really was and while that had bothered him in the past, he didn’t really mind it much anymore. Gus did his own thing and that was cool, but there were obviously some elements of his personality that he kept guarded that he had more trouble guarding at the comic book store. Curiosity got the better of him…he decided he wanted to get Gus into that vulnerable state where he could no longer hide and then and only then would Kerass be comfortable being Gus’ friend.
Julia stood still behind the school stairwell the following day waiting for Kerass to walk past. It was only a matter of time before he would eventually walk past her. Although things with Damien the other day had ended unpleasantly, Damien had previously encouraged her to pursue what made her happy and Kerass was her answer to happiness. She saw him as he began walking down the hallway. She instantly grabbed Kerass and pulled him behind the stairwell where she proceeded to make out with him. He didn’t push her off to her surprise…his body relaxed as they continued kissing each other.
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